What I Meant To You
Oneshot
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Sungmin, Sungmo, Kyuseo, slight Kyuhae, Haemin, Henwook if you squint real hard
Warning: Character death, grammar errors
A/N: Happy birthday for my dearest friend natalia_cho and Umma erinherz I'm sorry to write this crappy thing but I don't know, I suddenly feel the urge to write something like this...
Sibling
Our parents were best friends. I was two years old when I met the newborn you, and since then I had known you. We spent our childhood together; playing games, watching films, and many other things. People said we were so cute together, like siblings. Well, actually, I really thought you were my younger brother before. Even after understanding the truth, I didn’t really care. For me, you were still my dear dongsaeng. Heck, I even loved you more than Sungjin.
Good Friend
You finally understood as well how I was not your hyung. I guessed since that, our relationship changed a bit. I felt awkward to stroke your hair. You felt awkward to snuggle on me. It was on my seventh birthday when everything was put into clear. On the strawberry cake you decorated was written a ‘Happy Birthday, Lee Sungmin, my dear good friend’ instead of ‘Happy Birthday, Min Hyung~~ ♥’ like before.
Stranger
When you entered elementary school, you soon found yourself new friends. Your daily visit to my house got rarer until the point of never anymore. We met only by chance at school, in choir club, or when your whole family came to celebrate parties and vise versa. But although I saw you, or you saw me, we didn’t talk. They wondered if we had a fight or something, remembering how close we used to be. We both shook head at the question. It was not that I knew why we became strangers like this.
You again made everything clear on my birthdays. No cake, no special present. You indeed visited my class at school to hand me a gift every year. But I knew they were no longer from you. They were from Cho family.
Rival
I graduated and you were gone from my life for about two years. Yeah, I still saw you in family meetings but usually I busied myself by having chit chat with my other cousins. Until you entered the same junior high school with me. And we became rivals in every field.
I used to be the school’s only star. I had good look, good achievement, good talents, good attitude, good popularity, and good sport ability. But you came and brought all better. And the fact that you were younger and cold, girls and gays adored you more, teachers praised you more, leaving normal boys hanging around me but every second and then cursing you then encouraging me to rival you. I did. But I lost.
You dated my friend and also my crush, Lee Donghae. You showed everyone how you possessed more beautiful voice than me. You replaced me completely. You held everyone’s adoration, including mine, sadly. I graduated with a wish that I would never meet you ever again.
Enemy Best Friend
My wish wasn’t granted, because you went to the same high school as mine the next year. I didn’t even know back then if you took acceleration class.
It was one fine day when my class fought your in a class meeting. We were cheering for our own classmates when you suddenly approached me and asked the question which I used to wonder years ago. “Hyung, can’t we be friends like before?”
My brain commanded me to act cold or simply ignored him, but the fact that I was born to smile and act friendly made me answer with a grin, “Hey, what are you talking about? Aren’t we enemies? Look, my class beats yours 15-13.”
You chuckled. You, the cold-hearted man Cho Kyuhyun chuckled at that random comment. Some of my friends looked at us in strange way and whispered to each other, confused too. I sighed. Friends... I was the type of humble and caring personality whom people loved to be with, but it was not easy for me to find a real friend. I thought you were one, but you disappeared before I could really consider. I once had Donghae, but my feelings soon turned into crush and at the end he left me for you.
“Hey, why daydreaming? Hello?” You waved your hand in front of me, bringing me back into reality. “I said, fine, we were enemies right now with a condition like that,” you pointed the field where our classmates were engrossed in volleyball match, “but after this, I’ll ask you once more if we can be friends like before. I don’t like this awkward situation every time I want to talk to you.”
Oh, Kyuhyun. I don’t like it either and it was my wish to be close to you again. So we did. I broke through your cold attitude barrier. I learned that you acted like that because you considered no one would still befriend you if they knew your real character, which was surprisingly witty, sneaky, games addicted, and joker sometimes. You too broke my ‘true friend’ criteria wall. I guess I could say, you were my best friend, and so was I to you.
Distanced Lover
Damn it. I cursed my idiot heart. I fell in love with you.
It was wrong. Wrong place. My love wasn’t supposed to be directed to my best friend, because experience had taught me how it would end. Like Donghae and me, or my cousin Ryeowook and his best friend Henry. Wrong time. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love to anyone right now because even if my love was reciprocated, the graduation was only in a month, and after that, my parents sent me to Japan to study. I never had long distance relationship before but novels and comics had also taught me how it would end.
