Bound by these lies
Title: Bound by these lies.
Author: fate_incomplete
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Angst, explicit sex
Spoilers: None
Characters: Eleven/Jack Harkness
Word Count: 1,400
Summary: Jack had been lying to himself for so long it had become second nature, a safety net. He knew how the Doctor saw him, that he barely tolerated Jack's presence. No matter how hard he tried to bury the want, the need for something more, it always found its way to the surface, and this really was a stupid way to deal with it.
.......................
Jack's hands gripped the console. He really had no idea why he was here. Well he did, but that was the problem. It had always been the problem. After all these years, he still hadn't let it go. He pushed it down, tried to forget the sight, the smell of him, and it had worked damn it.
Or at least that's what he told himself.
He had lied to himself for so long he'd forgotten the truth. That lie wrapped itself around him, found its home in a cold place inside of him that grew with every death. He didn't care anymore, for the man across for him, or much of anything else.
He didn't care. He really didn't.
They stared at each other in silence across the console, angry words, judgement, pain, hanging in the air between them. It figures that when Jack had decided to investigate a hive of alien activity where there should be none that he would here, doing the same thing.
He should have just turned around and walked away when he had first seen the Doctor, let him deal with it all, but he hadn't. Now, they were both bleeding, having dealt with the situation with their usual flare, that is there had been a lot of running, an explosion or two, and the bad guys now lay in dust behind them. Everything back to the way it was meant to be.
Except now, here they were, staring at each other, too many words unsaid in the silence that dragged out.
Jack noted the way the muscles in the Doctor's jaw twitched, old eyes burning, partially hidden by a lock of hair falling across them. He watched that jaw work silently, clenching down on whatever words wanted to come out.
Jack didn't know what it was the Doctor was trying not to say. It didn't matter. He already knew he didn't belong here, and never would. He didn't need to hear it.
He pulled his hands away from the console and turned to leave, but stopped as the Doctor whispered his name, the single word sounding torn and husky, and he felt the carefully constructed lie crumble around him. Just this once, in this moment, he let a hint of the truth in, let it override self preservation, as he turned back and strode across the space between them.
He didn't think, just acted. All those years of lies faded, swept away by a moment of stupidity. Feeling completely detached from himself, he reached out and fisted his fingers in the Doctor's tweed jacket, crushing their bodies together as he kissed those soft lips.
Part of him screamed that it was wrong, but another part that had wanted this for far too long screamed louder.
The kiss was hard, desperate. Jack kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see contempt in the Doctor's eyes. He couldn't help the moan that escaped as the Doctor finally reacted, parting his lips and kissing back. Not that it could mean anything.
It couldn't, it never could, but he was too weak to resist.
Jack shoved the Doctor's coat back, pushing him against the console in the process. Fingers too impatient, he abandoned any effort to remove the coat and shifted to the shirt instead, fumbling open buttons, only vaguely satisfied as he ran hands over smooth, cool skin.
Their lips parted, Jack moving his mouth to the skin along the Doctor's jaw line, sucking, licking, leaving a trail of slick wetness, tasting the metallic tang of blood from an abrasion.
"Why aren't you stopping me?" Jack whispered, his tongue exploring the groove just below the Doctor's ear.
"Jack..."
"You should stop me. I need you to stop this."
"I don't..."
"Every atom of you wants to stop me."
"No."
Jack moved lower, tongue, lips, teeth exploring, wanting more, even as he wanted none of it, feeling the beat of two hearts as he sucked on a nipple. Groaning, he dropped to his knees, not looking up as he worked the Doctor's belt loose, ripping the fly of his pants open.
"Jack, I..."
Whatever the Doctor wanted to say was lost, his words turning into a low groan as Jack pulled his cock loose from the restraint of his trousers. It was hard already, pulsing as Jack wrapped his fingers around it.
He stroked, determined, desperate, and lost in the need to feel something, anything. Strong fingers sure even as all other sense of surety fled. Jack leaned in, running his tongue along the underside of the Doctor's cock, shivering in desire from the delicious feel of it, wanting more of it, all of it, but holding himself back, waiting, denying the need for just a moment longer.
Jack shifted his grip, allowing more room for his mouth to work. He flicked his tongue over the head, swallowing down the slick of pre-come. His other hand grasped at the Doctors thigh, pulling him closer, moving up to knead at his arse cheek.
He sucked in the head of the Doctor's cock, swirling his tongue.
Opening his eyes, he could see the Doctor's hands, gripping the console, knuckles white. Jack didn't look up, couldn't for fear of what he would see, instead giving in and going deeper, eyes closing as he let the feel of the Doctor consume him.
The Doctor's hips moved, pushing forward, into Jack. He took as much in as he could, moving his tongue instinctively. Pulling back, sucking in a breath before pushing forward again, taking more, unable to breath as the Doctor pushed against him. Holding himself there, Jack rolled his tongue as much as possible, eliciting a response more than he had ever hoped for.
The sound the Doctor made was primal. He ground against Jack, as another groan was torn involuntarily, before trying to pull back, but Jack followed. Keeping his cock in as far as he could for as long as he could.
