make thee another self for love of me (2/6)
Title: make the another self for love of me
Fandom/Pairing: Doctor Who, River/Doctor
Rating: M
Wordcount: 36,853
Warnings: human!AU
Summary: “I’m not getting any younger, am I? And I may never meet a man I want to spend the rest of my life with, let alone raise children with, and even if I do, well it’ll be too late. I’ve always wanted children. And I thought, you know, why wait? I can do it on my own perfectly fine."
“So it’s seriously seriously happening?”
“Yes, Amy.” River laughed and poked at the salad on her desk.
“Seriously?” Amy bounced. “This is so exciting! Oh my gosh half of us are gonna have a baby. I need a baby. Why won’t Rory give me a baby?!”
“Okay firstly, babies aren’t purses; you can’t get one to match mine. And secondly I’m pretty sure he needs to propose first. Well, not needs but it is part of your ‘five year plan’.”
“Exactly!” Amy snapped her finger sand pointed at River. “Exactly. Five year plan. Five years. We are on year three and not even engaged, what do I have to do to get him to propose? Paint ‘ask me to marry you’ on my body and do a strip tease?”
River looked past Amy to where the Doctor stood in the doorway, his hands over his mouth and his eyes lit up. Amy noticed the direction of her gaze and glanced over her shoulder, jumping. “Oh my god!”
“Sorry. Sorry, should have knocked.” The Doctor held his hands up in supplication and Amy shrugged.
“Well it could have been worse, you could have been-” Rory walked into the doorframe and Amy pasted a smile on her face. “Rory!”
“Yeah, uh, hi - I was just checking to see if you want to maybe have take away for lunch and uh,” Rory rubbed a hand along the back of his neck nervously and River laughed.
“Oh Rory, we all know your code by now. You may as well just walk in and ask if she wants to shag. Which, by the way, lock your office because Philips almost went in there last time, John had to distract him.” River laughed at Rory and Amy’s mortified faces while the Doctor snapped and pointed at River.
“Oh right. I forgot that! You owe me one. We’ll discuss terms over a pint after work.” River sent him a glare, her eyebrow raised. “And by a pint I clearly mean coffee.” She still glared and he cleared his throat. “Or juice.”
“Seriously, no beer?” Rory cringed in sympathy and clapped him on the shoulder as Amy stood and took his hand.
“I think it’s great. Only fair that he gives it up for a bit too. Poor River won’t have any of it for near ten months if everything goes well. What’s a few weeks compared to that?” Amy nudged Rory in the shoulder and he shrugged. “Oh come on you.” She tugged him by the hand out the door, waving to River over her shoulder. John closed the door behind them, moving over to the chair Amy had vacated.
He stole an apple off her desk and took a bite before making a face. “So did you call your doctor?”
“I have a pear too, if you’d rather steal that, sweetie.”
“Eugh no! Vile horrible things! I’ll stick with the apple. Why must all fruit be so horrible?” He frowned and she laughed out loud.
“You ate four slices of strawberry pie.”
“Well any fruit tastes good in a pie. Well any except pears. And - did you call your doctor?” He arched a brow at her as he slouched further down into the seat, all gangly limbs and his hair sticking up. She smiled at the sight.
“Yes. Um, ovulation should occur at the earliest next Wednesday, latest the following Wednesday, so, I’m not sure if you want to just-”
“Well best I just stay at yours the week then, yeah?” He tossed the apple in the air and she swallowed convulsively at the thought.
“I could just pick up an ovulation kit to pinpoint-”
“Yeah but studies suggest sex a day or two before ovulation are when most women become pregnant. It can’t tell you when you’re about to ovulate, right? Can it?” He frowned at her suddenly and she shrugged.
“Yes, they can.” She spoke with a gentle laugh. “So two or three days at best. I’ll buy it after work today and let you know.” She laughed nervously and looked down at her salad. “It’s a bit odd, scheduling a shag.”
“Yeah, a bit. But maybe just... you shouldn’t be stressed about it during ovulation.” He pointed out calmly, looking at her intently. “Should we have a dry run?” She laughed out loud at his choice of words and he flushed. “Not a dry run, oh - you know what I meant!”
“I don’t know?” She spoke, suddenly nervous. “Weekly dinner is your turn this week, right?” He nodded in confirmation. “I assume at mine?” Again he nodded with a wink. “We should just- maybe -no because then it’s still scheduling it isn’t it? It’s silly. We’ll be fine, I think.” His gaze tracked along her face for a moment before slipping down over her body and she felt herself flush, heat spooling out in her belly as she saw how his gaze darkened.
“We’ll be fine.” He finished his apple, and stood, leaning across her desk to drop it in the bin beside her. She inhaled softly and he turned his head to look at her, his eyes locking with hers. “Did you get those reports I e-mailed?”
“Uh-huh.” She agreed absent-mindedly, his words filtering through to her brain five seconds later than her response. “What? No.” He chuckled and nodded, reaching up and sliding a finger along her nose, tapping the end before standing.
“I sent them before I came.” She felt her insides quiver at his wording and fought to remain calm. Honestly, she’d thought he’d been dangerous enough when they’d harmlessly flirted. She’d had no idea.
“I’ll take a look and let you know.” She didn’t like being the one left all off-center and she narrowed her eyes at his back as he strode toward her door. Well. If that was how he wanted to play it.
She smiled to herself as he waved casually over his shoulder and shot out the door.
Two could play at that game.
xx
She smoothed a hand over her skirt, checking her reflection one more time. It’s not like she’d done anything special. She’d worn both items to work that day, she’d just removed her suit jacket once she got home. Somehow rationalizing this made her feel better as she pulled her hair down and ran her fingers through it, fluffing it a bit. He pencil skirt seemed much shorter and tighter without the longer jacket though. And the scooped neck on her blue blouse was scandalous enough, but add the deep dip in the back to it, and it became something else all together once her coat was flung on the chair by her bed.
She stuffed her feet into slippers and looked at her reflection one last time before nodding resolutely. She looked fine. She moved into the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water before checking on the pie cooling in there. Banana cream. His second favourite. She had no idea what he planned on cooking tonight, but she knew he’d be here roughly an hour before Amy and Rory. Which meant any minute now.
As if on cue her front door opened (none of them ever locked it on dinner night) and she opened the fridge wider, bending over in front of it to adjust the pie plate under the guise of checking the temperature. She knew when he walked in because she could feel his eyes on her immediately. She adjusted the pie one more time before standing and turning around.
He was standing in her doorway with two grocers bags in his hands, his gaze tracking up and down her body, dark and hungry. “Hello, sweetie. I didn’t hear you come in. What have you got for me?” She arched a brow and glanced at the bags, opening the water and taking a sip as she moved over to stand by the counter.
He started at her words, his mouth twitching in a half smile as he shook his head. “You are a bad, bad girl River Song.” He muttered as he pulled out minced beef and sausage, followed by pasta and jarred sauce.
“Me? What’ve I done?” She reached around him to pull out the block of cheese and pouted up at him. “I’ll grate this, shall I?” She reached high up into the cupboard for a large bowl, and he moved in behind her, reaching over her and grabbing it. His hands slipped to her hip for balance and he was flush against her back as he brought the bowl down and she smiled up at him in thanks. He stayed there for a moment longer than needed before moving away and tossing both packages of meat into a pot.
She bent down and grabbed her grater, smiling to herself as she started helping him make his lasagne. He put all of the ingredient on the counter to her right, even though the stove was to her left - deliberate she knew, since he would reach around her for what he needed, his hands brushing against her lower back and sides as he did so. She shivered, but continued grating the cheese and afterward helped him layer and assemble the dish before putting it into the oven.
He cleared up while she leaned against the counter, drinking her water and watching him intently. He flicked a handful of soapy water at her and she ducked with a laugh. “John!”
“You need to go change.” He pointed out. “Don’t want to eat in your nice work cloths do you?”
“I’m alright, don’t worry about me,” she grinned over at him as he drained the sink and dried his hands. He swallowed and looked at the tea towel in his hands as she placed her water bottle on the counter behind her. Before she’d even turned around he was in front of her, hands on either side of the counter behind her, leaning into her personal space as he stared down at her intently.
“I’m not alright, River.” He whispered the words by her ear, his face pressed into her hair and she inhaled sharply. This was more than flirting, this was sexual tension, and she knew she shouldn’t be doing this. Her skin went cold and then hot and her heart started racing, beating against her chest in a rapid tattoo. She licked her lips, wondering what in the hell she was doing exactly, but it had been so long for her, and really they were going to sleep together anyway - yes for valid reasons, River. Don’t get attached.
She bit her lip and turned her head to look up at him, only to find him staring down at her already, his eyes dark and his breathing rapid. She felt the tingle of anticipation rush through her as he lifted one hand from the counter behind her, hovering it over her hair before changing his mind and pulling it lower so he could trace a finger along her clavicle. She bit her lip harder, knowing he could probably feel the pounding of her pulse, millimetres from his fingertips. His head lowered, and she ran her tongue over the inside and outside of her suddenly dry mouth. “John.” Her voice was a dry whisper and he inched closer as she held her breath.
