*is stupid*
So, somehow I totally missed that we were doing Hells Bells this past week. It's that time of the year - busy at work, busy out of work, brain in overdrive much of the time. Anyhoo, here are my offerings for the week. Because I'm too lazy to post four times, and these are all short Spuffy ficlets, I'm putting the first four on one post. First up:
Two sequential ficlets that take place at the wedding. Both rated no higher that PG13, if that. The first one is a sequel to As I Should Be in which I twisted the break up episode so that it wasn’t quite as wrenching or as potentially final. I don’t think you need to have read that one to “get” this one, just know that Buffy asked for space to figure out her life without the distraction of a sexual relationship with Spike. In this case the wedding fiasco goes a bit better for everyone involved. Some of the dialogue may be similar or identical to familiar lines from the episode. Those parts, obviously, were written by other, more talented, people who got paid for it.
Maybe We Can
Buffy stared at herself in the mirror. The glowing green dress made it impossible to concentrate on anything else. She was fairly certain that her hair and make-up were going to be totally eclipsed by the bridesmaid dress that Anya had insisted was what all the bridal magazines recommended.
“Green is this year’s ‘in’ color,” she’d stated firmly. “And this shade of green is unique, so you’ll be in fashion without being trite.”
“Trite?” Tara had fingered the shiny fabric. “Can a dress be trite?”
“I’m pretty sure these dresses aren’t going to be worn by very many bridesmaids,” Buffy said diplomatically.
“Exactly!” Anya'd beamed at them. “Current, but unique.”
Sighing, Buffy turned away and went out into the hall to see if Dawn needed help with anything. She tried her best not to look around the rapidly filling room for a blond head. True to his word, Spike had stayed away from her and the house since the night she’d left him alone in his crypt; although she was fairly certain that she’d felt his presence once or twice as she patrolled. Only when she was taking on something that could have given her some trouble, and it was quickly gone once she’d handled the situation.
Still watching my back.
The gut wrenching shock that went through her when Dawn casually mentioned Spike’s “skanky date” caught her completely by surprise; as did the way the back of the chair crumbled under her clenching fist.
“Spike has a date?” Her voice was much weaker than she had intended, and definitely not as casual.
Dawn looked at her in surprise, then with a shrewd smirk, said, “Yes, date. You know, as in, he brought a girl along so that he doesn’t have to spend the night alone watching you pretend to ignore him?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Buffy said stiffly. “Spike never lets me ignore him. It’s his thing. Annoy Buffy at any and all opportunities.”
“Yeah, well, guess you won’t have to worry about that tonight, huh?” Dawn snorted, gesturing to the far side of the room where Spike was holding the hand of a wide-eyed Goth girl. He was laughing and nodding as the girl pointed to one demon after another - more with excitement than fright. Although, when one of the more repulsive-looking of Anya’s guests strolled too close to them, she squealed and clutched Spike’s shirt. The vampire put a protective arm around her shoulders and whispered something into her ear that made her blush and giggle.
“I guess not….” Buffy remained frozen for several seconds, trying very hard to reject the images her eyes were sending. Tearing her eyes away just before the vampire’s head flew up to search out the source of the gaze he could feel, she whirled and fled to the ladies room. The room was blissfully empty, and Buffy was free to stare at her stricken face in the mirror and try to convince herself that she wasn’t jealous or hurt.
He’s a vampire, a MALE vampire. What did I expect? That he was going to sit around twiddling his thumbs waiting for me to change my mind?
A nasty voice pointed out that thumbs were not Spike’s favorite things to twiddle, and she screamed at it to ‘shut up!’ Biting her lip and blinking hard, she went over what she’d just seen and what Dawn had said about Spike not wanting to be alone at the wedding while she ignored him - which was exactly what she had planned to do.
Okay. This is okay. He’s just trying to protect his own feelings, and never mind what he does to mine… or, maybe that’s his thinking. He’s trying to make me jealous. That’s it. Of course it is. He’s going to be all over that girl just to make me…. Well, it isn’t going to work. I am sooo not jealous. He’s a free man..er, vampire… and I’m a grown woman. I can handle this just fine. It’s what he should do. Move on. He can’t make me jealous, because to be jealous I’d have to love him at least a little - and I don’t. So no jealousy here. Nope. Not a bit.
Hoping she had convinced herself that she was fine with whatever or whoever Spike chose to do, she fixed a smile on her face and went back out to the rapidly-growing crowd. When she realized that she didn’t see Xander and Anya anywhere, she temporarily forgot about Spike as she went looking for the rest of the wedding party.
Willow’s worried explanation that Xander had asked for some time to meet with a strange man who had shown up unexpectedly, caused some frowning from everyone - particularly the bride. However, with the guests still arriving and the room still filling, they decided to give Xander a few more minutes before his Best “Man” would go looking for him.
Which gave Buffy some time to stroll casually around the room, gradually working her way closer to Spike. She waited until his date had gone off to the ladies room before approaching and smiling at him. They made some attempts at small talk, the vampire’s admiration clear in his eyes as he complimented her on the way she was glowing. Buffy’s skeptical remark about the dress’s radioactivity gave them both a small chuckle before an awkward silence fell.
“Have you met my date yet?”
Buffy shook her head. “No, but I’m sure she’s a fine attempt to make me jealous.”
“Is it working?” He made no attempt to deny it, simply waited for her reply.
“Yeah,” she surprised herself by admitting. “It hurts… a little.”
“I’m sorry, Buffy-”
He recovered himself before he could finish the automatic apology. His self-righteous “Good!” and the accompanying posturing only lasted for a few seconds, before it collapsed in the face of her clear distress.
“I’m sorry. I’ll just go. Leave you to enjoy the festivities. This was a bad idea.”
“Actually…” She shrugged, stepping closer to him and looking up with a small frown. “…it was probably a pretty good idea. It made me realize....”
It made me realize how important your love is to me. And how much I don’t want to be sharing it.
He waited eagerly for an explanation, but none was forthcoming, the Slayer just continuing to stare at him with anxious eyes. With a sigh, he shook his head and looked away, spotting his “date” heading towards them with a curious frown on her face.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Buffy. I’m sorry. We’ll just go.…”
“It’s okay. I deserve-”
“You deserve nothing… alright, maybe you do, Maybe I should be glad that something I do with somebody else can make you unhappy. But I’m just not built that way. I can’t just ask her to leave, even if I am evil, so I’ll just take her away.”
“Well, that makes me feel much better. Watching you leave with her will…. Where are you going to take her? Your crypt?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, I AM evil, you know.” He tried very hard to look as though he had every intention of spending the rest of the night shagging the girl into the ground, but when Buffy bit her lip and stepped back, fists clenched in the folds of her dress, his bravado collapsed again. Before he could begin the babbled apology for lying to her that was trembling in his throat, Polly walked up to them and looked Buffy up and down.
“Nice dress,” she said with smirk, blinking with surprise when Spike stepped between them and stretched his arm in front of the now glaring blonde. Polly glanced up at the vampire that she’d known only a day or so, and said, “I guess this must be her?”
“Her? Her who?”
“What do you mean, ‘her’?”
Spike and Buffy spoke at the same time. The girl looked back and forth between them and shook her head sadly.
“The girl that you needed to make jealous by bringing a date to this shindig.” She glared at an embarrassed Spike and continued, “Do you think I’m stupid? Nobody invites somebody they just met to something like a wedding unless they really, really need a date for some reason. You two obviously have some issues to work out, so I’ll just tell myself it was a job well-done and be on my way.”
She went up on her toes to brush her lips across Spike’s cheek as she whispered, “But if it doesn’t work out, you know where to find me. I’d be more than happy to take your mind off her.”
“I heard that!” Buffy growled.
With a laugh, Polly just waved and walked out into the night, leaving two very embarrassed people staring at the floor and waiting for the other to speak first. Before either of them could work out where to begin, Dawn ran up to Buffy and said, “Willow needs you. Xander’s got a problem… a demon-shaped problem.”
Throwing a “Don’t you dare leave!” at Spike, Buffy ran towards the door through which Xander was last seen with the strange man. Dawn stood and watched her run away, then turned to the vampire.
“So, I guess, skanky as she was, your “date” did the trick, huh?”
“Is there anybody in this bloody room who doesn’t think I only brought her to make Buffy jealous?” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, an angry pout on his face.
“Oh, probably,” Dawn said, waving her hand dismissively. “Xander, maybe, and all the people who don’t know you. But, me, Willow, Tara, Anya? Gimme a break. How stupid do you think we are?”
“You really don’t want me to answer than, Bit,” he growled, glaring at the unperturbed teenager.
“Oh please! Give it up, Big Bad. My sister has you wrapped around her finger - and she likes you there. Neither one of you is kidding anybody.” She studied her former babysitter for a minute, then said more kindly, “I saw her face when she saw you two together, Spike. I don’t care what she’s telling you - she cares. She cares a lot.”
He nodded and placed a grateful hand on her shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. “I know that, Bit,” he said softly. “Jus’ not sure that she does.”
“Well, I think watching I’m-a-vampire-groupie-skank girl hanging on you might have helped you out there. She can’t deny her first reaction - I’ve got the broken chair to prove it.”
“It’s Buffy, pet.”
“Good point.” She grimaced her agreement with his assessment of her sister’s consistency. “Okay, looks like Xander’s back. I guess Buffy slayed the demon. You should find a place to sit.”
Before Spike could seat himelf somewhere in the back, another crisis arose as Xander proceeded to tell Anya that he didn’t think he could go through with the wedding - in front of most of the guests and the entire wedding party. Spike’s enhanced hearing had allowed him to hear the entire exchange and he was already moving towards the door by the time Buffy and Willow recovered enough to go after the missing groom.
