Vikings, the NFL, Music Clichés (all while listening to Office Metal X-Mas Songs!)
Vikings vs Bears 13-23 Regular Season Week 13
Way late... oh well. Better lathe than nephrack. Have had more important things on my mind.
Chicago clinched the Division title with this win anyways...
The Basics
Minnesota 0 3 3 7 :13
-Chicago- 0 7 14 2 :231stQ:
[no scoring]
2ndQ:
0-7 TD-Hester
3-7 FG-Longwell
3rdQ:
6-7 FG-Longwell
6-14 TD-Manning
6-21 TD-Benson
4thQ:
6-23 Safety-Johnson
13-23 TD-Fason
First Quarter
Minnesota Vikings at 15:00
R.Longwell kicks 56 yards from MIN 30 to CHI 14. R.Davis to CHI 31 for 17 yards (C.Griffin). FUMBLES (C.Griffin), RECOVERED by MIN-R.Davis at CHI 31.
1-10-CHI31 (14:55) B.Johnson pass to C.Taylor to CHI 29 for 2 yards (B.Urlacher).
2-8-CHI29 (14:14) PENALTY on MIN-J.Whittle, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 29 - No Play.
2-13-CHI34 (13:52) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to J.Kleinsasser (C.Harris).
3-13-CHI34 (13:46) B.Johnson pass incomplete to C.Taylor [A.Ogunleye].
4-13-CHI34 (13:46) (Punt formation) C.Kluwe to CHI 34 for no gain. FUMBLES, and recovers at CHI 49. C.Kluwe punts 26 yards to CHI 8, downed by MIN-C.Griffin.
PENALTY on MIN-B.Leber, Ineligible Downfield Kick, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 34 - No Play.
4-18-CHI39 (13:31) C.Kluwe punts 30 yards to CHI 9, Center-C.Loeffler, out of bounds.
Chicago Bears at 13:23
1-10-CHI9 (13:23) R.Grossman pass incomplete to T.Jones.
2-10-CHI9 (13:17) R.Grossman pass short left to B.Berrian to CHI 19 for 10 yards (E.Henderson).
1-10-CHI19 (12:42) T.Jones right end to CHI 30 for 11 yards (E.Henderson). Penalty on MIN-P.Williams, Defensive Offside, declined.
1-10-CHI30 (12:18) T.Jones left end pushed ob at CHI 33 for 3 yards (C.Griffin).
2-7-CHI33 (11:55) R.Grossman pass short right to M.Muhammad pushed ob at CHI 38 for 5 yards (D.Smith).
3-2-CHI38 (11:30) R.Grossman pass incomplete to M.Muhammad.
4-2-CHI38 (11:24) B.Maynard punts 47 yards to MIN 15, Center-P.Mannelly. M.Moore to MIN 41 for 26 yards (D.McClover).
PENALTY on MIN-R.Whitaker, Illegal Block Above the Waist, 9 yards, enforced at MIN 18.
Minnesota Vikings at 11:06
1-10-MIN9 (11:06) B.Johnson pass short left to M.Robinson to MIN 17 for 8 yards (N.Vasher, H.Hillenmeyer) [T.Harris].
2-2-MIN17 (10:26) C.Taylor left tackle to MIN 18 for 1 yard (Ta.Johnson, B.Urlacher).
3-1-MIN18 (9:44) B.Johnson pass short right intended for J.Kleinsasser INTERCEPTED by D.Manning [Ta.Johnson] at MIN 33. D.Manning to MIN 22 for 11 yards (R.Owens).
Chicago Bears at 09:35
1-10-MIN22 (9:35) T.Jones right tackle to MIN 22 for no gain (E.Henderson).
2-10-MIN22 (9:01) R.Grossman pass incomplete deep right to D.Clark (A.Winfield).
3-10-MIN22 (8:55) R.Grossman pass short middle intended for R.Davis INTERCEPTED by N.Harris at MIN 11. N.Harris to MIN 22 for 11 yards (R.Davis).
Minnesota Vikings at 08:46
1-10-MIN22 (8:46) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to M.Robinson (I.Scott).
2-10-MIN22 (8:44) C.Taylor left tackle to MIN 29 for 7 yards (I.Idonije, C.Tillman).
3-3-MIN29 (8:06) (Shotgun) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Robinson to MIN 37 for 8 yards (C.Tillman). FUMBLES (C.Tillman), recovered by MIN-J.Wiggins at MIN 35. J.Wiggins to MIN 35 for no gain (C.Harris).
1-10-MIN35 (7:25) C.Taylor left end to MIN 42 for 7 yards (D.Manning).
2-3-MIN42 (6:52) C.Taylor left guard to MIN 48 for 6 yards (C.Harris).
1-10-MIN48 (6:16) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to C.Taylor.
2-10-MIN48 (6:12) C.Fason left tackle to CHI 48 for 4 yards (A.Ogunleye).
3-6-CHI48 (5:34) B.Johnson sacked at MIN 45 for -7 yards (L.Briggs).
PENALTY on CHI-C.Tillman, Defensive Holding, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 48 - No Play.
1-10-CHI43 (5:10) B.Johnson left guard to CHI 41 for 2 yards (A.Boone).
2-8-CHI41 (4:33) (Pass formation) B.Johnson scrambles right end to CHI 40 for 1 yard (A.Brown).
3-7-CHI40 (3:48) (Shotgun)
PENALTY on MIN-J.Whittle, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 40 - No Play.
3-12-CHI45 (3:23) (Shotgun) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Moore to CHI 41 for 4 yards (L.Briggs).
4-8-CHI41 (2:40) C.Kluwe punts 22 yards to CHI 19, Center-C.Loeffler, downed by MIN-R.Owens.
Chicago Bears at 02:31
1-10-CHI19 (2:31) C.Benson right tackle to CHI 22 for 3 yards (B.Leber, E.Henderson).
2-7-CHI22 (1:57) C.Benson right tackle to CHI 26 for 4 yards (S.Johnson).
3-3-CHI26 (1:15) T.Jones right tackle to CHI 42 for 16 yards (D.Sharper).
1-10-CHI42 (:36) C.Benson left guard to CHI 48 for 6 yards (E.Henderson).
Second Quarter
Chicago Bears continued...
2-4-CHI48 (15:00) R.Grossman pass deep right intended for B.Berrian INTERCEPTED by A.Winfield at MIN 7. A.Winfield pushed ob at MIN 7 for no gain (B.Berrian).
Minnesota Vikings at 14:51
1-10-MIN7 (14:51) C.Taylor left tackle to MIN 9 for 2 yards (C.Harris, Ta.Johnson).
2-8-MIN9 (14:14) C.Taylor left end to MIN 11 for 2 yards (L.Briggs).
3-6-MIN11 (13:32) (Shotgun)
PENALTY on MIN-R.Cook, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 11 - No Play.
3-11-MIN6 (13:12) M.Moore right guard to MIN 8 for 2 yards (M.Anderson, L.Briggs).
4-9-MIN8 (13:12) C.Kluwe punts 37 yards to MIN 45, Center-C.Loeffler. D.Hester for 45 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
Chicago Bears at 12:20
R.Gould extra point is GOOD, Center-P.Mannelly, Holder-B.Maynard.
MIN 0 CHI 7
Chicago Bears at 12:20
R.Gould kicks 57 yards from CHI 30 to MIN 13. Be.Johnson pushed ob at MIN 38 for 25 yards (R.Manning).
Minnesota Vikings at 12:13
1-10-MIN38 (12:13) C.Taylor right guard to MIN 38 for no gain (C.Harris).
2-10-MIN38 (11:40) C.Taylor left tackle pushed ob at CHI 20 for 42 yards (D.Manning).
1-10-CHI20 (11:09) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to J.Wiggins (C.Harris) [B.Urlacher].
PENALTY on CHI-B.Urlacher, Roughing the Passer, 10 yards, enforced at CHI 20 - No Play.
1-10-CHI10 (11:02) C.Taylor left end to CHI 9 for 1 yard (H.Hillenmeyer).
2-9-CHI9 (10:25) C.Taylor right guard to CHI 5 for 4 yards (C.Harris).
3-5-CHI5 (9:40) B.Johnson pass short middle to J.Wiggins to CHI 5 for no gain (C.Harris, B.Urlacher).
4-5-CHI5 (8:58) R.Longwell 23 yard field goal is GOOD, Center-C.Loeffler, Holder-C.Kluwe.
MIN 3 CHI 7, Plays: 6 Yards: 57 Possession: 3:26.
Minnesota Vikings at 08:54
R.Longwell kicks 63 yards from MIN 30 to CHI 7. D.Hester to CHI 34 for 27 yards (H.Farwell).
Chicago Bears at 08:47
1-10-CHI34 (8:47) C.Benson right tackle to CHI 42 for 8 yards (B.Leber, D.Sharper).
2-2-CHI42 (8:15) C.Benson left guard to CHI 45 for 3 yards (R.Kolodziej, J.Mitchell).
1-10-CHI45 (7:30) PENALTY on CHI-R.Garza, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 45 - No Play.
1-15-CHI40 (7:12) C.Benson right tackle to 50 for 10 yards (D.Sharper, D.Smith).
2-5-50 (6:29) R.Grossman to CHI 47 for -3 yards (D.Sharper). #57 Kreutz stepped on #8 Grossman's foot at snap
3-8-CHI47 (5:57) R.Grossman pass incomplete short left to D.Clark.
4-8-CHI47 (5:50) B.Maynard punts 44 yards to MIN 9, Center-P.Mannelly, downed by CHI-D.Wesley.
Minnesota Vikings at 05:38
1-10-MIN9 (5:38) C.Taylor left guard to MIN 13 for 4 yards (A.Brown).
2-6-MIN13 (4:57) C.Fason right guard to MIN 14 for 1 yard (B.Urlacher).
3-5-MIN14 (4:16) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Moore to MIN 18 for 4 yards (D.Manning).
4-1-MIN18 (4:16) C.Kluwe punts 22 yards to MIN 40, Center-C.Loeffler. D.Wesley MUFFS catch, RECOVERED by MIN-B.Leber at MIN 40. B.Leber to MIN 40 for no gain (Team).
1-10-MIN40 (3:40) C.Taylor left tackle to MIN 40 for no gain (T.Harris).
2-10-MIN40 (3:03) B.Johnson pass incomplete deep left to M.Robinson.
3-10-MIN40 (2:58) (Shotgun) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to M.Robinson.
4-10-MIN40 (2:52) C.Kluwe punts 20 yards to CHI 40, Center-C.Loeffler, downed by MIN-G.Blue.
Chicago Bears at 02:42
1-10-CHI40 (2:42) T.Jones right guard to CHI 38 for -2 yards (E.Henderson).
2-12-CHI38 (2:10) R.Grossman pass short right to B.Berrian to CHI 45 for 7 yards (C.Griffin).
3-5-CHI45 (2:00) (Shotgun) R.Grossman sacked at CHI 35 for -10 yards (D.Scott).
4-15-CHI35 (1:53) B.Maynard punts 65 yards to end zone, Center-P.Mannelly, Touchback.
Minnesota Vikings at 01:45
1-10-MIN20 (1:45) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Moore ran ob at MIN 31 for 11 yards (L.Briggs).
1-10-MIN31 (1:39) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to M.Robinson.
2-10-MIN31 (1:36) C.Taylor left guard to MIN 30 for -1 yards (H.Hillenmeyer).
PENALTY on CHI-T.Harris, Defensive Offside, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 31 - No Play.
2-5-MIN36 (1:32) C.Fason right guard to MIN 46 for 10 yards (L.Briggs).
1-10-MIN46 (1:00) C.Taylor right tackle to MIN 49 for 3 yards (M.Anderson, H.Hillenmeyer).
2-7-MIN49 (:53) (Shotgun) B.Johnson pass short right to T.Taylor ran ob at CHI 47 for 4 yards (L.Briggs).
3-3-CHI47 (:47) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to B.McMullen.
4-3-CHI47 (:47) C.Kluwe punts 47 yards to end zone, Center-C.Loeffler, Touchback.
Chicago Bears at 00:33
1-10-CHI20 (:33) R.Grossman kneels to CHI 18 for -2 yards.
Third Quarter
Chicago Bears at 15:00
R.Gould kicks 55 yards from CHI 30 to MIN 15. Be.Johnson to MIN 30 for 15 yards (R.Wilson).
PENALTY on MIN-G.Blue, Offensive Holding, 10 yards, enforced at MIN 29.
Minnesota Vikings at 14:54
1-10-MIN19 (14:54) B.Johnson pass short left to M.Robinson pushed ob at MIN 24 for 5 yards (N.Vasher).
2-5-MIN24 (14:33) C.Taylor right guard to MIN 30 for 6 yards (T.Harris). CHI-T.Harris was injured during the play. He is Out.
1-10-MIN30 (14:03) B.Johnson pass short right to T.Taylor to MIN 35 for 5 yards (C.Tillman).
2-5-MIN35 (13:29) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to M.Moore.
3-5-MIN35 (13:20) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Moore pushed ob at CHI 41 for 24 yards (C.Harris).
PENALTY on CHI-C.Harris, Personal Foul, 15 yards, enforced at CHI 41.
1-10-CHI26 (12:57) B.Johnson scrambles right end to CHI 26 for no gain (Ta.Johnson).
