(no subject)
I realize why I hate dating, because break-ups really suck. I am not built for them. I am already a socially awkward person, I can't handle it. I would claim celibacy(sorry for the spelling) but everytime I do that I end up with someone. That's bad luck. I want to be a dolphin, they seem so carefree. and I feel I can make a good impression. I also realize lately that I want to move away but I am too tied to the people around me. I am just afraid. I am about to be a junior in college, that's creepy. I don't feel I have been here that long. I want to be looking forward to something, but it feels like there is nothing. blah. I need more happy pills. I have these secondary pills that I am only supposed to take on really bad days but I've been taking them everyday this week. Yikes! It's not that I am completely unhappy, but I am sad. I talked to my brother today and he basically told me that I am trying to block out new possiblilitues. This is true. I make extreme statements, "I am going to be celibut," and he thinks I should be more open because I push people away. But I really feel like I am finally letting people in. I dunno, I could be in denial. Summer break starts for me in 4 weeks, and I dont know how I feel about it. I am on spring break and I already miss people from school. boo. I am just a lonely person. Even in a large group I feel completely alone. sigh.