Being a man~
Title : Being a man~
Author : fantasydesire @solace
Pairing : Taemin/OC
Chapter: Oneshot
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I only own them in my own fantasy-like mind - meaning they are not mine really..
Inspired by B1A4’s Only Learned Bad Things.
Summary : Actions speak louder than words. But when you don’t say them, and you don’t act the part, what am I supposed to do?
...
People are looking so wipe your tears and lift your chin up
I said I’m sorry. Should I get on my knees?
Taemin was currently yelling at his girlfriend because she was giving him the cold shoulder since he did not turn up for their date the night before. She just kept quiet with glassy eyes, willing her tears to not drop.
“What do you want me to do?!! I bought you the teddy bear didn’t I? And I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me??”
Your love.. but she kept quiet and shook her head.
“I had schedules. I’m busy. I thought you understood that. I didn’t turn up for one date and you treat me like this?!!”
Eight.. But again, she bit her tongue from retorting.
Her hands reached for the teddy bear Taemin had thrown on the ground in his fit. “I’m sorry.. Thank you for the bear..”
Taemin looked at her straight in the eyes then, falling into trap that she was okay. Again. He sighed heavily and shook his head. She lifted the bear’s right arm and tap Taemin’s right cheek, muttering an I’m sorry. With a sigh, Taemin finally smiled. To him, his girlfriend was childish - always getting hurt over little things. But little did he know that she was waiting for him to come to her as he had promised to in the rain, at night, for two bloody hours. No. Lee Taemin did not know that. He never did.
What would I become if you cry at my common mistake of words
I don’t think I can comfort you with ‘I love you’ anymore
It was a month later that Taemin decided to bring her out to Lotte World. It had been awhile since they had their date outside the confines of her apartment, or their dorm, or any building that could shield them from the media and his screaming fans. It was also an accident as to how they bumped into Yunho of DBSK there.
“Oh. Who is this, Taemin-ah?” Yunho asked inquisitively.
Taemin looked at her once before blurting out, “Key’s friend. I was just taking her for a tour around Seoul.”
She only bowed politely to Yunho with a smile that betrayed her aching heart. Taemin mouthed an apology and she just shook her head lightly with a reassuring smile. What did I expect? He’s an idol after all.. And she was a nobody.
Everyday sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh
I let out a deep sigh and always reflect on my actions
Baby U U U U U
I want to do good, but I can’t
When Taemin grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the photobooth, she laughed although her heart was hurting. Taemin did many funny poses while she just smiled sweetly. Her favourite photo was of Taemin hugging her from behind with a soft look in his eyes. Taemin took the photo of her kissing his cheek and gave her the rest. She just smiled.
Because I only learned bad words, bad actions, and don’t know your heart
something always gets twisted twisted
Because I’m still immature, a deep love is hard
I, who thought ‘What’s love, just keep pushing forward’ was stupid..
Two weeks later, she was invited to the SHINee dorm since they had just finished their promotions in Japan. Taemin greeted her at the door and pulled her in for a hug before cuddling up to her on the couch for 10 minutes. His attention was then elsewhere as she caressed his hair deftly with a blank look on her face.
Minho came back from the sitcom recording he was casted in and Taemin jumped off of her lap. Key who had made himself comfortable beside her shook his head and rolled his eyes at his dongsaeng. Jinki was sleeping in his room while Jonghyun was out at the gym.
She could only give Key a sad smile as Taemin left her alone while trotting off screaming an excited “I’ll beat you, hyung!” to Minho. She then proceeded to prepare some snacks for the boys, knowing full well that they would be hungry once they have finished beating the crap out of each other in the game. Key sighed heavily but she only patted him on his back lightly. An hour later, Taemin finally emerged from the room with a happy laugh. She knew then he had beaten Minho.
“Ta-” she started but Taemin cut her off with his eyesmile.
“We’re going out to eat! Minho hyung promised to buy me pizza if he lost.” Taemin announced while putting on his shoes. Following in his wake was a grumbling Minho. He sure hated losing.
She caught the glance Key gave her and saw how he tried to tell Taemin that she had prepared not only snacks, but lunch for them as well. “But Taem-”
“Bye hyung!”
And their departure was followed by the sound of the door closing.
I’m sorry, I’ll do better (Better, I’ll do better Hey~ yeah)
I’m sorry, don’t be mad
I did wrong
She felt tears constricting her throat and she had to close her eyes to calm herself. She was ignored again. And Taemin left her behind. Again. When she opened her eyes, she averted Key’s piercing stare and quickly made a beeline for her things as she prepared herself to leave. Just as she reached the door, a warm voice stopped her.
