Win Friends | Period 4 | Class 14
Today, the final class was meeting back in the computer lab as they had been handwavily instructed. "Last week you created an Awesome résumé highlighting the best parts of you. Let's turn those in and get this final going!" Barney announced rapidly, taking his place at the front of the room and starting up his PowerPoint presentation. Oh yes, visual aids were necessary this week.
"Once you've won friends, and we're gonna just go ahead and assume you all have regardless of blueness or how terrifying you look, sometimes keeping them means being the one to break some bad news. I know, it doesn't seem like something you should have to worry yourself with, and it's true that news should just be blurted out, ripped off like a sticky band-aid, or screamed from the rooftops. Of course, in all those situations, you - the bearer of said news - are left to deal with the other person's reaction." This was obviously the distasteful part for Barney as he eyerolled before continuing.
"Wouldn't it be great if we could just Awesomely distract people from caring about whatever trauma we'd just inflicted upon them?" He clicked the remote and showed the words I banged your mom on the screen. "Rough news for the BFF to take, am I right? But oh, look!" The screen shimmered to include a lovely photo of girls kissing above the same block print phrase. "Two lesbians making out! Everything's instantly better, right?" Of course it was.
"Let's see another example." The words Grandma's dead popped up on the screen next. "Woe, that'd be a real tearjerker for my friend Marshall!" Barney sniffed dramatically. "At least until..." A picture of two adorable golden retriever puppies playing in a wagon and gnawing on a pumpkin flashed up above the words. "Let's cue the awws from the saps in the audience. Oh yes, Eriksen would join you, smiling through his giant, girlish tears. Let's pause for the mental image." Which Barney did, counting to five in his head.
"So! What you're doing today is taking your assigned bad news and searching the internet for something to make it instantly better! Naturally, that means different things to different people, like in the case of Marshall versus a real man, so keep your recipient in mind while you make your selection. Oh, and if any of you don't know what a computer is, well, that was a question for last week."
Chuck Bartowski - I have herpes.
Cyd Sherman - That's no Santa suit.
Didi - You're the father.
Eleanor Robinson - The island hates you. Specifically.
Eric Matthews - Your baby is ugly.
Illyria - I blew your 401K on drugs and whores.
Jack Burton - The condom broke.
Katina Choovanski - You're bad in bed.
Liir Thropp - Sometimes I pay for sex.
Mirax Terrik - The meteor cannot be stopped.
Robin - There is no Santa Claus.
Tybalt Capulet - I'm a registered sex offender.
"Once you've won friends, and we're gonna just go ahead and assume you all have regardless of blueness or how terrifying you look, sometimes keeping them means being the one to break some bad news. I know, it doesn't seem like something you should have to worry yourself with, and it's true that news should just be blurted out, ripped off like a sticky band-aid, or screamed from the rooftops. Of course, in all those situations, you - the bearer of said news - are left to deal with the other person's reaction." This was obviously the distasteful part for Barney as he eyerolled before continuing.
"Wouldn't it be great if we could just Awesomely distract people from caring about whatever trauma we'd just inflicted upon them?" He clicked the remote and showed the words I banged your mom on the screen. "Rough news for the BFF to take, am I right? But oh, look!" The screen shimmered to include a lovely photo of girls kissing above the same block print phrase. "Two lesbians making out! Everything's instantly better, right?" Of course it was.
"Let's see another example." The words Grandma's dead popped up on the screen next. "Woe, that'd be a real tearjerker for my friend Marshall!" Barney sniffed dramatically. "At least until..." A picture of two adorable golden retriever puppies playing in a wagon and gnawing on a pumpkin flashed up above the words. "Let's cue the awws from the saps in the audience. Oh yes, Eriksen would join you, smiling through his giant, girlish tears. Let's pause for the mental image." Which Barney did, counting to five in his head.
"So! What you're doing today is taking your assigned bad news and searching the internet for something to make it instantly better! Naturally, that means different things to different people, like in the case of Marshall versus a real man, so keep your recipient in mind while you make your selection. Oh, and if any of you don't know what a computer is, well, that was a question for last week."
Chuck Bartowski - I have herpes.
Cyd Sherman - That's no Santa suit.
Didi - You're the father.
Eleanor Robinson - The island hates you. Specifically.
Eric Matthews - Your baby is ugly.
Illyria - I blew your 401K on drugs and whores.
Jack Burton - The condom broke.
Katina Choovanski - You're bad in bed.
Liir Thropp - Sometimes I pay for sex.
Mirax Terrik - The meteor cannot be stopped.
Robin - There is no Santa Claus.
Tybalt Capulet - I'm a registered sex offender.