2-10-CHI26 (12:16) C.Taylor left tackle to CHI 15 for 11 yards (D.Manning).
1-10-CHI15 (11:38) C.Taylor left tackle to CHI 13 for 2 yards (A.Boone).
2-8-CHI13 (10:58) C.Taylor left guard to CHI 12 for 1 yard (A.Boone).
3-7-CHI12 (10:15) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to J.Kleinsasser.
4-7-CHI12 (10:10) R.Longwell 30 yard field goal is GOOD, Center-C.Loeffler, Holder-C.Kluwe.
MIN 6 CHI 7, Plays: 11 Yards: 69 Possession: 4:53.
Minnesota Vikings at 10:07
R.Longwell kicks 54 yards from MIN 30 to CHI 16. D.Hester to CHI 36 for 20 yards (R.Whitaker).
Chicago Bears at 10:02
1-10-CHI36 (10:02) R.Grossman pass intended for M.Muhammad INTERCEPTED by B.Leber (P.Williams) at CHI 36. B.Leber to CHI 46 for -10 yards (M.Muhammad).
Minnesota Vikings at 09:55
1-10-CHI46 (9:55) B.Johnson pass short left intended for J.Dugan INTERCEPTED by L.Briggs at CHI 36. L.Briggs to CHI 36 for no gain (J.Dugan).
Chicago Bears at 09:46
1-10-CHI36 (9:46) T.Jones left end to CHI 38 for 2 yards (D.Smith).
2-8-CHI38 (9:09) PENALTY on MIN-N.Harris, Encroachment, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 38 - No Play.
2-3-CHI43 (8:54) T.Jones left end pushed ob at CHI 45 for 2 yards (D.Sharper).
3-1-CHI45 (8:26) T.Jones right end to 50 for 5 yards (D.Scott).
1-10-50 (7:53) R.Grossman pass incomplete to J.McKie [D.Scott].
2-10-50 (7:48) T.Jones left tackle to 50 for no gain (R.Kolodziej, N.Harris).
3-10-50 (7:07) (Shotgun) R.Grossman pass incomplete short right to D.Clark.
4-10-50 (7:01) B.Maynard punts 28 yards to MIN 22, Center-P.Mannelly, downed by CHI-C.Worrell.
Minnesota Vikings at 06:54
1-10-MIN22 (6:54) C.Fason right guard to MIN 35 for 13 yards (C.Harris).
1-10-MIN35 (6:07) C.Fason right guard to MIN 48 for 13 yards (C.Harris, D.Manning).
1-10-MIN48 (5:28) M.Moore right guard to CHI 46 for 6 yards (C.Harris).
2-4-CHI46 (4:49) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to T.Taylor.
3-4-CHI46 (4:43) (Shotgun)
PENALTY on MIN-R.Cook, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 46 - No Play.
3-9-MIN49 (4:43) B.Johnson pass short left intended for M.Robinson INTERCEPTED by R.Manning at CHI 46. R.Manning for 54 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
Chicago Bears at 04:33
R.Gould extra point is GOOD, Center-P.Mannelly, Holder-B.Maynard.
MIN 6 CHI 14
Chicago Bears at 04:33
R.Gould kicks 56 yards from CHI 30 to MIN 14. Be.Johnson to MIN 33 for 19 yards (C.Harris, I.Idonije).
Minnesota Vikings at 04:28
1-10-MIN33 (4:28) B.Johnson pass short right intended for C.Taylor INTERCEPTED by B.Urlacher at MIN 35. B.Urlacher to MIN 33 for 2 yards (M.Birk).
Chicago Bears at 04:20
1-10-MIN33 (4:20) C.Benson right tackle to MIN 32 for 1 yard (P.Williams).
2-9-MIN32 (3:45) R.Grossman pass short right to J.McKie pushed ob at MIN 24 for 8 yards (A.Winfield).
3-1-MIN24 (3:16) R.Grossman pass incomplete short right to J.McKie (B.Leber).
4-1-MIN24 (3:12) C.Benson right end for 24 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
R.Gould extra point is GOOD, Center-P.Mannelly, Holder-B.Maynard.
MIN 6 CHI 21, Plays: 4 Yards: 33 Possession: 1:16.
Chicago Bears at 03:04
R.Gould kicks 58 yards from CHI 30 to MIN 12. Be.Johnson MUFFS catch, and recovers at MIN 12. Be.Johnson to MIN 16 for 4 yards (A.Peterson).
Minnesota Vikings at 02:57
1-10-MIN16 (2:57) #9 Bollinger in at QB C.Fason right tackle pushed ob at MIN 30 for 14 yards (B.Urlacher).
1-10-MIN30 (2:31) B.Bollinger sacked at MIN 25 for -5 yards (Ta.Johnson).
2-15-MIN25 (1:49) M.Moore left tackle to MIN 30 for 5 yards (A.Brown).
3-10-MIN30 (1:09) (Shotgun) B.Johnson sacked at MIN 23 for -7 yards (A.Brown).
4-17-MIN23 (1:09) C.Kluwe punts 37 yards to CHI 40, Center-C.Loeffler. D.Hester to MIN 35 for 25 yards (G.Blue, R.Owens).
Chicago Bears at 00:34
1-10-MIN35 (:34) C.Benson left end pushed ob at MIN 34 for 1 yard (E.Henderson).
2-9-MIN34 (:07) R.Grossman pass incomplete short right to J.McKie. Penalty on CHI-F.Miller, Illegal Touch Pass, declined.
Fourth Quarter
Chicago Bears continued...
3-9-MIN34 (15:00) R.Grossman pass short left to B.Berrian to MIN 33 for 1 yard (F.Smoot).
4-8-MIN33 (14:13) B.Maynard punts 31 yards to MIN 2, Center-P.Mannelly, out of bounds.
Minnesota Vikings at 14:06
1-10-MIN2 (14:06) C.Fason left tackle tackled in End Zone for -2 yards, SAFETY (Ta.Johnson, C.Harris).
MIN 6 CHI 23
Minnesota Vikings at 13:59
C.Kluwe kicks 50 yards from MIN 20 to CHI 30. D.Hester to MIN 49 for 21 yards (A.Winfield).
Chicago Bears at 13:52
1-10-MIN49 (13:52) R.Grossman pass incomplete to B.Berrian.
2-10-MIN49 (13:47) T.Jones left tackle to 50 for -1 yards (S.Johnson).
3-11-50 (13:08) (Shotgun) R.Grossman pass short right to B.Berrian to MIN 47 for 3 yards (F.Smoot).
4-8-MIN47 (13:08) B.Maynard punts 40 yards to MIN 7, Center-P.Mannelly. M.Moore to MIN 11 for 4 yards (D.McClover, R.Davis).
Minnesota Vikings at 12:14
1-10-MIN11 (12:14) B.Bollinger pass short middle to J.Wiggins to MIN 17 for 6 yards (H.Hillenmeyer).
2-4-MIN17 (11:41) PENALTY on CHI-A.Ogunleye, Defensive Offside, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 17 - No Play.
1-10-MIN22 (11:23) B.Bollinger pass short left to M.Robinson to MIN 33 for 11 yards (B.Urlacher).
1-10-MIN33 (10:38) B.Bollinger pass short right to B.McMullen pushed ob at MIN 49 for 16 yards (C.Tillman).
1-10-MIN49 (10:04) C.Fason left tackle to CHI 49 for 2 yards (I.Scott).
2-8-CHI49 (9:20) (Shotgun) B.Bollinger pass short right to C.Fason to CHI 46 for 3 yards (B.Urlacher).
3-5-CHI46 (8:35) B.Bollinger pass short right to M.Moore to CHI 38 for 8 yards (B.Urlacher, C.Tillman).
1-10-CHI38 (7:48) B.Bollinger pass incomplete deep left to M.Robinson.
2-10-CHI38 (7:42) C.Fason right end to CHI 30 for 8 yards (C.Harris).
3-2-CHI30 (6:59) B.Bollinger pass short left to B.McMullen pushed ob at CHI 11 for 19 yards (D.Manning).
1-10-CHI11 (6:28) B.Bollinger pass short left to M.Robinson to CHI 4 for 7 yards (R.Manning).
2-3-CHI4 (5:45) C.Fason right guard for 4 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
R.Longwell extra point is GOOD, Center-C.Loeffler, Holder-C.Kluwe.
MIN 13 CHI 23, Plays: 11 Yards: 89 Possession: 6:34.
Minnesota Vikings at 05:40
R.Longwell kicks onside 14 yards from MIN 30 to MIN 44. RECOVERED by MIN-G.Blue.
1-10-MIN44 (5:39) (Shotgun) B.Bollinger pass short middle to M.Robinson to 50 for 6 yards (R.Manning, B.Urlacher).
PENALTY on CHI-A.Brown, Defensive Offside, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 44 - No Play.
1-5-MIN49 (5:39) PENALTY on MIN-J.Whittle, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 49 - No Play.
1-10-MIN44 (5:06) C.Fason right guard to CHI 48 for 8 yards (A.Boone).
2-2-CHI48 (4:32) (Shotgun) B.Bollinger pass incomplete to B.McMullen.
3-2-CHI48 (4:25) PENALTY on MIN-M.Rosenthal, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 48 - No Play.
3-7-MIN47 (4:24) (Shotgun) B.Bollinger sacked at MIN 37 for -10 yards (A.Ogunleye).
4-17-MIN37 (4:24) (Pass formation)
PENALTY on MIN-B.Bollinger, Delay of Game, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 37 - No Play.
4-22-MIN32 (3:43) C.Kluwe punts 34 yards to CHI 34, Center-C.Loeffler, out of bounds.
Chicago Bears at 03:37
1-10-CHI34 (3:37) T.Jones right tackle to CHI 29 for -5 yards (K.Williams).
2-15-CHI29 (3:37) PENALTY on CHI-R.Garza, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 29 - No Play.
2-20-CHI24 (2:53) T.Jones right tackle to CHI 25 for 1 yard (K.Udeze).
3-19-CHI25 (2:48) R.Grossman pass incomplete deep right to B.Berrian.
4-19-CHI25 (2:48) (Punt formation)
PENALTY on CHI-J.Gilmore, Offensive Holding, 10 yards, enforced at CHI 25 - No Play.
4-29-CHI15 (2:31) B.Maynard punts 47 yards to MIN 38, Center-P.Mannelly. M.Moore to MIN 41 for 3 yards (B.Ayanbadejo).
Minnesota Vikings at 02:20
1-10-MIN41 (2:20) #7 Jackson in at QB T.Jackson pass short right to C.Fason to MIN 45 for 4 yards (L.Briggs).
2-6-MIN45 (2:00) PENALTY on MIN-J.Wiggins, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 45 - No Play.
2-11-MIN40 (2:00) (Shotgun) T.Jackson pass incomplete to C.Fason (I.Idonije).
3-11-MIN40 (1:56) (Shotgun) T.Jackson pass short left to B.McMullen to MIN 47 for 7 yards (R.Manning).
4-4-MIN47 (1:31) (Shotgun) T.Jackson pass deep middle to J.Wiggins to CHI 29 for 24 yards (C.Harris).
1-10-CHI29 (1:20) (Shotgun) T.Jackson scrambles left guard to CHI 27 for 2 yards (A.Ogunleye). FUMBLES (A.Ogunleye), RECOVERED by CHI-H.Hillenmeyer at CHI 27. H.Hillenmeyer to CHI 27 for no gain (C.Fason).
Chicago Bears at 01:12
1-10-CHI27 (1:12) R.Grossman kneels to CHI 25 for -2 yards.
2-12-CHI25 (:35) R.Grossman kneels to CHI 23 for -2 yards.