You were hurt. It was painful to see your expression. You just confessed that you loved me, and not knowing if I should be happy or sad, I explained everything. “You love me or not?” I hesitantly nodded. “For me, it doesn’t matter if we are apart. I’ll wait if you accept me. But you? What about you? If you don’t want to be tied to me, if you want a love where the person can stay by your side in any chances, if you are uncertain now, fine, just reject me and get yourself a lover there in Japan.” I hugged you and we agreed to be in loveship, tied to each other.
Years passed. Lack of money to pay phone bills and sudden business made the contacts between us lessened day by day, until there was none. Neither of us dared to ask for a clarification if we still dated or not. This depressed me, cause the only thing I knew was just I was still in love with you.
Sungjin and I had been sending emails to each other to find how the other’s doing. Like yours, their quantity decreased from one new email every hour until one every month. After few weeks without any mails, finally Sungjin sent one, telling many funny things happened within time but also informing a short hurtful news. You had married your college friend named Seohyeon.
But I thought we were tied? I thought we never said break up? I spent the night crying over you.
Last Hope
I finished my university and returned, becoming one of the best surgeons in Korea. I brought my trusty partner, Jungmo. Sungjin, not knowing that I dated used to date you, spread gossips everywhere about me liking this guy. And the gossip arrived to your ear, which was shown by the latest but shortest email from you: Hey, how’re you? I heard you’re getting yourself a new guy? Congratulations, Sungmin Hyung. I wish for your happiness.
I wondered why my heart took so long to heal. I had never met you anymore. And I had Jungmo courting on me since long. I cursed my self in the past who fell in love in wrong time and wrong place, and made the wrong decision when you asked me to choose.
Jungmo and I together built our career in well known hospitals and made our names. We handled many cases that other doctors had given up on. Studying and doing difficult surgeries fulfilled my mind and took my interest badly, so the thought of love life never crossed anymore. Until...
You came with your wife, who was gravely ill. Your wife was pregnant with your child, but she had a disease which was revealed when she got an accident recently. All doctors said she might be able to be cured but the baby wouldn’t survive. Moreover, there was no possibility where she could ever carry a baby in her womb again. And you pleaded, saying that I was your last hope, the only one who could save both.
I studied the case and found out that this was nearly impossible, but I learned more, for you, for my knowledge as well. And I found a better conclusion. “Kyuhyun, I can save your baby, although it has to be born prematurely. But still, this endangers your wife’s life because she may have to live with organs that had been damaged...”
“Sungmin Hyung, I beg you... Do anything you can do. I know you’ll try everything to make the best result for everyone, I know you...”
Yeah, you knew me. But you didn’t know what I’d do.
Before the surgery was started, you came to me again. “Promise me you’ll be the one who’s responsible for every result. Promise me you’ll be the one who...leads the surgery. I can’t blame you, Hyung. So if it turns out no good, I won’t blame anyone...”
I smiled. Sorry, Kyuhyun ah...
Someone Precious
I did it. Jungmo did it. Seohyeon was cured and the premature newborn was now giggling in the incubator. It was a he. I heard you named him Minhae. It was a cute name for a cute baby, but it made me frowned, reminding me of our old friend, Lee Donghae. Ah, where was he now? I missed him...
“Hubby dear, why do you look unhappy like that? Your wife and son are safe now. The doctor said so. I don’t even need to live carefully like the previous prediction. Oh, does it bother you the fact that I can’t give Minhae a dongsaeng?” Seohyeon touched your face gently. I watched you two from a far and wondered why it still hurt.
“Not that, Honey. It’s just... I lost someone precious to me...” Precious? My heart must have skipped a beat if it hadn’t stopped beating forever.
”Lee Sungmin are you crazy or what?! We can save both without you need to do this!” Jungmo protested.
“We can’t. You know our limits, Jungmo. She will be cured but won’t last long. You know that,” I answered, calm.
“But you can’t just let yourself die and ask me to transplant your organs to her!”
“Why not?
“I love you... And I can’t hold the surgery just by myself. You can. I am your partner,” Jungmo quickly added the reasons. I could guess that he actually didn’t want to confess in time like this.
“Because you love me, you have to grant my last wish. And you can do it. Don’t you think you rely on me too much? You can be better than me, actually. Yes, Jungmo, we are partners. Partners help each other, don’t they? Let me die in your hand. I’ll be honoured.”
Jungmo sighed. “Just because I love you, devoted to you...” He dropped a single tear but quickly erased it, embarrassed. I felt sorry for him, but what could I do? I closed my eyes, prepared for what I had chosen.
“Who? Your friend?”