“Hullo!” Amy’s voice called from the foyer and River jumped at the sudden sound, her hands covering her chest as she fought to control her breathing. He stepped away from her just as Amy and Rory entered the kitchen, both smiling brightly. “There you are. Mmm, something smells delicious.” She walked into the room with a bread bag and placed it on the counter. “You alright River? You look a bit flushed yeah? Ah ha!” She whirled and pointed at the Doctor who jumped in surprise.
“Ah ha what?” He asked quickly and Amy grinned.
“She’s flushed because she was doing the cooking; I knew you cheated on your nights!” He opened his mouth to protest but slid a glance toward River first who eyed him carefully. He held his hands up instead, sighing.
“You’ve got me Pond, she helped.” He shrugged and Amy laughed in triumph.
“Well you should go get a bit of air or something River,” Amy patted her shoulder as she moved by her. “Me and Rory will set the table.”
River nodded with a strained smile, escaping out the back door into the frigid night. It hadn’t snowed much last week but the cold air was refreshing. She breathed deeply, and the door opened behind her. He wrapped his long coat around her shoulders, shaking his head. “Are you insane? It’s freezing out here and you’re not even wearing a real top.” The Doctor muttered into her hair as he rubbed his hands over her arms.
“It is too a real top.” She finally managed to respond as she turned to face him.
“Is not. You’re missing half of it.” He pointed out and she laughed out loud, clapping a hand over her mouth. “Do you want me to leave before Amy and Rory do?” He asked the question abruptly and she blinked in surprise. She chewed on her lip in thought and heard him make a choked noise in the back of his throat. “You can’t do that - that thing with your lip, please.” She released her bottom lip and he sighed in relief. She looked up at him, her shoulders squared.
“I don’t want you to leave earlier.” His eyes met hers and they stood there for a moment, staring at each other.
“Then let’s go have dinner so they can get the hell out.” He spoke in a serious tone and she laughed.
“Rude!”
“No, River, rude would be me saying screw dinner, and kicking them out now. But I’m not rude.” She walked past him, wrapping his coat around her with one hand while she reached for the door.
“I kind of wish you were,” she murmured as she walked past him. He followed her with a laugh.
“Makes two of us.”
xx
What started then was a game of torture.
She would lean over just a little too far placing his plate in front of him; his foot would skate up the outside of her calf as they ate. She brushed her hand against his handing out dessert, his hand dropped under the table during coffee to toy with the hem of her skirt. It was a game, and they were both winning and losing at the same rate.
Once they moved into the sitting room it became even more high stakes. He sat next to her on the sofa while Amy and Rory sprawled across the floor. They chatted amicably while his hand would brush against her arm, hip, side, shoulder. Always the lightest most unnoticeable touches, but her breath caught at every single one.
“So when does the baby-making begin?” Amy asked cheekily as Rory stared at her, aghast.
“You can’t ask that Amy.”
“What? It’s like a doctor’s appointment, not like I’m asking them for their shagging schedule, god.” She threw up her hands and River and the Doctor froze on the sofa.
“Sometime next week.” River said finally after clearing her throat.
“Oh my god so you could be pregnant at our next dinner? That is insane.” Amy grinned and bounced up onto her knees. River swallowed heavily at the thought. A smile spread across her face and Amy laughed from the floor. “You realize you both are wearing the most ridiculous faces right now?”
She and the Doctor looked at each other in surprise. “Oh shut up Pond.” River shook her head at his words and Amy sat up immediately.
“No matter, I got a photo. Cameraphone.” She waved her phone in her hand and laughed at John’s startled expression. “Come on Rory, let’s escape while we can.” They all stood up and piled down the hall as Amy and Rory threw their coats on. “Need a lift, Doctor?” Amy asked and he shook his head.
“Nah, I have my car here. Had to stop at the grocers on the way.” He hugged Amy and clapped Rory on the shoulder. River hugged them both and stood in the doorway as she watched them pull away. No sooner had she closed the door, than he was pressed against her, turning her to face him as his hands slid down her arms. He leaned down and stared at her, both of them still. She was pinned against the door and he was pinned against her. “Are you sure?”
Her heart was beating so hard she couldn’t even speak so she nodded and his mouth descended on hers. The minute their mouths met she thought this was the stupidest, best mistake she had ever made in her life. She opened her mouth under his, licking along his bottom lip right before she bit down on it.
He moaned, his hands clenching against her shoulders and his hips thrust forward, pressing her into the door. His tongue wrapped around hers and she whinged, low and deep in the back of her throat, her hands reaching up to grip his shoulders. The bowtie was the first thing to go, and she pulled down his braces and unbuttoned his shirt rapidly. His mouth left hers, sliding down over her jaw and throat. He bit down there and she gasped, one hand flying up into his hair, his ridiculous, god damned amazing hair. “John!”
His mouth had moved; his tongue licking along her collarbone before dipping into the hollow at the base of her throat. His hands slid down her arms, and he gripped her hips for a moment, before slipping a hand under her blouse. His fingers brushed against the skin of her stomach as he gripped the hem and pulled back, lifting the blouse over her head and dropping it to the ground beside them. “Oh god you are gorgeous.” His hands rose, weighing and cupping her breasts as his thumbs brushed against her nipples and she gasped softly. “The,” he pressed a kiss against her throat, “most,” he kissed over her heart, “beautiful,” his tongue ran across the top of her breast and her hands tightened in his hair, “thing,” his hands ran down over her stomach as he licked one nipple into his mouth and bit down gently, “I’ve,” He moved to the other breast as his hands slid the zip of her skirt down, “ever,” her skirt was pushed down into a pool at their feet, “seen.” He pulled back, looking down at her with heavy lidded eyes.
She let go of him and locked the door behind her, and then she was on him, pushing his shirt off his shoulders, pressing open mouthed kisses across his chest and shoulders. She curled her fingers against his sides, scratching even as she snaked her tongue out to taste him, licking along his clavicle and up his throat. She bit there and he reached down, his hands grabbing her arse and squeezing. “Bedroom.” He gasped the word against her skin, before he lifted her with ease. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he stumbled down the back hall until he reached her bedroom, and they both fell onto the bed together. She laughed and her hands went down to his trousers, undoing the buttons and pushing them down, along with his pants until he could kick both off. He slid her knickers off, breathing out slowly as he hovered above her, his eyes tracing along her body in the moonlight. He reached out, his long fingers brushing against her wetness, causing them both to hiss.
“Oh god, John.” He smiled down at her, his fingers slipping through her slick folds until he found the bundle of nerves there and he pressed against her. “Oh God, no, later - later please? I want you now.” She writhed beneath him, one hand in his hair and the other curled at his hip. “Please, John.”
She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him then, long and slow and his hands slid back up her body until he was pinching her nipples, rolling them between his fingers as he slid inside of her and they both stopped breathing for a moment. “Oh god, River.” He moaned the words in her ear and she rolled her hips underneath him, hitching her legs up around his waist as he began to move within her. He felt amazing. Their movements were hurried - frantic and rushing like they just couldn’t get there fast enough.
She kissed him again just as the edges of her vision began to blacken, and she slid her hands up his sweat slicked back, pulling him closer against her. Just as the ecstasy washed over her, he stiffened in her arms, his mouth tearing away from hers, “River,” he breathed her name out with wonder, and she threw her head back and arched below him as she flew apart.
They lay entwined for several minutes, catching their breath. Eventually he slid off her, rolling to her side and she rolled into him. His hand lifted, lacing through her hair and he hummed in satisfaction. “You know, I always wanted to do this.” His voice was soft and she looked up at him in alarm.
“What? Shag me senseless?” She asked, her voice rising, and he chuckled, tugging on her hair.
“This.” He grinned down at her. “I love your hair. Always have.”
She smiled in response, dragging the blanket over them as she curled into his side, her head resting on his chest. It felt comfortable, warm and drowsy as his fingers dragged through her hair over and over, separating the curls in a soothing pattern. The last thing she remembered before slipping into sleep was him pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.
xx
The most awkward thing about it was that it wasn’t awkward at all.
He’d stayed the night, they’d shared breakfast and the paper in the morning, each of them determined to be the one who would maintain their ‘friendship’ status. He’d been the one to cave when she’d moved past him to go get dressed, his hands dragging her back and into his lap and if she were being honest with herself, she’d been so relieved as she wound herself around him and kissed him back with fervour.
It should have felt strange, but it didn’t feel strange at all, it just felt like a brand new facet of their friendship.
They were astonishingly compatible in bed.
She wasn’t exactly surprised by that, because for all of the Doctor’s ridiculousness, when he focussed on something, he did so to an extreme degree. Being the focus of that attention was - well, it was in no way a hardship for her.
“And Rory said- you’re not even listening to me. Again.” Amy sighed and glared affectionately at her over the rim of her tea cup.
“Sorry, sorry. I’ve been terrible lately haven’t I?” River winced apologetically at her friend who rolled her eyes and patted her hand.
“It’s okay. Lots on your mind I know. How’s the daily tests been going?” She rose her brows and River frowned at her in confusion. “I saw the ovulation kit in your loo. I snoop. Sue me.”
River laughed and shook her head. “It was positive today. I’m due to ovulate in two days. Roughly.”
“Exciting!” Amy bounced in her seat with a grin. “So you and the Doctor must go in - well no I suppose he must have um, made his deposit already? They have to get it all ready don’t they? So I suppose he’d not be there at all for the actual - you know this is all just a bit creepy to think about. It’s the Doctor.” Amy shuddered and put down her cup as River rolled her eyes.
