(no subject)
I apologize to all my friends; I know I'm not a very consistent updater, if you want to unfriend me I understand
I got down to 103 pounds last week, and it felt awesome. I, for the first time, actually realized that I looked thing. My pants clungs to my hip bones, and sagged around my inner thighs, and it was almost painful to put my hands on my hips because my potruding hip bones. My shirt was baggy around my stomach, and my face looked sallow. My friend furrowed her eyebrows and looked me up and down when she picked me and asked if i wanted to get something to eat.
Well. THat was before my little weekend binge that I want to shoot myself for. Is it REALLY possible to go from 103 to 112? Hopefully it was just all the sodium from the diet soda and period weight. Well. I'm DETERMINED to get down to 103.
I hate when i do REALLY well in school and then I slowly watch my grades start to deteriorate, i get this sinking feeling in the put o f my stomach and I'm just like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'ts overwhelming. I am engulfed with a feeling of failure. I watch as my perfectionist friend from freshman year continues to get a pluses, and she has lost like twenty pounds since last year...it makes me so disgusted with myself. I'm going to risk sounding jealous and self centered and say...that was supposed to be my area! She has the grades, at least give me the weight.
I'll post more tomorrow.
I got down to 103 pounds last week, and it felt awesome. I, for the first time, actually realized that I looked thing. My pants clungs to my hip bones, and sagged around my inner thighs, and it was almost painful to put my hands on my hips because my potruding hip bones. My shirt was baggy around my stomach, and my face looked sallow. My friend furrowed her eyebrows and looked me up and down when she picked me and asked if i wanted to get something to eat.
Well. THat was before my little weekend binge that I want to shoot myself for. Is it REALLY possible to go from 103 to 112? Hopefully it was just all the sodium from the diet soda and period weight. Well. I'm DETERMINED to get down to 103.
I hate when i do REALLY well in school and then I slowly watch my grades start to deteriorate, i get this sinking feeling in the put o f my stomach and I'm just like fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I'ts overwhelming. I am engulfed with a feeling of failure. I watch as my perfectionist friend from freshman year continues to get a pluses, and she has lost like twenty pounds since last year...it makes me so disgusted with myself. I'm going to risk sounding jealous and self centered and say...that was supposed to be my area! She has the grades, at least give me the weight.
I'll post more tomorrow.