MIN 13 CHI 23
Since "next week" starts tonight, here are your stats/standings for NFL Week 13:
AFC East
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
New England 9 3 0 .750 4-3 5-0 5-3 4-0 4-1 Won 3
N.Y. Jets 7 5 0 .583 3-3 4-2 5-4 2-1 3-1 Won 2
Buffalo 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 3-5 2-2 1-3 Lost 1
Miami 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 2-6 3-1 0-3 Lost 1
AFC North
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Baltimore 9 3 0 .750 5-1 4-2 6-2 3-1 3-1 Lost 1
Cincinnati 7 5 0 .583 3-3 4-2 5-3 2-2 4-1 Won 3
Pittsburgh 5 7 0 .417 4-2 1-5 3-6 2-1 1-2 Won 1
Cleveland 4 8 0 .333 2-5 2-3 3-6 1-2 0-4 Won 1
AFC South
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Indianapoli10 2 0 .833 6-0 4-2 7-1 3-1 3-1 Lost 1
Jacksonvill 7 5 0 .583 5-1 2-4 4-4 3-1 1-3 Won 1
Tennessee 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 2-6 3-1 2-2 Won 3
Houston 4 8 0 .333 2-3 2-5 4-4 0-4 2-2 Won 1
AFC West
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
San Diego 10 2 0 .833 5-0 5-2 8-2 2-0 3-1 Won 6
Kansas City 7 5 0 .583 5-1 2-4 3-5 4-0 3-1 Lost 1
Denver 7 5 0 .583 3-3 4-2 7-3 0-2 3-2 Lost 3
Oakland 2 10 0 .167 2-4 0-6 1-8 1-2 0-5 Lost 5
NFC East
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Dallas 8 4 0 .667 4-1 4-3 3-1 5-3 2-3 Won 4
N.Y. Giants 6 6 0 .500 3-3 3-3 1-3 5-3 3-0 Lost 4
Philadelphi 6 6 0 .500 4-3 2-3 1-3 5-3 2-1 Won 1
Washington 4 8 0 .333 3-3 1-5 2-2 2-6 1-3 Lost 1
NFC North
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Chicago 10 2 0 .833 5-1 5-1 2-2 8-0 4-0 Won 1
Minnesota 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 0-3 5-4 1-3 Lost 1
Green Bay 4 8 0 .333 1-5 3-3 1-3 3-5 2-1 Lost 3
Detroit 2 10 0 .167 2-4 0-6 1-3 1-7 0-3 Lost 4
NFC South
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
New Orleans 8 4 0 .667 4-2 4-2 1-3 7-1 4-1 Won 2
Atlanta 6 6 0 .500 3-3 3-3 2-2 4-4 2-2 Won 1
Carolina 6 6 0 .500 4-2 2-4 2-1 4-5 3-1 Lost 2
Tampa Bay 3 9 0 .250 3-3 0-6 1-2 2-7 0-5 Lost 2
NFC West
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Seattle 8 4 0 .667 5-1 3-3 2-1 6-3 3-1 Won 2
San Francis 5 7 0 .417 4-2 1-5 1-2 4-5 2-2 Lost 2
St. Louis 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 1-2 4-5 2-4 Lost 1
Arizona 3 9 0 .250 2-4 1-5 0-2 3-7 2-2 Won 1
Week 14 GamesToday:Thursday, Dec. 7
Cleveland at Pittsburgh
Sunday, Dec. 10
Atlanta at Tampa Bay
Baltimore at Kansas City
Indianapolis at Jacksonville
Minnesota at Detroit
New England at Miami
N.Y. Giants at Carolina
Oakland at Cincinnati
Philadelphia at Washington
Tennessee at Houston
Green Bay at San Francisco
Seattle at Arizona
Buffalo at N.Y. Jets
Denver at San Diego
New Orleans at Dallas
Monday, Dec. 11
Chicago at St. Louis
Via AOL news (with a few of my own notations added), we bring you these two Top Lists:
The 89 Most Redundant, Repetitive Clichés In Music:
89. Stripping Down for 'Rolling Stone'
Why, yes, we would like a little T&A to go along with that promotion, please. Nothing says "take me seriously" better than showing a little flesh on America's best-known music magazine. Just ask Janet, Christina, Britney, the Chili Peppers or ... Blind Melon? Hey, if it's good enough for John and Yoko ...
88. Selling Out to Apple
There's gotta be a reason why folks like Fiddy and Mary J. rock the iPod in their videos. Perhaps they think this obscure, struggling product needs a little more exposure?
87. "...palooza"
Way too many music festivals are willing to hitch their wagon to this dead horse of a suffix. Is Woodstock now charging a fee for "...stock"? Here's a question for those uncreative concert promoters: Do you really want to keep company with 'Doggie-palooza,' 'Lego-palooza,' 'Pole-a-palooza' (yes, for strippers) and, bless them, 'Algebra-palooza'?
86. The Post-Retirement Comeback
Club kids shed a tear when Cher hung up her wigs in '03 ... only for her to announce a Vegas residency starting in '08. Boomers shelled out mad money to see Barbra Streisand's 2000 Farewell Tour ... only to drop hundreds more to see her Comeback Tour in '06. We've been duped many times before, but come on -- did you really think Jay-Z was gonna put down the mic for good?
85. The Drumstick Spin
The ultimate symbol of rock drummer prowess? Not a rack of 10 cymbals, not being able to maintain a complicated 6/8 beat over the entire length of a Jethro Tull flute solo, not even the Def Leppard one-handed trick -- nope, it's the drumstick spin.
84. Fog
Whether the lights are going down for Pink Floyd or Green Day, nothing says "we will rock you" like a stage full of dense, white smoke. Plus, it makes it nearly impossible for security to tell which fans are puffing smoke of their own.
83. The Third-Single Power Ballad
It's a well-documented fact that any successful album's third single will be a power ballad. Doesn't matter if it's rock, pop or even R&B. Country albums are exempt from this phenomenon, however, as they're 50 percent power ballad already.
82. Rock Dudes Throwing Up Hand Signs
'Nuff said?
81. Broadway Going Rock
ABBA on Broadway makes an iota of sense -- those songs are half show-tune anyway.
But theatrical producers are so desperate for tourist dollars that they've cobbled together threadbare musicals based on Dylan, Lennon, the Beach Boys, even the Four Freakin' Seasons. Could be why accomplished thespians like Sebastian Bach want nothing to do with Broadway anymore.
80. Coming Out After the Fact
If 'NSYNC reunites, will Lance sit out when the rest of the boys do 'Girlfriend'? Will George Michael change the lyrics to 'Everything She Wants' on the Wham! reunion tour? Props to Rufus Wainwright for keeping it real from the start.
79. The Pop Star Alter-Ego
Some stars are just too big for one personality. That's why Bowie begat "Ziggy Stardust," Eminem birthed "Slim Shady," and Christina became "Baby Jane." Country stars are not immune (as Garth "Chris Gaines" Brooks fans are sadly aware). Sometimes, though, the other half takes things too far. Just ask Beyonce, who blames "Sasha," her inner diva, for stealing Prince's thunder during their 2004 Grammy duet. She's lucky he didn't unleash "The Kid" on her. That might have been ugly.
78. Shakin' Your "Milkshake" Under the "London Bridge"
Ah, the innocuous -- and usually appetizing -- music metaphors for sex. It's a way for pop folk to say what they mean without actually having to say what they mean. Meanwhile, we can't ask our mom to butter our rolls anymore without feeling just a little dirty.
77. The Nursery-Rhyme Hook
Mother Goose has been exposed as a ghostwriter. But as annoying as this trend is, it's also kind of genius. It's hard to deny a track when you've had its melody stuck in your head since Pre-K
76. Imitating Beatles Album Covers
Wait... who hasn't?
75. Anyone Besides JT Bringing Sexy Back
Though it's not known when "sexy" actually left, JT scored the year's biggest hit by calling it back for an encore. And everyone else is jealous they didn't extend the invitation first. Hell, even Al Gore jumped on the bandwagon at this year's VMAs. Now if THAT had been his campaign song ...
74. The Marching Band
The cadence has been felt by Fleetwood Mac, Gwen and, most recently, My Chemical Romance. Yet another reason to want to go to band camp.
73. Long-Ass Emo Song Titles
Those emo boys sure have a lot to say. Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco both have song titles that exceed 15 words. Impossible to remember and forcing the publishing world to revive the use of " ... ," we can only hope it's a mere adolescent phase, much like their asymmetrical haircuts.
72. Rap Stars Acting in Horror Movies
Do your research, playas. If you're being chased by a masked man with a machete, and your name is not LL, you will die. Like a sucker. Look what happened when Busta f***ed with Michael Myers. Isn't the rap game dangerous enough?
71. The Soaring Cliff Shot
Jump... Off... Already...
70. Going Back to High School
Britney became the new 'Lolita' overnight, Pete Wentz transformed into a nerd who finally gets revenge and the Fray played ... themselves. You'd love to think these videos were autobiographical, except we know for a fact Britney never even went to high school. What a fraud.
69. Imitating Jacko
We've seen enough of Chris Tucker's moonwalking for one lifetime.
68. Rock-Star Kids With Ridiculous Names
Pop parents use more creativity naming their kids than they do writing their next hit. Why settle for boring old "Emily Marie" when Apple, Zowie, Moon Unit or Tiger Lily. And unlike the rest of us, they don't have to worry about being ridiculed by their peers. What's Bluebell Madonna got to tease Dweezil about?
67. The Disney Connection
During his 78 years in the biz, Mickey Mouse has discovered Club kids Annette Funicello (ask your parents), Britney, Christina, Justin and JC. Then came Hilary, Raven, Hannah Montana and those chirpy 'High School Musical' kids.
66. Calling Out Car Brands
Beyonce's sweating about losing her spot in "'Bach or the Rolls." Missy looked fly ridin' down the block in her Escalade. Go back further and there's Aretha strolling in her 'Pink Cadillac' and Janis begging the Lord to buy her a Mercedes-Benz, not to mention Chuck Berry's Ford shout-outs in the '50s. Heck, how about 'In My Merry Oldsmobile' back in the wind-up Victrola days? Now that's O.G.!
65. Leather Pants
Could be worse, could be pleather.
64. Suing Your Manager
All artists know that when things go bad, blame but the boss. Or even when they're going good; Amy Lee hit Evanescence's former manager with so many charges -- breach of fiduciary duty, sexual assault and battery, professional negligence, currency conversion, etc. -- he'll be dry cleaning nothing but law suits for the next 12 months.
63. Artists That R 2 Cool 2 Spell Out Words 4 U
The Prince-patented, Kelly Clarkson-approved song-title shorthand has become a widely accepted convention. It was fine when the Purple One was dying '4 U,' but Avril Lavigne's crush on her 'Sk8er Boi' was just silly.
62. Thanking God
Because our God is an awesome God, many awesome artists acknowledge Him. He returns the favor by engineering Grammy, VMA and CMA wins for these performers, who then sing His praises -- not so much in their songs as in their acceptance speeches. Wars, floods, diseases? Let Zeus or Ra take care of that boring stuff, because the Lord is too busy scanning CD booklets for mentions of His name.
61. Vanity Bling
Apparantly spelling your entire name out in huge gold letters is "the thing." I know the weight alone would kill me.
60. The "It-Girl" Cameo
TRL is looking more and more like primetime TV these days. Why settle for an anonymous hottie when you can get Mischa, Pamela, Scarlett or Carmen to be the leading lady in your new vid? We're counting the days before Ellen 'Dr. Grey' Pompeo is pimped out in the next Snow Patrol clip.
59. The Deep-Voiced Radio Guy
How low does that dial go?
58. The Concept Album
There's no quicker way for a band to win over rock critics than by writing an album of 12-minute songs, all about a guy named "Tommy," "Ziggy" or "Jimmy." All in all, My Chemical Romance's 'Black Parade' is just another brick in the wall.
57. Kids Singing on the Hook
While child exploitation in the workplace is illegal, such laws obviously don't extend to the recording booth. The under-10 set is cute and all, but don't think for a minute that their angelic voices make up for weak lyrics or off-key singing. That goes for choruses, interludes, intros, outros and mixtape drops, too. "DJ Cut-and-Scratch is my daddy" is no longer original.
56. Songs About Dances
Have nothing to rap about? Just come up with the dumbest, simplest move you can think of, write equally elementary lyrics to go with it, and a hit record is virtually guaranteed. Too bad song royalties expire after 95 years; Dem Franchise Boyz, Unk and Webstar owe a fat check to whoever penned 'The Hokey Pokey.'
55. The Rooftop Performances
Since the Beatles' farewell gig on the roof the Apple Building in '69, less fab bands have paid homage with their own hi-rise concerts. It's become a staple at the VMAs, with Avril, No Doubt and My Chemical Romance scaling great heights, but none top U2, who caused a ruckus in L.A. one afternoon in '87 for a humble video shoot.
54. The "Featuring"
Remember when rappers wrote songs without inviting all their boys, brothers, moms and managers to drop a verse? Neither do we. A couple of guests are welcomed, but damn, Game -- 18 different rappers?!
52. Suicide
Nothing verifies a musician's "tortured artist" cred like a self-inflicted shotgun blast to the head. Bonus points for creativity; a steak knife to the heart (a la Elliott Smith) grabs more headlines than pill popping. And no worries about the ones you leave behind -- the royalties from your string of posthumous albums will set them up just fine.
51. Dadagers & Momagers
I can manage myself, thank you very much...
50. The Rapper Towel Wave
For emcees and hoosiers alike, nothing shows enthusiasm like you and your posse waving towels in the air, as Petey Pablo says, "like a helicopter."
49. "The Band Is Still Together..."
It's the requisite phrase uttered when the face of a group decides to release a solo joint. But what happens when the royalty check no longer needs to be split five ways? Just ask the rest of 'NSYNC. Or No Doubt -- didn't Gwen say she was only releasing one solo album?
48. "What I Really Want to Do Is Sing!"
Jared Leto surprised everyone by sort of pulling it off. And ok, that first Paris Hilton tune was kind of catchy. But raise your hand if you really can't wait to hear Scarlett Johansson's album of Tom Waits covers. Anyone?
47. The Bad-Ass Runaway
Desperate, disheveled and hard as a city sidewalk, the runaway chick likes to keep a low profile, but she still pops up now and then. Bon Jovi caught a glimpse in '84's 'Runaway,' and Soul Asylum spotted her on the 'Runaway Train' in '92, but Avril went the extra mile and actually became her.
46. Songs by Untalented Kids of Talented Rock-Stars
Sometimes, the apple falls farther from the tree than our ears would like. People should not be allowed to make unlistenable records simply because their last name is Lennon, Presley or Osbourne.
45. "Creative Differences"
The top 5 things bands really mean when they break up over "creative differences":
1. "The singer smokes too much crack."
2. "The lead guitarist gets more cash than I do. And who does he think he is anyway? The band would be NOTHING without my awesome organ riffs."
3. "My wife dumped me for the bass player."
4. "If the frontman wants to sing his own crap songs, let him. See how far he gets."