“He is going to be there actually.” She hedged, because it was true in a fashion. She had no idea why exactly she felt the need to lie about the manner of conception. Well, actually that wasn’t true. She knew why. Amy would run with the information that they were sleeping together. She’d already all but paired them off - the last thing they needed was Amy trying to convince them they were in love or something equally ridiculous
“Well. That should be interesting.” Amy pulled a face and River laughed out loud as her doorbell rang. She shook her head and stood, leaving Amy laughing in the kitchen while she answered the door. The Doctor stood there, bag in one hand and a grin on his face.
“Hey. I got your text.” He lifted the bag and bounced on his toes and she smiled inadvertently, wondering in the back of her mind if he was excited for the idea of the baby or the idea of them. Her heart ached at the thought, because she knew it should be one over the other, but she would be lying if she didn’t want both.
He came in, dropping his bag and kicking the door shut behind him. She turned with a smile, “Well yes, obviously, but I-” Her words were cut off by his mouth on hers as he backed her into the wall with a soft thud. She moaned softly, her hands gripping his lapels as she tugged him closer, opening her mouth under his and dragging her teeth along his bottom lip. His hands were in her hair and she pushed against him, heat rushing through her. His tongue brushed against hers and she tried not to react too loudly because Amy - Amy! With a gasp she pushed him away, causing him to stumble over her high heels that had been lying by the door. An indignant expression crossed his face and he opened his mouth just as Amy popped her head out of the kitchen doorway.
“Doctor!” Understanding dawned and he pasted a smile on as he turned his head to greet Amy.
“Pond! Didn’t realize you were here. I just popped by to discuss our-” He faltered here, looking to her for guidance and River stood straighter.
“Appointment.” She supplied and he nodded.
“Yes, yes! The appointment. I didn’t call - sorry River.” He apologized flippantly but his eyes on hers were pleading sincerity and she nodded.
“Well we’re just having a cuppa, so come on in.” Amy waved an arm and disappeared again and River sighed in relief, running a hand through her hair and straightened his jacket. She rubbed a smudge of lipstick from his mouth and glared at him softly.
“You are so lucky she wasn’t close enough to see that.” She laughed suddenly, because it was all a bit like getting caught by your parents, and he smiled and shook his head. “Go on, you go in, I’ll just grab your bag and take it down the hall. Tell Amy I went to get the appointment information for you.”
“Probably should have called?” He asked apologetically and she rolled her eyes.
“Probably.” He grinned and surged forward, pressing a soft, quick kiss against her mouth, and she brushed her thumb across his lips as he pulled away. “You’re terrible.”
“You like it.” He winked and sauntered down the hall, ducking into the kitchen as River picked up his bag and hurried down the hall to her bedroom. She got the file of information Dr. Jones had given her and moved back to the kitchen quickly. She’d phoned Dr. Jones earlier that week, discussing her new plans, and speaking to her about staying on as her OB despite the change in plans. She liked Martha, and felt quite comfortable with her. She’d agreed to make an exception, and had stressed that they might need to come in regardless, if their attempts at natural conception didn’t take.
“Sorry,” she entered the kitchen to find Amy and the Doctor at the table, the latter having poured himself a cup of tea while she’d been gone.
“Is this that horrid decaf?” He asked, taking a sip and she rolled her eyes.
“No, I make a pot of regular for Amy and just brew my own by the cup.” She sat down, sliding the file onto the table and he stole it immediately, flipping it open and going through the information inside.
“So are you nervous?” Amy asked the Doctor and he shook his head. “I mean it’s a lot isn’t it? A baby. A whole person, and suddenly you’re looking at the rest of your life with River. I mean not with River but you know, with River.”
He looked up and looked at Amy for a moment and River observed their silent exchange with a frown. “It’s fine.” He finally spoke with a smile. “Not like we all won’t be involved anyway right? I’m... actually I’m rather excited.”
River didn’t say anything as they discussed the topic, instead choosing to study the table before her. She didn’t know what that look had meant, but the fact that it happened at all meant Amy knew something. Something she didn’t. What the hell kind of best friend was she then?
“River.” The Doctor’s foot nudged hers and she looked up, startled out of her thoughts.
“What?”
“See? She’s been like that all week. You can’t blame pregnancy brain until you’re actually pregnant.” Amy pointed out with a shrug. “Anyway, I’m off - I promised Rory I’d not be long. He wants to go to the cinema tonight. You two have fun with your baby-planning.” Amy stood with a grin and dropped a kiss on River’s cheek before leaning across and doing the same to the Doctor.
River didn’t see her out - there was really no need, Amy just shouted a good bye from the hall and the door fell shut behind her. “What’s the matter?” The Doctor asked her and River stood nervously, draining their cups and putting them in the dishwasher before she shook her head.
“Nothing at all.” She spoke brightly as she walked out of the kitchen and down the hall. She threw the deadbolt on the door and turned to find him right behind her. “God, John!” She exclaimed, putting a hand out, “You scared me.”
“You’re lying to me, River.” He followed her back up the hall, taking her by the elbow and pulling her to a halt as she avoided his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. That’s what’s wrong - none of this seems - and it should, shouldn’t it? This should be odd or awkward or - what if it was a mista-” Her voice was agitated and his mouth on hers cut off her flow of words, and she wondered if he didn’t want to hear them.
He tugged on her hips, pulling her into his frame and she felt a slow heat ignite within her as she opened her mouth under his. He was just so - so damn good at this. He tasted so good and felt so good and looked so good. He fought with her and liked it, and made her laugh with him almost all the time. This had been such a bad idea from the viewpoint of her heart.
But everything that she enjoyed - liked, respected and yes, maybe even loved a bit - about him, she wanted all of that for her child. She wanted this baby to have a father, she did. She’d been resigned to doing it on her own, she’d have been stellar at it on her own - she knew that. But how could she not give her baby this wonderful man?
She moaned against his mouth as he walked her down the hall, his hands roaming across her body. They hit her bedroom door with a thump, her hands under his shirt and his jacket long abandoned halfway down the hall. Every time he touched her she felt this rush - felt things she hadn’t felt since she was a god damned teenager. He was all over her, hands on skin and lips and tongue, pressing her down into the mattress as she pulled and grasped at him, yanking offending clothing away. She pressed kisses to his shoulders and chest, bit at the long lines of his neck, gripped him everywhere she could reach as he touched her like he was a god damn expert, drawing one, two orgasms from her until she lay trembling underneath him.
He slid within her, his arm hooked under one leg and she moaned at the depth he reached as he moved over her. He kissed her once more, sloppy but so delicious as she slid a hand between their bodies, helping herself along to a third orgasm. It didn’t take long at all before she cried out sharply, her mouth by his ear as she said his name, and he followed quickly after her, his hips moving erratically.
He lay on top of her afterward, both of them breathing heavily and she laughed softly. “You can’t just do that whenever I say something you don’t like.” She pointed out in a dry tone, wrapping her arms and legs around his frame and preventing him from pulling out right away. He looked down at her with a smug grin.
“Or what?”
“I’ll never say anything you like ever again?” She sighed, finally pressing a soft kiss against his chin and releasing her hold on him. He slid away from her, dragging the kicked aside duvet over both of them as he lay next to her.
“Here.” He pulled a pillow from the top of the bed, sliding it under her hips and pressing a soft kiss to her side before he moved back up to her side. “Half-hour.” She turned her head toward him with a sigh.
“Done your research haven’t you?” She teased him and he nodded, his hands combing through her hair gently.
“I want this, River, I do. Don’t - don’t lose sight of that, yeah?” She swallowed, licking her lips and looking at him apologetically.
“I’m sorry - I don’t want you to ever think I’m second guessing that decision, because I’m not. I don’t think - honestly John I don’t think I could have done better by this baby than you for a Dad.” He smiled at that and she flushed, shifting uncomfortably on the pillow before she looked back at him. “I just worry that - it’s all too perfect you know? Which is stupid and terrible of me, I know but I worry. I’m -” She ran a hand through her own hair, dragging her nails across her scalp in frustration. “I don’t ever want this to hurt our friendship.” She whispered, her eyes locked on the ceiling above them. And the worst part was, she was lying even now, and she knew it.
It had already altered the landscape of their friendship.
“It won’t River, I promised you.” He smoothed a hand down her side soothingly and she closed her eyes, fighting to produce a smile. “You’ll see.” He pressed a soft kiss to the side of her face and her smile eased a bit, and felt less forced. “We’ll be better.”
She wanted to believe him. And really, with or without a baby - there was no going back now. So she lay beside him, his hands warm against her skin and hoped that he was right.
xx
He stayed with her those entire three days and she became so accustomed to him so frighteningly fast that even now, a little over a week after he’d left, she missed him.
She saw him every day, so it was ridiculous. It was a preposterous idea for her to miss him, but her house felt quieter, her bed felt emptier and she was cold all the time, despite turning up her heating and piling jumpers on.
He hadn’t pushed at all, though he did seem to text her more frequently, nothing else had changed afterward and she felt vaguely... disappointed by that fact. She sighed, pulling a cardigan out of her closet as she got ready to go to Amy’s for their weekly dinner. Her cell phone rang and she glanced down at the screen, seeing Dr. Jones’ number there. “Hullo?”