“Let me, pet,” he said, putting a hand on Buffy’s arm. “I think another bloke - even one he doesn’t like much - would be what’s needed here.”
Buffy and Willow looked at him dubiously, but nodded and stepped back.
“If you’re not back in ten minutes, we’re coming after you,” Buffy threatened.
Without responding, Spie slipped out the door and sniffed the air. Finding Xander wasn’t difficult. The missing bridegroom had only gone as far as an outside patio, where he was leaning on the balustrade, his head in his hands. Spike walked up, being sure to make enough noise that the other man would know he was being approached. Xander turned his head to the side far enough to spot the beat-up black boots, then dropped it again and groaned.
“What?” he said plaintively. “My life isn’t ruined enough? I’ve got to listen to you gloat?”
“No, you stupid git. You’ve got to listen to me tell you what an arse you are for leaving that lovely girl standing there with egg on her face. I don’t give a flying fuck how badly you think you’ve screwed up, be a man about it and go back in there and marry her!”
“Shut up, Spike. What do you know about it? I’m doing this for her. Because I know I’m going to be a bad husband. In the long run, this is better.”
“And in the short run? I’m no expert, mind you, but I’m pretty sure being left at the altar by a man who should be thanking the stars every night that a girl like that would have him wasn’t on her list of things she wants to have in her memories.”
“She’s better off without me.”
“Can’t argue with you there,” Spike agreed mildly. “But she wants you. Don’t you think you should have included her in the conversation when you were decidin’ that it wouldn’t work out?”
“Just because she thinks she wants me, doesn’t mean I’m going to be good for her. What would you know about it anyway?”
“Know a bit about wanting what’s not good for you. Know about being left, about being unwanted,” he said quietly. “Know a bit about getting what you want… and losin’ it, too,” he added. “An’ I can tell you, having what you want - even if it isn’t good all the time - is way ahead of not having it. Or thinkin’ you have it and then losing it. This is a terrible thing you’re doing, Harris. And that’s coming from somebody who knows a bit about terrible things….”
Spike rested his elbows on the railing and leaned quietly next to the man he’d watched grow up from a teen-aged boy into a young man. There was silence for several minutes, until Xander grumbled, “Aren’t you ever going to go away?”
“Nope,” Spike answered cheerfully. “If I come back without you… well, lets just say I don’t fancy my chances of surviving the night. What with Buffy and Red expectin’ me to deliver the goods.”
“I’m the ‘goods’?”
“Well, not to my way of thinking, no. I think you’re a waste of good blood; but Anyanka seems to want you, and the best man and maid of honor seem to think you belong back in there. Don’t know about you, but brassing off an ex-vengeance demon, a slayer and a powerful witch just doesn’t strike me as a very smart move.”
Before Xander could respond, Buffy and Willow came walking up, trying very hard to appear to be surprised to find them. Xander raised his head and met Willow’s distressed face with a sheepish smile.
“I’m sorry,” he began. “I’ll just-”
“You’ll just get your butt in there and marry the woman you love,” Willow said, her resolve face firmly in place.
He nodded and straightened up.
“Do you think she’ll still have me?”
“Of course, she will! She’s crying her eyes out right now, but we’ll just make something up about the demon putting a temporary spell on you or something. It’s not a problem. I can fix it.” Willow exuded confidence, pausing to glare at the vampire when he couldn’t repress a snort.
Buffy looked back and forth between her two friends, now heading back to the entrance, reluctant bridegroom being harangued every step of the way by his red-haired Best “Man”. She shuffled her feet uncertainly, taking one step towards the door, then back to where the vampire was quietly waiting. After a minute of watching her dither about where to be, Spike spoke up.
“Go, Slayer. You’re part of that little show.”
She bit her lip, nodding but still not moving. He sighed and stepped closer to her, raising her chin with one hand and stroking her hair with other.
“I’m not going anywhere, love. Gonna have myself a fag and then join the happy crowd. Save me a dance, yeah?”
She gave him a sudden, fierce hug, then whirled and ran to catch up with the rest of the wedding party. Stunned, Spike remained where he was, staring after the blur of neon green as it disappeared into the building.
Did Buffy just hug me?
He lit a cigarette with a hand that refused to hold still; the flame trembled and wavered as he brought it to meet the tip of the cigarette clenched so tightly between his lips. He took a deep, calming drag, holding the smoke in his impervious lungs, then letting it out with sighing breath. He smoked until only the filter and ash remained, then dropped and crushed it beneath his boot. Straightening his shoulders and taking another deep breath, he walked towards the door and whatever awaited him on the other side.
The End
This sequel to "Maybe We Can" was a response to a “First Dance” prompt on Schmoop Bingo. This fic begins just after Spike has talked Xander into rethinking his decision to leave Anya at the altar; Buffy and Willow have followed up by taking him back in to apologize and go on with the wedding. Spike's date has gone home, having realized that she was only there to make Buffy jealous (mission accomplished) and Buffy has asked him to stay. We pick up....
All We've Ever Done is Dance
While the guests looked on with more than normal interest, Willow marched Xander back to the side room where Anya was still crying. She stood, blocking the doorway, arms crossed and face firmly fixed in resolve mode until he had fallen to his knees in front of Anya, begging for forgiveness and blaming the demon. He had enough sense not to mention exactly how the demon had convinced him to hurt her so badly, allowing her to assume that it had been some sort of spell.
Willow gave them several minutes to kiss and make up, clearing her throat theatrically when she judged them sufficiently made up.
"Guys? The natives are getting restless out there. Do you think we can get this thing back on track?"
"Of course we can! Where's my Maid of Honor? Buffy? Hallie?" Anya was immediately back to her normal efficient self and began giving orders. "Willow, you and Xander need to get out there and stand where you're supposed to be. Make sure the groomsmen get the guests to sit down and be quiet before they line up with you."
She pushed Xander out the door and grabbed Buffy's arm as she squeezed by him. "Oh good, you're here. Where is Tara? Is she ready? She has to go in first, then Hallie, then Dawn, then you, then me. Where's D'Hoffryn? He has to- oh, good, there you are!"
D' Hoffryn and the Slayer exchanged stiff nods as Anya took his hand and waved Buffy out of the room. Buffy gave a final Slayer glare at Anya's chosen father figure before whisking past him to find Tara and the other bridesmaids.
As soon as the milling crowd of humans and demons had settled into seats on their respective sides of the aisle, Willow and Josè, Xander's friend from work, rolled out the white runner and then took their places beside him and in front of the other groomsmen. Xander's face was a mix of embarrassment and determination - which softened into adoration as Anya and D'Hoffryn made their way majestically down the aisle toward him.
Buffy sighed in relief when she watched Xander's face change as Anya approached them.
He does love her. This is going to work. I can see it.
She met Willow's eyes and they smiled at each other as D'Hoffryn, with visible reluctance, put Anya's hand in Xander's. Drawing himself up to his full, very impressive height, the ruler of Arashmahaar glared down at the human man who had dared to fall in love with and marry one of his former vengeance demons.
"I will be watching you," he said loudly and clearly.
Anya shot him a glare, then softened her expression and smiled.
"I love you too," she said, taking his hand and kissing his ring. "And thank you."
Xander's face darkened briefly at the reminder of Anya's many years as one of the tall demon's most valued employees, but he shrugged it off and turned her around to face him.
"I love you," he said clearly. "And I promise I will never hurt you again."
~~~~~~~~~~
When the actual ceremony was over and the two wildly different groups of guests had reluctantly begun to mingle again, Xander and Anya stepped onto the floor for their first dance as a married couple. They moved around the floor slowly, dancing not exactly being Xander's forte. Finally they just stopped trying to cover any area and just stood together, swaying gently to the music, Anya's head resting on Xander's chest.
"Apocalypse averted?"
Buffy turned her head so fast she almost lost her balance, Spike's hand on her elbow gave her a moment of stability before she recovered and he let go.
"Thanks," she mumbled, averting her eyes from the wicked glint in his. It was annoying how easily he could sneak up on her now that his signature no longer screamed vampire! "And, no. That wasn't an apocalypse, it was just a... a crisis. You've been in Sunnydale long enough to know that real apocalypses only happen in the spring."
"S'pose that's true," he agreed, his expression softening. "Standing your girl up at the altar probably doesn't qualify - even if she could turn back into a vengeance demon and destroy half the town...."
"Do you think she would have done that? Gone back? After being human?"
He shrugged. "Was human before she got recruited, wasn't she? I'm sure her old boss would have made her an offer. Can't see why she wouldn't have taken it. A human had just broken her heart -- why would she want to stick around to be hurt again?"
"Because she's good now? I mean, except for the whole money-grubbing thing... Why would she give that up to go back to being evil?" Buffy's face was genuinely confused and Spike shook his head in disgust.
"Makes life simpler, doesn't it? No worries about whether you're doing the right thing, or if you're going to disappoint. You can just go about your business and enjoy being evil. Would be a relief, seems to me."
Buffy stared up at him. "We are still talking about Xander and Anya, aren't we?"
"Could be," he said, his expression blank.
She stared at him intently, but before she could say more Josè came up to them. With an apologetic smile at Spike, he said to Buffy, "The best man wants to dance with his-her girlfriend, so I think I'm supposed to dance with you." He gave Spike another nervous smile and held out his arm to Buffy. She shrugged at Spike's expressionless face and took Josè's arm.
