This is a Booger-Eating Free Zone

Mar 14, 2004 06:06

Well I’m back. Where have I been all you avid readers ask? Cologne I reply, circa AD 1230. Actually Dark Age Vampire Cologne to be exact, roleplaying heaven. It’s good to be back.

Four disturbing memories for you:

My earliest memory is of sitting in the bath with my sister. We were living in Germany and I must have been 2 or 3 at the most. My sister was sitting in front of me with her back to me and my mum was washing her. I remember that there were lots of bubbles. For some reason, not sure why, I quietly dumped a little jimmy nugget. I didn’t say anything, just sat back and watched it. It bobbed about for a while; occasionally appearing from behind bubbles to grin at me. And then my mum saw it and I got a beating. It was about this time that I ran away from home. Luckily for me, a few hours later I was spotted marching down a German high street and got picked up by the German Police. Little bastard!

I have another vague memory from Germany at about the same time. It involved my sister and mum walking around the back of the sofa to find me chewing the boobs on my sister’s dolls [Cindy, Barbie or whatever]. I think they all needed plastic surgery after I had finished. Very worrying.

Another early memory is from Blandford [Dorset I think??]. I was about 4 or 5. I was playing in the garden of a void property on an MOD estate. For some reason, I piddled into a container and then offered it to my friend, saying it was orange juice. After he drank it, I ran home crying because I thought I had poisoned him. I was too scared to tell my mum but I remember asking her if someone would die if they accidentally drank wee wee. Can’t remember what happened to my friend. Wonder if he likes orange juice nowadays? What a rotter!

And my final early memory for you tonight was of being at primary school, again in Germany. I was about 6. We had a drawing competition and in my book I drew a coal miner complete with yellow helmet and lamp. Well I didn’t win and it really pissed me off, so I decided to deface the picture. Anyway, I felt much better after that and then forgot about it until parents evening months later. Unfortunately, as part of the evening, my teacher used my book to show my mum and dad how well I was progressing. Imagine the look of horror on all our faces when the teacher turned over the page and there stood a miner with a monstrous erect penis going from his groin all the way up to the top of the page complete with two big hairy gonads. Shocking!

Think these all probably say a lot about my attitude and mental state.

Talking of mental states. I watched some programme about soldiers the other day [think it was called the ‘Truth about Killing’]. It said that a survey by the US military in 1947 found that approximately only 2% of combat troops actually killed an enemy whilst serving at the front in WWII. The rest just made up the numbers. They just couldn’t bring themselves to kill the enemy. The either fired wide, overhead or didn’t fire at all. It seems that we might be far removed from being the natural born killers we think we are. The programme indicated that explosives [from artillery and bombers] caused most fatalities. A later [and unconnected] survey by the US military aimed at testing the mental state of US combat soldiers found that 2% of them were actually psychopathic killers. When the results of the two surveys were compared, some scientists wondered if the two results were directly linked. Not sure how accurate the tests were. The results seem a little too neat but apparently other armed forces around the world found similar results from their own surveys. A look at some historical battles also found an identical pattern. Seems some of our war heroes might just be psychopathic killers.

On that note, time for bed.

Disclaimer - No boogers were injured or eaten during the typing of this entry
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