“River, hi, how are you?” Martha’s voice was warm and cheery and River smiled to hear it.
“Good. Well, a bit antsy really, I mean - waiting is difficult and I’m trying very hard to not get my hopes up, but, you know...” River trailed off as she moved down the hall to her front entry.
“Which is actually why I’m calling, I thought we’d have you come in late this week for a blood test.” Martha enthused, her voice bright in River’s ear. “We can get a hormone level reading, in case implantation didn’t occur and discuss medicinal options, if you want to try some new medications this next round or if you’d rather stick with the Clomid. And of course, since that will be just over thirteen days after ovulation, if you are pregnant we’ll know, and we can start planning your regular visits.” Martha explained practically and River nodded, even though the doctor couldn’t see her.
“Um, yeah - yes. I thought I’d have to wait longer than that, actually, so that’s excellent news.” River smiled, as she thought about it.
“Excellent - I’m gonna put you through to Lucy, she’ll book it for you, tell her this Thursday alright? And we’ll see you then!” Martha transferred and River pulled her shoes on as she booked the appointment with Dr. Jones’ secretary, before hanging up and blinking down at her phone.
She hadn’t expected to know that quickly. And suddenly she felt like she was a bundle of nerves. What if she wasn’t pregnant? What if she was? Oh god. It occupied her thoughts the entire drive to Amy’s house. She rang the bell, the whole time her mind swimming with the limit of six days. One hundred and forty-four hours - well a little less since her appointment was Thursday morning. Amy opened the door with a grin. “Hiya, what are you ringing the bell for? Come on in - you’re the last to arrive.”
River followed her in, kicking off her shoes and shrugging her winter coat off before following Amy down the hall to the kitchen, where Rory and the Doctor were sat around the kitchen table. “You’re late, Song! I nearly died from shock when I realized I’d gotten here before you.” The Doctor pointed at her with a disbelieving grin.
“Sorry! My doctor called as I was leaving the house.” She explained as she sat down to his left and Amy slid a cup of decaf tea in front of her. River smiled gratefully up at her and the Doctor sat up straighter.
“What for?” He asked the question quickly and River waved a hand in dismissal.
“No, nothing - well - something. I have an appointment on Thursday so they can do a blood test for hormone levels and apparently they can tell me if it, you know, took.” She shrugged and Amy bounced in her seat slightly.
“That soon?! Oh you must be so excited, are you excited? I’m excited!”
River smiled indulgently at Amy’s enthusiasm. “I’m - I’m - I don’t know what I am actually. Excited and nervous and scared.” She took a deep breath and felt John’s hand take hers under the table, squeezing in reassurance. She smiled over at him, her nerves settling a bit. “I wasn’t sure - I mean, it’s just a blood test obviously but you’re welcome to come along, if you’d like.”
“Yeah, I absolutely would like.” He agreed, his thumb stroking across the back of her hand as he nodded. She felt her skin tingle as warmth bloomed in her stomach and she felt the heat spread. He was holding her hand for Christ’s sake. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, but that only resulted in the scent of him invading her senses and she ached with the urge to - to - to touch him, or climb on top of him and- “River?”
Her eyes flew open and she flushed. “Oh! Yes, sorry. I was just- I got distracted.”
Amy and Rory laughed, shaking their heads in unison. “You’re losing your mind. Is this what we have to look forward to? Alright, when’s your appointment Thursday. Because clearly we need a team lunch immediately afterward, because I will be dying to know.” Amy spoke with authority and River laughed softly.
“Thursday at 10.” She tucked some hair behind her ear with her left hand, hoping that didn’t look odd, but John still held her right.
“Right. I vote we just all skiv off that day. Book a vacation day or something, because either way you won’t be getting any work done, and either way, neither will I. Nor the Doctor. Rory - well, solidarity.” Amy nodded and River laughed.
“I can’t just-”
“Yes, you can. And you will.” Amy slapped the table for emphasis. “I have spoken!”
xx
Amy, as it turned out was a force to be reckoned with, which was how River found herself waking up later than usual on Thursday morning, to the sound of her doorbell being repeatedly rung. She groaned, hauling herself out of bed and looking around for the pyjama pants she’d slipped off before crawling into bed last night, but she couldn’t see them anywhere in her still sleepy state so she shrugged, simply pulling her robe on over her tank top and knickers, tying it around the waist as she stumbled down the hall. “One minute!” She grumbled even though whoever was at her front door couldn’t hear her. She yanked the door open to see the Doctor, a paper bag and tray in hand.
“Finally. Were you still asleep River?” He moved past her without invitation and she shook her head, closing and locking to door only to turn around and see his back entering her kitchen. “Come on then, I have hot chocolate for you!” He called over his shoulder and she popped her head round the doorframe.
“Just give me one minute, please.” She made her way to the loo and rushed through her usual routine, frowning at her reflection with a sigh before re-tying her robe and moving back into the kitchen to find him sitting at her table with two plates of pancakes, bacon and various sliced fruit along with a take away cup of hot chocolate in front of hers and she presumed coffee in front of his, judging by the smell. “What on earth?”
He shrugged, getting up and pushing her down into her seat gently. “I figured you’d be too keyed up to eat properly, or make yourself anything this morning. So I swung by Cora’s-” Her eyes lit up at the mention of her favourite breakfast place and she grinned down at her plate, “and got your favourite. Because I thought you know, maybe you’d eat then. Also I’ve been up since five, I may be slightly excited. Not all of us can sleep in, you know, lazy.”
She gasped, a fork full of strawberry pancakes halfway to her mouth. “I was up last night - too keyed up to sleep thank you very much, John!” She glared at him indignantly before eating her bite and moaning. “Oh god, this is amazing. You shouldn’t set such a high standard this early on you know. I’m going to have ridiculously unrealistic expectations all during pregnancy. Possibly beyond.” She laughed and he shrugged, digging into his own plate.
“I’m going to do my level best to meet them. I mean, with all you’ll be going through...” He glanced over at her with a small smile and she smiled back. They continued to eat in companionable silence for a while. He finished first; sitting back and watching her eat with a contemplative look. “Are you nervous?”
She nodded, wondering how to elaborate on that. Because she was, incredibly nervous about the results. If she was pregnant, everything changed. And if she wasn’t, they got to try again. She felt a flush crawl up her neck at the thought and shook her head. “Yes, a bit. I don’t know. I’m trying not to think about it, but it’s difficult.” She pushed her empty plate back and leaned back in her chair, cradling her hot chocolate in her hands.
“It’s okay if you’re not - we’ll just try again.” He moved his chair closer to hers as he spoke, leaning forward to rest a hand on her knee and she smiled in appreciation.
“I know.” She nodded in agreement. “It’s - honestly I think I find the possibly of us being pregnant more scary than not. It will just all be really real then. It could be real right now.” She put her cup down and glanced at her own abdomen, laying a hand there and frowning before looking up to catch his bright smile. “What?” She asked.
“You said us - I guess I just - it just occurred to me that you really consider this something of ours, and I don’t know that any other woman would, River. This,” He lifted his hand from her knee and laced his fingers through the hand on top of her belly as he stared at her, “this wasn’t a mistake. It may have been the best idea I’ve ever had.”
“We’ll see if you’re still saying that in a year’s time.” She scoffed, wondering at the plausibility of it all. What would they do if they had a baby? His hand squeezed hers and brought her out of her thoughts.
“Stop it. We’ll deal with whatever comes. In the meantime, what exactly are you wearing under this robe Miss Song?” He eyed her speculatively and she laughed out loud in surprise.
“You are terrible.”
“And you need to go get ready. Come on. Don’t want to be late!”
xx
They sat side by side in the office, waiting. He was bouncing his legs in a nervous tick and she put her hand on his knee and glared at him. “You need to stop, you are making me worse. “ She spoke evenly and he smiled apologetically.
“Sorry, sorry! I know, I know. I’m just - how long does it take?” He took her right hand in his left one and laced his own fingers through it. Behind them the office door opened and they both whipped their heads around.
“Hi, River!” Martha grinned as she walked around her desk with a sheet of paper and sat. Her smile was warm and welcoming, but no more so than usual and her face was impossible to read. “And you must be John, right?”
He nodded, not arguing about the name, which River was thankful for, because honestly you don’t tell an actual doctor to call you Doctor when you didn’t even hold the title. “Yes, nice to meet you.” His hand gripped River’s tightly and she took a deep breath, looking at Martha.
“Well?!” She burst the question out impatiently and Martha grinned, laughing.
“Oh impatient aren’t we? Well you’re going to have to get over that because you’ll need all the patience you can get.” Martha hesitated and River leaned forward, her hand gripping John’s so tightly she felt like it was the only thing anchoring her. “You’re pregnant.” Martha grinned and River gasped, sitting back in shock. She stared at her hand in his, held so tightly it was turning white around the joints. She concentrated on breathing, unable to process the information.
She was pregnant.
Martha was speaking and she could hear John but she couldn’t focus. It was like white noise in her head as she stared down.
Pregnant.
She was - there was something growing within her - someone. Her child, oh god, their child. She looked up at John, who was staring at her with concern. She smiled, beamed and he grinned in return. He disentangled his hand from hers and placed both of their palms against her stomach.
“Hello Mum.” He whispered and she grinned, laughing out loud.
“Hello Daddy.”
