"Like a champagne supernova in the sky!"

[fattred1]

So Happy Independence Day. Throw back a beer. Light some illegal fireworks. Watch the kids burn themselves with a sparkler. Eat some pig and cow. Throw back another beer. Chase it with some Jager. Now keg stand. Stumble over to the nacho dip. Don't double dip. Eat a burnt hot dog. Now sit down and stare at the fireworks. Lets those eye glaze over. Get the kids to grab you another beer...and a bottle of tequila. Now eat that ham salad that was out in the sun all day. Wash it down with some more beer. Wink at the cute girl that your cousin Phil invited. Drink another beer. Notice that the cute girl was Phil's sister, also your cousin. Decide that now is the right time for you to bring out the 18 inch mortar that you've been saving all night. Apple Pucker shots with mom and assorted other members of the family to include the dog. Attempt to light said mortar with your zippo. Run in fear as 18 inch mortar catches fire and tips towards your gallery of friends and family all seated on aging lawn chairs. Attempt to take drink of beer as paramedics attend to your 3rd degree burns. Explain to the doctor that you have no idea what could have gone wrong.

Ah...America the beautiful!

Have a good one everybody!