5. "Those assholes make me sick."
44. The Atlanta/Houston/Toronto/St. Louis Scene
More than a handful of artists have ridden to radio airplay on the coattails of their groundbreaking neighbors. But just because you used to serve Nelly sliders at the local White Castle does not mean you deserve a record deal. Are you listening, J-Kwon?
43. The Scott Storch Shout Out
You can't get two bars into Terror Squad's 'Lean Back' before Fat Joe starts giving props the beat maker du jour. We're all for self-promotion, Scott, but who exactly are your pawns marketing to? It's not like the kid listening to Paris' CD can afford your $800-million-per-track fee.
42. Having a TV Has-Been in Your Video
Dustin "Screech" Diamond stole the bride in 98 Degrees' 'I Do ...' Christina Applegate donned disco skates for Jessica's 'Public Affair.' Donny Osmond goofed around in Weird Al's 'White & Nerdy.' This proves one thing: Washed-up television stars can help anyone's career -- except their own.
41. The On-the-Road Montage
Time-lapsed footage of stage set-up, camera pan of fans whooping it up inside, slow-mo shots of the drummer's "rock face" ... Ever since Motley Crue went 'Home Sweet Home,' bands have cranked out the tour montage video. It usually rears its head around single number five and, ironically, the music is very seldom live. But at least all of that b-roll footage is being put to good use.
40. Songs About Mom
We know stars love their mamas. She birthed them, changed their diapers, and bailed them out of jail when no one else would. They should by all means tell her she's appreciated. But sitting through a sappy "Dear Mama" song is as heartwarming as getting a Hallmark card addressed to someone else. Why can't they just pick up the phone like the rest of us?
39. The Fish-Eye-Lens Effect
Though in some cases, they're easier on the eyes that way.
38. Rappers Telling Us to 'Bounce'
Jay-Z loves to do it, Jermaine Dupree can't seem to live without it ... hell, even Bow Wow named a song after it. Commanding listeners to "bounce" is as much a hip-hop staple as chronic and hos.
37. Cop-Out Last Album Deal
How do you know when an artist has one album left in their record deal? When they flood record stores with a compilation of outtakes from the cutting room floor, a collection of covers, their third greatest hits package, or worst of all -- the dreaded live album.
36. Rappers Getting Shot
Marketing agents across the hip-hop universe know that all rappers have to do to increase record sales is take a bullet. It worked for Fiddy, Fabolous and Beanie Sigel. It unfortunately worked too well for Proof, Jam Master Jay, Pac and Biggie.
35. Artists Covering the Same Damn Songs as Everyone Else
Big ups to DMB and Lenny Kravitz for improving 'All Along the Watchtower.' Avril and Seether, you totally made 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' your own. We never really got 'Landslide' until the Dixie Chicks and Joey McIntyre showed us the way. And future classics like Gnarls' 'Crazy' will only reach that status with the help of Nelly Furtado, Ray Lamontagne, Twilight Singers, the Kooks, the Raconteurs, the Academy Is... Uh, not!
34. The Bikini-Car-Wash Scene
We've seen Jessica washing her 'Boots' and Pink poking fun at her. Enough already.
33. Artists Starting Clothing Lines
We can't be mad at artists in the new millennium. Illegal downloading is eating into their pockets like termites on Pinocchio, so a side hustle is necessary to keep junior's college fund afloat. However, must they all have clothing lines? Gwen Stefani's L.A.M.B. is a no-brainer, but that damn DMX Signature Collection is just taking things too far.
32. Artists Starting Record Labels
Thanks to pioneers like Russell Simmons and Diddy, it's easier than ever for artists to build musical empires from nothing. Helping the next man fulfill his dreams of stardom is indeed honorable, but the current tendency to hand over a label deal to a rookie whose own debut has barely hit shelves makes for bad business sense and equally sucky music.
31. The Syrupy Significant-Other Duet
It's emasculating for the dude and flat-out annoying for the rest of us, so it's amazing that couples continue down the sappy-duet path. There are many levels of this infraction, but Nick and Jessica take the prize by topping their repulsive Christmas duet with a thoroughly wretched Disney duet. Barf. Let's hope Jess and John Mayer don't pick up where this left off...
30. Songs About Breathing
The short list: Sia, 'Breathe Me', Maroon 5, 'Harder to Breathe', Modest Mouse 'Ocean Breathes Salty', Toni Braxton, 'Breathe Again', Frou Frou, 'Breathe In', Mase, 'Breathe, Stretch, Shake', Anna Nalick 'Breathe (2AM)', Melissa Etheridge, 'Breathe', Collective Soul, 'Breathe', Faith Hill 'Breathe', Fabolous 'Breathe', Erasure, 'Breathe', Michelle Branch, 'Breathe'
29. The Guitar Smash
When Townshend or Cobain destroyed their instruments, they meant it. Now, it's mostly macho posturing exhibited by guitarists who can barely play the thing to begin with.
28. The Diva Wave
Does your hand unconsciously wave around like a wild turkey when you're singing in the shower? If so, you either haven't gotten the hang of masturbation, or you're a million-dollar-diva in training. Could Mariah, Whitney and Celine hit the same notes if their hands were tied behind their backs?
27. Sped-Up Samples
Hip-hop and sampling go together like H and 2-0, but it all went wrong the day Kanye made Chaka Khan sound like she took a hit of He, and every producer in his wake followed suit. The Chipmunks should have trademarked that sh** years ago.
26. The Sheryl Crow Benefit/ Tribute Concert Appearance
It's simply not a benefit concert, tribute album, musical telethon or envelope opening without Sheryl Crow on deck to flash a toothy grin.
25. The Supergroup
What's a rock god to do when his main crew crashes and burns? Call up his other estranged pals and start a supergroup, of course. When it works, we get Velvet Revolver. Rock Star Supernova, however, is a sign of the impeding apocalypse.
24. Guyliner
How... emasculating?
23. Sleeping With Record Execs
Mariah married her record company's president, Lenny Kravitz allegedly slept with Virgin Records execs, and even Madonna famously admitted to sleeping her way into a record deal. It's the oldest trick in the book --sex sells.
22. The "I'm Just Like You, But Rich" Song
It's not the rocks that are fooling us, Jenny From the Block, it's your ridiculous diva behavior. The J-Los of the world -- who only step foot in their old neighborhoods when they're escorting Barbra Walters -- feel the need to convince the world they are still the same old person when their servants, black cards and leer jets say otherwise. Is it to soothe the pangs of guilt they have about their lavish new lives? Nah, couldn't be.
21. Ridiculous Riders
From Mariah's pink toilet paper to J.Lo's counter-clockwise-only stirred coffee to Moby's fresh underwear, rockers have taken Van Halen's legendary "no brown M&M's" concert rider demand to new levels -- simply because they can. The ultimate? Iggy Pop's "cauliflower/broccoli, cut into individual florets and thrown immediately into the garbage."
20. The Posthumous Album
Record labels know that music -- just like paintings and literature -- is worth more after its maker has gone on to meet theirs. 2Pac's peeps have made the biggest killing, having released an astounding eight albums since his death in 1996 -- twice as many as when he was alive. The getting's so good, we're still expecting Left-Eye and Aaliyah to come back with a long-lost duet CD any day now.
19. Dating Winona Ryder
Beck. Evan Dando. Dave Pirner. Ryan Adams. Tre Cool. Pete Yorn. Damien Rice. Paul Westerberg. Hell, raise your hand if you're in a band and haven't dated Winona. The world's most famous shoplifting groupie has been around more times than an old Beatles 45. Courtney Love put it best when she said, "You're no one in music until you have feuded with me or slept with Winona." Which means Dave Grohl is the biggest rock star EVER!
18. Firing the Drummer
Ever since Pete Best gave way to a guy named Ringo, bands have notoriously had a revolving door of drummers. Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins both had five, GN'R has had six (and counting). Stickmen will forever be on edge because they all know in rock, when the going gets tough, the drummer gets fired.
17. The Mother Theresa Syndrome
In the past decade, pop stars have struggled to bring water to Africa, bring African babies to America, and save other distressed peoples who have never heard their music. Props to them for giving a little bit back, but we've listened to 'One' about 4,000 times and still don't think Bono deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
16. The Spoken-Word Breakdown
"Girl" only gives it up if a baritone balla whispers sweet nothings into her ear while his bros "oooh" and "aaah" in the background. But it never lasts -- even that dude from Boyz II Men got to the end of the road.
15. Courtney Love
'Nuff said.
14. The "You're Ugly, But It's OK" Song
Everyone -- save maybe Beyonce -- has had an "awkward stage" riddled with acne, braces and a disproportionate body. Some of us never outgrow it -- and pop stars like to think they can alleviate the pain with an uplifting power ballad. From TLC's 'Waterfalls' to Christina Aguilera's 'Beautiful' to most Destiny's Child songs, we are taught to love our flaws ... including our big booties.
13. "Girl"
Bobby Brown told her 'Don't Be Cruel,' while *NSYNC accused her of 'Tearin' Up' their hearts. Whether the universal word for "chick that's breaking my heart" is used to protect anonymity or out of sheer laziness, it seems male pop singers will be working things out with "her" for all time.
12. Attacking Photographers and Reporters
It used to be that only burly, Hollywood brat packers like Sean Penn got into scuffles with the paparazzi, but now even wussy boys like Chris Martin and Jamiroquai's Jay Kay are putting up their dukes instead of saying cheese. Still, we'd do battle with either of them over Bjork any day
11. The Onstage Meltdown
Fiona Apple prefers verbal barrages. Axl pummels his fans mid-song. Cat Power likes to cower on the ground. Lady Sov has taken to bawling in the fetal position. And Oasis -- well, take your pick. It's not a rock show unless someone leaves crying, bloody or piss drunk... preferably the artist.
10. Gangbanging Gone Good
It's hard to believe that once upon a time, most rappers weren't actual criminals. Hired merely to get the party started, old-school MCs were drug-free, law-abiding citizens and proud of it. Today, so many ex-cons, crack slingers and Crips are permeating hip-hop that someone like Kanye, who simply hated AP English, seems refreshing.
9. Dissing Bush
We estimate that the first musical jab at our Commander in Chief took place about 30 seconds after Gore conceded. Whether it's in song (too many to name), on stage (Hi Natalie!)... or, of course, during a nationally televised benefit, artists can't help but point out the fact that GW "doesn't care about black people" -- or anyone else, for that matter.
8. The Rain Sequence
Nothing says devastation quite like willingly standing in a downpour.
7. Rehab
No. 1 album? Check. Sold-out arena shows? Check. Groupies? Check. Piles of money? Triple check. We'll see you at the Betty.
6. Bum Rushing the Show
Sorry, Kanye. Your hissyfit at the MTV Europe Awards was entertaining, but you'll never top O.D.B.'s Grammy barrage. "Wu Tang is the best!"
5. Working With Timbaland
We get it; Tim is a genius. But how innovative can his beats sound when he's written 75% of the songs on the radio? Justin, Nelly, PCD, the Game and dozens more all got the Timbaland Touch in '06, and the queue of artists waiting to work with him is longer than Tweet's weave. It won't be long before Chris Martin is trading in his arena rockers for club bangers.
4. Dating a Stripper/Porn Star
Rock stars can date whomever they want. Still, it seems music's bad boys most often make love connections in the back room of a shady strip bar where neither clothes nor class is required. That, or they use Vivid Entertainment as their personal dating service. You can't deny the perks, though. Outside of pole dances on demand, the T&A obsessed are assured at least two flotation devices if they're ever in a transatlantic plane crash.
3. Lighters
This most predictable of concert-going behavior is often accompanied by swaying and closing one's eyes, serving to a) let the band know that you are totally feeling that ballad and b) let potential mates know that you're 100% down for making out.
2. Beef
When MC Shan sparred with KRS-1, Kool Moe dissed Cool J, and Jigga and Nas ripped each other new a-holes up over slick grooves, fans got classic records in the process. Now, with entourages getting shot (The Game vs. 50 Cent), producers taking jabs (Jermaine Dupri vs. Timbaland), and even pasty-white rock bands getting into the game (The Killers vs. Fall Out Boy), hip-hop's former Grade-A rivalries taste more like corner store jerky.
1. Yelling 'Freebird'
The all-time concert constant is the one idiot at every show who thinks requesting 'Freebird' between songs is, like, dude, the funniest sh** ever. It doesn't matter what band is on stage. Hipsters scream it because it's ironic. Metalheads shout it cuz it's obnoxious. And Skynard fans yell it because, well ... they actually want to hear it. Not even the freakin' Blue Man Group is safe anymore. Musical fads and fashions will change with the times, but 'Freebird' will, unfortunately, live forever.
Top 10 Cliched Things Said On Stage:
1. "Are you ready to rock?"
2. "Get on your feet!"
3. "You're the best crowd ever!"
4. "Let me see those hands!"
5. "We don't usually play this song."
6. "It's time to slow things down a bit."
7. "Hello Cleveland!"
8. "Who's got a joint?"
9. "What about you people in the back?"
10. "Thank you! G'nite!"
(I'll mention more about Limited Liability and their kickass "Office Metal X-Mas Party" promo-EP later! It's perfect holiday kickassness...)
-t. Wolfox sR Rhose
Way late... oh well. Better lathe than nephrack. Have had more important things on my mind.