(3/6)
Fandom/Pairing: Doctor Who, River/Doctor
Rating: M
Wordcount: 36,853
Warnings: human!AU
Summary: “I’m not getting any younger, am I? And I may never meet a man I want to spend the rest of my life with, let alone raise children with, and even if I do, well it’ll be too late. I’ve always wanted children. And I thought, you know, why wait? I can do it on my own perfectly fine."
“So it’s seriously seriously happening?”
“Yes, Amy.” River laughed and poked at the salad on her desk.
“Seriously?” Amy bounced. “This is so exciting! Oh my gosh half of us are gonna have a baby. I need a baby. Why won’t Rory give me a baby?!”
“Okay firstly, babies aren’t purses; you can’t get one to match mine. And secondly I’m pretty sure he needs to propose first. Well, not needs but it is part of your ‘five year plan’.”
“Exactly!” Amy snapped her finger sand pointed at River. “Exactly. Five year plan. Five years. We are on year three and not even engaged, what do I have to do to get him to propose? Paint ‘ask me to marry you’ on my body and do a strip tease?”
River looked past Amy to where the Doctor stood in the doorway, his hands over his mouth and his eyes lit up. Amy noticed the direction of her gaze and glanced over her shoulder, jumping. “Oh my god!”
“Sorry. Sorry, should have knocked.” The Doctor held his hands up in supplication and Amy shrugged.
“Well it could have been worse, you could have been-” Rory walked into the doorframe and Amy pasted a smile on her face. “Rory!”
“Yeah, uh, hi - I was just checking to see if you want to maybe have take away for lunch and uh,” Rory rubbed a hand along the back of his neck nervously and River laughed.
“Oh Rory, we all know your code by now. You may as well just walk in and ask if she wants to shag. Which, by the way, lock your office because Philips almost went in there last time, John had to distract him.” River laughed at Rory and Amy’s mortified faces while the Doctor snapped and pointed at River.
“Oh right. I forgot that! You owe me one. We’ll discuss terms over a pint after work.” River sent him a glare, her eyebrow raised. “And by a pint I clearly mean coffee.” She still glared and he cleared his throat. “Or juice.”
“Seriously, no beer?” Rory cringed in sympathy and clapped him on the shoulder as Amy stood and took his hand.
“I think it’s great. Only fair that he gives it up for a bit too. Poor River won’t have any of it for near ten months if everything goes well. What’s a few weeks compared to that?” Amy nudged Rory in the shoulder and he shrugged. “Oh come on you.” She tugged him by the hand out the door, waving to River over her shoulder. John closed the door behind them, moving over to the chair Amy had vacated.
He stole an apple off her desk and took a bite before making a face. “So did you call your doctor?”
“I have a pear too, if you’d rather steal that, sweetie.”
“Eugh no! Vile horrible things! I’ll stick with the apple. Why must all fruit be so horrible?” He frowned and she laughed out loud.
“You ate four slices of strawberry pie.”
“Well any fruit tastes good in a pie. Well any except pears. And - did you call your doctor?” He arched a brow at her as he slouched further down into the seat, all gangly limbs and his hair sticking up. She smiled at the sight.
“Yes. Um, ovulation should occur at the earliest next Wednesday, latest the following Wednesday, so, I’m not sure if you want to just-”
“Well best I just stay at yours the week then, yeah?” He tossed the apple in the air and she swallowed convulsively at the thought.
“I could just pick up an ovulation kit to pinpoint-”
“Yeah but studies suggest sex a day or two before ovulation are when most women become pregnant. It can’t tell you when you’re about to ovulate, right? Can it?” He frowned at her suddenly and she shrugged.
“Yes, they can.” She spoke with a gentle laugh. “So two or three days at best. I’ll buy it after work today and let you know.” She laughed nervously and looked down at her salad. “It’s a bit odd, scheduling a shag.”
“Yeah, a bit. But maybe just... you shouldn’t be stressed about it during ovulation.” He pointed out calmly, looking at her intently. “Should we have a dry run?” She laughed out loud at his choice of words and he flushed. “Not a dry run, oh - you know what I meant!”
“I don’t know?” She spoke, suddenly nervous. “Weekly dinner is your turn this week, right?” He nodded in confirmation. “I assume at mine?” Again he nodded with a wink. “We should just- maybe -no because then it’s still scheduling it isn’t it? It’s silly. We’ll be fine, I think.” His gaze tracked along her face for a moment before slipping down over her body and she felt herself flush, heat spooling out in her belly as she saw how his gaze darkened.
“We’ll be fine.” He finished his apple, and stood, leaning across her desk to drop it in the bin beside her. She inhaled softly and he turned his head to look at her, his eyes locking with hers. “Did you get those reports I e-mailed?”
“Uh-huh.” She agreed absent-mindedly, his words filtering through to her brain five seconds later than her response. “What? No.” He chuckled and nodded, reaching up and sliding a finger along her nose, tapping the end before standing.
“I sent them before I came.” She felt her insides quiver at his wording and fought to remain calm. Honestly, she’d thought he’d been dangerous enough when they’d harmlessly flirted. She’d had no idea.
“I’ll take a look and let you know.” She didn’t like being the one left all off-center and she narrowed her eyes at his back as he strode toward her door. Well. If that was how he wanted to play it.
She smiled to herself as he waved casually over his shoulder and shot out the door.
Two could play at that game.
xx
She smoothed a hand over her skirt, checking her reflection one more time. It’s not like she’d done anything special. She’d worn both items to work that day, she’d just removed her suit jacket once she got home. Somehow rationalizing this made her feel better as she pulled her hair down and ran her fingers through it, fluffing it a bit. He pencil skirt seemed much shorter and tighter without the longer jacket though. And the scooped neck on her blue blouse was scandalous enough, but add the deep dip in the back to it, and it became something else all together once her coat was flung on the chair by her bed.
She stuffed her feet into slippers and looked at her reflection one last time before nodding resolutely. She looked fine. She moved into the kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing a bottle of water before checking on the pie cooling in there. Banana cream. His second favourite. She had no idea what he planned on cooking tonight, but she knew he’d be here roughly an hour before Amy and Rory. Which meant any minute now.
As if on cue her front door opened (none of them ever locked it on dinner night) and she opened the fridge wider, bending over in front of it to adjust the pie plate under the guise of checking the temperature. She knew when he walked in because she could feel his eyes on her immediately. She adjusted the pie one more time before standing and turning around.
He was standing in her doorway with two grocers bags in his hands, his gaze tracking up and down her body, dark and hungry. “Hello, sweetie. I didn’t hear you come in. What have you got for me?” She arched a brow and glanced at the bags, opening the water and taking a sip as she moved over to stand by the counter.
He started at her words, his mouth twitching in a half smile as he shook his head. “You are a bad, bad girl River Song.” He muttered as he pulled out minced beef and sausage, followed by pasta and jarred sauce.
“Me? What’ve I done?” She reached around him to pull out the block of cheese and pouted up at him. “I’ll grate this, shall I?” She reached high up into the cupboard for a large bowl, and he moved in behind her, reaching over her and grabbing it. His hands slipped to her hip for balance and he was flush against her back as he brought the bowl down and she smiled up at him in thanks. He stayed there for a moment longer than needed before moving away and tossing both packages of meat into a pot.
She bent down and grabbed her grater, smiling to herself as she started helping him make his lasagne. He put all of the ingredient on the counter to her right, even though the stove was to her left - deliberate she knew, since he would reach around her for what he needed, his hands brushing against her lower back and sides as he did so. She shivered, but continued grating the cheese and afterward helped him layer and assemble the dish before putting it into the oven.
He cleared up while she leaned against the counter, drinking her water and watching him intently. He flicked a handful of soapy water at her and she ducked with a laugh. “John!”
“You need to go change.” He pointed out. “Don’t want to eat in your nice work cloths do you?”
“I’m alright, don’t worry about me,” she grinned over at him as he drained the sink and dried his hands. He swallowed and looked at the tea towel in his hands as she placed her water bottle on the counter behind her. Before she’d even turned around he was in front of her, hands on either side of the counter behind her, leaning into her personal space as he stared down at her intently.
“I’m not alright, River.” He whispered the words by her ear, his face pressed into her hair and she inhaled sharply. This was more than flirting, this was sexual tension, and she knew she shouldn’t be doing this. Her skin went cold and then hot and her heart started racing, beating against her chest in a rapid tattoo. She licked her lips, wondering what in the hell she was doing exactly, but it had been so long for her, and really they were going to sleep together anyway - yes for valid reasons, River. Don’t get attached.
She bit her lip and turned her head to look up at him, only to find him staring down at her already, his eyes dark and his breathing rapid. She felt the tingle of anticipation rush through her as he lifted one hand from the counter behind her, hovering it over her hair before changing his mind and pulling it lower so he could trace a finger along her clavicle. She bit her lip harder, knowing he could probably feel the pounding of her pulse, millimetres from his fingertips. His head lowered, and she ran her tongue over the inside and outside of her suddenly dry mouth. “John.” Her voice was a dry whisper and he inched closer as she held her breath.