"Don't leave," she warned as she allowed Josè to lead her to the dance floor. They moved stiffly around the cleared area, making awkward small talk about how beautiful the wedding was and how "unusual" some of the guests were. As the first song died out and a new one began, Jose jumped at a tap on his shoulder. Buffy glanced up to see Spike standing by, waiting politely for Josè to realize that he was cutting in.
Josè gave the strangely menacing-looking man a quick grimace, then backed away, thanking Buffy for the dance. She mumbled the appropriate responses, even as she stared at Spike in shock. Spike took her hand and pulled her against his body, one hand on the small of her back and the other holding hers at a very formal angle.
"May I have this dance, Buffy?" he said, beginning to move before she had pulled her wits together enough to answer him. For the first minute she was so busy wondering what they were doing that she didn't realize how skillfully Spike was guiding her around the dance floor. Once she did, she stumbled a little at the realization.
"You're very good at dancing - it's almost like we... We've never danced together before, have we?" she asked.
"Ah, Slayer, we've never done anything but dance." He smirked at her, giving her time to think about all the meanings he'd attached to that word through the years. When her face had gone through several different expressions, finally settling on cautious agreement, he softened his smirk to a genuine smile and pulled her closer so that he could whisper in her ear. "And, yes, I am good at it. Credit my youthful years as a good little Victorian boy, and another hundred plus with a barmy girlfriend who loved to dance."
"Way to remind me that you're older than dirt and have a crazy, evil ex," she muttered, but a small smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. "So, a good little Victorian boy, huh? That's not the story you usually tell."
"Want you to know the real me, Buffy. Warts and all."
"I don't think being a good boy is much of a wart."
He laughed softly. "Trust me, love, you'd not have given me the time of day back then."
"Not in the cool crowd, huh?"
"Bigger git than Harris," he said with a grin. "Probably why I was able to get through to him. One useless, undeserving male to another."
"In the interest of enjoying the rest of the dance, I'm not going to respond to that right now..." Buffy moved marginally closer to him and slipped her left arm around his neck, smiling when he curled her right hand into his chest. They finished the song moving less quickly, but still smoothly inside the small area Spike had staked out as 'Vampire and Slayer dancing here' territory. The other humans took one look at the hard-edged punk and moved away, and the demons gave Buffy a wide berth anytime they had to move past her.
When the music had ended and something faster and less amenable to Victorian era dancing came on, they stopped and dropped their arms, still standing close enough for her breasts to brush his chest with every breath.
"I guess we should get off the floor," she breathed, her gaze focused on his throat.
"Guess so," he agreed, not moving.
Dawn broke the stalemate by coming up to them, grinning from ear to ear. "You guys just won me some money. I bet Hallie you'd dance together before the night was over and you already have. She owes me."
"You're gambling? You're making bets? About us? With a vengeance demon?"
Buffy's voice was getting higher and shriller with every question and Spike backed away quickly mumbling about getting something to drink.
"Spike!"
He shook his head. "No way, Bit. You're on your own this time." He made a beeline for the bar, asking for a large tumbler full of Johnny Walker and downing it without pausing to savor the taste. He handed it back for a refill and watch from a safe distance as Buffy dragged Dawn to the hallway, clearing remonstrating with her every step of the way. He met Hallie's amused glance and gave her a short nod of recognition. A nod which she took as an invitation to sashay her way across the floor to his side.
"Hello, William," she purred. "You've come up in the world a bit, haven't you? Or down, maybe. Dating the Slayer could be seen either way." She smiled coyly. "How long has this been going on?"
"None of your business," he replied, sipping his drink and never taking his eyes off the hallway where Buffy and Dawn were waving their arms and trying not to argue loudly enough to be heard by the guests. "And I'd suggest you make yourself scare before the Slayer comes back."
"Is she that jealous?"
Spike gave her sidelong look that clearly said he couldn't imagine what he'd ever seen in her. "No," he said shortly. "But she is overly protective of her sister and you'd already messed that up enough before you decided to add teaching her to bet with demons to the mix."
Hallie tossed her head and swished her neon green skirt. "I'm not afraid of the Slayer."
"Then you are a very foolish woman," he said, putting down his empty glass and moving away without a backward glance. He made his way through the crowd to the hallway where Dawn had gone into a full-fledged pout and Buffy was glaring at her in a way that would have terrified any demon at the party.
"That bint isn't someone you need to be chumming around with, Dawn," he said, his use of her name lending emphasis to his words. "Don't care if she is Anya's friend. She shouldn't be one of yours. You hear me?"
"You're not the boss of me! You can't tell me what to do. I have Buffy for that," she finished with a glare at her sister.
Spike went into game face long enough to get a gasp from her as he moved closer. He grinned mentally when she unconsciously shrank against the wall before she remembered who he was. She stood up straighter, but kept a wary eye on his face as he did his best to loom over her.
"You have everybody who cares about you to tell you what to do," he growled. "All of us. And you'd better bloody well listen when somebody who's known that 'justice demon' since she was a human bitch tells you to stay away."
Clearly outnumbered and more intimidated than she would let on, Dawn sidled away, clutching her teen-aged dignity around her. "You two deserve each other," she sniffed as a parting shot. She did, however, avoid Hallie's side of the room very carefully, staying close to Willow and Tara.
Spike let his face slide back into his human features as he leaned against the wall to watch Dawn leave. He felt Buffy slump against the wall beside him, her shoulder just barely touched his arm.
"Aren't weddings supposed to be happy, carefree occasions?"
"Well, I think-"
"Rhetorical question, Spike."
"Right."
The music drifted in from the main room and Spike coughed uncontrollably as he doubled over with laughter.
"What?"
"Just listen," he managed to gasp out.
Buffy frowned and moved closer to the room entrance. Her face went white, then red as she recognized the sounds coming from the speakers. She shook her head, than started laughing herself. She went back to his side and leaned against him.
"Did you put them up to this?"
"No way, Buffy. Got better sense than that. Has to be somebody who was there - or who knew about it...."
They looked at each other and said simultaneously, "Dawn!"
"I'll kill her."
"Ah, let it go, Slayer. She got us back good. Let her have it." He cocked his head at her and held out his hand. "Dance with me again, love?"
She slipped into his arms and they moved gracefully around the hallway, Spike skillfully avoiding the drinking fountain and a few scattered chairs. Buffy relaxed and allowed him to completely control their movements, enjoying letting him guide her much as she had during their time together. As the end of the song neared, she felt his arms tighten around her and she squeezed him back, saying, "That was going to be our first dance at our wedding."
"I remember." He held her, no longer moving now that the music had stopped. "Feels just as good when it's the second dance at someone else's wedding."
"It does feel good, doesn't it?" She hadn't moved away from his embrace, resting her head on his chest and inhaling the scents that she was willing to admit she'd been missing since she'd told him they were finished.
"Feels like bloody heaven to me," he whispered, not really caring if she heard him or not - but she did. Buffy raised her head to meet his eyes. "Spike... I can't promise... but I... " She blinked rapidly, swallowing hard as she watched the hope fill his eyes. "I miss you. I don't mean the sex... I mean, yeah, that too, but I miss seeing you every night. I miss talking to you and yelling at you and...."
"And punching me?" He raised a teasing eyebrow.
"And punching you," she muttered, giving him a little shake. "But I don't want to be that girl anymore. The one who hates her life and takes it out on you."
"She had her reasons, love. Always knew that. If beating up on me made you feel better...."
"Do you think we can... I want to...." She met his eyes again. "I can't promise I'll love you the way you... but I'd... I'd like to see where this could go. Can we do that?"
He picked her up and twirled her around, dancing without letting her feet touch the ground. "We can do that, love. We will do that. I promise you we will."
From across the large room, Willow and Tara gasped as they saw the impromptu hug and Buffy's laughing face as Spike twirled her around. "Are they... is he... are they dancing?"
"Yep," Dawn said with a loud pop at the end and with a satisfied smirk. "They are."
The end.
GREEN EYES
Okay, if I was smarter, I wouldn’t put this one out here. It’s among my very earliest “let’s fix season six” fics and would be no great loss if it vanished. But, it does take place during and after the wedding, so... This one is totally unrelated to the two before it.
“You’re welcome,” Buffy said softly as Spike turned to leave with his skanky “date”.
Shaking her head at herself, Buffy walked across the floor wondering which was worse, to have had to watch Spike with his date all through the pre-wedding preparations - although she knew he had only brought the brunette to make her jealous - or watching them leave, knowing they were going back to his crypt and the bed she had so recently abandoned.
No, what’s worst is knowing I set myself up for this pain. Way to go, Buffy.
“Hey, Buffy, where’d Spike go?” Dawn’s innocent question did nothing to make her feel better. “Doesn’t he want to be here for the reception?”
“I don’t know Dawn,” she snapped more angrily than she meant to. “I’m not in charge of his comings and goings.”
“Well, actually, you usually are,” Dawn snarked back. “What’s the matter, don’t like seeing Spike with somebody else? If you’d give him the time of day, you know he wouldn’t be with her.”
“That’s enough, Dawn. We’re not having this conversation.”
“What conversation is that?” asked Willow as she walked up behind them. “Hey, where’d Spike and his skanky date go?”
“I don’t know or care! Why does everyone keep asking me about Spike’s activities?” Buffy demanded, shocking Willow with her vehemence.
“Gee, sorry, Buffy. It’s just that he’s usually around, you know? If Buffy’s there, then Spike’s hanging around somewhere…. I think the only time you’re away from him is when you’re in bed asleep.”
Buffy turned bright red from the roots of her hair to her toes - a color that clashed terribly with the radioactive green dress. “I need a drink,” she mumbled and headed toward the bar where Xander’s father was verbally abusing one of Anya’s demon friends. Naturally, the first person she ran into was Spike’s friend, Clem.
