Stars
It's past midnight, and I can't fall asleep. I don't have to be into work at any particular time tomorrow, but I do need to pick up a pallet of bricks at some point.
My great uncle, my grandfather's sister's husband, Walter Brown, passed away this morning. I didn't know him too well, but I've known him all my life. He's been around for virtually every Christmas that I can recall, and has been around at least once or twice a year other than that, just to pop in and say hello to my grandparents.
The past few times that I've gone to work very early in the morning, I have noticed how clear the sky is, and how stars still shine. For as long as I am alive, and long after I die, the stars will still be there.
I think I'm on my extreme reduced hours at work time now. It's about a month sooner than last year, when we were plastering up until Thanksgiving. My father isn't coming back up this year for any particular reason, and probably won't until we start up again in March. My younger sister has quit working with us, and has gotten into an even worse fit of arguments with my older sister. I don't know when or if that will be resolved. I don't have any problems with my younger sister really. I just don't like the guy she's dating right now. He and I have a history, and it's really not been a good one.
The holidays, as we call them, will be strange this year. We used to gather at my father's, mother's and / or grandparent's place. Now, we might not do any of that at all, and go to my older sister's place. Or, most likely just our mother's. I really only anticipate seeing my mother, my older sister and her husband, and maybe my aunt, for the holidays, as far as family goes.
It's strange how far and how fast so many people I know have gone.
I was supposed to go to dinner with my aunt tonight. I guess she forgot. Or, maybe she's a little distraught over Walter. I didn't remember until just now. I think that I forgot something this weekend. I am always feeling like I am forgetting something.
I get into habits and patterns in my days and weeks. I wake up and do things. I leave my apartment and do things. I see people at work. I see people at other businesses. I answer phones and talk to people. I dial phone numbers and call people. I go visit family and friends. But, lately, a lot of my habits have changed. I don't see the same people that I used to see on a regular basis. A lot of the people I've grown up with and developed relationships with have chosen other paths in life. And sometimes, as I am sitting around somewhere, or driving, it feels like something is missing, or that I'm forgetting something.
What's even weirder is that sometimes I don't get the feeling that I'm forgetting something. I get the feeling that something is trying to tell me something, or talk to me, and I can't hear it, or I'm not paying attention. It's not a scary or unnerving feeling.
If the stars were trying to say something to us, or if someone around the world were praying for us, would we know? Would it feel any different? Sometimes, I pray to stop thinking so much and to just fall asleep. I don't know if that's any different from meditation, in essence.
My great uncle, my grandfather's sister's husband, Walter Brown, passed away this morning. I didn't know him too well, but I've known him all my life. He's been around for virtually every Christmas that I can recall, and has been around at least once or twice a year other than that, just to pop in and say hello to my grandparents.
The past few times that I've gone to work very early in the morning, I have noticed how clear the sky is, and how stars still shine. For as long as I am alive, and long after I die, the stars will still be there.
I think I'm on my extreme reduced hours at work time now. It's about a month sooner than last year, when we were plastering up until Thanksgiving. My father isn't coming back up this year for any particular reason, and probably won't until we start up again in March. My younger sister has quit working with us, and has gotten into an even worse fit of arguments with my older sister. I don't know when or if that will be resolved. I don't have any problems with my younger sister really. I just don't like the guy she's dating right now. He and I have a history, and it's really not been a good one.
The holidays, as we call them, will be strange this year. We used to gather at my father's, mother's and / or grandparent's place. Now, we might not do any of that at all, and go to my older sister's place. Or, most likely just our mother's. I really only anticipate seeing my mother, my older sister and her husband, and maybe my aunt, for the holidays, as far as family goes.
It's strange how far and how fast so many people I know have gone.
I was supposed to go to dinner with my aunt tonight. I guess she forgot. Or, maybe she's a little distraught over Walter. I didn't remember until just now. I think that I forgot something this weekend. I am always feeling like I am forgetting something.
I get into habits and patterns in my days and weeks. I wake up and do things. I leave my apartment and do things. I see people at work. I see people at other businesses. I answer phones and talk to people. I dial phone numbers and call people. I go visit family and friends. But, lately, a lot of my habits have changed. I don't see the same people that I used to see on a regular basis. A lot of the people I've grown up with and developed relationships with have chosen other paths in life. And sometimes, as I am sitting around somewhere, or driving, it feels like something is missing, or that I'm forgetting something.
What's even weirder is that sometimes I don't get the feeling that I'm forgetting something. I get the feeling that something is trying to tell me something, or talk to me, and I can't hear it, or I'm not paying attention. It's not a scary or unnerving feeling.
If the stars were trying to say something to us, or if someone around the world were praying for us, would we know? Would it feel any different? Sometimes, I pray to stop thinking so much and to just fall asleep. I don't know if that's any different from meditation, in essence.