“Hullo!” Amy’s voice called from the foyer and River jumped at the sudden sound, her hands covering her chest as she fought to control her breathing. He stepped away from her just as Amy and Rory entered the kitchen, both smiling brightly. “There you are. Mmm, something smells delicious.” She walked into the room with a bread bag and placed it on the counter. “You alright River? You look a bit flushed yeah? Ah ha!” She whirled and pointed at the Doctor who jumped in surprise.
“Ah ha what?” He asked quickly and Amy grinned.
“She’s flushed because she was doing the cooking; I knew you cheated on your nights!” He opened his mouth to protest but slid a glance toward River first who eyed him carefully. He held his hands up instead, sighing.
“You’ve got me Pond, she helped.” He shrugged and Amy laughed in triumph.
“Well you should go get a bit of air or something River,” Amy patted her shoulder as she moved by her. “Me and Rory will set the table.”
River nodded with a strained smile, escaping out the back door into the frigid night. It hadn’t snowed much last week but the cold air was refreshing. She breathed deeply, and the door opened behind her. He wrapped his long coat around her shoulders, shaking his head. “Are you insane? It’s freezing out here and you’re not even wearing a real top.” The Doctor muttered into her hair as he rubbed his hands over her arms.
“It is too a real top.” She finally managed to respond as she turned to face him.
“Is not. You’re missing half of it.” He pointed out and she laughed out loud, clapping a hand over her mouth. “Do you want me to leave before Amy and Rory do?” He asked the question abruptly and she blinked in surprise. She chewed on her lip in thought and heard him make a choked noise in the back of his throat. “You can’t do that - that thing with your lip, please.” She released her bottom lip and he sighed in relief. She looked up at him, her shoulders squared.
“I don’t want you to leave earlier.” His eyes met hers and they stood there for a moment, staring at each other.
“Then let’s go have dinner so they can get the hell out.” He spoke in a serious tone and she laughed.
“Rude!”
“No, River, rude would be me saying screw dinner, and kicking them out now. But I’m not rude.” She walked past him, wrapping his coat around her with one hand while she reached for the door.
“I kind of wish you were,” she murmured as she walked past him. He followed her with a laugh.
“Makes two of us.”
xx
What started then was a game of torture.
She would lean over just a little too far placing his plate in front of him; his foot would skate up the outside of her calf as they ate. She brushed her hand against his handing out dessert, his hand dropped under the table during coffee to toy with the hem of her skirt. It was a game, and they were both winning and losing at the same rate.
Once they moved into the sitting room it became even more high stakes. He sat next to her on the sofa while Amy and Rory sprawled across the floor. They chatted amicably while his hand would brush against her arm, hip, side, shoulder. Always the lightest most unnoticeable touches, but her breath caught at every single one.
“So when does the baby-making begin?” Amy asked cheekily as Rory stared at her, aghast.
“You can’t ask that Amy.”
“What? It’s like a doctor’s appointment, not like I’m asking them for their shagging schedule, god.” She threw up her hands and River and the Doctor froze on the sofa.
“Sometime next week.” River said finally after clearing her throat.
“Oh my god so you could be pregnant at our next dinner? That is insane.” Amy grinned and bounced up onto her knees. River swallowed heavily at the thought. A smile spread across her face and Amy laughed from the floor. “You realize you both are wearing the most ridiculous faces right now?”
She and the Doctor looked at each other in surprise. “Oh shut up Pond.” River shook her head at his words and Amy sat up immediately.
“No matter, I got a photo. Cameraphone.” She waved her phone in her hand and laughed at John’s startled expression. “Come on Rory, let’s escape while we can.” They all stood up and piled down the hall as Amy and Rory threw their coats on. “Need a lift, Doctor?” Amy asked and he shook his head.
“Nah, I have my car here. Had to stop at the grocers on the way.” He hugged Amy and clapped Rory on the shoulder. River hugged them both and stood in the doorway as she watched them pull away. No sooner had she closed the door, than he was pressed against her, turning her to face him as his hands slid down her arms. He leaned down and stared at her, both of them still. She was pinned against the door and he was pinned against her. “Are you sure?”
Her heart was beating so hard she couldn’t even speak so she nodded and his mouth descended on hers. The minute their mouths met she thought this was the stupidest, best mistake she had ever made in her life. She opened her mouth under his, licking along his bottom lip right before she bit down on it.
He moaned, his hands clenching against her shoulders and his hips thrust forward, pressing her into the door. His tongue wrapped around hers and she whinged, low and deep in the back of her throat, her hands reaching up to grip his shoulders. The bowtie was the first thing to go, and she pulled down his braces and unbuttoned his shirt rapidly. His mouth left hers, sliding down over her jaw and throat. He bit down there and she gasped, one hand flying up into his hair, his ridiculous, god damned amazing hair. “John!”
His mouth had moved; his tongue licking along her collarbone before dipping into the hollow at the base of her throat. His hands slid down her arms, and he gripped her hips for a moment, before slipping a hand under her blouse. His fingers brushed against the skin of her stomach as he gripped the hem and pulled back, lifting the blouse over her head and dropping it to the ground beside them. “Oh god you are gorgeous.” His hands rose, weighing and cupping her breasts as his thumbs brushed against her nipples and she gasped softly. “The,” he pressed a kiss against her throat, “most,” he kissed over her heart, “beautiful,” his tongue ran across the top of her breast and her hands tightened in his hair, “thing,” his hands ran down over her stomach as he licked one nipple into his mouth and bit down gently, “I’ve,” He moved to the other breast as his hands slid the zip of her skirt down, “ever,” her skirt was pushed down into a pool at their feet, “seen.” He pulled back, looking down at her with heavy lidded eyes.
She let go of him and locked the door behind her, and then she was on him, pushing his shirt off his shoulders, pressing open mouthed kisses across his chest and shoulders. She curled her fingers against his sides, scratching even as she snaked her tongue out to taste him, licking along his clavicle and up his throat. She bit there and he reached down, his hands grabbing her arse and squeezing. “Bedroom.” He gasped the word against her skin, before he lifted her with ease. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he stumbled down the back hall until he reached her bedroom, and they both fell onto the bed together. She laughed and her hands went down to his trousers, undoing the buttons and pushing them down, along with his pants until he could kick both off. He slid her knickers off, breathing out slowly as he hovered above her, his eyes tracing along her body in the moonlight. He reached out, his long fingers brushing against her wetness, causing them both to hiss.
“Oh god, John.” He smiled down at her, his fingers slipping through her slick folds until he found the bundle of nerves there and he pressed against her. “Oh God, no, later - later please? I want you now.” She writhed beneath him, one hand in his hair and the other curled at his hip. “Please, John.”
She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him then, long and slow and his hands slid back up her body until he was pinching her nipples, rolling them between his fingers as he slid inside of her and they both stopped breathing for a moment. “Oh god, River.” He moaned the words in her ear and she rolled her hips underneath him, hitching her legs up around his waist as he began to move within her. He felt amazing. Their movements were hurried - frantic and rushing like they just couldn’t get there fast enough.
She kissed him again just as the edges of her vision began to blacken, and she slid her hands up his sweat slicked back, pulling him closer against her. Just as the ecstasy washed over her, he stiffened in her arms, his mouth tearing away from hers, “River,” he breathed her name out with wonder, and she threw her head back and arched below him as she flew apart.
They lay entwined for several minutes, catching their breath. Eventually he slid off her, rolling to her side and she rolled into him. His hand lifted, lacing through her hair and he hummed in satisfaction. “You know, I always wanted to do this.” His voice was soft and she looked up at him in alarm.
“What? Shag me senseless?” She asked, her voice rising, and he chuckled, tugging on her hair.
“This.” He grinned down at her. “I love your hair. Always have.”
She smiled in response, dragging the blanket over them as she curled into his side, her head resting on his chest. It felt comfortable, warm and drowsy as his fingers dragged through her hair over and over, separating the curls in a soothing pattern. The last thing she remembered before slipping into sleep was him pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.
xx
The most awkward thing about it was that it wasn’t awkward at all.
He’d stayed the night, they’d shared breakfast and the paper in the morning, each of them determined to be the one who would maintain their ‘friendship’ status. He’d been the one to cave when she’d moved past him to go get dressed, his hands dragging her back and into his lap and if she were being honest with herself, she’d been so relieved as she wound herself around him and kissed him back with fervour.
It should have felt strange, but it didn’t feel strange at all, it just felt like a brand new facet of their friendship.
They were astonishingly compatible in bed.
She wasn’t exactly surprised by that, because for all of the Doctor’s ridiculousness, when he focussed on something, he did so to an extreme degree. Being the focus of that attention was - well, it was in no way a hardship for her.
“And Rory said- you’re not even listening to me. Again.” Amy sighed and glared affectionately at her over the rim of her tea cup.
“Sorry, sorry. I’ve been terrible lately haven’t I?” River winced apologetically at her friend who rolled her eyes and patted her hand.
“It’s okay. Lots on your mind I know. How’s the daily tests been going?” She rose her brows and River frowned at her in confusion. “I saw the ovulation kit in your loo. I snoop. Sue me.”
River laughed and shook her head. “It was positive today. I’m due to ovulate in two days. Roughly.”
“Exciting!” Amy bounced in her seat with a grin. “So you and the Doctor must go in - well no I suppose he must have um, made his deposit already? They have to get it all ready don’t they? So I suppose he’d not be there at all for the actual - you know this is all just a bit creepy to think about. It’s the Doctor.” Amy shuddered and put down her cup as River rolled her eyes.