Chicago clinched the Division title with this win anyways...
The Basics
Minnesota 0 3 3 7 :13
-Chicago- 0 7 14 2 :231stQ:
[no scoring]
2ndQ:
0-7 TD-Hester
3-7 FG-Longwell
3rdQ:
6-7 FG-Longwell
6-14 TD-Manning
6-21 TD-Benson
4thQ:
6-23 Safety-Johnson
13-23 TD-Fason
First Quarter
Minnesota Vikings at 15:00
R.Longwell kicks 56 yards from MIN 30 to CHI 14. R.Davis to CHI 31 for 17 yards (C.Griffin). FUMBLES (C.Griffin), RECOVERED by MIN-R.Davis at CHI 31.
1-10-CHI31 (14:55) B.Johnson pass to C.Taylor to CHI 29 for 2 yards (B.Urlacher).
2-8-CHI29 (14:14) PENALTY on MIN-J.Whittle, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 29 - No Play.
2-13-CHI34 (13:52) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to J.Kleinsasser (C.Harris).
3-13-CHI34 (13:46) B.Johnson pass incomplete to C.Taylor [A.Ogunleye].
4-13-CHI34 (13:46) (Punt formation) C.Kluwe to CHI 34 for no gain. FUMBLES, and recovers at CHI 49. C.Kluwe punts 26 yards to CHI 8, downed by MIN-C.Griffin.
PENALTY on MIN-B.Leber, Ineligible Downfield Kick, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 34 - No Play.
4-18-CHI39 (13:31) C.Kluwe punts 30 yards to CHI 9, Center-C.Loeffler, out of bounds.
Chicago Bears at 13:23
1-10-CHI9 (13:23) R.Grossman pass incomplete to T.Jones.
2-10-CHI9 (13:17) R.Grossman pass short left to B.Berrian to CHI 19 for 10 yards (E.Henderson).
1-10-CHI19 (12:42) T.Jones right end to CHI 30 for 11 yards (E.Henderson). Penalty on MIN-P.Williams, Defensive Offside, declined.
1-10-CHI30 (12:18) T.Jones left end pushed ob at CHI 33 for 3 yards (C.Griffin).
2-7-CHI33 (11:55) R.Grossman pass short right to M.Muhammad pushed ob at CHI 38 for 5 yards (D.Smith).
3-2-CHI38 (11:30) R.Grossman pass incomplete to M.Muhammad.
4-2-CHI38 (11:24) B.Maynard punts 47 yards to MIN 15, Center-P.Mannelly. M.Moore to MIN 41 for 26 yards (D.McClover).
PENALTY on MIN-R.Whitaker, Illegal Block Above the Waist, 9 yards, enforced at MIN 18.
Minnesota Vikings at 11:06
1-10-MIN9 (11:06) B.Johnson pass short left to M.Robinson to MIN 17 for 8 yards (N.Vasher, H.Hillenmeyer) [T.Harris].
2-2-MIN17 (10:26) C.Taylor left tackle to MIN 18 for 1 yard (Ta.Johnson, B.Urlacher).
3-1-MIN18 (9:44) B.Johnson pass short right intended for J.Kleinsasser INTERCEPTED by D.Manning [Ta.Johnson] at MIN 33. D.Manning to MIN 22 for 11 yards (R.Owens).
Chicago Bears at 09:35
1-10-MIN22 (9:35) T.Jones right tackle to MIN 22 for no gain (E.Henderson).
2-10-MIN22 (9:01) R.Grossman pass incomplete deep right to D.Clark (A.Winfield).
3-10-MIN22 (8:55) R.Grossman pass short middle intended for R.Davis INTERCEPTED by N.Harris at MIN 11. N.Harris to MIN 22 for 11 yards (R.Davis).
Minnesota Vikings at 08:46
1-10-MIN22 (8:46) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to M.Robinson (I.Scott).
2-10-MIN22 (8:44) C.Taylor left tackle to MIN 29 for 7 yards (I.Idonije, C.Tillman).
3-3-MIN29 (8:06) (Shotgun) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Robinson to MIN 37 for 8 yards (C.Tillman). FUMBLES (C.Tillman), recovered by MIN-J.Wiggins at MIN 35. J.Wiggins to MIN 35 for no gain (C.Harris).
1-10-MIN35 (7:25) C.Taylor left end to MIN 42 for 7 yards (D.Manning).
2-3-MIN42 (6:52) C.Taylor left guard to MIN 48 for 6 yards (C.Harris).
1-10-MIN48 (6:16) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to C.Taylor.
2-10-MIN48 (6:12) C.Fason left tackle to CHI 48 for 4 yards (A.Ogunleye).
3-6-CHI48 (5:34) B.Johnson sacked at MIN 45 for -7 yards (L.Briggs).
PENALTY on CHI-C.Tillman, Defensive Holding, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 48 - No Play.
1-10-CHI43 (5:10) B.Johnson left guard to CHI 41 for 2 yards (A.Boone).
2-8-CHI41 (4:33) (Pass formation) B.Johnson scrambles right end to CHI 40 for 1 yard (A.Brown).
3-7-CHI40 (3:48) (Shotgun)
PENALTY on MIN-J.Whittle, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 40 - No Play.
3-12-CHI45 (3:23) (Shotgun) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Moore to CHI 41 for 4 yards (L.Briggs).
4-8-CHI41 (2:40) C.Kluwe punts 22 yards to CHI 19, Center-C.Loeffler, downed by MIN-R.Owens.
Chicago Bears at 02:31
1-10-CHI19 (2:31) C.Benson right tackle to CHI 22 for 3 yards (B.Leber, E.Henderson).
2-7-CHI22 (1:57) C.Benson right tackle to CHI 26 for 4 yards (S.Johnson).
3-3-CHI26 (1:15) T.Jones right tackle to CHI 42 for 16 yards (D.Sharper).
1-10-CHI42 (:36) C.Benson left guard to CHI 48 for 6 yards (E.Henderson).
Second Quarter
Chicago Bears continued...
2-4-CHI48 (15:00) R.Grossman pass deep right intended for B.Berrian INTERCEPTED by A.Winfield at MIN 7. A.Winfield pushed ob at MIN 7 for no gain (B.Berrian).
Minnesota Vikings at 14:51
1-10-MIN7 (14:51) C.Taylor left tackle to MIN 9 for 2 yards (C.Harris, Ta.Johnson).
2-8-MIN9 (14:14) C.Taylor left end to MIN 11 for 2 yards (L.Briggs).
3-6-MIN11 (13:32) (Shotgun)
PENALTY on MIN-R.Cook, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 11 - No Play.
3-11-MIN6 (13:12) M.Moore right guard to MIN 8 for 2 yards (M.Anderson, L.Briggs).
4-9-MIN8 (13:12) C.Kluwe punts 37 yards to MIN 45, Center-C.Loeffler. D.Hester for 45 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
Chicago Bears at 12:20
R.Gould extra point is GOOD, Center-P.Mannelly, Holder-B.Maynard.
MIN 0 CHI 7
Chicago Bears at 12:20
R.Gould kicks 57 yards from CHI 30 to MIN 13. Be.Johnson pushed ob at MIN 38 for 25 yards (R.Manning).
Minnesota Vikings at 12:13
1-10-MIN38 (12:13) C.Taylor right guard to MIN 38 for no gain (C.Harris).
2-10-MIN38 (11:40) C.Taylor left tackle pushed ob at CHI 20 for 42 yards (D.Manning).
1-10-CHI20 (11:09) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to J.Wiggins (C.Harris) [B.Urlacher].
PENALTY on CHI-B.Urlacher, Roughing the Passer, 10 yards, enforced at CHI 20 - No Play.
1-10-CHI10 (11:02) C.Taylor left end to CHI 9 for 1 yard (H.Hillenmeyer).
2-9-CHI9 (10:25) C.Taylor right guard to CHI 5 for 4 yards (C.Harris).
3-5-CHI5 (9:40) B.Johnson pass short middle to J.Wiggins to CHI 5 for no gain (C.Harris, B.Urlacher).
4-5-CHI5 (8:58) R.Longwell 23 yard field goal is GOOD, Center-C.Loeffler, Holder-C.Kluwe.
MIN 3 CHI 7, Plays: 6 Yards: 57 Possession: 3:26.
Minnesota Vikings at 08:54
R.Longwell kicks 63 yards from MIN 30 to CHI 7. D.Hester to CHI 34 for 27 yards (H.Farwell).
Chicago Bears at 08:47
1-10-CHI34 (8:47) C.Benson right tackle to CHI 42 for 8 yards (B.Leber, D.Sharper).
2-2-CHI42 (8:15) C.Benson left guard to CHI 45 for 3 yards (R.Kolodziej, J.Mitchell).
1-10-CHI45 (7:30) PENALTY on CHI-R.Garza, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 45 - No Play.
1-15-CHI40 (7:12) C.Benson right tackle to 50 for 10 yards (D.Sharper, D.Smith).
2-5-50 (6:29) R.Grossman to CHI 47 for -3 yards (D.Sharper). #57 Kreutz stepped on #8 Grossman's foot at snap
3-8-CHI47 (5:57) R.Grossman pass incomplete short left to D.Clark.
4-8-CHI47 (5:50) B.Maynard punts 44 yards to MIN 9, Center-P.Mannelly, downed by CHI-D.Wesley.
Minnesota Vikings at 05:38
1-10-MIN9 (5:38) C.Taylor left guard to MIN 13 for 4 yards (A.Brown).
2-6-MIN13 (4:57) C.Fason right guard to MIN 14 for 1 yard (B.Urlacher).
3-5-MIN14 (4:16) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Moore to MIN 18 for 4 yards (D.Manning).
4-1-MIN18 (4:16) C.Kluwe punts 22 yards to MIN 40, Center-C.Loeffler. D.Wesley MUFFS catch, RECOVERED by MIN-B.Leber at MIN 40. B.Leber to MIN 40 for no gain (Team).
1-10-MIN40 (3:40) C.Taylor left tackle to MIN 40 for no gain (T.Harris).
2-10-MIN40 (3:03) B.Johnson pass incomplete deep left to M.Robinson.
3-10-MIN40 (2:58) (Shotgun) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to M.Robinson.
4-10-MIN40 (2:52) C.Kluwe punts 20 yards to CHI 40, Center-C.Loeffler, downed by MIN-G.Blue.
Chicago Bears at 02:42
1-10-CHI40 (2:42) T.Jones right guard to CHI 38 for -2 yards (E.Henderson).
2-12-CHI38 (2:10) R.Grossman pass short right to B.Berrian to CHI 45 for 7 yards (C.Griffin).
3-5-CHI45 (2:00) (Shotgun) R.Grossman sacked at CHI 35 for -10 yards (D.Scott).
4-15-CHI35 (1:53) B.Maynard punts 65 yards to end zone, Center-P.Mannelly, Touchback.
Minnesota Vikings at 01:45
1-10-MIN20 (1:45) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Moore ran ob at MIN 31 for 11 yards (L.Briggs).
1-10-MIN31 (1:39) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to M.Robinson.
2-10-MIN31 (1:36) C.Taylor left guard to MIN 30 for -1 yards (H.Hillenmeyer).
PENALTY on CHI-T.Harris, Defensive Offside, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 31 - No Play.
2-5-MIN36 (1:32) C.Fason right guard to MIN 46 for 10 yards (L.Briggs).
1-10-MIN46 (1:00) C.Taylor right tackle to MIN 49 for 3 yards (M.Anderson, H.Hillenmeyer).
2-7-MIN49 (:53) (Shotgun) B.Johnson pass short right to T.Taylor ran ob at CHI 47 for 4 yards (L.Briggs).
3-3-CHI47 (:47) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to B.McMullen.
4-3-CHI47 (:47) C.Kluwe punts 47 yards to end zone, Center-C.Loeffler, Touchback.
Chicago Bears at 00:33
1-10-CHI20 (:33) R.Grossman kneels to CHI 18 for -2 yards.
Third Quarter
Chicago Bears at 15:00
R.Gould kicks 55 yards from CHI 30 to MIN 15. Be.Johnson to MIN 30 for 15 yards (R.Wilson).
PENALTY on MIN-G.Blue, Offensive Holding, 10 yards, enforced at MIN 29.
Minnesota Vikings at 14:54
1-10-MIN19 (14:54) B.Johnson pass short left to M.Robinson pushed ob at MIN 24 for 5 yards (N.Vasher).
2-5-MIN24 (14:33) C.Taylor right guard to MIN 30 for 6 yards (T.Harris). CHI-T.Harris was injured during the play. He is Out.
1-10-MIN30 (14:03) B.Johnson pass short right to T.Taylor to MIN 35 for 5 yards (C.Tillman).
2-5-MIN35 (13:29) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to M.Moore.
3-5-MIN35 (13:20) B.Johnson pass short right to M.Moore pushed ob at CHI 41 for 24 yards (C.Harris).
PENALTY on CHI-C.Harris, Personal Foul, 15 yards, enforced at CHI 41.
1-10-CHI26 (12:57) B.Johnson scrambles right end to CHI 26 for no gain (Ta.Johnson).
2-10-CHI26 (12:16) C.Taylor left tackle to CHI 15 for 11 yards (D.Manning).
1-10-CHI15 (11:38) C.Taylor left tackle to CHI 13 for 2 yards (A.Boone).