“Hey, Slayer, Where’s Spike? Shouldn’t he be here by now?”
Through gritted teeth, she said, “The next person who asks me about Spike is going to get staked!”
Hours later, when the whole “I can’t get married now” debacle was over and everyone had gone home, Buffy found herself with too much pent up energy to sit still. Leaving Willow to comfort the still-sobbing Anya and to try to explain Xander’s totally inexplicable behavior, Buffy took a couple of stakes and set out for the graveyard. Telling herself she had no intention of going anywhere near Spike’s crypt, she none the less found herself wandering in that direction.
“How pathetic is this?” she muttered to herself as she stopped behind a large tombstone to look at the light coming out from under the door. “Omigod! I’m stalker-Buffy!”.
Whirling around to leave before she made a complete fool of herself, she ran right into the arms of a slobbering, hairy Ch’ulth demon with clearly unfriendly intentions. With her face buried in its foul-smelling pelt, and her hands pinned to her sides, she worried for a minute that she would smother before it got a chance to kill her with its teeth and claws. Holding her breath and bringing her knees up, she braced her feet against its thighs and pushed hard, shoving it far enough away to break its hold on her arms and shoulders. With a roar the demon swung a claw-tipped hand at her head. She ducked, but slipped on her dropped stakes and fell heavily to the ground. The demon was on her immediately - pinning her to the turf and reaching for her face with its foul smelling mouth full of sharp teeth. Frantically Buffy felt around for her stakes, holding the demon off as best she could with one hand. Suddenly the weight flew off her arm and she could breath again.
Leaping to her feet, she plunged one of the stakes into the demon’s eye socket and had the satisfaction of watching it die. Standing behind the demon and still holding it by the scruff of the neck was Spike - wearing nothing but a pair of unfastened jeans.
“Bloody hell, Buffy! What were you doing taking on a demon that size with nothing but a stake? And by yourself? Why are you even patrolling tonight? Shouldn’t you be drinking and dancing at the happy nuptials?”
“I’m perfectly capable of handling a demon by myself, thank you. I was just distracted for a second.” She carefully avoided looking in the open door of the crypt or looking at his face or his bare chest.
“So, what are you doing here, then?” he asked. “Tired of partying?”
“There will be no partying,” she said with a sigh, sitting down on a tombstone. “Xander changed his mind at the last minute.”
“Harris backed out?” he snorted. “Stupid git. I wish I’d been around to see that.”
“Well, I’m sure you had more fun here….” Her voice trailed off as she remembered that he hadn’t left alone. “I should get going, wash the demon drool from my hair, shower, change clothes, see Anya…..I’m babbling, aren’t I?” she asked as she noticed his raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, luv, you kinda are. Do you want to come in and sit for a minute till you calm down?”
“Oh! Oh no! Thanks, but..no.. that would be too…too…”
“Awkward?” he asked with a smirk.
“Well, yes, awkward is a good word, I guess - or embarrassing, depending on what…” Could I dig this hole any deeper?
“Depending on what, Slayer? What do you think is in there exactly?” he asked.
“Well, I don’t know… exactly. But, I mean, you...she...date….I need to go now!”
“Buffy,” he said gently, “she isn’t here. I took her home.”
“Really?” She looked up at him from under her eyelashes. “She went home? Not that you couldn’t…I mean, you have every right to…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I’ll leave now. Thanks for the help….” Her voice trailed off, as she got no answer from him but a hard stare.
“I know what my rights are, Slayer.” he said flatly. “They just don’t always match up with my wants.”
“So, she really was just an attempt to make me jealous?” she asked, trying not to sound as hopeful as she felt.
“You know she was. Wasn’t much of an attempt, I’ll admit, but the best I could come up with on short notice.”
“Well, it couldn’t have been too bad,” she muttered. “It seems to have worked.”
“So it does.” He gave her a small smile. “Now what?”
“I don’t know, Spike.” Buffy gave a tired sigh. “I know I said it didn’t change anything that it hurt to see you with somebody else, but… I don’t know what to do. I just know I don’t want to go back to the way things were. You deserve better than that. And I want to be better than that. Do you think we could go back and start again?”
“Go back?” he asked in astonishment. “We can’t ever go back. What’s done is done. I won’t forget what we’ve done to and with each other and neither will you.”
“Oh,” Buffy hung her head in dejection. “I guess you’re right. We’ve - no - I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?
That’s Buffy, one-woman romance wrecking crew.
Spike’s heart turned over in his chest when she turned to walk away. With preternatural speed he was in front of her immediately. “Buffy, love, I didn’t mean-” He put his finger under her chin and tipped her face up. Her eyes were swimming with un-shed tears.
“Bloody hell, woman, I don’t want to forget. Not one single second I’ve had with you - good or bad.” Deadly serious blue eyes bored into hers, willing her to understand him. “We can’t go back - but we can go forward. If you really want to…”
She met his hopeful gaze unflinchingly, resisting the automatic urge to turn away from the emotions she saw there.
“I want to try, Spike. I want us to try not hurting each other. Can we do that?”
“I’d like to think so, love. I’ll try if you will.”
He folded her in his arms and she allowed herself to relax against him and enjoy the sensation of being held and cherished. The sensations she had refused to allow herself to admit she liked or wanted until now. She breathed in his scent - cigarettes, leather, bourbon and his own unique smell. She slid her arms around his waist and for a long time they just stood in the damp graveyard holding each other.
The End
Thoughts on a Wedding (Spike’s)
Another old one, but hey, I was practicing my character voices.
Summary: What Spike might have been thinking while at the non-wedding
THOUGHTS ON A WEDDING
She looks so happy as I watch her from the side of the room - greetin’ people, huggin’ her friends, beamin’ at the whelp with tears in her eyes. Happy tears, not the ones she sheds with me when she thinks I’m asleep. Used to shed with me - used to. Never wants to sleep with me again - sleep WITH me -was she ever really with me? That’s what she said, isn’t it?
Back to the subject. She seems happy. Shouldn’t breakin’ my heart have hurt her a little bit? Shouldn’t she be just a little bit sad that she crushed the man who loves her? Oh, wait, that’s right. Not a man. A “thing”, an “evil, disgusting thing”. No reason to worry about his feelings. Got no soul. Can’t have feelings.
I wonder if she knows I’m here yet? Would she come and talk to me if she did? What can we say to each other? Me? All I can think of is “I love you.” Been there - tried that. She doesn’t want to hear it. Doesn’t want to believe it. Soddin’ Angelus! Got her convinced you have to have a soul to love her. Got her so sure, she won’t see what’s right in front of her. Then she’d have to admit what a bastard he is - worry that there’s something wrong with her that he couldn’t love her without his soul. Tried to tell her the miserable pillock was a dickhead with or without it, but she doesn’t want to hear it.
Off subject again. What could she say to me? I know what I want her to say. Tell me she’s sorry. Tell me she didn’t mean it - breaking up with me, I mean. I want her to tell me she wants me. Don’t care if she loves me - OK, I do care, just don’t need to hear it if she’ll just come back to my bed. Let me love her. That’d be enough for me. Has to be.
I wonder if she’s seen my “date”? Not much for her to look at, I guess. She’s certainly no competition for my golden girl. Just couldn’t bear to show up alone. Don’t want to seem pathetic. Anyway, maybe she’ll be jealous. Just a little. Maybe.
Or, maybe not. She’d have to care to be jealous. Know she doesn’t. She’s made that clear often enough. It was never about caring for her. It was just about getting an itch scratched. Hard to believe the wonderful girl I fell in love with would treat someone like that. Even someone she thought was beneath her.
Guess the fact that she doesn’t want to do it any more shows that she’s gettin’ better. Starting to feel bad about using me. I should be glad for her. That she’s startin’ to feel like herself again.
Oh shit. Here she comes. She’s so beautiful. Got to be cool. Don’t let her see what a pathetic git I am. Don’t beg. Act like I’m dealin’ with it. Be sure she knows I brought a date…
Guess I didn’t fool her - she knows the date was just to make her jealous. Think I’ll ask if it did - not that I expect her to admit… Ok, now she’s just fuckin’ with my mind. Telling me it hurts - seeing me with someone else. How can it hurt if she doesn’t care? Didn’t want to hurt her! Oh, love, I’m sorry - wait a minute! The whole point of bringing the silly bint was to make Buffy realize she wants me. Not gonna apologize for it!
I’m such a wanker. Of course I’m sorry. Never want to cause her more pain. Was a bad idea. What was I thinkin’? I tell her I love her and then I do somethin’ I’m hopin’ will hurt her. She’s right. I am evil. Don’t deserve her. Know that. Doesn’t matter. Want her anyway.
Sod it all. She was so happy. I don’t want to spoil the party for her. I’ll just take the bird home and go get drunk somewhere. Don’t think I’da enjoyed it anyway. Watching her from a distance, wishing she was dancing with me. God, I’m a pathetic git! What a wanker! As bad as William, I am sometimes. Gonna leave. Let her enjoy the fun with her Scoobie friends.
Should have taken the time to wish the demon girl well. I suspect she’s going to need some good wishes - marrying that wanker. Hope he’s good to her.
Ok, we’re leavin’. I’ve made enough of a fool of myself. And made her unhappy besides. I wonder if it really did hurt? Or if she’s just saying that to make me feel better?
Why would she care how I feel? Said it again, though, when I asked if it really did. Looked like she meant it. I thought I saw something there. Damn her! We’re not together and she’s still blowin’ hot and cold.
