she always walked the line, but crossed it today...
this is not shaping up to be a good week and it's only monday...i'm so pissed...i haven't taken my medicine and I'm about to rip heads off of people...it seems like everyone is challenging my status as costume designer for "let us go out into the starry night" and i feel like i could breath fire. first i find out that shawna wants tish to wear a red scarf with her monster costume...oh no no no! you don't go behind my back and tell an actor to wear something that i haven't approved as the designer. that's the surest way to piss me off! obviously i told tish that what shawna said was null and void because it's not her decision to make. now i find out that someone else will be taking care of the dummy i was supposed to make! it's not bad enough that i've felt cheated out of a show because i was handed the one for which i don't have to do any real designing but now to have more and more things stripped away from me! rahhhH! another thing is shawna told rich she had an idea for masks for it after i had already had my designs approved by him. she thought it would be good to give them all masks that fit to their faces and were painted...that is not what i had planned and apparently according to her he liked it...this enrages me, because just due to the fact you think i haven't started yet doesn't mean you get to design for me and you know what shawna, if you know so much about costume design why don't you do my show because at this point i'm about ready to throw it at you and say "have it!" i won't give it up because that's not me, but it just goes to show how close i am. i've never once wanted to give up a show and now someone's done it to me. this is the first time in my run of doing costumes for shows that i really haven't liked it and i am pissed at you for doing that to me. this is my dream and for you to turn my dream into something that for me isn't worth the stress and anger it's causing me, enrages me to no end. how would you like it if i waltzed in to rehearsal and told the actors to do a scene again or differently or whatever else it is you supposedly do as stage manager. you'd throw a coniption fit and you know what, that's what i'm doing. you pissed off the wrong person! so don't expect any compassion from me when people ignore you or you're having a break down because the shows not ready because you won't find it within this body. as of right now, in this moment, i owe you nothing and you are nothing to me...