“He is going to be there actually.” She hedged, because it was true in a fashion. She had no idea why exactly she felt the need to lie about the manner of conception. Well, actually that wasn’t true. She knew why. Amy would run with the information that they were sleeping together. She’d already all but paired them off - the last thing they needed was Amy trying to convince them they were in love or something equally ridiculous
“Well. That should be interesting.” Amy pulled a face and River laughed out loud as her doorbell rang. She shook her head and stood, leaving Amy laughing in the kitchen while she answered the door. The Doctor stood there, bag in one hand and a grin on his face.
“Hey. I got your text.” He lifted the bag and bounced on his toes and she smiled inadvertently, wondering in the back of her mind if he was excited for the idea of the baby or the idea of them. Her heart ached at the thought, because she knew it should be one over the other, but she would be lying if she didn’t want both.
He came in, dropping his bag and kicking the door shut behind him. She turned with a smile, “Well yes, obviously, but I-” Her words were cut off by his mouth on hers as he backed her into the wall with a soft thud. She moaned softly, her hands gripping his lapels as she tugged him closer, opening her mouth under his and dragging her teeth along his bottom lip. His hands were in her hair and she pushed against him, heat rushing through her. His tongue brushed against hers and she tried not to react too loudly because Amy - Amy! With a gasp she pushed him away, causing him to stumble over her high heels that had been lying by the door. An indignant expression crossed his face and he opened his mouth just as Amy popped her head out of the kitchen doorway.
“Doctor!” Understanding dawned and he pasted a smile on as he turned his head to greet Amy.
“Pond! Didn’t realize you were here. I just popped by to discuss our-” He faltered here, looking to her for guidance and River stood straighter.
“Appointment.” She supplied and he nodded.
“Yes, yes! The appointment. I didn’t call - sorry River.” He apologized flippantly but his eyes on hers were pleading sincerity and she nodded.
“Well we’re just having a cuppa, so come on in.” Amy waved an arm and disappeared again and River sighed in relief, running a hand through her hair and straightened his jacket. She rubbed a smudge of lipstick from his mouth and glared at him softly.
“You are so lucky she wasn’t close enough to see that.” She laughed suddenly, because it was all a bit like getting caught by your parents, and he smiled and shook his head. “Go on, you go in, I’ll just grab your bag and take it down the hall. Tell Amy I went to get the appointment information for you.”
“Probably should have called?” He asked apologetically and she rolled her eyes.
“Probably.” He grinned and surged forward, pressing a soft, quick kiss against her mouth, and she brushed her thumb across his lips as he pulled away. “You’re terrible.”
“You like it.” He winked and sauntered down the hall, ducking into the kitchen as River picked up his bag and hurried down the hall to her bedroom. She got the file of information Dr. Jones had given her and moved back to the kitchen quickly. She’d phoned Dr. Jones earlier that week, discussing her new plans, and speaking to her about staying on as her OB despite the change in plans. She liked Martha, and felt quite comfortable with her. She’d agreed to make an exception, and had stressed that they might need to come in regardless, if their attempts at natural conception didn’t take.
“Sorry,” she entered the kitchen to find Amy and the Doctor at the table, the latter having poured himself a cup of tea while she’d been gone.
“Is this that horrid decaf?” He asked, taking a sip and she rolled her eyes.
“No, I make a pot of regular for Amy and just brew my own by the cup.” She sat down, sliding the file onto the table and he stole it immediately, flipping it open and going through the information inside.
“So are you nervous?” Amy asked the Doctor and he shook his head. “I mean it’s a lot isn’t it? A baby. A whole person, and suddenly you’re looking at the rest of your life with River. I mean not with River but you know, with River.”
He looked up and looked at Amy for a moment and River observed their silent exchange with a frown. “It’s fine.” He finally spoke with a smile. “Not like we all won’t be involved anyway right? I’m... actually I’m rather excited.”
River didn’t say anything as they discussed the topic, instead choosing to study the table before her. She didn’t know what that look had meant, but the fact that it happened at all meant Amy knew something. Something she didn’t. What the hell kind of best friend was she then?
“River.” The Doctor’s foot nudged hers and she looked up, startled out of her thoughts.
“What?”
“See? She’s been like that all week. You can’t blame pregnancy brain until you’re actually pregnant.” Amy pointed out with a shrug. “Anyway, I’m off - I promised Rory I’d not be long. He wants to go to the cinema tonight. You two have fun with your baby-planning.” Amy stood with a grin and dropped a kiss on River’s cheek before leaning across and doing the same to the Doctor.
River didn’t see her out - there was really no need, Amy just shouted a good bye from the hall and the door fell shut behind her. “What’s the matter?” The Doctor asked her and River stood nervously, draining their cups and putting them in the dishwasher before she shook her head.
“Nothing at all.” She spoke brightly as she walked out of the kitchen and down the hall. She threw the deadbolt on the door and turned to find him right behind her. “God, John!” She exclaimed, putting a hand out, “You scared me.”
“You’re lying to me, River.” He followed her back up the hall, taking her by the elbow and pulling her to a halt as she avoided his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. That’s what’s wrong - none of this seems - and it should, shouldn’t it? This should be odd or awkward or - what if it was a mista-” Her voice was agitated and his mouth on hers cut off her flow of words, and she wondered if he didn’t want to hear them.
He tugged on her hips, pulling her into his frame and she felt a slow heat ignite within her as she opened her mouth under his. He was just so - so damn good at this. He tasted so good and felt so good and looked so good. He fought with her and liked it, and made her laugh with him almost all the time. This had been such a bad idea from the viewpoint of her heart.
But everything that she enjoyed - liked, respected and yes, maybe even loved a bit - about him, she wanted all of that for her child. She wanted this baby to have a father, she did. She’d been resigned to doing it on her own, she’d have been stellar at it on her own - she knew that. But how could she not give her baby this wonderful man?
She moaned against his mouth as he walked her down the hall, his hands roaming across her body. They hit her bedroom door with a thump, her hands under his shirt and his jacket long abandoned halfway down the hall. Every time he touched her she felt this rush - felt things she hadn’t felt since she was a god damned teenager. He was all over her, hands on skin and lips and tongue, pressing her down into the mattress as she pulled and grasped at him, yanking offending clothing away. She pressed kisses to his shoulders and chest, bit at the long lines of his neck, gripped him everywhere she could reach as he touched her like he was a god damn expert, drawing one, two orgasms from her until she lay trembling underneath him.
He slid within her, his arm hooked under one leg and she moaned at the depth he reached as he moved over her. He kissed her once more, sloppy but so delicious as she slid a hand between their bodies, helping herself along to a third orgasm. It didn’t take long at all before she cried out sharply, her mouth by his ear as she said his name, and he followed quickly after her, his hips moving erratically.
He lay on top of her afterward, both of them breathing heavily and she laughed softly. “You can’t just do that whenever I say something you don’t like.” She pointed out in a dry tone, wrapping her arms and legs around his frame and preventing him from pulling out right away. He looked down at her with a smug grin.
“Or what?”
“I’ll never say anything you like ever again?” She sighed, finally pressing a soft kiss against his chin and releasing her hold on him. He slid away from her, dragging the kicked aside duvet over both of them as he lay next to her.
“Here.” He pulled a pillow from the top of the bed, sliding it under her hips and pressing a soft kiss to her side before he moved back up to her side. “Half-hour.” She turned her head toward him with a sigh.
“Done your research haven’t you?” She teased him and he nodded, his hands combing through her hair gently.
“I want this, River, I do. Don’t - don’t lose sight of that, yeah?” She swallowed, licking her lips and looking at him apologetically.
“I’m sorry - I don’t want you to ever think I’m second guessing that decision, because I’m not. I don’t think - honestly John I don’t think I could have done better by this baby than you for a Dad.” He smiled at that and she flushed, shifting uncomfortably on the pillow before she looked back at him. “I just worry that - it’s all too perfect you know? Which is stupid and terrible of me, I know but I worry. I’m -” She ran a hand through her own hair, dragging her nails across her scalp in frustration. “I don’t ever want this to hurt our friendship.” She whispered, her eyes locked on the ceiling above them. And the worst part was, she was lying even now, and she knew it.
It had already altered the landscape of their friendship.
“It won’t River, I promised you.” He smoothed a hand down her side soothingly and she closed her eyes, fighting to produce a smile. “You’ll see.” He pressed a soft kiss to the side of her face and her smile eased a bit, and felt less forced. “We’ll be better.”
She wanted to believe him. And really, with or without a baby - there was no going back now. So she lay beside him, his hands warm against her skin and hoped that he was right.
xx
He stayed with her those entire three days and she became so accustomed to him so frighteningly fast that even now, a little over a week after he’d left, she missed him.
She saw him every day, so it was ridiculous. It was a preposterous idea for her to miss him, but her house felt quieter, her bed felt emptier and she was cold all the time, despite turning up her heating and piling jumpers on.
He hadn’t pushed at all, though he did seem to text her more frequently, nothing else had changed afterward and she felt vaguely... disappointed by that fact. She sighed, pulling a cardigan out of her closet as she got ready to go to Amy’s for their weekly dinner. Her cell phone rang and she glanced down at the screen, seeing Dr. Jones’ number there. “Hullo?”