She says it doesn’t change anything. That it hurts her. How can she say that? It changes everything! If she didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt her. If she cares, why is she doing this to me? To herself? To us.
I need a drink.
The End
One more longer less Spuffy one to follow shortly.
Two sequential ficlets that take place at the wedding. Both rated no higher that PG13, if that. The first one is a sequel to As I Should Be in which I twisted the break up episode so that it wasn’t quite as wrenching or as potentially final. I don’t think you need to have read that one to “get” this one, just know that Buffy asked for space to figure out her life without the distraction of a sexual relationship with Spike. In this case the wedding fiasco goes a bit better for everyone involved. Some of the dialogue may be similar or identical to familiar lines from the episode. Those parts, obviously, were written by other, more talented, people who got paid for it.
Maybe We Can
Buffy stared at herself in the mirror. The glowing green dress made it impossible to concentrate on anything else. She was fairly certain that her hair and make-up were going to be totally eclipsed by the bridesmaid dress that Anya had insisted was what all the bridal magazines recommended.
“Green is this year’s ‘in’ color,” she’d stated firmly. “And this shade of green is unique, so you’ll be in fashion without being trite.”
“Trite?” Tara had fingered the shiny fabric. “Can a dress be trite?”
“I’m pretty sure these dresses aren’t going to be worn by very many bridesmaids,” Buffy said diplomatically.
“Exactly!” Anya'd beamed at them. “Current, but unique.”
Sighing, Buffy turned away and went out into the hall to see if Dawn needed help with anything. She tried her best not to look around the rapidly filling room for a blond head. True to his word, Spike had stayed away from her and the house since the night she’d left him alone in his crypt; although she was fairly certain that she’d felt his presence once or twice as she patrolled. Only when she was taking on something that could have given her some trouble, and it was quickly gone once she’d handled the situation.
Still watching my back.
The gut wrenching shock that went through her when Dawn casually mentioned Spike’s “skanky date” caught her completely by surprise; as did the way the back of the chair crumbled under her clenching fist.
“Spike has a date?” Her voice was much weaker than she had intended, and definitely not as casual.
Dawn looked at her in surprise, then with a shrewd smirk, said, “Yes, date. You know, as in, he brought a girl along so that he doesn’t have to spend the night alone watching you pretend to ignore him?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Buffy said stiffly. “Spike never lets me ignore him. It’s his thing. Annoy Buffy at any and all opportunities.”
“Yeah, well, guess you won’t have to worry about that tonight, huh?” Dawn snorted, gesturing to the far side of the room where Spike was holding the hand of a wide-eyed Goth girl. He was laughing and nodding as the girl pointed to one demon after another - more with excitement than fright. Although, when one of the more repulsive-looking of Anya’s guests strolled too close to them, she squealed and clutched Spike’s shirt. The vampire put a protective arm around her shoulders and whispered something into her ear that made her blush and giggle.
“I guess not….” Buffy remained frozen for several seconds, trying very hard to reject the images her eyes were sending. Tearing her eyes away just before the vampire’s head flew up to search out the source of the gaze he could feel, she whirled and fled to the ladies room. The room was blissfully empty, and Buffy was free to stare at her stricken face in the mirror and try to convince herself that she wasn’t jealous or hurt.
He’s a vampire, a MALE vampire. What did I expect? That he was going to sit around twiddling his thumbs waiting for me to change my mind?
A nasty voice pointed out that thumbs were not Spike’s favorite things to twiddle, and she screamed at it to ‘shut up!’ Biting her lip and blinking hard, she went over what she’d just seen and what Dawn had said about Spike not wanting to be alone at the wedding while she ignored him - which was exactly what she had planned to do.
Okay. This is okay. He’s just trying to protect his own feelings, and never mind what he does to mine… or, maybe that’s his thinking. He’s trying to make me jealous. That’s it. Of course it is. He’s going to be all over that girl just to make me…. Well, it isn’t going to work. I am sooo not jealous. He’s a free man..er, vampire… and I’m a grown woman. I can handle this just fine. It’s what he should do. Move on. He can’t make me jealous, because to be jealous I’d have to love him at least a little - and I don’t. So no jealousy here. Nope. Not a bit.
Hoping she had convinced herself that she was fine with whatever or whoever Spike chose to do, she fixed a smile on her face and went back out to the rapidly-growing crowd. When she realized that she didn’t see Xander and Anya anywhere, she temporarily forgot about Spike as she went looking for the rest of the wedding party.
Willow’s worried explanation that Xander had asked for some time to meet with a strange man who had shown up unexpectedly, caused some frowning from everyone - particularly the bride. However, with the guests still arriving and the room still filling, they decided to give Xander a few more minutes before his Best “Man” would go looking for him.
Which gave Buffy some time to stroll casually around the room, gradually working her way closer to Spike. She waited until his date had gone off to the ladies room before approaching and smiling at him. They made some attempts at small talk, the vampire’s admiration clear in his eyes as he complimented her on the way she was glowing. Buffy’s skeptical remark about the dress’s radioactivity gave them both a small chuckle before an awkward silence fell.
“Have you met my date yet?”
Buffy shook her head. “No, but I’m sure she’s a fine attempt to make me jealous.”
“Is it working?” He made no attempt to deny it, simply waited for her reply.
“Yeah,” she surprised herself by admitting. “It hurts… a little.”
“I’m sorry, Buffy-”
He recovered himself before he could finish the automatic apology. His self-righteous “Good!” and the accompanying posturing only lasted for a few seconds, before it collapsed in the face of her clear distress.
“I’m sorry. I’ll just go. Leave you to enjoy the festivities. This was a bad idea.”
“Actually…” She shrugged, stepping closer to him and looking up with a small frown. “…it was probably a pretty good idea. It made me realize....”
It made me realize how important your love is to me. And how much I don’t want to be sharing it.
He waited eagerly for an explanation, but none was forthcoming, the Slayer just continuing to stare at him with anxious eyes. With a sigh, he shook his head and looked away, spotting his “date” heading towards them with a curious frown on her face.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Buffy. I’m sorry. We’ll just go.…”
“It’s okay. I deserve-”
“You deserve nothing… alright, maybe you do, Maybe I should be glad that something I do with somebody else can make you unhappy. But I’m just not built that way. I can’t just ask her to leave, even if I am evil, so I’ll just take her away.”
“Well, that makes me feel much better. Watching you leave with her will…. Where are you going to take her? Your crypt?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, I AM evil, you know.” He tried very hard to look as though he had every intention of spending the rest of the night shagging the girl into the ground, but when Buffy bit her lip and stepped back, fists clenched in the folds of her dress, his bravado collapsed again. Before he could begin the babbled apology for lying to her that was trembling in his throat, Polly walked up to them and looked Buffy up and down.
“Nice dress,” she said with smirk, blinking with surprise when Spike stepped between them and stretched his arm in front of the now glaring blonde. Polly glanced up at the vampire that she’d known only a day or so, and said, “I guess this must be her?”
“Her? Her who?”
“What do you mean, ‘her’?”
Spike and Buffy spoke at the same time. The girl looked back and forth between them and shook her head sadly.
“The girl that you needed to make jealous by bringing a date to this shindig.” She glared at an embarrassed Spike and continued, “Do you think I’m stupid? Nobody invites somebody they just met to something like a wedding unless they really, really need a date for some reason. You two obviously have some issues to work out, so I’ll just tell myself it was a job well-done and be on my way.”
She went up on her toes to brush her lips across Spike’s cheek as she whispered, “But if it doesn’t work out, you know where to find me. I’d be more than happy to take your mind off her.”
“I heard that!” Buffy growled.
With a laugh, Polly just waved and walked out into the night, leaving two very embarrassed people staring at the floor and waiting for the other to speak first. Before either of them could work out where to begin, Dawn ran up to Buffy and said, “Willow needs you. Xander’s got a problem… a demon-shaped problem.”
Throwing a “Don’t you dare leave!” at Spike, Buffy ran towards the door through which Xander was last seen with the strange man. Dawn stood and watched her run away, then turned to the vampire.
“So, I guess, skanky as she was, your “date” did the trick, huh?”
“Is there anybody in this bloody room who doesn’t think I only brought her to make Buffy jealous?” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, an angry pout on his face.
“Oh, probably,” Dawn said, waving her hand dismissively. “Xander, maybe, and all the people who don’t know you. But, me, Willow, Tara, Anya? Gimme a break. How stupid do you think we are?”
“You really don’t want me to answer than, Bit,” he growled, glaring at the unperturbed teenager.
“Oh please! Give it up, Big Bad. My sister has you wrapped around her finger - and she likes you there. Neither one of you is kidding anybody.” She studied her former babysitter for a minute, then said more kindly, “I saw her face when she saw you two together, Spike. I don’t care what she’s telling you - she cares. She cares a lot.”
He nodded and placed a grateful hand on her shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. “I know that, Bit,” he said softly. “Jus’ not sure that she does.”
“Well, I think watching I’m-a-vampire-groupie-skank girl hanging on you might have helped you out there. She can’t deny her first reaction - I’ve got the broken chair to prove it.”
“It’s Buffy, pet.”
“Good point.” She grimaced her agreement with his assessment of her sister’s consistency. “Okay, looks like Xander’s back. I guess Buffy slayed the demon. You should find a place to sit.”
Before Spike could seat himelf somewhere in the back, another crisis arose as Xander proceeded to tell Anya that he didn’t think he could go through with the wedding - in front of most of the guests and the entire wedding party. Spike’s enhanced hearing had allowed him to hear the entire exchange and he was already moving towards the door by the time Buffy and Willow recovered enough to go after the missing groom.