You smiled, but your expression... Gosh I never ever saw anyone had been that sad. I wondered if I chose wrong decision again. I wondered if I let Seohyeon dying slowly, you’d been sadder than now. Ahh, what was I thinking? Wrong or right, I didn’t regret. Cause after this, you’d forget me and live a happy life with your healthy family.
Would you forget me? Ouch... I didn’t know that after death, a soul like me could still cry...
“Hello Mr and Mrs Cho. How are you?” A voice came behind me, opening the door and walking towards the couple on the bed. He wore a not too different expression with you, gloomy.
“Fine. Ah, Doctor, we have to thank you so much! You’re the best surgeon ever! All doctors in Korea and even overseas had given up on me and our baby. Thank you so much!” Seohyeon’s eyes sparkled in thanks at Jungmo. You two became sadder now. You looked at each other, silently agreeing that she didn’t have to know about me.
Everything
You and Jungmo became close friends, somehow, maybe because you two lost me in the same time? Jungmo, fine, he was my most reliable partner and he had feelings for me. But you? What was it? Guilt? I didn’t find any other reasons why you mourned for me that long.
Actually I wondered what I was to you, what I meant to you. We never broke up, so I guess we were still lovers? But you married another girl! Did this mean you were cheating on me still? But I was dead now. Ah, this is so confusing.
But you answered my question at the end.
You and your wife and Minhae, Jungmo, Sungjin, and my parents were the only ones who came to my fortieth days, the last day for me to watch how my beloved people’s doing. Sungjin still cried. Poor boy. I remembered he cried when I went to Japan and jumped around when I returned. Too bad, now I left him forever. Seohyeon held Minhae, not knowing how I had ever been her husband’s lover nor how my transplanted organs were what kept her alive until now, only thought that I was one of your good friend.
Your eyes were teary. You were in pain, I could see that. So was Jungmo.
After every prayers and flowers showered my grave, you all decided to go home. But you stayed a bit later. “Thanks, Lee Sungmin, for being everything to me, a hyung, a friend, a rival, a lover, a savior... everything. And I’m sorry for all I made that hurts you. May you rest in peace...” You said.
Everything? I had been looking for the answers yet it was so simple... but meaningful, and made me contented.
Farewell... May you live happily with your family...
-End-
A/N: I love KYUMIN (although not as much as before) ;( Comments are highly <333-ed
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Sungmin, Sungmo, Kyuseo, slight Kyuhae, Haemin, Henwook if you squint real hard
Warning: Character death, grammar errors
A/N: Happy birthday for my dearest friend natalia_cho and Umma erinherz I'm sorry to write this crappy thing but I don't know, I suddenly feel the urge to write something like this...
Sibling
Our parents were best friends. I was two years old when I met the newborn you, and since then I had known you. We spent our childhood together; playing games, watching films, and many other things. People said we were so cute together, like siblings. Well, actually, I really thought you were my younger brother before. Even after understanding the truth, I didn’t really care. For me, you were still my dear dongsaeng. Heck, I even loved you more than Sungjin.
Good Friend
You finally understood as well how I was not your hyung. I guessed since that, our relationship changed a bit. I felt awkward to stroke your hair. You felt awkward to snuggle on me. It was on my seventh birthday when everything was put into clear. On the strawberry cake you decorated was written a ‘Happy Birthday, Lee Sungmin, my dear good friend’ instead of ‘Happy Birthday, Min Hyung~~ ♥’ like before.
Stranger
When you entered elementary school, you soon found yourself new friends. Your daily visit to my house got rarer until the point of never anymore. We met only by chance at school, in choir club, or when your whole family came to celebrate parties and vise versa. But although I saw you, or you saw me, we didn’t talk. They wondered if we had a fight or something, remembering how close we used to be. We both shook head at the question. It was not that I knew why we became strangers like this.
You again made everything clear on my birthdays. No cake, no special present. You indeed visited my class at school to hand me a gift every year. But I knew they were no longer from you. They were from Cho family.
Rival
I graduated and you were gone from my life for about two years. Yeah, I still saw you in family meetings but usually I busied myself by having chit chat with my other cousins. Until you entered the same junior high school with me. And we became rivals in every field.
I used to be the school’s only star. I had good look, good achievement, good talents, good attitude, good popularity, and good sport ability. But you came and brought all better. And the fact that you were younger and cold, girls and gays adored you more, teachers praised you more, leaving normal boys hanging around me but every second and then cursing you then encouraging me to rival you. I did. But I lost.
You dated my friend and also my crush, Lee Donghae. You showed everyone how you possessed more beautiful voice than me. You replaced me completely. You held everyone’s adoration, including mine, sadly. I graduated with a wish that I would never meet you ever again.
