random thought on fandom
I feel like I've forgotten how to participate in fandom, or that the ways it happens now have zoomed past me, or that I just don't feel the impulse to participate anymore, just to watch. Maybe all of the above?
I don't want to say this is "me growing up", but...maybe? I know now I was probably depressed or otherwise mentally in "recovery mode" instead of "growth mode" during the times I was most active doing stuff on the Internet instead of off of it (high school, grad school and the first year or so after it, maybe 2013 as well, and from February to May this year). Those last two are interesting because other than a tiny handful of fics I was mostly involved in things that are clearly fannish but not necessarily what I think of as "classic" fandom; my work on Youtube and Twitch were clearly acts of love of someone else's work, but they feel very different even from, say, helping louis_quatorze with the German NT primer, let alone writing fanfiction.
I am definitely in "growth mode" now - exploring relationships on my own terms, navigating work that's been deeply fulfilling, taking in New York City. These things take time, time that takes me away from the devices that keep me away from fannish Internet. But I do spend time "to myself", and most of that time is still spent soaking in bits of "canon" and to a lesser degree "fanon" - but not necessarily participating in fandom-building myself, and my canon absorption is not as thorough as it once was. (As an example, I no longer set my alarm for soccer games, and have forgotten to check when they're happening more times now than my 2011 self would ever be comfortable with.) And I do pick cuties/partners who are understanding of geek culture and fandom as a rule, though they don't necessarily share /my/ fandoms - though I consider that a plus. (And I'm willing to get into fandoms through them...heck, I'm considering offering two fandoms in Yuletide because of exposure to the canons from cuties.)
But do I want to write fanfic again? Do I have those stories in me? Do I want to participate in fannish conversation, finally learn how to Tumblr or have more fannish conversations on Twitter or take part in a revitalization of Dreamwidth or Livejournal? Do I want or need those communities, when I'm busy building communities and relationships with people I see face to face all the time? Do I have the energy for them?
tl;dr: do I want to participate in Yuletide at all?
This post was originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever you prefer.
I don't want to say this is "me growing up", but...maybe? I know now I was probably depressed or otherwise mentally in "recovery mode" instead of "growth mode" during the times I was most active doing stuff on the Internet instead of off of it (high school, grad school and the first year or so after it, maybe 2013 as well, and from February to May this year). Those last two are interesting because other than a tiny handful of fics I was mostly involved in things that are clearly fannish but not necessarily what I think of as "classic" fandom; my work on Youtube and Twitch were clearly acts of love of someone else's work, but they feel very different even from, say, helping louis_quatorze with the German NT primer, let alone writing fanfiction.
I am definitely in "growth mode" now - exploring relationships on my own terms, navigating work that's been deeply fulfilling, taking in New York City. These things take time, time that takes me away from the devices that keep me away from fannish Internet. But I do spend time "to myself", and most of that time is still spent soaking in bits of "canon" and to a lesser degree "fanon" - but not necessarily participating in fandom-building myself, and my canon absorption is not as thorough as it once was. (As an example, I no longer set my alarm for soccer games, and have forgotten to check when they're happening more times now than my 2011 self would ever be comfortable with.) And I do pick cuties/partners who are understanding of geek culture and fandom as a rule, though they don't necessarily share /my/ fandoms - though I consider that a plus. (And I'm willing to get into fandoms through them...heck, I'm considering offering two fandoms in Yuletide because of exposure to the canons from cuties.)
But do I want to write fanfic again? Do I have those stories in me? Do I want to participate in fannish conversation, finally learn how to Tumblr or have more fannish conversations on Twitter or take part in a revitalization of Dreamwidth or Livejournal? Do I want or need those communities, when I'm busy building communities and relationships with people I see face to face all the time? Do I have the energy for them?
tl;dr: do I want to participate in Yuletide at all?
This post was originally posted at Dreamwidth. Comment wherever you prefer.