“You should join us for lunch. There’s more than enough.. Plus, you prepared them..”
She turned and her eyes were greeted by Jinki’s warm ones. She looked at Key who stood at the table, noticing how hard he was gripping the chair and how his jaw was clenched tight. Her eyes then landed on the table which was full with Taemin’s favourite dishes and a few of Key’s and Jinki’s. She felt a stab in her heart but when she looked back up at the two men, she smiled and just shook her head before turning and left the house.
Twinkling, twinkling a land of stars
In my eyes, you are a queen
Your charms, that I knew about
after this night was almost over
In the edge of your locked heart,
I slightly light a fire
Your sweet voice
Long, straight hair like Jasmine
“Who is she to you, Taemin?” Jinki asked the magnae when he returned to their dorm.
“She’s my princess. My girl. All mine~” was what Taemin answered with a smile but when he looked at Jinki, he wiggled his fingers and warned the leader, “She’s mine, hyung..”
Key saw the possessiveness in Taemin’s eyes. He watched as his “son’s” smile took a dangerous twist when Jinki asked about his girlfriend.
“What do you like about her?” Key decided to ask, just to see if Taemin really was in love with her.
“Her voice. Her hair. Her everything. She’s annoying sometimes.. but she’s mine.”
“What would you do if she leaves you one day? Because I don’t see you treating her like a princess though you said she’s yours..” Jinki challenged.
Taemin just grinned and answered confidently, “She won’t, hyung. She loves me.”
He left his two older band members in the living room as he headed to his bedroom.
“Don’t be too confident, Tae.. You’ll never know..” Key said in a low voice, but Jinki heard him. They shared a look and then shrugged.
For a young person like me, the word ‘love’
is too awkward to say often
She felt her heart clench. She was stupid. She was such a fool to believe that Lee Taemin could love her like she did him. She was an idiot to believe Lee Taemin would care for her as much as she did for him. But then again, Taemin only said the words I love you twice; the first time on the night he confessed and the second one was on her birthday. She did not need words so much but she needed to know he loved her through his actions - which were not helping at all as time passed by. Her tears fell again and again and she laughed brokenly as she realized that Taemin was never there whenever she cried and Taemin was always the reason she cried so much.
She tried to call Taemin. It had been two weeks since they last met. SHINee went to Japan again but she knew they had returned to Korea 2 days ago. Still, she had not heard from Taemin. She sighed as she hit the call button for the umpteenth time that day. Little did she know that the person she was trying to reach had purposely set his phone to silent mode as he went out with Sulli, Key and Nicole.
She looked down in her hands and stared at the offer letter she got from a prestigious university in the United States.
God, please let this be the right decision for me. With one last glance at her now empty apartment, she left the place with a heavy and broken heart.
‘I’m sorry, I’ll do better’
And at most, I tell you words that obviously have no feelings
Taemin skipped happily towards his girlfriend’s apartment. The last time he saw her was about three weeks ago. Come to think of it, he never sent any text messages to her within that time as well. His Key hyung had told him many times to at least send a text saying he was okay but of course he had ignored the elder’s advice. He was confident that she would always be there, waiting for him. He remembered the numerous missed calls he received from her on that day when he went out to have fun. He smiled. She must have missed him a lot.
Taemin took out the spare key he was given to her apartment and with a smile, he unlocked the door. However, his happiness was short lived as he opened the apartment door. It was bare and cold. Too cold. He called out her name but there wasn’t any answer. Taemin’s breath started to become shorter as he felt panic setting in his heart. His legs automatically moved towards the living room. He was greeted by a piece of paper, a necklace, and an unforgettable sight.
“Live happily, Lee Taemin.
Mianhae~”
Taemin had never really known fear until he read that message. He dropped his bag. He dropped the white teddy bear he bought for her. A tear escaped his left eye. Another fell from his right, another one fell and followed by another and soon his pretty face was drenched in tears as he looked at the arranged rows of teddy bears and other childish items he had given her throughout the months they were together. When he remembered that he bought the teddy bears to ask for her forgiveness every time he did not come to their dates or arrived more than 2 hours late, he fell to his knees. There were more than 15 teddy bears of all sizes. Taemin sobbed as he remembered how she would always greet him with a smile no matter what he did or how late he was. Only then did Taemin realize how much of a child he was. No wonder his hyungs and their fans always called him Tae-baby.