Enemy Best Friend
My wish wasn’t granted, because you went to the same high school as mine the next year. I didn’t even know back then if you took acceleration class.
It was one fine day when my class fought your in a class meeting. We were cheering for our own classmates when you suddenly approached me and asked the question which I used to wonder years ago. “Hyung, can’t we be friends like before?”
My brain commanded me to act cold or simply ignored him, but the fact that I was born to smile and act friendly made me answer with a grin, “Hey, what are you talking about? Aren’t we enemies? Look, my class beats yours 15-13.”
You chuckled. You, the cold-hearted man Cho Kyuhyun chuckled at that random comment. Some of my friends looked at us in strange way and whispered to each other, confused too. I sighed. Friends... I was the type of humble and caring personality whom people loved to be with, but it was not easy for me to find a real friend. I thought you were one, but you disappeared before I could really consider. I once had Donghae, but my feelings soon turned into crush and at the end he left me for you.
“Hey, why daydreaming? Hello?” You waved your hand in front of me, bringing me back into reality. “I said, fine, we were enemies right now with a condition like that,” you pointed the field where our classmates were engrossed in volleyball match, “but after this, I’ll ask you once more if we can be friends like before. I don’t like this awkward situation every time I want to talk to you.”
Oh, Kyuhyun. I don’t like it either and it was my wish to be close to you again. So we did. I broke through your cold attitude barrier. I learned that you acted like that because you considered no one would still befriend you if they knew your real character, which was surprisingly witty, sneaky, games addicted, and joker sometimes. You too broke my ‘true friend’ criteria wall. I guess I could say, you were my best friend, and so was I to you.
Distanced Lover
Damn it. I cursed my idiot heart. I fell in love with you.
It was wrong. Wrong place. My love wasn’t supposed to be directed to my best friend, because experience had taught me how it would end. Like Donghae and me, or my cousin Ryeowook and his best friend Henry. Wrong time. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love to anyone right now because even if my love was reciprocated, the graduation was only in a month, and after that, my parents sent me to Japan to study. I never had long distance relationship before but novels and comics had also taught me how it would end.
You were hurt. It was painful to see your expression. You just confessed that you loved me, and not knowing if I should be happy or sad, I explained everything. “You love me or not?” I hesitantly nodded. “For me, it doesn’t matter if we are apart. I’ll wait if you accept me. But you? What about you? If you don’t want to be tied to me, if you want a love where the person can stay by your side in any chances, if you are uncertain now, fine, just reject me and get yourself a lover there in Japan.” I hugged you and we agreed to be in loveship, tied to each other.
Years passed. Lack of money to pay phone bills and sudden business made the contacts between us lessened day by day, until there was none. Neither of us dared to ask for a clarification if we still dated or not. This depressed me, cause the only thing I knew was just I was still in love with you.
Sungjin and I had been sending emails to each other to find how the other’s doing. Like yours, their quantity decreased from one new email every hour until one every month. After few weeks without any mails, finally Sungjin sent one, telling many funny things happened within time but also informing a short hurtful news. You had married your college friend named Seohyeon.
But I thought we were tied? I thought we never said break up? I spent the night crying over you.
Last Hope
I finished my university and returned, becoming one of the best surgeons in Korea. I brought my trusty partner, Jungmo. Sungjin, not knowing that I dated used to date you, spread gossips everywhere about me liking this guy. And the gossip arrived to your ear, which was shown by the latest but shortest email from you: Hey, how’re you? I heard you’re getting yourself a new guy? Congratulations, Sungmin Hyung. I wish for your happiness.
I wondered why my heart took so long to heal. I had never met you anymore. And I had Jungmo courting on me since long. I cursed my self in the past who fell in love in wrong time and wrong place, and made the wrong decision when you asked me to choose.
Jungmo and I together built our career in well known hospitals and made our names. We handled many cases that other doctors had given up on. Studying and doing difficult surgeries fulfilled my mind and took my interest badly, so the thought of love life never crossed anymore. Until...
You came with your wife, who was gravely ill. Your wife was pregnant with your child, but she had a disease which was revealed when she got an accident recently. All doctors said she might be able to be cured but the baby wouldn’t survive. Moreover, there was no possibility where she could ever carry a baby in her womb again. And you pleaded, saying that I was your last hope, the only one who could save both.
I studied the case and found out that this was nearly impossible, but I learned more, for you, for my knowledge as well. And I found a better conclusion. “Kyuhyun, I can save your baby, although it has to be born prematurely. But still, this endangers your wife’s life because she may have to live with organs that had been damaged...”