“Let me, pet,” he said, putting a hand on Buffy’s arm. “I think another bloke - even one he doesn’t like much - would be what’s needed here.”
Buffy and Willow looked at him dubiously, but nodded and stepped back.
“If you’re not back in ten minutes, we’re coming after you,” Buffy threatened.
Without responding, Spie slipped out the door and sniffed the air. Finding Xander wasn’t difficult. The missing bridegroom had only gone as far as an outside patio, where he was leaning on the balustrade, his head in his hands. Spike walked up, being sure to make enough noise that the other man would know he was being approached. Xander turned his head to the side far enough to spot the beat-up black boots, then dropped it again and groaned.
“What?” he said plaintively. “My life isn’t ruined enough? I’ve got to listen to you gloat?”
“No, you stupid git. You’ve got to listen to me tell you what an arse you are for leaving that lovely girl standing there with egg on her face. I don’t give a flying fuck how badly you think you’ve screwed up, be a man about it and go back in there and marry her!”
“Shut up, Spike. What do you know about it? I’m doing this for her. Because I know I’m going to be a bad husband. In the long run, this is better.”
“And in the short run? I’m no expert, mind you, but I’m pretty sure being left at the altar by a man who should be thanking the stars every night that a girl like that would have him wasn’t on her list of things she wants to have in her memories.”
“She’s better off without me.”
“Can’t argue with you there,” Spike agreed mildly. “But she wants you. Don’t you think you should have included her in the conversation when you were decidin’ that it wouldn’t work out?”
“Just because she thinks she wants me, doesn’t mean I’m going to be good for her. What would you know about it anyway?”
“Know a bit about wanting what’s not good for you. Know about being left, about being unwanted,” he said quietly. “Know a bit about getting what you want… and losin’ it, too,” he added. “An’ I can tell you, having what you want - even if it isn’t good all the time - is way ahead of not having it. Or thinkin’ you have it and then losing it. This is a terrible thing you’re doing, Harris. And that’s coming from somebody who knows a bit about terrible things….”
Spike rested his elbows on the railing and leaned quietly next to the man he’d watched grow up from a teen-aged boy into a young man. There was silence for several minutes, until Xander grumbled, “Aren’t you ever going to go away?”
“Nope,” Spike answered cheerfully. “If I come back without you… well, lets just say I don’t fancy my chances of surviving the night. What with Buffy and Red expectin’ me to deliver the goods.”
“I’m the ‘goods’?”
“Well, not to my way of thinking, no. I think you’re a waste of good blood; but Anyanka seems to want you, and the best man and maid of honor seem to think you belong back in there. Don’t know about you, but brassing off an ex-vengeance demon, a slayer and a powerful witch just doesn’t strike me as a very smart move.”
Before Xander could respond, Buffy and Willow came walking up, trying very hard to appear to be surprised to find them. Xander raised his head and met Willow’s distressed face with a sheepish smile.
“I’m sorry,” he began. “I’ll just-”
“You’ll just get your butt in there and marry the woman you love,” Willow said, her resolve face firmly in place.
He nodded and straightened up.
“Do you think she’ll still have me?”
“Of course, she will! She’s crying her eyes out right now, but we’ll just make something up about the demon putting a temporary spell on you or something. It’s not a problem. I can fix it.” Willow exuded confidence, pausing to glare at the vampire when he couldn’t repress a snort.
Buffy looked back and forth between her two friends, now heading back to the entrance, reluctant bridegroom being harangued every step of the way by his red-haired Best “Man”. She shuffled her feet uncertainly, taking one step towards the door, then back to where the vampire was quietly waiting. After a minute of watching her dither about where to be, Spike spoke up.
“Go, Slayer. You’re part of that little show.”
She bit her lip, nodding but still not moving. He sighed and stepped closer to her, raising her chin with one hand and stroking her hair with other.
“I’m not going anywhere, love. Gonna have myself a fag and then join the happy crowd. Save me a dance, yeah?”
She gave him a sudden, fierce hug, then whirled and ran to catch up with the rest of the wedding party. Stunned, Spike remained where he was, staring after the blur of neon green as it disappeared into the building.
Did Buffy just hug me?
He lit a cigarette with a hand that refused to hold still; the flame trembled and wavered as he brought it to meet the tip of the cigarette clenched so tightly between his lips. He took a deep, calming drag, holding the smoke in his impervious lungs, then letting it out with sighing breath. He smoked until only the filter and ash remained, then dropped and crushed it beneath his boot. Straightening his shoulders and taking another deep breath, he walked towards the door and whatever awaited him on the other side.
The End
This sequel to "Maybe We Can" was a response to a “First Dance” prompt on Schmoop Bingo. This fic begins just after Spike has talked Xander into rethinking his decision to leave Anya at the altar; Buffy and Willow have followed up by taking him back in to apologize and go on with the wedding. Spike's date has gone home, having realized that she was only there to make Buffy jealous (mission accomplished) and Buffy has asked him to stay. We pick up....
All We've Ever Done is Dance
While the guests looked on with more than normal interest, Willow marched Xander back to the side room where Anya was still crying. She stood, blocking the doorway, arms crossed and face firmly fixed in resolve mode until he had fallen to his knees in front of Anya, begging for forgiveness and blaming the demon. He had enough sense not to mention exactly how the demon had convinced him to hurt her so badly, allowing her to assume that it had been some sort of spell.
Willow gave them several minutes to kiss and make up, clearing her throat theatrically when she judged them sufficiently made up.
"Guys? The natives are getting restless out there. Do you think we can get this thing back on track?"
"Of course we can! Where's my Maid of Honor? Buffy? Hallie?" Anya was immediately back to her normal efficient self and began giving orders. "Willow, you and Xander need to get out there and stand where you're supposed to be. Make sure the groomsmen get the guests to sit down and be quiet before they line up with you."
She pushed Xander out the door and grabbed Buffy's arm as she squeezed by him. "Oh good, you're here. Where is Tara? Is she ready? She has to go in first, then Hallie, then Dawn, then you, then me. Where's D'Hoffryn? He has to- oh, good, there you are!"
D' Hoffryn and the Slayer exchanged stiff nods as Anya took his hand and waved Buffy out of the room. Buffy gave a final Slayer glare at Anya's chosen father figure before whisking past him to find Tara and the other bridesmaids.
As soon as the milling crowd of humans and demons had settled into seats on their respective sides of the aisle, Willow and Josè, Xander's friend from work, rolled out the white runner and then took their places beside him and in front of the other groomsmen. Xander's face was a mix of embarrassment and determination - which softened into adoration as Anya and D'Hoffryn made their way majestically down the aisle toward him.
Buffy sighed in relief when she watched Xander's face change as Anya approached them.
He does love her. This is going to work. I can see it.
She met Willow's eyes and they smiled at each other as D'Hoffryn, with visible reluctance, put Anya's hand in Xander's. Drawing himself up to his full, very impressive height, the ruler of Arashmahaar glared down at the human man who had dared to fall in love with and marry one of his former vengeance demons.
"I will be watching you," he said loudly and clearly.
Anya shot him a glare, then softened her expression and smiled.
"I love you too," she said, taking his hand and kissing his ring. "And thank you."
Xander's face darkened briefly at the reminder of Anya's many years as one of the tall demon's most valued employees, but he shrugged it off and turned her around to face him.
"I love you," he said clearly. "And I promise I will never hurt you again."
~~~~~~~~~~
When the actual ceremony was over and the two wildly different groups of guests had reluctantly begun to mingle again, Xander and Anya stepped onto the floor for their first dance as a married couple. They moved around the floor slowly, dancing not exactly being Xander's forte. Finally they just stopped trying to cover any area and just stood together, swaying gently to the music, Anya's head resting on Xander's chest.
"Apocalypse averted?"
Buffy turned her head so fast she almost lost her balance, Spike's hand on her elbow gave her a moment of stability before she recovered and he let go.
"Thanks," she mumbled, averting her eyes from the wicked glint in his. It was annoying how easily he could sneak up on her now that his signature no longer screamed vampire! "And, no. That wasn't an apocalypse, it was just a... a crisis. You've been in Sunnydale long enough to know that real apocalypses only happen in the spring."
"S'pose that's true," he agreed, his expression softening. "Standing your girl up at the altar probably doesn't qualify - even if she could turn back into a vengeance demon and destroy half the town...."
"Do you think she would have done that? Gone back? After being human?"
He shrugged. "Was human before she got recruited, wasn't she? I'm sure her old boss would have made her an offer. Can't see why she wouldn't have taken it. A human had just broken her heart -- why would she want to stick around to be hurt again?"
"Because she's good now? I mean, except for the whole money-grubbing thing... Why would she give that up to go back to being evil?" Buffy's face was genuinely confused and Spike shook his head in disgust.
"Makes life simpler, doesn't it? No worries about whether you're doing the right thing, or if you're going to disappoint. You can just go about your business and enjoy being evil. Would be a relief, seems to me."
Buffy stared up at him. "We are still talking about Xander and Anya, aren't we?"
"Could be," he said, his expression blank.
She stared at him intently, but before she could say more Josè came up to them. With an apologetic smile at Spike, he said to Buffy, "The best man wants to dance with his-her girlfriend, so I think I'm supposed to dance with you." He gave Spike another nervous smile and held out his arm to Buffy. She shrugged at Spike's expressionless face and took Josè's arm.
"Don't leave," she warned as she allowed Josè to lead her to the dance floor. They moved stiffly around the cleared area, making awkward small talk about how beautiful the wedding was and how "unusual" some of the guests were. As the first song died out and a new one began, Jose jumped at a tap on his shoulder. Buffy glanced up to see Spike standing by, waiting politely for Josè to realize that he was cutting in.
