im back and im happy
first post in 4 months
spent 16 long weeks in rehab
it was hell! i got smahed to pieces but i needed to be to get rebuilt,
i have changed a lot
im 114 days clean and sober and its been ~3 months without self-harm
still sruggling with my ED, i came into rehab at 8st 1lb and now im 7st 3lbs so lost a fair bit of weight thank god.
really want to be at 7st
however i can proudly say that i am beautiful, intelligent and i can do whatever i set my mind to aslong as i stay clean and sober and keep going to my meetings.
I still cant believe that was me, esp this time last year, I was a suicidal mess; 5 suicde attempts by the age of 20.
addiction is hell and i wouldnt even want my worst enemy to go through it.
the horrible things addiction puts you through; having to use and not wanting to. The worse part of the day was waking up in the morning shaking, dry-wrenching, vomiting blood, covered in bruises, knowing you have to do what you did yesterday all over again. I HAD to have a glass of vodka before even getting out of bed. I drank alot; at my worse i drank 3L of vodka, 3L of wine, 2 big bottles of cider and 6 cans of lager in one day. It was painful, lonely and darkening, and you are trapped until you seek the right help. In my case it was stricked abstinence in a treatment centre.
the lengths i would go to when i ran out of money; stealling, begging and prostitution.
It can hit anyone no matter what sex, occupation or wealth.
It was a scary place to be but grateful to be free from it and im not ashamed of it as just like cancer or diabetes addiction is a disease. Most people are born with it, its the disease of emotions as we dont know how to handle them.
'God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference'
lv emz xoxo
spent 16 long weeks in rehab
it was hell! i got smahed to pieces but i needed to be to get rebuilt,
i have changed a lot
im 114 days clean and sober and its been ~3 months without self-harm
still sruggling with my ED, i came into rehab at 8st 1lb and now im 7st 3lbs so lost a fair bit of weight thank god.
really want to be at 7st
however i can proudly say that i am beautiful, intelligent and i can do whatever i set my mind to aslong as i stay clean and sober and keep going to my meetings.
I still cant believe that was me, esp this time last year, I was a suicidal mess; 5 suicde attempts by the age of 20.
addiction is hell and i wouldnt even want my worst enemy to go through it.
the horrible things addiction puts you through; having to use and not wanting to. The worse part of the day was waking up in the morning shaking, dry-wrenching, vomiting blood, covered in bruises, knowing you have to do what you did yesterday all over again. I HAD to have a glass of vodka before even getting out of bed. I drank alot; at my worse i drank 3L of vodka, 3L of wine, 2 big bottles of cider and 6 cans of lager in one day. It was painful, lonely and darkening, and you are trapped until you seek the right help. In my case it was stricked abstinence in a treatment centre.
the lengths i would go to when i ran out of money; stealling, begging and prostitution.
It can hit anyone no matter what sex, occupation or wealth.
It was a scary place to be but grateful to be free from it and im not ashamed of it as just like cancer or diabetes addiction is a disease. Most people are born with it, its the disease of emotions as we dont know how to handle them.
'God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference'
lv emz xoxo