“Sungmin Hyung, I beg you... Do anything you can do. I know you’ll try everything to make the best result for everyone, I know you...”
Yeah, you knew me. But you didn’t know what I’d do.
Before the surgery was started, you came to me again. “Promise me you’ll be the one who’s responsible for every result. Promise me you’ll be the one who...leads the surgery. I can’t blame you, Hyung. So if it turns out no good, I won’t blame anyone...”
I smiled. Sorry, Kyuhyun ah...
Someone Precious
I did it. Jungmo did it. Seohyeon was cured and the premature newborn was now giggling in the incubator. It was a he. I heard you named him Minhae. It was a cute name for a cute baby, but it made me frowned, reminding me of our old friend, Lee Donghae. Ah, where was he now? I missed him...
“Hubby dear, why do you look unhappy like that? Your wife and son are safe now. The doctor said so. I don’t even need to live carefully like the previous prediction. Oh, does it bother you the fact that I can’t give Minhae a dongsaeng?” Seohyeon touched your face gently. I watched you two from a far and wondered why it still hurt.
“Not that, Honey. It’s just... I lost someone precious to me...” Precious? My heart must have skipped a beat if it hadn’t stopped beating forever.
”Lee Sungmin are you crazy or what?! We can save both without you need to do this!” Jungmo protested.
“We can’t. You know our limits, Jungmo. She will be cured but won’t last long. You know that,” I answered, calm.
“But you can’t just let yourself die and ask me to transplant your organs to her!”
“Why not?
“I love you... And I can’t hold the surgery just by myself. You can. I am your partner,” Jungmo quickly added the reasons. I could guess that he actually didn’t want to confess in time like this.
“Because you love me, you have to grant my last wish. And you can do it. Don’t you think you rely on me too much? You can be better than me, actually. Yes, Jungmo, we are partners. Partners help each other, don’t they? Let me die in your hand. I’ll be honoured.”
Jungmo sighed. “Just because I love you, devoted to you...” He dropped a single tear but quickly erased it, embarrassed. I felt sorry for him, but what could I do? I closed my eyes, prepared for what I had chosen.
“Who? Your friend?”
You smiled, but your expression... Gosh I never ever saw anyone had been that sad. I wondered if I chose wrong decision again. I wondered if I let Seohyeon dying slowly, you’d been sadder than now. Ahh, what was I thinking? Wrong or right, I didn’t regret. Cause after this, you’d forget me and live a happy life with your healthy family.
Would you forget me? Ouch... I didn’t know that after death, a soul like me could still cry...
“Hello Mr and Mrs Cho. How are you?” A voice came behind me, opening the door and walking towards the couple on the bed. He wore a not too different expression with you, gloomy.
“Fine. Ah, Doctor, we have to thank you so much! You’re the best surgeon ever! All doctors in Korea and even overseas had given up on me and our baby. Thank you so much!” Seohyeon’s eyes sparkled in thanks at Jungmo. You two became sadder now. You looked at each other, silently agreeing that she didn’t have to know about me.
Everything
You and Jungmo became close friends, somehow, maybe because you two lost me in the same time? Jungmo, fine, he was my most reliable partner and he had feelings for me. But you? What was it? Guilt? I didn’t find any other reasons why you mourned for me that long.
Actually I wondered what I was to you, what I meant to you. We never broke up, so I guess we were still lovers? But you married another girl! Did this mean you were cheating on me still? But I was dead now. Ah, this is so confusing.
But you answered my question at the end.
You and your wife and Minhae, Jungmo, Sungjin, and my parents were the only ones who came to my fortieth days, the last day for me to watch how my beloved people’s doing. Sungjin still cried. Poor boy. I remembered he cried when I went to Japan and jumped around when I returned. Too bad, now I left him forever. Seohyeon held Minhae, not knowing how I had ever been her husband’s lover nor how my transplanted organs were what kept her alive until now, only thought that I was one of your good friend.
Your eyes were teary. You were in pain, I could see that. So was Jungmo.
After every prayers and flowers showered my grave, you all decided to go home. But you stayed a bit later. “Thanks, Lee Sungmin, for being everything to me, a hyung, a friend, a rival, a lover, a savior... everything. And I’m sorry for all I made that hurts you. May you rest in peace...” You said.
Everything? I had been looking for the answers yet it was so simple... but meaningful, and made me contented.
Farewell... May you live happily with your family...
-End-
A/N: I love KYUMIN (although not as much as before) ;( Comments are highly <333-ed