His shaking fingers lifted the necklace on the floor and he cried harder as he saw that the pendant was actually the straw he had written their names on during their first date. It was simple. Too simple but she cherished it. And he? He threw away everything. He left her. He fucking left her behind every single time. He dragged his feet towards the bedroom, the kitchen, the bathroom, everywhere in the house, trying to find a trace of her. But everything was gone. She was gone.
When Taemin returned to the dorm, Key was waiting for him. He did not say anything but Key knew. The following two weeks were a nightmare for Taemin and the rest of SHINee. Taemin was lifeless. When he danced, he did it mechanically. There was no emotion. His usually bright personality turned a perfect 360 as he became a mute. He spoke only when he was spoken to.
At the dorm, Taemin would stare at his phone, willing it to ring like it normally would previously. He would hold a different teddy bear each day and stare at it long and hard. Once, Jinki caught him burying his face in the teddy bear’s stomach. When he was asked what he was doing, Taemin only replied with “I can’t smell her anymore..”
Currently, Taemin was staring at their smiling picture and then at the mirror. He tried to twitch his lips into a smile, but it came out looking like a horrifying sneer. He placed his hands at the side of his head. He could feel tears running down his face. He missed her. He needed her. He sobbed her name and laced it with apologies over and over.
“She went to USA. She was offered a place at a university there.”
Taemin looked up at the voice and his eyes met Key’s who was leaning against the door frame. Key stepped closer to Taemin. His heart hurt at his magnae’s broken look but he knew Taemin needed to do this on his own. He patted Taemin’s head before turning to head out and scream at Jonghyun who was disturbing peace with his Engrish singing.
Taemin stared at the piece of paper Key had put on his table. His heart raced as he scanned the information written on the paper. For the first time in two weeks, Taemin smiled. Key grinned faintly as he heard Taemin’s “Thank you, hyung!” from the bedroom.
Please, oh, please
Just watch over me a bit more
At the end of my efforts and your trust, there’s only happiness
Taemin paced in the living room nervously. How is she? How will she react? What if she doesn’t forgive me? What if.. Taemin sighed and kicked himself mentally. He should not assume things. He was staring out the window. The scenery was different there. His head immediately turned towards the door when he heard the sound of the knob being turned from outside. His heart raced.
She stepped into her apartment with a sigh. It was a tiring day. It was only her second week but she was already busy with assignments courtesy of the lecturers at the university. She took off her shoes and bent to place her shoes on the shoe rack. She froze. There was a pair of winged shoes and she only knew one person with those winged shoes. Her head snapped up and her eyes widen.
Taemin watched her every moment carefully. He could see she was trembling. He took a step forward. She took a step back. Her eyes scanned the place frantically. He knew she was trying to run away from him. Instinct kicked in, just as she turned to open the door, he bolted towards her and pulled her back against him in a tight hold.
“Don’t. Please. Don’t go.”
She shivered at the sound of his voice. She stiffened when he tightened his embrace. She could feel him trembling and after awhile, she could hear his sobs. She could feel his tears staining her shirt and wetting her neck where he had buried his head in. Her heart broke. A single tear escaped her eye.
Alright, let’s stop crying now
Wipe away your tears now
Isn’t that much better
You are the prettiest prettiest when you smile, yeah
She turned towards Taemin slowly. Taemin still had his head hung low. She placed her palms on his now sullen cheeks and urged him to look at her. Taemin’s hands quickly found way to her face when he saw she was crying too. He wiped away every single tear that fell from her eyes. She smiled at the action. Taemin returned her smile with tears still flowing freely from his eyes.
She wiped away his tears carefully, gently, before running her hands down his neck where they soon rested on his shoulders. Taemin pulled her in for a hug and she rested her head on his chest. He closed her eyes at her warmth and breathed in her scent. He grinned. They both felt better than they had for the past two weeks or so.
I’ll learn good words, good actions, and be like you to
become an amazing boyfriend OK
We’ll go for a long, long time. Longer than any other couple
There’s a mountain full of things that I want to
buy you, feed you. It’s the truth
“I’m sorry. I know I was childish. I know I did wrong. I know you deserve better but I guess I’m still childish because I still want you for myself.” Taemin started in a trembling voice. She only looked up at him with tears brimming in her eyes.