2-8-CHI13 (10:58) C.Taylor left guard to CHI 12 for 1 yard (A.Boone).
3-7-CHI12 (10:15) B.Johnson pass incomplete short left to J.Kleinsasser.
4-7-CHI12 (10:10) R.Longwell 30 yard field goal is GOOD, Center-C.Loeffler, Holder-C.Kluwe.
MIN 6 CHI 7, Plays: 11 Yards: 69 Possession: 4:53.
Minnesota Vikings at 10:07
R.Longwell kicks 54 yards from MIN 30 to CHI 16. D.Hester to CHI 36 for 20 yards (R.Whitaker).
Chicago Bears at 10:02
1-10-CHI36 (10:02) R.Grossman pass intended for M.Muhammad INTERCEPTED by B.Leber (P.Williams) at CHI 36. B.Leber to CHI 46 for -10 yards (M.Muhammad).
Minnesota Vikings at 09:55
1-10-CHI46 (9:55) B.Johnson pass short left intended for J.Dugan INTERCEPTED by L.Briggs at CHI 36. L.Briggs to CHI 36 for no gain (J.Dugan).
Chicago Bears at 09:46
1-10-CHI36 (9:46) T.Jones left end to CHI 38 for 2 yards (D.Smith).
2-8-CHI38 (9:09) PENALTY on MIN-N.Harris, Encroachment, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 38 - No Play.
2-3-CHI43 (8:54) T.Jones left end pushed ob at CHI 45 for 2 yards (D.Sharper).
3-1-CHI45 (8:26) T.Jones right end to 50 for 5 yards (D.Scott).
1-10-50 (7:53) R.Grossman pass incomplete to J.McKie [D.Scott].
2-10-50 (7:48) T.Jones left tackle to 50 for no gain (R.Kolodziej, N.Harris).
3-10-50 (7:07) (Shotgun) R.Grossman pass incomplete short right to D.Clark.
4-10-50 (7:01) B.Maynard punts 28 yards to MIN 22, Center-P.Mannelly, downed by CHI-C.Worrell.
Minnesota Vikings at 06:54
1-10-MIN22 (6:54) C.Fason right guard to MIN 35 for 13 yards (C.Harris).
1-10-MIN35 (6:07) C.Fason right guard to MIN 48 for 13 yards (C.Harris, D.Manning).
1-10-MIN48 (5:28) M.Moore right guard to CHI 46 for 6 yards (C.Harris).
2-4-CHI46 (4:49) B.Johnson pass incomplete short right to T.Taylor.
3-4-CHI46 (4:43) (Shotgun)
PENALTY on MIN-R.Cook, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 46 - No Play.
3-9-MIN49 (4:43) B.Johnson pass short left intended for M.Robinson INTERCEPTED by R.Manning at CHI 46. R.Manning for 54 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
Chicago Bears at 04:33
R.Gould extra point is GOOD, Center-P.Mannelly, Holder-B.Maynard.
MIN 6 CHI 14
Chicago Bears at 04:33
R.Gould kicks 56 yards from CHI 30 to MIN 14. Be.Johnson to MIN 33 for 19 yards (C.Harris, I.Idonije).
Minnesota Vikings at 04:28
1-10-MIN33 (4:28) B.Johnson pass short right intended for C.Taylor INTERCEPTED by B.Urlacher at MIN 35. B.Urlacher to MIN 33 for 2 yards (M.Birk).
Chicago Bears at 04:20
1-10-MIN33 (4:20) C.Benson right tackle to MIN 32 for 1 yard (P.Williams).
2-9-MIN32 (3:45) R.Grossman pass short right to J.McKie pushed ob at MIN 24 for 8 yards (A.Winfield).
3-1-MIN24 (3:16) R.Grossman pass incomplete short right to J.McKie (B.Leber).
4-1-MIN24 (3:12) C.Benson right end for 24 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
R.Gould extra point is GOOD, Center-P.Mannelly, Holder-B.Maynard.
MIN 6 CHI 21, Plays: 4 Yards: 33 Possession: 1:16.
Chicago Bears at 03:04
R.Gould kicks 58 yards from CHI 30 to MIN 12. Be.Johnson MUFFS catch, and recovers at MIN 12. Be.Johnson to MIN 16 for 4 yards (A.Peterson).
Minnesota Vikings at 02:57
1-10-MIN16 (2:57) #9 Bollinger in at QB C.Fason right tackle pushed ob at MIN 30 for 14 yards (B.Urlacher).
1-10-MIN30 (2:31) B.Bollinger sacked at MIN 25 for -5 yards (Ta.Johnson).
2-15-MIN25 (1:49) M.Moore left tackle to MIN 30 for 5 yards (A.Brown).
3-10-MIN30 (1:09) (Shotgun) B.Johnson sacked at MIN 23 for -7 yards (A.Brown).
4-17-MIN23 (1:09) C.Kluwe punts 37 yards to CHI 40, Center-C.Loeffler. D.Hester to MIN 35 for 25 yards (G.Blue, R.Owens).
Chicago Bears at 00:34
1-10-MIN35 (:34) C.Benson left end pushed ob at MIN 34 for 1 yard (E.Henderson).
2-9-MIN34 (:07) R.Grossman pass incomplete short right to J.McKie. Penalty on CHI-F.Miller, Illegal Touch Pass, declined.
Fourth Quarter
Chicago Bears continued...
3-9-MIN34 (15:00) R.Grossman pass short left to B.Berrian to MIN 33 for 1 yard (F.Smoot).
4-8-MIN33 (14:13) B.Maynard punts 31 yards to MIN 2, Center-P.Mannelly, out of bounds.
Minnesota Vikings at 14:06
1-10-MIN2 (14:06) C.Fason left tackle tackled in End Zone for -2 yards, SAFETY (Ta.Johnson, C.Harris).
MIN 6 CHI 23
Minnesota Vikings at 13:59
C.Kluwe kicks 50 yards from MIN 20 to CHI 30. D.Hester to MIN 49 for 21 yards (A.Winfield).
Chicago Bears at 13:52
1-10-MIN49 (13:52) R.Grossman pass incomplete to B.Berrian.
2-10-MIN49 (13:47) T.Jones left tackle to 50 for -1 yards (S.Johnson).
3-11-50 (13:08) (Shotgun) R.Grossman pass short right to B.Berrian to MIN 47 for 3 yards (F.Smoot).
4-8-MIN47 (13:08) B.Maynard punts 40 yards to MIN 7, Center-P.Mannelly. M.Moore to MIN 11 for 4 yards (D.McClover, R.Davis).
Minnesota Vikings at 12:14
1-10-MIN11 (12:14) B.Bollinger pass short middle to J.Wiggins to MIN 17 for 6 yards (H.Hillenmeyer).
2-4-MIN17 (11:41) PENALTY on CHI-A.Ogunleye, Defensive Offside, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 17 - No Play.
1-10-MIN22 (11:23) B.Bollinger pass short left to M.Robinson to MIN 33 for 11 yards (B.Urlacher).
1-10-MIN33 (10:38) B.Bollinger pass short right to B.McMullen pushed ob at MIN 49 for 16 yards (C.Tillman).
1-10-MIN49 (10:04) C.Fason left tackle to CHI 49 for 2 yards (I.Scott).
2-8-CHI49 (9:20) (Shotgun) B.Bollinger pass short right to C.Fason to CHI 46 for 3 yards (B.Urlacher).
3-5-CHI46 (8:35) B.Bollinger pass short right to M.Moore to CHI 38 for 8 yards (B.Urlacher, C.Tillman).
1-10-CHI38 (7:48) B.Bollinger pass incomplete deep left to M.Robinson.
2-10-CHI38 (7:42) C.Fason right end to CHI 30 for 8 yards (C.Harris).
3-2-CHI30 (6:59) B.Bollinger pass short left to B.McMullen pushed ob at CHI 11 for 19 yards (D.Manning).
1-10-CHI11 (6:28) B.Bollinger pass short left to M.Robinson to CHI 4 for 7 yards (R.Manning).
2-3-CHI4 (5:45) C.Fason right guard for 4 yards, TOUCHDOWN.
R.Longwell extra point is GOOD, Center-C.Loeffler, Holder-C.Kluwe.
MIN 13 CHI 23, Plays: 11 Yards: 89 Possession: 6:34.
Minnesota Vikings at 05:40
R.Longwell kicks onside 14 yards from MIN 30 to MIN 44. RECOVERED by MIN-G.Blue.
1-10-MIN44 (5:39) (Shotgun) B.Bollinger pass short middle to M.Robinson to 50 for 6 yards (R.Manning, B.Urlacher).
PENALTY on CHI-A.Brown, Defensive Offside, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 44 - No Play.
1-5-MIN49 (5:39) PENALTY on MIN-J.Whittle, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 49 - No Play.
1-10-MIN44 (5:06) C.Fason right guard to CHI 48 for 8 yards (A.Boone).
2-2-CHI48 (4:32) (Shotgun) B.Bollinger pass incomplete to B.McMullen.
3-2-CHI48 (4:25) PENALTY on MIN-M.Rosenthal, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 48 - No Play.
3-7-MIN47 (4:24) (Shotgun) B.Bollinger sacked at MIN 37 for -10 yards (A.Ogunleye).
4-17-MIN37 (4:24) (Pass formation)
PENALTY on MIN-B.Bollinger, Delay of Game, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 37 - No Play.
4-22-MIN32 (3:43) C.Kluwe punts 34 yards to CHI 34, Center-C.Loeffler, out of bounds.
Chicago Bears at 03:37
1-10-CHI34 (3:37) T.Jones right tackle to CHI 29 for -5 yards (K.Williams).
2-15-CHI29 (3:37) PENALTY on CHI-R.Garza, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at CHI 29 - No Play.
2-20-CHI24 (2:53) T.Jones right tackle to CHI 25 for 1 yard (K.Udeze).
3-19-CHI25 (2:48) R.Grossman pass incomplete deep right to B.Berrian.
4-19-CHI25 (2:48) (Punt formation)
PENALTY on CHI-J.Gilmore, Offensive Holding, 10 yards, enforced at CHI 25 - No Play.
4-29-CHI15 (2:31) B.Maynard punts 47 yards to MIN 38, Center-P.Mannelly. M.Moore to MIN 41 for 3 yards (B.Ayanbadejo).
Minnesota Vikings at 02:20
1-10-MIN41 (2:20) #7 Jackson in at QB T.Jackson pass short right to C.Fason to MIN 45 for 4 yards (L.Briggs).
2-6-MIN45 (2:00) PENALTY on MIN-J.Wiggins, False Start, 5 yards, enforced at MIN 45 - No Play.
2-11-MIN40 (2:00) (Shotgun) T.Jackson pass incomplete to C.Fason (I.Idonije).
3-11-MIN40 (1:56) (Shotgun) T.Jackson pass short left to B.McMullen to MIN 47 for 7 yards (R.Manning).
4-4-MIN47 (1:31) (Shotgun) T.Jackson pass deep middle to J.Wiggins to CHI 29 for 24 yards (C.Harris).
1-10-CHI29 (1:20) (Shotgun) T.Jackson scrambles left guard to CHI 27 for 2 yards (A.Ogunleye). FUMBLES (A.Ogunleye), RECOVERED by CHI-H.Hillenmeyer at CHI 27. H.Hillenmeyer to CHI 27 for no gain (C.Fason).
Chicago Bears at 01:12
1-10-CHI27 (1:12) R.Grossman kneels to CHI 25 for -2 yards.
2-12-CHI25 (:35) R.Grossman kneels to CHI 23 for -2 yards.
