Wife Auditions, Week 2
Hello! Welcome back to “Farmer Wants A Wife!” We had some fantastic applicants in last week’s episode. Now it’s time to meet the rest of the folks who have made it to our final round. First up is an applicant who attended one of our live audition calls.
::Lorelei frowns, glancing over her notes:: There’s not much on this applicant either. So, let’s see here. Magic, just Magic, she likes long walks on the beach and sipping daiquiris by the pool. Magic is an avid read-
::a muffled voice is heard from off screen, then Lorelei shouts over her shoulder:: Well, I had to give her some sort of introduction, didn’t I? Oh, fine, roll the clip from the live auditions!
Interviewer: "Here for the casting call?"
Magic: "Uh huh."
Interviewer: "Your name?"
Magic: "Magic. Just Magic."
Interviewer: ::says with hesitation:: "Just Magic? No last name?"
Magic: "Nuh uh. I've got that whole Cher, Madonna, Lassie thing going on."
Interviewer: "I see. And tell me.. Magic... just why you should be chosen."
Magic: ::blinks a few times, as if in disbelief as she slowly crosses her arms:: "Because... I'm Magic."
Interviewer: ::lays her clipboard to the table, pushing her glasses on top of her forehead:: "You say that as if it’s supposed to mean something."
::The interviewer taps the clipboard with her pencil:: "I need a paragraph or two if you want to stay. We have a line forming outside you know," ::she says, nodding towards the glass door behind Magic::
Magic: ::turns to see Ruby's face pressed against the window. She smirks at her, sticks her tongue out, then turns back:: "You expect me to talk about nothing but myself for 2 whole paragraphs?! That's nuts...I can't do that."
::sound effect of crickets chirping inserted::
Magic: "Ok. ok ok ok...maybe I can." ::She takes a breath in preparation, then starts:: "I think you should choose me because...because...because...because I'm Magic! Really...what more do you need to know."
Interviewer: ::throws her hands up in the air:: "NEXT!"
Magic: "What? What?" ::she looks to the camera, smiling assuredly:: "Jacob is as good as mine!"
::at the end of the clip, there is a moment of silence, then Lorelei smiles out at the camera:: Well, there you have it folks. Magic!
::mutters under her breath:: Neither that interview nor I are getting paid enough for this gig. Well, we have Magic here in our studio for our final screening process. Let's see if we can't get more out of her, shall we? Welcome Magic!
You're welcome for having me here, Lorelei.
I... what? ::Lorelei looks confused for a moment:: So, you were a little vague about why we should have you on our show. Could you perhaps elaborate?
Well, I'm all that. And the cherry on top. What more do you need to know?
Um, well, Magic, what would you bring to this season of 'Farmer Wants A Wife?' How are you different then the other women we've looked at?
I'm the spicy hot dish that Jacob will fall all over himself for. ::Magic shrugs slightly:: I don't know what else you want.
I suppose nothing. ::Lorelei looks off camera, then shrugs herself:: Well, thank you for joining us here today!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
And here we have another one from our live interviews, Ruyb Babii. She seems bubbly enough to make life interesting on the farm! Let’s check out how she did on her audition tape.
Interviewer: ::watches as Magic walks out, quietly motioning to the goof with her face plastered to the window:: "Come on in, you're next..."
Ruyb: ::squeals and runs in to the glass door face first before sheepishly opening it and entering:: "I can't believe you're going to let me interview! This is so exciting... can I just sit here... or am I suppose to like just stand um... but then that doesn't make sense... and Magic sat here, so I guess I should... oh my stars I'm rambling..."
Interviewer: ::sighs in exasperation looking around to see if she's being 'punked':: "Name?"
Ruyb: "Rube Baybee...spelled Ruyb Babii"
Interviewer: "Yes. So tell us about yourself and why you should be chosen for a 'Farmer Wants a Wife'."
Ruyb: "You're kidding... right? I mean... really... look at me... I'm beautiful... and if that's not enough, there is my bubbly personality, I'm the president of Gutterville, I have a plethora of SL alts in and out of Gor and one whole nice point! How can I possibly lose?"
Interviewer: ::looks up from her clipboard:: "One nice point?"
Ruyb: ::eyes narrow:: "Yes... is there a problem with that?"
Interviewer: ::rubbing her temples:: "no... of course not... NEXT!"
Ruyb: ::scoffs:: "You'll see! He won’t be able to resist my charms..." ::flips her hair as she saunters off::
Does anyone know what this “SL alts” and “Gor” thing is? Is it something we need to be screening for, in addition to criminal records and stuff? It's what? Online gaming? Oh, it’s some geek thing. Okay, well, I suppose they have the internet on farms too... Anyway, we have Ruyb in our studio as well. Hello Ruyb!
::Ruyb saunters her, popping her gum and snapping fingers::
Welcome Ruyb. Please, take a seat on the couch.
Did I see Magic leaving right before me again? That'll be great, having both of us there. We're in Gor together and everything.
Will the two of you be able to focus on trying to woo our Farmer, if you're both there? Or will you spend your time talking about this computer stuff?
Well, that's a tough one. Does Jacob like strong women? Because Magic and I are strong and we can compete hard in things. But it'll be nice having a friend there as well, to hang out with when Jacob is off doing something else too.
I see. I can understand that, Ruyb. Well, thank you for stopping by and our producer will be notifying you if you are selected as one of our contestants.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Next up for consideration is Lesley Mattox, a family sim who seems to have had a lot of trouble finding just the right man. Could our Farmer be her true love? Let’s check out Lesley's audition tape, shall we?