“I promise I’ll do better. I promise I’ll become a man you can depend on. I promise to love you and cherish you if you just come back to me.” The words came out in a rush and he stuttered a bit here and there as he desperately tried to assure her that he would change. Tears fell from her eyes and Taemin cursed himself. How many times must I make her cry?!! But Taemin refused to leave her alone. He refused to back down.
Taemin held both of her hands and knelt in front of her. He was afraid, but he knew she was worth it. Hell, she was worth more than she gave herself credit for but he really did love her and he did not want to lose her. So, for the first time in his life, he bared his heart and soul to another and begged for her love. “I love you… and I need you. So, please… come back to me.”
Love you, I love you (I love you, I love you more Hey~ yeah)
Love you, I love you
Love you, I love you (More, oh more)
Love you, I love you
She was walking happily out of her campus. She had been here for more than 5 months now and it was the semester break, so she was contemplating on what to do during her holidays. She waved goodbye to her local friends and turned left as she wanted to swing by the library first. Her steps were halted by a familiar figure on the lawn of the university. He smiled. She stared. He opened his arms, beckoning her to hug him. She dropped her things on the ground before sprinting towards him. His arms closed around her the moment her body made contact with his. The force sent them twirling and they loved. They laughed as he brought her down by sliding her down his torso.
“Isn’t that Lee Taemin of SHINee?” A college girl screamed upon seeing the male and this caused the rest of the passersby to turn and inspect.
“Oh my God!!! It’s Taemin!”
Soon enough, a crowd started to form around them. She panicked. Damn it. What will happen to him if they find out the truth?!!
Taemin saw the worry and panic in her eyes. He only pulled her close and snaked an arm around her waist. He walked towards the place where she dropped her things with her close to his side. She tried to hide her face behind her hair. Taemin noticed this and was unhappy. He stopped, tilted her chin up and brushed her hair aside so that the crowd could have an obstructed view of her face.
“Don’t worry.. hm?” he said with a smile.
She could only stare at him. Taemin bent down to pick her things up with his left hand as his right was tightly entwined with her left hand. He straightened to his full height and gave her a small grin.
“Shall we go?”
She nodded. After three steps, they were stopped by a particular question shouted by the local fans. They were in English, but Taemin understood them perfectly. “Who is she, Taemin?”
Taemin turned to face the crowd. He looked at the girl who was cowering behind him and his heart broke. She always had to hide. No more. He stepped aside and pulled her to his side with his free arm. With a blinding grin, Lee Taemin of SHINee answered in perfect but accented English, “She’s my girlfriend.”
Loud squeals and screams erupted. She stiffened.
“Kiss her then!!” A male student said. Taemin looked at him, not wavered at all, a smile still decorating his face. He turned towards her, an arm wound around her waist, another at her nape, tilting her face upwards. He saw the fear and panic in her eyes. She shook her head but he smiled reassuringly.
“Let them know.” Taemin said in a whisper. “Let the world know.. I love you.” He breathed against her lips before lightly brushing his lips against hers, slowly but surely deepening the kiss with each caress.
The crowd cheered. There were a few who protested. Some of them were still filming him with their camera phones and what not, but he could not care less. When he pulled away from her, she was blushing but a smile lit up her face.
With a new felt giddiness, Taemin laced their fingers together. He turned towards the crowd, lifted up their entwined hands and said with a grin, “Bye bye!”
Taemin then sprinted off with her beside him. They ran all the way to her apartment, not stopping and not caring about others around them. They laughed breathlessly and collapsed on the couch in her living room. Taemin turned towards her flushed happy face and grinned.
“I love you..” Taemin said quietly.
She looked at him straight in the eyes and smiled. “I love you too..”
Short Epilogue..
Lee Taemin was no longer a kid who hides things. He was a man. He was a man who was proud to have a partner like her.. and he was not afraid to show it to the world. A few minutes later, the whole world knew as videos of him hugging and kissing her spread like a wildfire through all sorts of channel.
Key who was surfing on the net was jaw slacked when he saw the video one of the fans uploaded. He soon regained his composure and called for Jinki. They both sighed heavily but then burst into laughter. SM and the world are going to be on them, but they were a family and families stand for each other. Their magnae had just proved he became a worthy man and SHINee was going to stand by him like they always did for each other. Key posted something on his me2day:
“If you love us, you’ll support us no matter what~”
A/N : Engrish. lol. No, it's not typo.. you kpop lovers should know what that means.. ^^