MIN 13 CHI 23
Since "next week" starts tonight, here are your stats/standings for NFL Week 13:
AFC East
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
New England 9 3 0 .750 4-3 5-0 5-3 4-0 4-1 Won 3
N.Y. Jets 7 5 0 .583 3-3 4-2 5-4 2-1 3-1 Won 2
Buffalo 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 3-5 2-2 1-3 Lost 1
Miami 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 2-6 3-1 0-3 Lost 1
AFC North
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Baltimore 9 3 0 .750 5-1 4-2 6-2 3-1 3-1 Lost 1
Cincinnati 7 5 0 .583 3-3 4-2 5-3 2-2 4-1 Won 3
Pittsburgh 5 7 0 .417 4-2 1-5 3-6 2-1 1-2 Won 1
Cleveland 4 8 0 .333 2-5 2-3 3-6 1-2 0-4 Won 1
AFC South
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Indianapoli10 2 0 .833 6-0 4-2 7-1 3-1 3-1 Lost 1
Jacksonvill 7 5 0 .583 5-1 2-4 4-4 3-1 1-3 Won 1
Tennessee 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 2-6 3-1 2-2 Won 3
Houston 4 8 0 .333 2-3 2-5 4-4 0-4 2-2 Won 1
AFC West
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
San Diego 10 2 0 .833 5-0 5-2 8-2 2-0 3-1 Won 6
Kansas City 7 5 0 .583 5-1 2-4 3-5 4-0 3-1 Lost 1
Denver 7 5 0 .583 3-3 4-2 7-3 0-2 3-2 Lost 3
Oakland 2 10 0 .167 2-4 0-6 1-8 1-2 0-5 Lost 5
NFC East
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Dallas 8 4 0 .667 4-1 4-3 3-1 5-3 2-3 Won 4
N.Y. Giants 6 6 0 .500 3-3 3-3 1-3 5-3 3-0 Lost 4
Philadelphi 6 6 0 .500 4-3 2-3 1-3 5-3 2-1 Won 1
Washington 4 8 0 .333 3-3 1-5 2-2 2-6 1-3 Lost 1
NFC North
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Chicago 10 2 0 .833 5-1 5-1 2-2 8-0 4-0 Won 1
Minnesota 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 0-3 5-4 1-3 Lost 1
Green Bay 4 8 0 .333 1-5 3-3 1-3 3-5 2-1 Lost 3
Detroit 2 10 0 .167 2-4 0-6 1-3 1-7 0-3 Lost 4
NFC South
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
New Orleans 8 4 0 .667 4-2 4-2 1-3 7-1 4-1 Won 2
Atlanta 6 6 0 .500 3-3 3-3 2-2 4-4 2-2 Won 1
Carolina 6 6 0 .500 4-2 2-4 2-1 4-5 3-1 Lost 2
Tampa Bay 3 9 0 .250 3-3 0-6 1-2 2-7 0-5 Lost 2
NFC West
Team W L T PCT Home Road AFC NFC DIV Streak
Seattle 8 4 0 .667 5-1 3-3 2-1 6-3 3-1 Won 2
San Francis 5 7 0 .417 4-2 1-5 1-2 4-5 2-2 Lost 2
St. Louis 5 7 0 .417 3-3 2-4 1-2 4-5 2-4 Lost 1
Arizona 3 9 0 .250 2-4 1-5 0-2 3-7 2-2 Won 1
Week 14 GamesToday:Thursday, Dec. 7
Cleveland at Pittsburgh
Sunday, Dec. 10
Atlanta at Tampa Bay
Baltimore at Kansas City
Indianapolis at Jacksonville
Minnesota at Detroit
New England at Miami
N.Y. Giants at Carolina
Oakland at Cincinnati
Philadelphia at Washington
Tennessee at Houston
Green Bay at San Francisco
Seattle at Arizona
Buffalo at N.Y. Jets
Denver at San Diego
New Orleans at Dallas
Monday, Dec. 11
Chicago at St. Louis
Via AOL news (with a few of my own notations added), we bring you these two Top Lists:
The 89 Most Redundant, Repetitive Clichés In Music:
89. Stripping Down for 'Rolling Stone'
Why, yes, we would like a little T&A to go along with that promotion, please. Nothing says "take me seriously" better than showing a little flesh on America's best-known music magazine. Just ask Janet, Christina, Britney, the Chili Peppers or ... Blind Melon? Hey, if it's good enough for John and Yoko ...
88. Selling Out to Apple
There's gotta be a reason why folks like Fiddy and Mary J. rock the iPod in their videos. Perhaps they think this obscure, struggling product needs a little more exposure?
87. "...palooza"
Way too many music festivals are willing to hitch their wagon to this dead horse of a suffix. Is Woodstock now charging a fee for "...stock"? Here's a question for those uncreative concert promoters: Do you really want to keep company with 'Doggie-palooza,' 'Lego-palooza,' 'Pole-a-palooza' (yes, for strippers) and, bless them, 'Algebra-palooza'?
86. The Post-Retirement Comeback
Club kids shed a tear when Cher hung up her wigs in '03 ... only for her to announce a Vegas residency starting in '08. Boomers shelled out mad money to see Barbra Streisand's 2000 Farewell Tour ... only to drop hundreds more to see her Comeback Tour in '06. We've been duped many times before, but come on -- did you really think Jay-Z was gonna put down the mic for good?
85. The Drumstick Spin
The ultimate symbol of rock drummer prowess? Not a rack of 10 cymbals, not being able to maintain a complicated 6/8 beat over the entire length of a Jethro Tull flute solo, not even the Def Leppard one-handed trick -- nope, it's the drumstick spin.
84. Fog
Whether the lights are going down for Pink Floyd or Green Day, nothing says "we will rock you" like a stage full of dense, white smoke. Plus, it makes it nearly impossible for security to tell which fans are puffing smoke of their own.
83. The Third-Single Power Ballad
It's a well-documented fact that any successful album's third single will be a power ballad. Doesn't matter if it's rock, pop or even R&B. Country albums are exempt from this phenomenon, however, as they're 50 percent power ballad already.
82. Rock Dudes Throwing Up Hand Signs
'Nuff said?
81. Broadway Going Rock
ABBA on Broadway makes an iota of sense -- those songs are half show-tune anyway.
But theatrical producers are so desperate for tourist dollars that they've cobbled together threadbare musicals based on Dylan, Lennon, the Beach Boys, even the Four Freakin' Seasons. Could be why accomplished thespians like Sebastian Bach want nothing to do with Broadway anymore.
80. Coming Out After the Fact
If 'NSYNC reunites, will Lance sit out when the rest of the boys do 'Girlfriend'? Will George Michael change the lyrics to 'Everything She Wants' on the Wham! reunion tour? Props to Rufus Wainwright for keeping it real from the start.
79. The Pop Star Alter-Ego
Some stars are just too big for one personality. That's why Bowie begat "Ziggy Stardust," Eminem birthed "Slim Shady," and Christina became "Baby Jane." Country stars are not immune (as Garth "Chris Gaines" Brooks fans are sadly aware). Sometimes, though, the other half takes things too far. Just ask Beyonce, who blames "Sasha," her inner diva, for stealing Prince's thunder during their 2004 Grammy duet. She's lucky he didn't unleash "The Kid" on her. That might have been ugly.
78. Shakin' Your "Milkshake" Under the "London Bridge"
Ah, the innocuous -- and usually appetizing -- music metaphors for sex. It's a way for pop folk to say what they mean without actually having to say what they mean. Meanwhile, we can't ask our mom to butter our rolls anymore without feeling just a little dirty.
77. The Nursery-Rhyme Hook
Mother Goose has been exposed as a ghostwriter. But as annoying as this trend is, it's also kind of genius. It's hard to deny a track when you've had its melody stuck in your head since Pre-K
76. Imitating Beatles Album Covers
Wait... who hasn't?
75. Anyone Besides JT Bringing Sexy Back
Though it's not known when "sexy" actually left, JT scored the year's biggest hit by calling it back for an encore. And everyone else is jealous they didn't extend the invitation first. Hell, even Al Gore jumped on the bandwagon at this year's VMAs. Now if THAT had been his campaign song ...
74. The Marching Band
The cadence has been felt by Fleetwood Mac, Gwen and, most recently, My Chemical Romance. Yet another reason to want to go to band camp.
73. Long-Ass Emo Song Titles
Those emo boys sure have a lot to say. Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco both have song titles that exceed 15 words. Impossible to remember and forcing the publishing world to revive the use of " ... ," we can only hope it's a mere adolescent phase, much like their asymmetrical haircuts.
72. Rap Stars Acting in Horror Movies
Do your research, playas. If you're being chased by a masked man with a machete, and your name is not LL, you will die. Like a sucker. Look what happened when Busta f***ed with Michael Myers. Isn't the rap game dangerous enough?
71. The Soaring Cliff Shot
Jump... Off... Already...
70. Going Back to High School
Britney became the new 'Lolita' overnight, Pete Wentz transformed into a nerd who finally gets revenge and the Fray played ... themselves. You'd love to think these videos were autobiographical, except we know for a fact Britney never even went to high school. What a fraud.
69. Imitating Jacko
We've seen enough of Chris Tucker's moonwalking for one lifetime.
68. Rock-Star Kids With Ridiculous Names
Pop parents use more creativity naming their kids than they do writing their next hit. Why settle for boring old "Emily Marie" when Apple, Zowie, Moon Unit or Tiger Lily. And unlike the rest of us, they don't have to worry about being ridiculed by their peers. What's Bluebell Madonna got to tease Dweezil about?
67. The Disney Connection
During his 78 years in the biz, Mickey Mouse has discovered Club kids Annette Funicello (ask your parents), Britney, Christina, Justin and JC. Then came Hilary, Raven, Hannah Montana and those chirpy 'High School Musical' kids.
66. Calling Out Car Brands
Beyonce's sweating about losing her spot in "'Bach or the Rolls." Missy looked fly ridin' down the block in her Escalade. Go back further and there's Aretha strolling in her 'Pink Cadillac' and Janis begging the Lord to buy her a Mercedes-Benz, not to mention Chuck Berry's Ford shout-outs in the '50s. Heck, how about 'In My Merry Oldsmobile' back in the wind-up Victrola days? Now that's O.G.!
65. Leather Pants
Could be worse, could be pleather.
64. Suing Your Manager
All artists know that when things go bad, blame but the boss. Or even when they're going good; Amy Lee hit Evanescence's former manager with so many charges -- breach of fiduciary duty, sexual assault and battery, professional negligence, currency conversion, etc. -- he'll be dry cleaning nothing but law suits for the next 12 months.
63. Artists That R 2 Cool 2 Spell Out Words 4 U
The Prince-patented, Kelly Clarkson-approved song-title shorthand has become a widely accepted convention. It was fine when the Purple One was dying '4 U,' but Avril Lavigne's crush on her 'Sk8er Boi' was just silly.
62. Thanking God
Because our God is an awesome God, many awesome artists acknowledge Him. He returns the favor by engineering Grammy, VMA and CMA wins for these performers, who then sing His praises -- not so much in their songs as in their acceptance speeches. Wars, floods, diseases? Let Zeus or Ra take care of that boring stuff, because the Lord is too busy scanning CD booklets for mentions of His name.
61. Vanity Bling
Apparantly spelling your entire name out in huge gold letters is "the thing." I know the weight alone would kill me.
60. The "It-Girl" Cameo
TRL is looking more and more like primetime TV these days. Why settle for an anonymous hottie when you can get Mischa, Pamela, Scarlett or Carmen to be the leading lady in your new vid? We're counting the days before Ellen 'Dr. Grey' Pompeo is pimped out in the next Snow Patrol clip.
59. The Deep-Voiced Radio Guy
How low does that dial go?
58. The Concept Album
There's no quicker way for a band to win over rock critics than by writing an album of 12-minute songs, all about a guy named "Tommy," "Ziggy" or "Jimmy." All in all, My Chemical Romance's 'Black Parade' is just another brick in the wall.
57. Kids Singing on the Hook
While child exploitation in the workplace is illegal, such laws obviously don't extend to the recording booth. The under-10 set is cute and all, but don't think for a minute that their angelic voices make up for weak lyrics or off-key singing. That goes for choruses, interludes, intros, outros and mixtape drops, too. "DJ Cut-and-Scratch is my daddy" is no longer original.
56. Songs About Dances
Have nothing to rap about? Just come up with the dumbest, simplest move you can think of, write equally elementary lyrics to go with it, and a hit record is virtually guaranteed. Too bad song royalties expire after 95 years; Dem Franchise Boyz, Unk and Webstar owe a fat check to whoever penned 'The Hokey Pokey.'
55. The Rooftop Performances
Since the Beatles' farewell gig on the roof the Apple Building in '69, less fab bands have paid homage with their own hi-rise concerts. It's become a staple at the VMAs, with Avril, No Doubt and My Chemical Romance scaling great heights, but none top U2, who caused a ruckus in L.A. one afternoon in '87 for a humble video shoot.
54. The "Featuring"
Remember when rappers wrote songs without inviting all their boys, brothers, moms and managers to drop a verse? Neither do we. A couple of guests are welcomed, but damn, Game -- 18 different rappers?!
52. Suicide
Nothing verifies a musician's "tortured artist" cred like a self-inflicted shotgun blast to the head. Bonus points for creativity; a steak knife to the heart (a la Elliott Smith) grabs more headlines than pill popping. And no worries about the ones you leave behind -- the royalties from your string of posthumous albums will set them up just fine.
51. Dadagers & Momagers
I can manage myself, thank you very much...
50. The Rapper Towel Wave
For emcees and hoosiers alike, nothing shows enthusiasm like you and your posse waving towels in the air, as Petey Pablo says, "like a helicopter."
49. "The Band Is Still Together..."
It's the requisite phrase uttered when the face of a group decides to release a solo joint. But what happens when the royalty check no longer needs to be split five ways? Just ask the rest of 'NSYNC. Or No Doubt -- didn't Gwen say she was only releasing one solo album?
48. "What I Really Want to Do Is Sing!"
Jared Leto surprised everyone by sort of pulling it off. And ok, that first Paris Hilton tune was kind of catchy. But raise your hand if you really can't wait to hear Scarlett Johansson's album of Tom Waits covers. Anyone?
47. The Bad-Ass Runaway
Desperate, disheveled and hard as a city sidewalk, the runaway chick likes to keep a low profile, but she still pops up now and then. Bon Jovi caught a glimpse in '84's 'Runaway,' and Soul Asylum spotted her on the 'Runaway Train' in '92, but Avril went the extra mile and actually became her.
46. Songs by Untalented Kids of Talented Rock-Stars
Sometimes, the apple falls farther from the tree than our ears would like. People should not be allowed to make unlistenable records simply because their last name is Lennon, Presley or Osbourne.
45. "Creative Differences"
The top 5 things bands really mean when they break up over "creative differences":
1. "The singer smokes too much crack."
2. "The lead guitarist gets more cash than I do. And who does he think he is anyway? The band would be NOTHING without my awesome organ riffs."
3. "My wife dumped me for the bass player."