Jack finally pulled back, sucking in air, swallowing the rush of saliva, resisting his gag reflex.
He moved faster this time, curling both hands against the Doctor's thigh and arse as he slicked up and down on the Doctor's already wet cock. Sucking, moving his tongue in rhythm with his movements, going deep, cock hitting against the back of his throat on every stroke.
Taking all of the Doctor, he stopped again, letting the Doctor grind against him again, fucking Jack's mouth. Resisting the urge to pull back until his lungs screamed at him. The Doctor pulled out, leaving Jack gagging, spitting out the excess flow of saliva, feeling it drip down his chin.
He moved again, close now, release only a moment away, another stroke, tongue flicking, breathes coming on the back stroke as he sucked, letting the Doctor fuck into his mouth. Deep. Sure. So wrong it was right.
Jack groaned as he felt the Doctor's cock harden even more, veined, throbbing. So close. He took it deep, wanted it even deeper. Drawing yet another haggard, guttural groan that reverberated to his very core, feeling the Doctor come undone. It was intoxicating, fascinating, the power from this one simple, complicated, intimate act.
Digging his finger into flesh, urging the Doctor on, encouraging him to fuck him, to abuse his mouth, to take away his ability to breathe, unsure just which one of them was actually in control.
The Doctor's hips bucked, thrusts becoming erratic as he lost any control and came, gushing into Jack's mouth. Jack didn't pull away, riding out every last trembling moment.
The Doctor pulled out, body feeling limp and spent beneath Jack's fingers.
Jack swallowed, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, feeling spit and come cool in the still air of the control room. He didn't look up, swallowing down a well of emotions with the taste of the Doctor.
Standing, Jack turned away. The Doctor reached for him, fingers finding his shoulder, but Jack shrugged the touch off. He had to get away, run, far and fast, before he drowned in the emotions that swirled within him. Lost in what he had just done. Everything he had spoiled, left in ruins, all his lies shed and tattered.
"Jack, stay. Please..."
Jack didn't, couldn't. The words were a lie, a platitude to cover so much guilt. Some lies were easier to believe than others. Jack ran, from everything he was, and all the things that would never be enough, leaving a wrecked and dishevelled Doctor in his wake.
It didn't mean anything. It never would. He knew the Doctor hated him, but it didn't matter. He hated himself more.
He ran, wrapping himself in lies, unable to see the truth hidden the Doctor's plea that echoed after him. It was all a lie; he was undeserving of any other reality.
.......................
Author: fate_incomplete
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Angst, explicit sex
Spoilers: None
Characters: Eleven/Jack Harkness
Word Count: 1,400
Summary: Jack had been lying to himself for so long it had become second nature, a safety net. He knew how the Doctor saw him, that he barely tolerated Jack's presence. No matter how hard he tried to bury the want, the need for something more, it always found its way to the surface, and this really was a stupid way to deal with it.
.......................
Jack's hands gripped the console. He really had no idea why he was here. Well he did, but that was the problem. It had always been the problem. After all these years, he still hadn't let it go. He pushed it down, tried to forget the sight, the smell of him, and it had worked damn it.
Or at least that's what he told himself.
He had lied to himself for so long he'd forgotten the truth. That lie wrapped itself around him, found its home in a cold place inside of him that grew with every death. He didn't care anymore, for the man across for him, or much of anything else.
He didn't care. He really didn't.
They stared at each other in silence across the console, angry words, judgement, pain, hanging in the air between them. It figures that when Jack had decided to investigate a hive of alien activity where there should be none that he would here, doing the same thing.
He should have just turned around and walked away when he had first seen the Doctor, let him deal with it all, but he hadn't. Now, they were both bleeding, having dealt with the situation with their usual flare, that is there had been a lot of running, an explosion or two, and the bad guys now lay in dust behind them. Everything back to the way it was meant to be.
Except now, here they were, staring at each other, too many words unsaid in the silence that dragged out.
Jack noted the way the muscles in the Doctor's jaw twitched, old eyes burning, partially hidden by a lock of hair falling across them. He watched that jaw work silently, clenching down on whatever words wanted to come out.
Jack didn't know what it was the Doctor was trying not to say. It didn't matter. He already knew he didn't belong here, and never would. He didn't need to hear it.
He pulled his hands away from the console and turned to leave, but stopped as the Doctor whispered his name, the single word sounding torn and husky, and he felt the carefully constructed lie crumble around him. Just this once, in this moment, he let a hint of the truth in, let it override self preservation, as he turned back and strode across the space between them.
He didn't think, just acted. All those years of lies faded, swept away by a moment of stupidity. Feeling completely detached from himself, he reached out and fisted his fingers in the Doctor's tweed jacket, crushing their bodies together as he kissed those soft lips.
Part of him screamed that it was wrong, but another part that had wanted this for far too long screamed louder.
The kiss was hard, desperate. Jack kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see contempt in the Doctor's eyes. He couldn't help the moan that escaped as the Doctor finally reacted, parting his lips and kissing back. Not that it could mean anything.
