i barely wrote at all last month oops
a. ahaha. Sorry about that Thank you for your patience. (I'm trying to replace at least some of my apologies with gratitude, as per this.)
I'm going to try blogging semi-regularly again, a mix of the personal and the fandom-y things. Feel free to read/comment but don't feel obliged? Or something? This is mostly for my own reference; reminding me of things to bring up in therapy, or to chat about with friends/cuties/others.
Weather changes are fucking terrible, and missing a community I love dearly is also terrible, and so is watching their lives drift away from my own. There's a great This American Life segment about the last idea, though with a very different context than mine. But God almighty, I miss having the routine of a set of nerds to hang out with who have known me forever, even if we didn't actually /do all that much/ necessarily. Also sunshine and not having to wear 50 billion layers, god that was nice, even if I never walked around in Florida and I always do now.
I like my job but I'm no longer gung-ho enthusiastic about it, but it feels doable anyway, so that's nice vs. burning out I guess. I hope I can stay in it for a super long time, not necessarily for the work itself but just for the sake of...stability and having one less thing to worry about, I guess? My boss has been out of the office for the past week and a half and I've been kinda slacking but a lot of it needs to get back on his plate anyway, so uh, I'm not entirely just being lazy and awful, I think. I hope. We'll find out tomorrow?
Also I have an incredibly attractive coworker who basically admitted both a desire to keep professional distance and concern about depression in /basically/ the same conversation. (We are...oddly close and yet not close, and this is really hard for me to parse right now partially due to physical attraction and partially for a really deep seated need to have people to consistently reach out to, I think? And also emotionally I see fragments of my ex in their personality, but I see that in everyone I'm attracted to, so that doesn't necessarily say a lot.... Something to think about.)
I am trying Very Hard to reach out to friends and cuties and make them a regular part of my life but it takes me like, specifically reminding myself and kind of dragging myself out of my head and into the world. I don't like that it doesn't feel natural, I don't like that I second-guess myself every time I'm invited out. It's also a huge adjustment to go from basically a community/squad/pile of people who all know each other to people who are mostly strangers to each other and only have me in common. I'm also not as engaging a conversationalist as I'd like to be and that's kinda weird too. Thus this post.
In better, fandom news:
I ended up Yuletiding anyway though I didn't put much effort into it. I have a good prompt but I am stuck, but I have faith I'll get /some/thing out on time and get something enjoyable out of it, and that is what matters.
I'm playing a lot of Android roguelikes lately, and knocked out my first Shattered Pixel Dungeon win (as well as two Hoplite wins I didn't get pictures of). I solemnly swear I will beat DCSS one day, but honestly most of my gaming is happening on my commute now, so lots of Android games and the occasional 3DS free-to-start silliness.
Also, man, I really like giant robot series that have wonderfully nuanced characters, and this one does and it's free to watch so you should watch it so I have someone to talk to about it. If you're cool with violence and some relatively awkward female physical character design, anyway. (Though the ladies in question are clearly very competent.) It also has a...weird and so-close-to-being-amazing model of polyamory that really intrigues me, but I don't think they'll explore it in the ways I want them to. But the possibilities, and the fact that it's canon at all, makes me VERY EXCITED.
This post was originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever you prefer.
I'm going to try blogging semi-regularly again, a mix of the personal and the fandom-y things. Feel free to read/comment but don't feel obliged? Or something? This is mostly for my own reference; reminding me of things to bring up in therapy, or to chat about with friends/cuties/others.
Weather changes are fucking terrible, and missing a community I love dearly is also terrible, and so is watching their lives drift away from my own. There's a great This American Life segment about the last idea, though with a very different context than mine. But God almighty, I miss having the routine of a set of nerds to hang out with who have known me forever, even if we didn't actually /do all that much/ necessarily. Also sunshine and not having to wear 50 billion layers, god that was nice, even if I never walked around in Florida and I always do now.
I like my job but I'm no longer gung-ho enthusiastic about it, but it feels doable anyway, so that's nice vs. burning out I guess. I hope I can stay in it for a super long time, not necessarily for the work itself but just for the sake of...stability and having one less thing to worry about, I guess? My boss has been out of the office for the past week and a half and I've been kinda slacking but a lot of it needs to get back on his plate anyway, so uh, I'm not entirely just being lazy and awful, I think. I hope. We'll find out tomorrow?
Also I have an incredibly attractive coworker who basically admitted both a desire to keep professional distance and concern about depression in /basically/ the same conversation. (We are...oddly close and yet not close, and this is really hard for me to parse right now partially due to physical attraction and partially for a really deep seated need to have people to consistently reach out to, I think? And also emotionally I see fragments of my ex in their personality, but I see that in everyone I'm attracted to, so that doesn't necessarily say a lot.... Something to think about.)
I am trying Very Hard to reach out to friends and cuties and make them a regular part of my life but it takes me like, specifically reminding myself and kind of dragging myself out of my head and into the world. I don't like that it doesn't feel natural, I don't like that I second-guess myself every time I'm invited out. It's also a huge adjustment to go from basically a community/squad/pile of people who all know each other to people who are mostly strangers to each other and only have me in common. I'm also not as engaging a conversationalist as I'd like to be and that's kinda weird too. Thus this post.
In better, fandom news:
I ended up Yuletiding anyway though I didn't put much effort into it. I have a good prompt but I am stuck, but I have faith I'll get /some/thing out on time and get something enjoyable out of it, and that is what matters.
I'm playing a lot of Android roguelikes lately, and knocked out my first Shattered Pixel Dungeon win (as well as two Hoplite wins I didn't get pictures of). I solemnly swear I will beat DCSS one day, but honestly most of my gaming is happening on my commute now, so lots of Android games and the occasional 3DS free-to-start silliness.
Also, man, I really like giant robot series that have wonderfully nuanced characters, and this one does and it's free to watch so you should watch it so I have someone to talk to about it. If you're cool with violence and some relatively awkward female physical character design, anyway. (Though the ladies in question are clearly very competent.) It also has a...weird and so-close-to-being-amazing model of polyamory that really intrigues me, but I don't think they'll explore it in the ways I want them to. But the possibilities, and the fact that it's canon at all, makes me VERY EXCITED.
This post was originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever you prefer.