this is way beyond my remote concern..
the shins.
my feelings are pretty hurt.. it just feels like ryan doesn't care as much as he used to. in the beginning he'd always get on as soon as he got home, so iknew he was home.. he might go away to eat or something, but that's cool. but now, he doesn't even do that.. it's 10pm, and he told me he'd be on as soon as he got home from this stupid club thing... i called his phone twice. didn't asnwer. i called his house, and his mom said he was there. and had been so since 8. i worry SO much that he's not home, and then i always feel like a jackass 'cause he always is. this weekend, he could have come up here. he said "the next friday i have off i'll stay." did he? no. he went home. he could have come up later tonight, and then stayed the night 'til tomorrow. of course not. i go home all the time to hang out with him. i feel like i'm giving and giving and hardly getting anything back. i can't tell him this, c'ause i don't wnat to hurt his feelings.. and he never really answers anyway. he'd always put that he loved me in his away messages, and now he doesn't all the time.. i miss when he would get online just to talk to me. now, he gets online when he feels like it. he told me twenty minutes ago he'd be on. is he? no.. i feel like he wants to break up with me. i really don't want him to.. i really do love him, so much. i miss when he would send me those random text messages with the sweetest messages... he doesn't do that anymore. i miss when he'd randomly tell me he loved me. doesn't anymore. only when i say it first, or when he's going to bed.
tonight, he'll get on at like ten to 11, and then talk to me for ten minutes, and say he has to get off to go to bed. only, he won't go to bed. he'll go back to watching tv for hours on end. yea. i guess that's just what i have to deal with. :(
if i didn't love him so much, this wouldn't work.
my feelings are pretty hurt.. it just feels like ryan doesn't care as much as he used to. in the beginning he'd always get on as soon as he got home, so iknew he was home.. he might go away to eat or something, but that's cool. but now, he doesn't even do that.. it's 10pm, and he told me he'd be on as soon as he got home from this stupid club thing... i called his phone twice. didn't asnwer. i called his house, and his mom said he was there. and had been so since 8. i worry SO much that he's not home, and then i always feel like a jackass 'cause he always is. this weekend, he could have come up here. he said "the next friday i have off i'll stay." did he? no. he went home. he could have come up later tonight, and then stayed the night 'til tomorrow. of course not. i go home all the time to hang out with him. i feel like i'm giving and giving and hardly getting anything back. i can't tell him this, c'ause i don't wnat to hurt his feelings.. and he never really answers anyway. he'd always put that he loved me in his away messages, and now he doesn't all the time.. i miss when he would get online just to talk to me. now, he gets online when he feels like it. he told me twenty minutes ago he'd be on. is he? no.. i feel like he wants to break up with me. i really don't want him to.. i really do love him, so much. i miss when he would send me those random text messages with the sweetest messages... he doesn't do that anymore. i miss when he'd randomly tell me he loved me. doesn't anymore. only when i say it first, or when he's going to bed.
tonight, he'll get on at like ten to 11, and then talk to me for ten minutes, and say he has to get off to go to bed. only, he won't go to bed. he'll go back to watching tv for hours on end. yea. i guess that's just what i have to deal with. :(
if i didn't love him so much, this wouldn't work.