Friends become Strangers
This is a personal post.
It's the end of the year. Wow, it had been almost ten years since I graduated from high school. It was sad to acknowledge that I'm not keeping in touch with any of my high school friends. I wonder since when do our friendships took a nasty turn. It's not like we are enemy but we've become a stranger to each other.
You know, I remembered back in high school, we used to share and talk about everything. But, now, I know nothing about them except for the things they shared in social medias. Why? Why did I become shy and embarrassed to talk with them? I could simply send a message or comment on their post but why couldn't I do so? Because it's going to be awkward. Awkward.
I was jealous to see them hanging out together but I wasn't there with them. Am I an arrogant person? That's what I've been thinking for a while. But, wasn't it me who always contact them first and then they would end the conversation first? It was tiring to keep on trying to appeal to them. It makes me feel unwanted.
I am a stupid person, right? I think that they like to be my friend but....actually, they do not like me. I cannot forget a post that one of them made a few years back. She was talking about me, saying that I think everyone wants to be my friend but actually no one like me. I confront her about that but she said that it didn't mean anything. She was just angry at me and that's why she made that post. But, wasn't something that you write when you're angry is the truth? Looking at the situation now, I guess it was true that no one really wants me to be their friends back then.
Then, why do they become my friends and gave me those sweet high school memories just for me to weep about it now? Was it because I am their classmate and they have no other choice but to be my friends? Was it because they need my help for their homework? Was it because they pity me because no one wants to be my friend? The one I have in my memory right now was different. A few of them were outcasted but I tried to be their friend. Even when they fought with each other, I'm still talking to them and didn't choose sides. But, what did I get in return? They were talking badly about me behind my back. I still remembered when I overheard their conversation. I was angry but I was still helping them with their assignment. i know it makes me sound like I wasn't really sincere to be their friends but.... I don't even know.... Maybe I was wrong.....
Sometimes, they posted about our high school life. When I read them, there was only one word they used to describe me. Clever. Is that the only thing they remembered about me? I really wish they would say something else about me. I guess that's the only thing they see in me and they never truly see the real me. Maybe I myself never see their true self. But, all of these was a long time ago. Now, we're totally stranger to each other. I don't mention them in my post and they never mention me in their post.
I know, instead of ranting, weeping, expressing my sadness here, maybe I should talk to them. But, I used to do that too. When I asked them if I hurt them, they would deny and ask me why do I ask them that? I would say because they were ignoring my message. Then, I would get the typical answer. 'Oh, my phone was broken.', 'I change my phone and my number. I lose your number and that's why I cannot tell you.' I wonder if they were telling me the truth.
Maybe I am oversensitive. But, I'm done trying. I guess there's no way we can be like before so let's us be stranger till the end of our life. I remember how one of them posted about friends who do not come to her wedding. Maybe she was referring to me. I feel sorry that I didn't go but with the way she was ignoring me, I think I would go there feeling like an uninvited guest.
I am a bad person, right? Right now, I keep on thinking that maybe my mind was playing trick with me. My sweet high school memories never happened. I was a lonely girl in the school who do nothing but study. No friends. Every memories that I had about them was just my imagination.
10 years ago, we were together in a class, talking about the previous episode of my favorite telenovela, choosing the male character as our boyfriend.
Now...
It's the end of the year. Wow, it had been almost ten years since I graduated from high school. It was sad to acknowledge that I'm not keeping in touch with any of my high school friends. I wonder since when do our friendships took a nasty turn. It's not like we are enemy but we've become a stranger to each other.
You know, I remembered back in high school, we used to share and talk about everything. But, now, I know nothing about them except for the things they shared in social medias. Why? Why did I become shy and embarrassed to talk with them? I could simply send a message or comment on their post but why couldn't I do so? Because it's going to be awkward. Awkward.
I was jealous to see them hanging out together but I wasn't there with them. Am I an arrogant person? That's what I've been thinking for a while. But, wasn't it me who always contact them first and then they would end the conversation first? It was tiring to keep on trying to appeal to them. It makes me feel unwanted.
I am a stupid person, right? I think that they like to be my friend but....actually, they do not like me. I cannot forget a post that one of them made a few years back. She was talking about me, saying that I think everyone wants to be my friend but actually no one like me. I confront her about that but she said that it didn't mean anything. She was just angry at me and that's why she made that post. But, wasn't something that you write when you're angry is the truth? Looking at the situation now, I guess it was true that no one really wants me to be their friends back then.
Then, why do they become my friends and gave me those sweet high school memories just for me to weep about it now? Was it because I am their classmate and they have no other choice but to be my friends? Was it because they need my help for their homework? Was it because they pity me because no one wants to be my friend? The one I have in my memory right now was different. A few of them were outcasted but I tried to be their friend. Even when they fought with each other, I'm still talking to them and didn't choose sides. But, what did I get in return? They were talking badly about me behind my back. I still remembered when I overheard their conversation. I was angry but I was still helping them with their assignment. i know it makes me sound like I wasn't really sincere to be their friends but.... I don't even know.... Maybe I was wrong.....
Sometimes, they posted about our high school life. When I read them, there was only one word they used to describe me. Clever. Is that the only thing they remembered about me? I really wish they would say something else about me. I guess that's the only thing they see in me and they never truly see the real me. Maybe I myself never see their true self. But, all of these was a long time ago. Now, we're totally stranger to each other. I don't mention them in my post and they never mention me in their post.
I know, instead of ranting, weeping, expressing my sadness here, maybe I should talk to them. But, I used to do that too. When I asked them if I hurt them, they would deny and ask me why do I ask them that? I would say because they were ignoring my message. Then, I would get the typical answer. 'Oh, my phone was broken.', 'I change my phone and my number. I lose your number and that's why I cannot tell you.' I wonder if they were telling me the truth.
Maybe I am oversensitive. But, I'm done trying. I guess there's no way we can be like before so let's us be stranger till the end of our life. I remember how one of them posted about friends who do not come to her wedding. Maybe she was referring to me. I feel sorry that I didn't go but with the way she was ignoring me, I think I would go there feeling like an uninvited guest.
I am a bad person, right? Right now, I keep on thinking that maybe my mind was playing trick with me. My sweet high school memories never happened. I was a lonely girl in the school who do nothing but study. No friends. Every memories that I had about them was just my imagination.
10 years ago, we were together in a class, talking about the previous episode of my favorite telenovela, choosing the male character as our boyfriend.
Now...