4. "If the frontman wants to sing his own crap songs, let him. See how far he gets."
5. "Those assholes make me sick."
44. The Atlanta/Houston/Toronto/St. Louis Scene
More than a handful of artists have ridden to radio airplay on the coattails of their groundbreaking neighbors. But just because you used to serve Nelly sliders at the local White Castle does not mean you deserve a record deal. Are you listening, J-Kwon?
43. The Scott Storch Shout Out
You can't get two bars into Terror Squad's 'Lean Back' before Fat Joe starts giving props the beat maker du jour. We're all for self-promotion, Scott, but who exactly are your pawns marketing to? It's not like the kid listening to Paris' CD can afford your $800-million-per-track fee.
42. Having a TV Has-Been in Your Video
Dustin "Screech" Diamond stole the bride in 98 Degrees' 'I Do ...' Christina Applegate donned disco skates for Jessica's 'Public Affair.' Donny Osmond goofed around in Weird Al's 'White & Nerdy.' This proves one thing: Washed-up television stars can help anyone's career -- except their own.
41. The On-the-Road Montage
Time-lapsed footage of stage set-up, camera pan of fans whooping it up inside, slow-mo shots of the drummer's "rock face" ... Ever since Motley Crue went 'Home Sweet Home,' bands have cranked out the tour montage video. It usually rears its head around single number five and, ironically, the music is very seldom live. But at least all of that b-roll footage is being put to good use.
40. Songs About Mom
We know stars love their mamas. She birthed them, changed their diapers, and bailed them out of jail when no one else would. They should by all means tell her she's appreciated. But sitting through a sappy "Dear Mama" song is as heartwarming as getting a Hallmark card addressed to someone else. Why can't they just pick up the phone like the rest of us?
39. The Fish-Eye-Lens Effect
Though in some cases, they're easier on the eyes that way.
38. Rappers Telling Us to 'Bounce'
Jay-Z loves to do it, Jermaine Dupree can't seem to live without it ... hell, even Bow Wow named a song after it. Commanding listeners to "bounce" is as much a hip-hop staple as chronic and hos.
37. Cop-Out Last Album Deal
How do you know when an artist has one album left in their record deal? When they flood record stores with a compilation of outtakes from the cutting room floor, a collection of covers, their third greatest hits package, or worst of all -- the dreaded live album.
36. Rappers Getting Shot
Marketing agents across the hip-hop universe know that all rappers have to do to increase record sales is take a bullet. It worked for Fiddy, Fabolous and Beanie Sigel. It unfortunately worked too well for Proof, Jam Master Jay, Pac and Biggie.
35. Artists Covering the Same Damn Songs as Everyone Else
Big ups to DMB and Lenny Kravitz for improving 'All Along the Watchtower.' Avril and Seether, you totally made 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' your own. We never really got 'Landslide' until the Dixie Chicks and Joey McIntyre showed us the way. And future classics like Gnarls' 'Crazy' will only reach that status with the help of Nelly Furtado, Ray Lamontagne, Twilight Singers, the Kooks, the Raconteurs, the Academy Is... Uh, not!
34. The Bikini-Car-Wash Scene
We've seen Jessica washing her 'Boots' and Pink poking fun at her. Enough already.
33. Artists Starting Clothing Lines
We can't be mad at artists in the new millennium. Illegal downloading is eating into their pockets like termites on Pinocchio, so a side hustle is necessary to keep junior's college fund afloat. However, must they all have clothing lines? Gwen Stefani's L.A.M.B. is a no-brainer, but that damn DMX Signature Collection is just taking things too far.
32. Artists Starting Record Labels
Thanks to pioneers like Russell Simmons and Diddy, it's easier than ever for artists to build musical empires from nothing. Helping the next man fulfill his dreams of stardom is indeed honorable, but the current tendency to hand over a label deal to a rookie whose own debut has barely hit shelves makes for bad business sense and equally sucky music.
31. The Syrupy Significant-Other Duet
It's emasculating for the dude and flat-out annoying for the rest of us, so it's amazing that couples continue down the sappy-duet path. There are many levels of this infraction, but Nick and Jessica take the prize by topping their repulsive Christmas duet with a thoroughly wretched Disney duet. Barf. Let's hope Jess and John Mayer don't pick up where this left off...
30. Songs About Breathing
The short list: Sia, 'Breathe Me', Maroon 5, 'Harder to Breathe', Modest Mouse 'Ocean Breathes Salty', Toni Braxton, 'Breathe Again', Frou Frou, 'Breathe In', Mase, 'Breathe, Stretch, Shake', Anna Nalick 'Breathe (2AM)', Melissa Etheridge, 'Breathe', Collective Soul, 'Breathe', Faith Hill 'Breathe', Fabolous 'Breathe', Erasure, 'Breathe', Michelle Branch, 'Breathe'
29. The Guitar Smash
When Townshend or Cobain destroyed their instruments, they meant it. Now, it's mostly macho posturing exhibited by guitarists who can barely play the thing to begin with.
28. The Diva Wave
Does your hand unconsciously wave around like a wild turkey when you're singing in the shower? If so, you either haven't gotten the hang of masturbation, or you're a million-dollar-diva in training. Could Mariah, Whitney and Celine hit the same notes if their hands were tied behind their backs?
27. Sped-Up Samples
Hip-hop and sampling go together like H and 2-0, but it all went wrong the day Kanye made Chaka Khan sound like she took a hit of He, and every producer in his wake followed suit. The Chipmunks should have trademarked that sh** years ago.
26. The Sheryl Crow Benefit/ Tribute Concert Appearance
It's simply not a benefit concert, tribute album, musical telethon or envelope opening without Sheryl Crow on deck to flash a toothy grin.
25. The Supergroup
What's a rock god to do when his main crew crashes and burns? Call up his other estranged pals and start a supergroup, of course. When it works, we get Velvet Revolver. Rock Star Supernova, however, is a sign of the impeding apocalypse.
24. Guyliner
How... emasculating?
23. Sleeping With Record Execs
Mariah married her record company's president, Lenny Kravitz allegedly slept with Virgin Records execs, and even Madonna famously admitted to sleeping her way into a record deal. It's the oldest trick in the book --sex sells.
22. The "I'm Just Like You, But Rich" Song
It's not the rocks that are fooling us, Jenny From the Block, it's your ridiculous diva behavior. The J-Los of the world -- who only step foot in their old neighborhoods when they're escorting Barbra Walters -- feel the need to convince the world they are still the same old person when their servants, black cards and leer jets say otherwise. Is it to soothe the pangs of guilt they have about their lavish new lives? Nah, couldn't be.
21. Ridiculous Riders
From Mariah's pink toilet paper to J.Lo's counter-clockwise-only stirred coffee to Moby's fresh underwear, rockers have taken Van Halen's legendary "no brown M&M's" concert rider demand to new levels -- simply because they can. The ultimate? Iggy Pop's "cauliflower/broccoli, cut into individual florets and thrown immediately into the garbage."
20. The Posthumous Album
Record labels know that music -- just like paintings and literature -- is worth more after its maker has gone on to meet theirs. 2Pac's peeps have made the biggest killing, having released an astounding eight albums since his death in 1996 -- twice as many as when he was alive. The getting's so good, we're still expecting Left-Eye and Aaliyah to come back with a long-lost duet CD any day now.
19. Dating Winona Ryder
Beck. Evan Dando. Dave Pirner. Ryan Adams. Tre Cool. Pete Yorn. Damien Rice. Paul Westerberg. Hell, raise your hand if you're in a band and haven't dated Winona. The world's most famous shoplifting groupie has been around more times than an old Beatles 45. Courtney Love put it best when she said, "You're no one in music until you have feuded with me or slept with Winona." Which means Dave Grohl is the biggest rock star EVER!
18. Firing the Drummer
Ever since Pete Best gave way to a guy named Ringo, bands have notoriously had a revolving door of drummers. Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins both had five, GN'R has had six (and counting). Stickmen will forever be on edge because they all know in rock, when the going gets tough, the drummer gets fired.
17. The Mother Theresa Syndrome
In the past decade, pop stars have struggled to bring water to Africa, bring African babies to America, and save other distressed peoples who have never heard their music. Props to them for giving a little bit back, but we've listened to 'One' about 4,000 times and still don't think Bono deserves the Nobel Peace Prize.
16. The Spoken-Word Breakdown
"Girl" only gives it up if a baritone balla whispers sweet nothings into her ear while his bros "oooh" and "aaah" in the background. But it never lasts -- even that dude from Boyz II Men got to the end of the road.
15. Courtney Love
'Nuff said.
14. The "You're Ugly, But It's OK" Song
Everyone -- save maybe Beyonce -- has had an "awkward stage" riddled with acne, braces and a disproportionate body. Some of us never outgrow it -- and pop stars like to think they can alleviate the pain with an uplifting power ballad. From TLC's 'Waterfalls' to Christina Aguilera's 'Beautiful' to most Destiny's Child songs, we are taught to love our flaws ... including our big booties.
13. "Girl"
Bobby Brown told her 'Don't Be Cruel,' while *NSYNC accused her of 'Tearin' Up' their hearts. Whether the universal word for "chick that's breaking my heart" is used to protect anonymity or out of sheer laziness, it seems male pop singers will be working things out with "her" for all time.
12. Attacking Photographers and Reporters
It used to be that only burly, Hollywood brat packers like Sean Penn got into scuffles with the paparazzi, but now even wussy boys like Chris Martin and Jamiroquai's Jay Kay are putting up their dukes instead of saying cheese. Still, we'd do battle with either of them over Bjork any day
11. The Onstage Meltdown
Fiona Apple prefers verbal barrages. Axl pummels his fans mid-song. Cat Power likes to cower on the ground. Lady Sov has taken to bawling in the fetal position. And Oasis -- well, take your pick. It's not a rock show unless someone leaves crying, bloody or piss drunk... preferably the artist.
10. Gangbanging Gone Good
It's hard to believe that once upon a time, most rappers weren't actual criminals. Hired merely to get the party started, old-school MCs were drug-free, law-abiding citizens and proud of it. Today, so many ex-cons, crack slingers and Crips are permeating hip-hop that someone like Kanye, who simply hated AP English, seems refreshing.
9. Dissing Bush
We estimate that the first musical jab at our Commander in Chief took place about 30 seconds after Gore conceded. Whether it's in song (too many to name), on stage (Hi Natalie!)... or, of course, during a nationally televised benefit, artists can't help but point out the fact that GW "doesn't care about black people" -- or anyone else, for that matter.
8. The Rain Sequence
Nothing says devastation quite like willingly standing in a downpour.
7. Rehab
No. 1 album? Check. Sold-out arena shows? Check. Groupies? Check. Piles of money? Triple check. We'll see you at the Betty.
6. Bum Rushing the Show
Sorry, Kanye. Your hissyfit at the MTV Europe Awards was entertaining, but you'll never top O.D.B.'s Grammy barrage. "Wu Tang is the best!"
5. Working With Timbaland
We get it; Tim is a genius. But how innovative can his beats sound when he's written 75% of the songs on the radio? Justin, Nelly, PCD, the Game and dozens more all got the Timbaland Touch in '06, and the queue of artists waiting to work with him is longer than Tweet's weave. It won't be long before Chris Martin is trading in his arena rockers for club bangers.
4. Dating a Stripper/Porn Star
Rock stars can date whomever they want. Still, it seems music's bad boys most often make love connections in the back room of a shady strip bar where neither clothes nor class is required. That, or they use Vivid Entertainment as their personal dating service. You can't deny the perks, though. Outside of pole dances on demand, the T&A obsessed are assured at least two flotation devices if they're ever in a transatlantic plane crash.
3. Lighters
This most predictable of concert-going behavior is often accompanied by swaying and closing one's eyes, serving to a) let the band know that you are totally feeling that ballad and b) let potential mates know that you're 100% down for making out.
2. Beef
When MC Shan sparred with KRS-1, Kool Moe dissed Cool J, and Jigga and Nas ripped each other new a-holes up over slick grooves, fans got classic records in the process. Now, with entourages getting shot (The Game vs. 50 Cent), producers taking jabs (Jermaine Dupri vs. Timbaland), and even pasty-white rock bands getting into the game (The Killers vs. Fall Out Boy), hip-hop's former Grade-A rivalries taste more like corner store jerky.
1. Yelling 'Freebird'
The all-time concert constant is the one idiot at every show who thinks requesting 'Freebird' between songs is, like, dude, the funniest sh** ever. It doesn't matter what band is on stage. Hipsters scream it because it's ironic. Metalheads shout it cuz it's obnoxious. And Skynard fans yell it because, well ... they actually want to hear it. Not even the freakin' Blue Man Group is safe anymore. Musical fads and fashions will change with the times, but 'Freebird' will, unfortunately, live forever.
Top 10 Cliched Things Said On Stage:
1. "Are you ready to rock?"
2. "Get on your feet!"
3. "You're the best crowd ever!"
4. "Let me see those hands!"
5. "We don't usually play this song."
6. "It's time to slow things down a bit."
7. "Hello Cleveland!"
8. "Who's got a joint?"
9. "What about you people in the back?"
10. "Thank you! G'nite!"
(I'll mention more about Limited Liability and their kickass "Office Metal X-Mas Party" promo-EP later! It's perfect holiday kickassness...)
-t. Wolfox sR Rhose