It couldn't, it never could, but he was too weak to resist.
Jack shoved the Doctor's coat back, pushing him against the console in the process. Fingers too impatient, he abandoned any effort to remove the coat and shifted to the shirt instead, fumbling open buttons, only vaguely satisfied as he ran hands over smooth, cool skin.
Their lips parted, Jack moving his mouth to the skin along the Doctor's jaw line, sucking, licking, leaving a trail of slick wetness, tasting the metallic tang of blood from an abrasion.
"Why aren't you stopping me?" Jack whispered, his tongue exploring the groove just below the Doctor's ear.
"Jack..."
"You should stop me. I need you to stop this."
"I don't..."
"Every atom of you wants to stop me."
"No."
Jack moved lower, tongue, lips, teeth exploring, wanting more, even as he wanted none of it, feeling the beat of two hearts as he sucked on a nipple. Groaning, he dropped to his knees, not looking up as he worked the Doctor's belt loose, ripping the fly of his pants open.
"Jack, I..."
Whatever the Doctor wanted to say was lost, his words turning into a low groan as Jack pulled his cock loose from the restraint of his trousers. It was hard already, pulsing as Jack wrapped his fingers around it.
He stroked, determined, desperate, and lost in the need to feel something, anything. Strong fingers sure even as all other sense of surety fled. Jack leaned in, running his tongue along the underside of the Doctor's cock, shivering in desire from the delicious feel of it, wanting more of it, all of it, but holding himself back, waiting, denying the need for just a moment longer.
Jack shifted his grip, allowing more room for his mouth to work. He flicked his tongue over the head, swallowing down the slick of pre-come. His other hand grasped at the Doctors thigh, pulling him closer, moving up to knead at his arse cheek.
He sucked in the head of the Doctor's cock, swirling his tongue.
Opening his eyes, he could see the Doctor's hands, gripping the console, knuckles white. Jack didn't look up, couldn't for fear of what he would see, instead giving in and going deeper, eyes closing as he let the feel of the Doctor consume him.
The Doctor's hips moved, pushing forward, into Jack. He took as much in as he could, moving his tongue instinctively. Pulling back, sucking in a breath before pushing forward again, taking more, unable to breath as the Doctor pushed against him. Holding himself there, Jack rolled his tongue as much as possible, eliciting a response more than he had ever hoped for.
The sound the Doctor made was primal. He ground against Jack, as another groan was torn involuntarily, before trying to pull back, but Jack followed. Keeping his cock in as far as he could for as long as he could.
Jack finally pulled back, sucking in air, swallowing the rush of saliva, resisting his gag reflex.
He moved faster this time, curling both hands against the Doctor's thigh and arse as he slicked up and down on the Doctor's already wet cock. Sucking, moving his tongue in rhythm with his movements, going deep, cock hitting against the back of his throat on every stroke.
Taking all of the Doctor, he stopped again, letting the Doctor grind against him again, fucking Jack's mouth. Resisting the urge to pull back until his lungs screamed at him. The Doctor pulled out, leaving Jack gagging, spitting out the excess flow of saliva, feeling it drip down his chin.
He moved again, close now, release only a moment away, another stroke, tongue flicking, breathes coming on the back stroke as he sucked, letting the Doctor fuck into his mouth. Deep. Sure. So wrong it was right.
Jack groaned as he felt the Doctor's cock harden even more, veined, throbbing. So close. He took it deep, wanted it even deeper. Drawing yet another haggard, guttural groan that reverberated to his very core, feeling the Doctor come undone. It was intoxicating, fascinating, the power from this one simple, complicated, intimate act.
Digging his finger into flesh, urging the Doctor on, encouraging him to fuck him, to abuse his mouth, to take away his ability to breathe, unsure just which one of them was actually in control.
The Doctor's hips bucked, thrusts becoming erratic as he lost any control and came, gushing into Jack's mouth. Jack didn't pull away, riding out every last trembling moment.
The Doctor pulled out, body feeling limp and spent beneath Jack's fingers.
Jack swallowed, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, feeling spit and come cool in the still air of the control room. He didn't look up, swallowing down a well of emotions with the taste of the Doctor.
Standing, Jack turned away. The Doctor reached for him, fingers finding his shoulder, but Jack shrugged the touch off. He had to get away, run, far and fast, before he drowned in the emotions that swirled within him. Lost in what he had just done. Everything he had spoiled, left in ruins, all his lies shed and tattered.
"Jack, stay. Please..."
Jack didn't, couldn't. The words were a lie, a platitude to cover so much guilt. Some lies were easier to believe than others. Jack ran, from everything he was, and all the things that would never be enough, leaving a wrecked and dishevelled Doctor in his wake.
It didn't mean anything. It never would. He knew the Doctor hated him, but it didn't matter. He hated himself more.
He ran, wrapping himself in lies, unable to see the truth hidden the Doctor's plea that echoed after him. It was all a lie; he was undeserving of any other reality.
.......................