(no subject)
Okay, all of my friends have abandoned livejournal and nobody reads this shit anyway but it's still public and I have to share this with someone.
These are the things:
-My father is dead
-My best friend is dead
-I am dating a boy I don't want to be with
-I cannot please the boy I am dating because of a condition that makes it near-impossible for me to have heterosexual sex
-I am in love with a girl I have absolutely no chance with
All of these things muddle and swirl together until they're one big mess of depression.
I drink or get high every single night so I don't have to think.
There was only one person who could make me feel better. She's dead. And the amount of guilt I feel regarding her death is swallowing me whole.
After I am finished posting this, I am going to get seriously inebriated.
I hate this. I hate myself.
I just want Jessie back.
These are the things:
-My father is dead
-My best friend is dead
-I am dating a boy I don't want to be with
-I cannot please the boy I am dating because of a condition that makes it near-impossible for me to have heterosexual sex
-I am in love with a girl I have absolutely no chance with
All of these things muddle and swirl together until they're one big mess of depression.
I drink or get high every single night so I don't have to think.
There was only one person who could make me feel better. She's dead. And the amount of guilt I feel regarding her death is swallowing me whole.
After I am finished posting this, I am going to get seriously inebriated.
I hate this. I hate myself.
I just want Jessie back.