Josè gave the strangely menacing-looking man a quick grimace, then backed away, thanking Buffy for the dance. She mumbled the appropriate responses, even as she stared at Spike in shock. Spike took her hand and pulled her against his body, one hand on the small of her back and the other holding hers at a very formal angle.
"May I have this dance, Buffy?" he said, beginning to move before she had pulled her wits together enough to answer him. For the first minute she was so busy wondering what they were doing that she didn't realize how skillfully Spike was guiding her around the dance floor. Once she did, she stumbled a little at the realization.
"You're very good at dancing - it's almost like we... We've never danced together before, have we?" she asked.
"Ah, Slayer, we've never done anything but dance." He smirked at her, giving her time to think about all the meanings he'd attached to that word through the years. When her face had gone through several different expressions, finally settling on cautious agreement, he softened his smirk to a genuine smile and pulled her closer so that he could whisper in her ear. "And, yes, I am good at it. Credit my youthful years as a good little Victorian boy, and another hundred plus with a barmy girlfriend who loved to dance."
"Way to remind me that you're older than dirt and have a crazy, evil ex," she muttered, but a small smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. "So, a good little Victorian boy, huh? That's not the story you usually tell."
"Want you to know the real me, Buffy. Warts and all."
"I don't think being a good boy is much of a wart."
He laughed softly. "Trust me, love, you'd not have given me the time of day back then."
"Not in the cool crowd, huh?"
"Bigger git than Harris," he said with a grin. "Probably why I was able to get through to him. One useless, undeserving male to another."
"In the interest of enjoying the rest of the dance, I'm not going to respond to that right now..." Buffy moved marginally closer to him and slipped her left arm around his neck, smiling when he curled her right hand into his chest. They finished the song moving less quickly, but still smoothly inside the small area Spike had staked out as 'Vampire and Slayer dancing here' territory. The other humans took one look at the hard-edged punk and moved away, and the demons gave Buffy a wide berth anytime they had to move past her.
When the music had ended and something faster and less amenable to Victorian era dancing came on, they stopped and dropped their arms, still standing close enough for her breasts to brush his chest with every breath.
"I guess we should get off the floor," she breathed, her gaze focused on his throat.
"Guess so," he agreed, not moving.
Dawn broke the stalemate by coming up to them, grinning from ear to ear. "You guys just won me some money. I bet Hallie you'd dance together before the night was over and you already have. She owes me."
"You're gambling? You're making bets? About us? With a vengeance demon?"
Buffy's voice was getting higher and shriller with every question and Spike backed away quickly mumbling about getting something to drink.
"Spike!"
He shook his head. "No way, Bit. You're on your own this time." He made a beeline for the bar, asking for a large tumbler full of Johnny Walker and downing it without pausing to savor the taste. He handed it back for a refill and watch from a safe distance as Buffy dragged Dawn to the hallway, clearing remonstrating with her every step of the way. He met Hallie's amused glance and gave her a short nod of recognition. A nod which she took as an invitation to sashay her way across the floor to his side.
"Hello, William," she purred. "You've come up in the world a bit, haven't you? Or down, maybe. Dating the Slayer could be seen either way." She smiled coyly. "How long has this been going on?"
"None of your business," he replied, sipping his drink and never taking his eyes off the hallway where Buffy and Dawn were waving their arms and trying not to argue loudly enough to be heard by the guests. "And I'd suggest you make yourself scare before the Slayer comes back."
"Is she that jealous?"
Spike gave her sidelong look that clearly said he couldn't imagine what he'd ever seen in her. "No," he said shortly. "But she is overly protective of her sister and you'd already messed that up enough before you decided to add teaching her to bet with demons to the mix."
Hallie tossed her head and swished her neon green skirt. "I'm not afraid of the Slayer."
"Then you are a very foolish woman," he said, putting down his empty glass and moving away without a backward glance. He made his way through the crowd to the hallway where Dawn had gone into a full-fledged pout and Buffy was glaring at her in a way that would have terrified any demon at the party.
"That bint isn't someone you need to be chumming around with, Dawn," he said, his use of her name lending emphasis to his words. "Don't care if she is Anya's friend. She shouldn't be one of yours. You hear me?"
"You're not the boss of me! You can't tell me what to do. I have Buffy for that," she finished with a glare at her sister.
Spike went into game face long enough to get a gasp from her as he moved closer. He grinned mentally when she unconsciously shrank against the wall before she remembered who he was. She stood up straighter, but kept a wary eye on his face as he did his best to loom over her.
"You have everybody who cares about you to tell you what to do," he growled. "All of us. And you'd better bloody well listen when somebody who's known that 'justice demon' since she was a human bitch tells you to stay away."
Clearly outnumbered and more intimidated than she would let on, Dawn sidled away, clutching her teen-aged dignity around her. "You two deserve each other," she sniffed as a parting shot. She did, however, avoid Hallie's side of the room very carefully, staying close to Willow and Tara.
Spike let his face slide back into his human features as he leaned against the wall to watch Dawn leave. He felt Buffy slump against the wall beside him, her shoulder just barely touched his arm.
"Aren't weddings supposed to be happy, carefree occasions?"
"Well, I think-"
"Rhetorical question, Spike."
"Right."
The music drifted in from the main room and Spike coughed uncontrollably as he doubled over with laughter.
"What?"
"Just listen," he managed to gasp out.
Buffy frowned and moved closer to the room entrance. Her face went white, then red as she recognized the sounds coming from the speakers. She shook her head, than started laughing herself. She went back to his side and leaned against him.
"Did you put them up to this?"
"No way, Buffy. Got better sense than that. Has to be somebody who was there - or who knew about it...."
They looked at each other and said simultaneously, "Dawn!"
"I'll kill her."
"Ah, let it go, Slayer. She got us back good. Let her have it." He cocked his head at her and held out his hand. "Dance with me again, love?"
She slipped into his arms and they moved gracefully around the hallway, Spike skillfully avoiding the drinking fountain and a few scattered chairs. Buffy relaxed and allowed him to completely control their movements, enjoying letting him guide her much as she had during their time together. As the end of the song neared, she felt his arms tighten around her and she squeezed him back, saying, "That was going to be our first dance at our wedding."
"I remember." He held her, no longer moving now that the music had stopped. "Feels just as good when it's the second dance at someone else's wedding."
"It does feel good, doesn't it?" She hadn't moved away from his embrace, resting her head on his chest and inhaling the scents that she was willing to admit she'd been missing since she'd told him they were finished.
"Feels like bloody heaven to me," he whispered, not really caring if she heard him or not - but she did. Buffy raised her head to meet his eyes. "Spike... I can't promise... but I... " She blinked rapidly, swallowing hard as she watched the hope fill his eyes. "I miss you. I don't mean the sex... I mean, yeah, that too, but I miss seeing you every night. I miss talking to you and yelling at you and...."
"And punching me?" He raised a teasing eyebrow.
"And punching you," she muttered, giving him a little shake. "But I don't want to be that girl anymore. The one who hates her life and takes it out on you."
"She had her reasons, love. Always knew that. If beating up on me made you feel better...."
"Do you think we can... I want to...." She met his eyes again. "I can't promise I'll love you the way you... but I'd... I'd like to see where this could go. Can we do that?"
He picked her up and twirled her around, dancing without letting her feet touch the ground. "We can do that, love. We will do that. I promise you we will."
From across the large room, Willow and Tara gasped as they saw the impromptu hug and Buffy's laughing face as Spike twirled her around. "Are they... is he... are they dancing?"
"Yep," Dawn said with a loud pop at the end and with a satisfied smirk. "They are."
The end.
GREEN EYES
Okay, if I was smarter, I wouldn’t put this one out here. It’s among my very earliest “let’s fix season six” fics and would be no great loss if it vanished. But, it does take place during and after the wedding, so... This one is totally unrelated to the two before it.
“You’re welcome,” Buffy said softly as Spike turned to leave with his skanky “date”.
Shaking her head at herself, Buffy walked across the floor wondering which was worse, to have had to watch Spike with his date all through the pre-wedding preparations - although she knew he had only brought the brunette to make her jealous - or watching them leave, knowing they were going back to his crypt and the bed she had so recently abandoned.
No, what’s worst is knowing I set myself up for this pain. Way to go, Buffy.
“Hey, Buffy, where’d Spike go?” Dawn’s innocent question did nothing to make her feel better. “Doesn’t he want to be here for the reception?”
“I don’t know Dawn,” she snapped more angrily than she meant to. “I’m not in charge of his comings and goings.”
“Well, actually, you usually are,” Dawn snarked back. “What’s the matter, don’t like seeing Spike with somebody else? If you’d give him the time of day, you know he wouldn’t be with her.”
“That’s enough, Dawn. We’re not having this conversation.”
“What conversation is that?” asked Willow as she walked up behind them. “Hey, where’d Spike and his skanky date go?”
“I don’t know or care! Why does everyone keep asking me about Spike’s activities?” Buffy demanded, shocking Willow with her vehemence.
“Gee, sorry, Buffy. It’s just that he’s usually around, you know? If Buffy’s there, then Spike’s hanging around somewhere…. I think the only time you’re away from him is when you’re in bed asleep.”
Buffy turned bright red from the roots of her hair to her toes - a color that clashed terribly with the radioactive green dress. “I need a drink,” she mumbled and headed toward the bar where Xander’s father was verbally abusing one of Anya’s demon friends. Naturally, the first person she ran into was Spike’s friend, Clem.
“Hey, Slayer, Where’s Spike? Shouldn’t he be here by now?”