Hello there. I’m Lesley Mattox and I think I would be the perfect partner for your farm-
Now wait just a minute. That’s a GUY!! What do you mean we have to accept his application? ... Jacob isn’t interested in men, you moron, that’s why he should have been cut! No, we’re not going to run his video clip anyway, I don’t care if the scandal can increase our ratings.
He's here? In the studio? No I am not going to talk to him anywa--
::Lorelei breaks off her snappish response with a plastered-on smile:: Well, hello, Lesley. Thank you for joining us today.
So, you know you're not actually eligible to participate in our show, right? It doesn't matter that you're willing to wear a dress. The application had specifically said on there "females only."
But look at me. I'm handsome enough to have a statue done of me. How do you know Jacob wouldn't be interested? I mean, after the tragedy with his wife, maybe he'd want someone completely different, you know?
I appreciate your time and thank you for stopping in. But we cannot accept you for this show. Have a good day and enjoy the warm weather we're having out here.
I’m sorry folks. It looks like we’ve got to take a short commercial break here while we get things ready for the next applicant. We’ll be back with our last two auditions for Farmer Wants A WIFE. Get it, Mr. Producer? A wife, not a husband. I don’t care if Lesley is willing to wear a dress and full make-up!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
::annoying commercial music plays underneath the voice-over::
Are you tired of living too far from your neighbors? Do you want a more convenient social life? Is your suburban house too quiet for your tastes?
Then move to the new Simrise Apartment Complex!
Families Welcome!
Everyone is friendly and welcomes their neighbors with open arms. And cake!
Your social life is waiting, right outside your door. And who knows, maybe that cute guy from 12D is your Mr. Right.
Don't wait, apartments are filling up fast. Be one of the first from your old 'hood to move up in the world. Vertically!
Applications for apartments can be found on our website. Background checks and credit approval necessary.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Welcome back, viewers! Doesn't that just look like the ultimate in city living folks? The next of the applicants we’ll be showing you tonight is Lynn Avery. Lynn seems like a quiet unassuming type of girl. Hopefully she won’t be overshadowed by some of our other ... characters. Let’s roll her clip!
I’m actually a country girl living in the city, but I’d love to get back out to my roots in the country where everything seems to be more peaceful and quiet. I’ve heard that country men are quieter and more faithful than their counterparts in the city. For a chance like that, I would be willing to do almost anything to win the contest. I’m just looking for some good old fashion loving from someone who is 'Still A Guy.'
There you have it, folks. She may seem too nice to stand out in a crowd, but one should never rule out the underdogs in a competition. They tend to fly under the radar and come out ahead. Let's welcome Lynn to our studio. Hello Lynn!
So, Lynn, I hear you're quite opposed to robots helping out around the house or office?
Oh yes! If I were in the political arena I'd push through some laws against the frivolous use of robots. They're making us all too soft! "I want a robot to do my cleaning! I want one to do my gardening!" Next thing you know, people will be wanting robots to have their babies for them! People need to do for themselves before we forget how to do anything!
I see. But how do you think that makes you a good candidate for our show?
Well, Jacob doesn't use robots on his farm. He does everything himself or with the help of other PEOPLE. So he obviously feels the same way I do, that it's better to just dig in and do it instead of trusting in some flighty robot who might turn on you at a moment's notice!
Well, there you have it, folks. One potential contestant's take on robots and how they're hurting our society.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Our final candidate for this season’s show is Candace Artsie. And she’s quite the fire-cracker! Although I’m not entirely certain she understood exactly what she was applying for. Here's Candace's video clip.
"If you guys thinking I'm giving up my art just because I got picked for the final elimination interview, you're nuts!"
"Don't expect me to give up ANYTHING just for a man."
Heh ... don't mind her. She's got an attitude. When we asked her about herself and her background and why she thought she should be picked for Farmer Wants a Wife, she had this to say:
"So they didn't like my art. So what?! What's realism got to do with anything anyway?! The university I went to didn't understand. The art world doesn't understand. Everyone's a critic. So ... I need a little "real world" experience. So what?! So I figured, hey ... why not enlist in this show? How much more real can you get by vying to be some guy's wife? And a farm ... that's pretty real. So sign me up! Besides ... I would SO make this show."
And here we have Candace in our studio for her final interview. Hello Candace.
Hello Lorelei. What's up with your farmer guy looking like some model or professional baseball player? Farmers in movies are always on the heavier side. I like a guy with a good beer gut, not some fit trim nancyboy type. You didn't tell us he worked out or anything!
I don't believe Jacob does work out. Maybe a little yoga now and again, but he definitely mentioned that with his farm he didn't have time for much recreation or a fitness regime.
I bet he doesn't even paint, does he!!
Not that I'm aware of, but why would you want someone to compete in the painting department with?
How can he appreciate my genius if he can't paint? That's what those losers at the university didn't get either. They can't paint, so they tried to bring down my painting. I need someone who appreciates art! Someone to feed my muse!
Yes, well, okay, thank you for stopping by Candace and have a good day.
::Lorelei shakes her head, then heads from the living room set back to the main studio set, the camera following her as she walks::
And there you have it, folks. Those are our 10 finalists for Far-- ... no I am not going to count Lesley, because you knew he wasn't qualified for the final elimination.
Ta-ta, folks! Tune in next week when we reveal our final contestants who will be moving in to Blossom Pines with our farmer, Jacob Thomason!