I know what your heart is capable of...
...it can cling faithfully to a misty memory and cherish a dream, but it cannot recognize or return a love like mine. (I have been your friend) NO. You have allowed me to be your friend.
Don't you agree that when you take the time to write someone a thoughtful, intelligent letter that they should write you back? I think so. Apparently that is not the way we all think, for I have written three to one of my friends and have yet to recieve a response. I wouldn't even mind if all they did was write two sentences to tell me that they recieved it and appreciated it and to ask how I was, but that hasn't even happened. I don't know whether to think they're mad at me or to write it off as their being busy, but it's a little distressing on my behalf. I thought I was over being hurt by this person and that I could become common and indifferent acquaintances/friends with them but every time I check my email or postbox and there is no response my heart cracks and breaks a little more. I don't think I should stop trying because I want this person in my life but I can't handle the rejection much longer. I care for this person so much and they mean the world to me and I can't understand how they can't find the time to tell me they're not dead and that they care...I guess I'm the pot calling the kettle black because I don't give my grandma the same courtesy but this case is different. I never regularly called my grandma ever in my life so it's not odd that I don't call her now that I don't live with my dad. This on the other hand is different. We've always been ones to write each other letters. Usually once a week. It was our "thing." So that's why it bewilders and hurts me that they don't write. He/she did write to tell me they were super busy with school and they were trying to keep their GPA up this semester but since then I've written them these three other letters and still no response. I don't know what to do...maybe I should have said so long so long ago. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. It hasn't bothered me much lately but in the past few days I feel myself falling back into old patterns where I begin thinking about this person and I sigh...deeply. This isn't superficial feeling, and it's not some high school drama it really does hurt and I wonder whether this person realizes he/she's hurting me or if he/she's too wrapped up in other people to notice me anymore. Ever since they became involved with another person I've felt the distance growing and my grip is starting to slip...I don't think I can hold on much longer. I'm really upset that it's affecting me this way again because I've already been through this dance. I became sad. Then I got mad. Madness turned to cynicism. Next cynicism changed to indifference, but now I'm right back where I started. How did I get here? Maybe it's like the quote from Vanity Fair that I used at the beginning of this post, but even if it is I don't know how to fix it. Am I to be trapped in this cycle forever? Only to have more and more of myself broken away until there's nothing left but a misty memory and a dream of what I could be or was....
Don't you agree that when you take the time to write someone a thoughtful, intelligent letter that they should write you back? I think so. Apparently that is not the way we all think, for I have written three to one of my friends and have yet to recieve a response. I wouldn't even mind if all they did was write two sentences to tell me that they recieved it and appreciated it and to ask how I was, but that hasn't even happened. I don't know whether to think they're mad at me or to write it off as their being busy, but it's a little distressing on my behalf. I thought I was over being hurt by this person and that I could become common and indifferent acquaintances/friends with them but every time I check my email or postbox and there is no response my heart cracks and breaks a little more. I don't think I should stop trying because I want this person in my life but I can't handle the rejection much longer. I care for this person so much and they mean the world to me and I can't understand how they can't find the time to tell me they're not dead and that they care...I guess I'm the pot calling the kettle black because I don't give my grandma the same courtesy but this case is different. I never regularly called my grandma ever in my life so it's not odd that I don't call her now that I don't live with my dad. This on the other hand is different. We've always been ones to write each other letters. Usually once a week. It was our "thing." So that's why it bewilders and hurts me that they don't write. He/she did write to tell me they were super busy with school and they were trying to keep their GPA up this semester but since then I've written them these three other letters and still no response. I don't know what to do...maybe I should have said so long so long ago. It would have saved me a lot of heartache. It hasn't bothered me much lately but in the past few days I feel myself falling back into old patterns where I begin thinking about this person and I sigh...deeply. This isn't superficial feeling, and it's not some high school drama it really does hurt and I wonder whether this person realizes he/she's hurting me or if he/she's too wrapped up in other people to notice me anymore. Ever since they became involved with another person I've felt the distance growing and my grip is starting to slip...I don't think I can hold on much longer. I'm really upset that it's affecting me this way again because I've already been through this dance. I became sad. Then I got mad. Madness turned to cynicism. Next cynicism changed to indifference, but now I'm right back where I started. How did I get here? Maybe it's like the quote from Vanity Fair that I used at the beginning of this post, but even if it is I don't know how to fix it. Am I to be trapped in this cycle forever? Only to have more and more of myself broken away until there's nothing left but a misty memory and a dream of what I could be or was....