was always on my mind
you've been there from the start, for me..
you know how i know this one is different? (okay, that's so cliche, and i know everyone says that about every guy they ever date, but hear me out.) every time i date someone, i always go around proclaiming it, and i'm like, "i'm dating so and so! i love him SOOOO much!!". With Ryan, i haven't done that. if people ask, i tell them i'm dating him, i don't hide it,, but i don't feel like i need to exclaim it to the world. there's nothing i need to prove to anyone. even the way i feel about him is different from everyone else. he's the first guy that i feel like i know... know extremly well. maybe not all of his dreams, or ambitions, or his past, but i know him. i know his feelings, and how he'll react. you know how we always try to do stupid stuff to make guys mad? i never want to make ryan mad. not even playful angry. it's like... i don't know.. there's something different with us. something i've never had before. even when he does stuff that if anyone else was doing it, i'd get mad, i never get mad at him... when he doesn't call, i might complain out loud, and my roommates do their duty as roommates and bash him, but then i defend him as soon as it comes out of their mouth. or, if i say, "he's such a jackass!" the first words out of my mouth right after are, "no, no he's not." becuase i know that it's not true. I'd be afraid to find out if he didn't feel the same way. but i don't think he doesn't. i mean, i think that he does feel the same way. i don't know how to express to him how i feel. it's the first time i've ever been at a loss for words. i always know what to say, and when to say it. with ryan, i don't. it's like i'm in a constant state of amazement, totally at a loss for words.
and i wonder.. why don't we do what we want to? i'd want nothing more than to drive home and just see him tonight. you know why? society. practical reasons: gas is too expensive, it's not practical to drive that far to see him for an hour, he works until 9, he has no idea i'd be coming, (not that he would mind if i did come), and i'd be so tired by the time i had to drive back, if i did at all, and i have class at 9 am. i want nothing more than for the next three years to go by as quickly as they can, so that i can just be with him every day. he's the only guy i've ever dated that i haven't gotten bored with. there's always something between us.
i don't know why i felt i needed to write this down. maybe in hopes that he'd read it and understand. chances are, he won't. i'm not even sure he knows that this exists. and it would be silly to tell him to come read it.
just as long as he knows i love him, i'm okay.
you know how i know this one is different? (okay, that's so cliche, and i know everyone says that about every guy they ever date, but hear me out.) every time i date someone, i always go around proclaiming it, and i'm like, "i'm dating so and so! i love him SOOOO much!!". With Ryan, i haven't done that. if people ask, i tell them i'm dating him, i don't hide it,, but i don't feel like i need to exclaim it to the world. there's nothing i need to prove to anyone. even the way i feel about him is different from everyone else. he's the first guy that i feel like i know... know extremly well. maybe not all of his dreams, or ambitions, or his past, but i know him. i know his feelings, and how he'll react. you know how we always try to do stupid stuff to make guys mad? i never want to make ryan mad. not even playful angry. it's like... i don't know.. there's something different with us. something i've never had before. even when he does stuff that if anyone else was doing it, i'd get mad, i never get mad at him... when he doesn't call, i might complain out loud, and my roommates do their duty as roommates and bash him, but then i defend him as soon as it comes out of their mouth. or, if i say, "he's such a jackass!" the first words out of my mouth right after are, "no, no he's not." becuase i know that it's not true. I'd be afraid to find out if he didn't feel the same way. but i don't think he doesn't. i mean, i think that he does feel the same way. i don't know how to express to him how i feel. it's the first time i've ever been at a loss for words. i always know what to say, and when to say it. with ryan, i don't. it's like i'm in a constant state of amazement, totally at a loss for words.
and i wonder.. why don't we do what we want to? i'd want nothing more than to drive home and just see him tonight. you know why? society. practical reasons: gas is too expensive, it's not practical to drive that far to see him for an hour, he works until 9, he has no idea i'd be coming, (not that he would mind if i did come), and i'd be so tired by the time i had to drive back, if i did at all, and i have class at 9 am. i want nothing more than for the next three years to go by as quickly as they can, so that i can just be with him every day. he's the only guy i've ever dated that i haven't gotten bored with. there's always something between us.
i don't know why i felt i needed to write this down. maybe in hopes that he'd read it and understand. chances are, he won't. i'm not even sure he knows that this exists. and it would be silly to tell him to come read it.
just as long as he knows i love him, i'm okay.