“River, hi, how are you?” Martha’s voice was warm and cheery and River smiled to hear it.
“Good. Well, a bit antsy really, I mean - waiting is difficult and I’m trying very hard to not get my hopes up, but, you know...” River trailed off as she moved down the hall to her front entry.
“Which is actually why I’m calling, I thought we’d have you come in late this week for a blood test.” Martha enthused, her voice bright in River’s ear. “We can get a hormone level reading, in case implantation didn’t occur and discuss medicinal options, if you want to try some new medications this next round or if you’d rather stick with the Clomid. And of course, since that will be just over thirteen days after ovulation, if you are pregnant we’ll know, and we can start planning your regular visits.” Martha explained practically and River nodded, even though the doctor couldn’t see her.
“Um, yeah - yes. I thought I’d have to wait longer than that, actually, so that’s excellent news.” River smiled, as she thought about it.
“Excellent - I’m gonna put you through to Lucy, she’ll book it for you, tell her this Thursday alright? And we’ll see you then!” Martha transferred and River pulled her shoes on as she booked the appointment with Dr. Jones’ secretary, before hanging up and blinking down at her phone.
She hadn’t expected to know that quickly. And suddenly she felt like she was a bundle of nerves. What if she wasn’t pregnant? What if she was? Oh god. It occupied her thoughts the entire drive to Amy’s house. She rang the bell, the whole time her mind swimming with the limit of six days. One hundred and forty-four hours - well a little less since her appointment was Thursday morning. Amy opened the door with a grin. “Hiya, what are you ringing the bell for? Come on in - you’re the last to arrive.”
River followed her in, kicking off her shoes and shrugging her winter coat off before following Amy down the hall to the kitchen, where Rory and the Doctor were sat around the kitchen table. “You’re late, Song! I nearly died from shock when I realized I’d gotten here before you.” The Doctor pointed at her with a disbelieving grin.
“Sorry! My doctor called as I was leaving the house.” She explained as she sat down to his left and Amy slid a cup of decaf tea in front of her. River smiled gratefully up at her and the Doctor sat up straighter.
“What for?” He asked the question quickly and River waved a hand in dismissal.
“No, nothing - well - something. I have an appointment on Thursday so they can do a blood test for hormone levels and apparently they can tell me if it, you know, took.” She shrugged and Amy bounced in her seat slightly.
“That soon?! Oh you must be so excited, are you excited? I’m excited!”
River smiled indulgently at Amy’s enthusiasm. “I’m - I’m - I don’t know what I am actually. Excited and nervous and scared.” She took a deep breath and felt John’s hand take hers under the table, squeezing in reassurance. She smiled over at him, her nerves settling a bit. “I wasn’t sure - I mean, it’s just a blood test obviously but you’re welcome to come along, if you’d like.”
“Yeah, I absolutely would like.” He agreed, his thumb stroking across the back of her hand as he nodded. She felt her skin tingle as warmth bloomed in her stomach and she felt the heat spread. He was holding her hand for Christ’s sake. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, but that only resulted in the scent of him invading her senses and she ached with the urge to - to - to touch him, or climb on top of him and- “River?”
Her eyes flew open and she flushed. “Oh! Yes, sorry. I was just- I got distracted.”
Amy and Rory laughed, shaking their heads in unison. “You’re losing your mind. Is this what we have to look forward to? Alright, when’s your appointment Thursday. Because clearly we need a team lunch immediately afterward, because I will be dying to know.” Amy spoke with authority and River laughed softly.
“Thursday at 10.” She tucked some hair behind her ear with her left hand, hoping that didn’t look odd, but John still held her right.
“Right. I vote we just all skiv off that day. Book a vacation day or something, because either way you won’t be getting any work done, and either way, neither will I. Nor the Doctor. Rory - well, solidarity.” Amy nodded and River laughed.
“I can’t just-”
“Yes, you can. And you will.” Amy slapped the table for emphasis. “I have spoken!”
xx
Amy, as it turned out was a force to be reckoned with, which was how River found herself waking up later than usual on Thursday morning, to the sound of her doorbell being repeatedly rung. She groaned, hauling herself out of bed and looking around for the pyjama pants she’d slipped off before crawling into bed last night, but she couldn’t see them anywhere in her still sleepy state so she shrugged, simply pulling her robe on over her tank top and knickers, tying it around the waist as she stumbled down the hall. “One minute!” She grumbled even though whoever was at her front door couldn’t hear her. She yanked the door open to see the Doctor, a paper bag and tray in hand.
“Finally. Were you still asleep River?” He moved past her without invitation and she shook her head, closing and locking to door only to turn around and see his back entering her kitchen. “Come on then, I have hot chocolate for you!” He called over his shoulder and she popped her head round the doorframe.
“Just give me one minute, please.” She made her way to the loo and rushed through her usual routine, frowning at her reflection with a sigh before re-tying her robe and moving back into the kitchen to find him sitting at her table with two plates of pancakes, bacon and various sliced fruit along with a take away cup of hot chocolate in front of hers and she presumed coffee in front of his, judging by the smell. “What on earth?”
He shrugged, getting up and pushing her down into her seat gently. “I figured you’d be too keyed up to eat properly, or make yourself anything this morning. So I swung by Cora’s-” Her eyes lit up at the mention of her favourite breakfast place and she grinned down at her plate, “and got your favourite. Because I thought you know, maybe you’d eat then. Also I’ve been up since five, I may be slightly excited. Not all of us can sleep in, you know, lazy.”
She gasped, a fork full of strawberry pancakes halfway to her mouth. “I was up last night - too keyed up to sleep thank you very much, John!” She glared at him indignantly before eating her bite and moaning. “Oh god, this is amazing. You shouldn’t set such a high standard this early on you know. I’m going to have ridiculously unrealistic expectations all during pregnancy. Possibly beyond.” She laughed and he shrugged, digging into his own plate.
“I’m going to do my level best to meet them. I mean, with all you’ll be going through...” He glanced over at her with a small smile and she smiled back. They continued to eat in companionable silence for a while. He finished first; sitting back and watching her eat with a contemplative look. “Are you nervous?”
She nodded, wondering how to elaborate on that. Because she was, incredibly nervous about the results. If she was pregnant, everything changed. And if she wasn’t, they got to try again. She felt a flush crawl up her neck at the thought and shook her head. “Yes, a bit. I don’t know. I’m trying not to think about it, but it’s difficult.” She pushed her empty plate back and leaned back in her chair, cradling her hot chocolate in her hands.
“It’s okay if you’re not - we’ll just try again.” He moved his chair closer to hers as he spoke, leaning forward to rest a hand on her knee and she smiled in appreciation.
“I know.” She nodded in agreement. “It’s - honestly I think I find the possibly of us being pregnant more scary than not. It will just all be really real then. It could be real right now.” She put her cup down and glanced at her own abdomen, laying a hand there and frowning before looking up to catch his bright smile. “What?” She asked.
“You said us - I guess I just - it just occurred to me that you really consider this something of ours, and I don’t know that any other woman would, River. This,” He lifted his hand from her knee and laced his fingers through the hand on top of her belly as he stared at her, “this wasn’t a mistake. It may have been the best idea I’ve ever had.”
“We’ll see if you’re still saying that in a year’s time.” She scoffed, wondering at the plausibility of it all. What would they do if they had a baby? His hand squeezed hers and brought her out of her thoughts.
“Stop it. We’ll deal with whatever comes. In the meantime, what exactly are you wearing under this robe Miss Song?” He eyed her speculatively and she laughed out loud in surprise.
“You are terrible.”
“And you need to go get ready. Come on. Don’t want to be late!”
xx
They sat side by side in the office, waiting. He was bouncing his legs in a nervous tick and she put her hand on his knee and glared at him. “You need to stop, you are making me worse. “ She spoke evenly and he smiled apologetically.
“Sorry, sorry! I know, I know. I’m just - how long does it take?” He took her right hand in his left one and laced his own fingers through it. Behind them the office door opened and they both whipped their heads around.
“Hi, River!” Martha grinned as she walked around her desk with a sheet of paper and sat. Her smile was warm and welcoming, but no more so than usual and her face was impossible to read. “And you must be John, right?”
He nodded, not arguing about the name, which River was thankful for, because honestly you don’t tell an actual doctor to call you Doctor when you didn’t even hold the title. “Yes, nice to meet you.” His hand gripped River’s tightly and she took a deep breath, looking at Martha.
“Well?!” She burst the question out impatiently and Martha grinned, laughing.
“Oh impatient aren’t we? Well you’re going to have to get over that because you’ll need all the patience you can get.” Martha hesitated and River leaned forward, her hand gripping John’s so tightly she felt like it was the only thing anchoring her. “You’re pregnant.” Martha grinned and River gasped, sitting back in shock. She stared at her hand in his, held so tightly it was turning white around the joints. She concentrated on breathing, unable to process the information.
She was pregnant.
Martha was speaking and she could hear John but she couldn’t focus. It was like white noise in her head as she stared down.
Pregnant.
She was - there was something growing within her - someone. Her child, oh god, their child. She looked up at John, who was staring at her with concern. She smiled, beamed and he grinned in return. He disentangled his hand from hers and placed both of their palms against her stomach.
“Hello Mum.” He whispered and she grinned, laughing out loud.
“Hello Daddy.”
(3/6)