Through gritted teeth, she said, “The next person who asks me about Spike is going to get staked!”
Hours later, when the whole “I can’t get married now” debacle was over and everyone had gone home, Buffy found herself with too much pent up energy to sit still. Leaving Willow to comfort the still-sobbing Anya and to try to explain Xander’s totally inexplicable behavior, Buffy took a couple of stakes and set out for the graveyard. Telling herself she had no intention of going anywhere near Spike’s crypt, she none the less found herself wandering in that direction.
“How pathetic is this?” she muttered to herself as she stopped behind a large tombstone to look at the light coming out from under the door. “Omigod! I’m stalker-Buffy!”.
Whirling around to leave before she made a complete fool of herself, she ran right into the arms of a slobbering, hairy Ch’ulth demon with clearly unfriendly intentions. With her face buried in its foul-smelling pelt, and her hands pinned to her sides, she worried for a minute that she would smother before it got a chance to kill her with its teeth and claws. Holding her breath and bringing her knees up, she braced her feet against its thighs and pushed hard, shoving it far enough away to break its hold on her arms and shoulders. With a roar the demon swung a claw-tipped hand at her head. She ducked, but slipped on her dropped stakes and fell heavily to the ground. The demon was on her immediately - pinning her to the turf and reaching for her face with its foul smelling mouth full of sharp teeth. Frantically Buffy felt around for her stakes, holding the demon off as best she could with one hand. Suddenly the weight flew off her arm and she could breath again.
Leaping to her feet, she plunged one of the stakes into the demon’s eye socket and had the satisfaction of watching it die. Standing behind the demon and still holding it by the scruff of the neck was Spike - wearing nothing but a pair of unfastened jeans.
“Bloody hell, Buffy! What were you doing taking on a demon that size with nothing but a stake? And by yourself? Why are you even patrolling tonight? Shouldn’t you be drinking and dancing at the happy nuptials?”
“I’m perfectly capable of handling a demon by myself, thank you. I was just distracted for a second.” She carefully avoided looking in the open door of the crypt or looking at his face or his bare chest.
“So, what are you doing here, then?” he asked. “Tired of partying?”
“There will be no partying,” she said with a sigh, sitting down on a tombstone. “Xander changed his mind at the last minute.”
“Harris backed out?” he snorted. “Stupid git. I wish I’d been around to see that.”
“Well, I’m sure you had more fun here….” Her voice trailed off as she remembered that he hadn’t left alone. “I should get going, wash the demon drool from my hair, shower, change clothes, see Anya…..I’m babbling, aren’t I?” she asked as she noticed his raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, luv, you kinda are. Do you want to come in and sit for a minute till you calm down?”
“Oh! Oh no! Thanks, but..no.. that would be too…too…”
“Awkward?” he asked with a smirk.
“Well, yes, awkward is a good word, I guess - or embarrassing, depending on what…” Could I dig this hole any deeper?
“Depending on what, Slayer? What do you think is in there exactly?” he asked.
“Well, I don’t know… exactly. But, I mean, you...she...date….I need to go now!”
“Buffy,” he said gently, “she isn’t here. I took her home.”
“Really?” She looked up at him from under her eyelashes. “She went home? Not that you couldn’t…I mean, you have every right to…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I’ll leave now. Thanks for the help….” Her voice trailed off, as she got no answer from him but a hard stare.
“I know what my rights are, Slayer.” he said flatly. “They just don’t always match up with my wants.”
“So, she really was just an attempt to make me jealous?” she asked, trying not to sound as hopeful as she felt.
“You know she was. Wasn’t much of an attempt, I’ll admit, but the best I could come up with on short notice.”
“Well, it couldn’t have been too bad,” she muttered. “It seems to have worked.”
“So it does.” He gave her a small smile. “Now what?”
“I don’t know, Spike.” Buffy gave a tired sigh. “I know I said it didn’t change anything that it hurt to see you with somebody else, but… I don’t know what to do. I just know I don’t want to go back to the way things were. You deserve better than that. And I want to be better than that. Do you think we could go back and start again?”
“Go back?” he asked in astonishment. “We can’t ever go back. What’s done is done. I won’t forget what we’ve done to and with each other and neither will you.”
“Oh,” Buffy hung her head in dejection. “I guess you’re right. We’ve - no - I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?
That’s Buffy, one-woman romance wrecking crew.
Spike’s heart turned over in his chest when she turned to walk away. With preternatural speed he was in front of her immediately. “Buffy, love, I didn’t mean-” He put his finger under her chin and tipped her face up. Her eyes were swimming with un-shed tears.
“Bloody hell, woman, I don’t want to forget. Not one single second I’ve had with you - good or bad.” Deadly serious blue eyes bored into hers, willing her to understand him. “We can’t go back - but we can go forward. If you really want to…”
She met his hopeful gaze unflinchingly, resisting the automatic urge to turn away from the emotions she saw there.
“I want to try, Spike. I want us to try not hurting each other. Can we do that?”
“I’d like to think so, love. I’ll try if you will.”
He folded her in his arms and she allowed herself to relax against him and enjoy the sensation of being held and cherished. The sensations she had refused to allow herself to admit she liked or wanted until now. She breathed in his scent - cigarettes, leather, bourbon and his own unique smell. She slid her arms around his waist and for a long time they just stood in the damp graveyard holding each other.
The End
Thoughts on a Wedding (Spike’s)
Another old one, but hey, I was practicing my character voices.
Summary: What Spike might have been thinking while at the non-wedding
THOUGHTS ON A WEDDING
She looks so happy as I watch her from the side of the room - greetin’ people, huggin’ her friends, beamin’ at the whelp with tears in her eyes. Happy tears, not the ones she sheds with me when she thinks I’m asleep. Used to shed with me - used to. Never wants to sleep with me again - sleep WITH me -was she ever really with me? That’s what she said, isn’t it?
Back to the subject. She seems happy. Shouldn’t breakin’ my heart have hurt her a little bit? Shouldn’t she be just a little bit sad that she crushed the man who loves her? Oh, wait, that’s right. Not a man. A “thing”, an “evil, disgusting thing”. No reason to worry about his feelings. Got no soul. Can’t have feelings.
I wonder if she knows I’m here yet? Would she come and talk to me if she did? What can we say to each other? Me? All I can think of is “I love you.” Been there - tried that. She doesn’t want to hear it. Doesn’t want to believe it. Soddin’ Angelus! Got her convinced you have to have a soul to love her. Got her so sure, she won’t see what’s right in front of her. Then she’d have to admit what a bastard he is - worry that there’s something wrong with her that he couldn’t love her without his soul. Tried to tell her the miserable pillock was a dickhead with or without it, but she doesn’t want to hear it.
Off subject again. What could she say to me? I know what I want her to say. Tell me she’s sorry. Tell me she didn’t mean it - breaking up with me, I mean. I want her to tell me she wants me. Don’t care if she loves me - OK, I do care, just don’t need to hear it if she’ll just come back to my bed. Let me love her. That’d be enough for me. Has to be.
I wonder if she’s seen my “date”? Not much for her to look at, I guess. She’s certainly no competition for my golden girl. Just couldn’t bear to show up alone. Don’t want to seem pathetic. Anyway, maybe she’ll be jealous. Just a little. Maybe.
Or, maybe not. She’d have to care to be jealous. Know she doesn’t. She’s made that clear often enough. It was never about caring for her. It was just about getting an itch scratched. Hard to believe the wonderful girl I fell in love with would treat someone like that. Even someone she thought was beneath her.
Guess the fact that she doesn’t want to do it any more shows that she’s gettin’ better. Starting to feel bad about using me. I should be glad for her. That she’s startin’ to feel like herself again.
Oh shit. Here she comes. She’s so beautiful. Got to be cool. Don’t let her see what a pathetic git I am. Don’t beg. Act like I’m dealin’ with it. Be sure she knows I brought a date…
Guess I didn’t fool her - she knows the date was just to make her jealous. Think I’ll ask if it did - not that I expect her to admit… Ok, now she’s just fuckin’ with my mind. Telling me it hurts - seeing me with someone else. How can it hurt if she doesn’t care? Didn’t want to hurt her! Oh, love, I’m sorry - wait a minute! The whole point of bringing the silly bint was to make Buffy realize she wants me. Not gonna apologize for it!
I’m such a wanker. Of course I’m sorry. Never want to cause her more pain. Was a bad idea. What was I thinkin’? I tell her I love her and then I do somethin’ I’m hopin’ will hurt her. She’s right. I am evil. Don’t deserve her. Know that. Doesn’t matter. Want her anyway.
Sod it all. She was so happy. I don’t want to spoil the party for her. I’ll just take the bird home and go get drunk somewhere. Don’t think I’da enjoyed it anyway. Watching her from a distance, wishing she was dancing with me. God, I’m a pathetic git! What a wanker! As bad as William, I am sometimes. Gonna leave. Let her enjoy the fun with her Scoobie friends.
Should have taken the time to wish the demon girl well. I suspect she’s going to need some good wishes - marrying that wanker. Hope he’s good to her.
Ok, we’re leavin’. I’ve made enough of a fool of myself. And made her unhappy besides. I wonder if it really did hurt? Or if she’s just saying that to make me feel better?
Why would she care how I feel? Said it again, though, when I asked if it really did. Looked like she meant it. I thought I saw something there. Damn her! We’re not together and she’s still blowin’ hot and cold.
She says it doesn’t change anything. That it hurts her. How can she say that? It changes everything! If she didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt her. If she cares, why is she doing this to me? To herself? To us.
I need a drink.
The End
One more longer less Spuffy one to follow shortly.