(no subject)

[falloutgirl86]

i havent checked livejournal in like a year....but all i have to say was that high school had NOTHING on college. the past four years besides the exception of moments freshman year and some sophomore year have been the best of my life. I miss my friends SO MUCH and i am not ready by any means what so ever to be a big kid. I think i have cried like 15 times because i hate being here soooo much. (besides taking luke to the cubs game and bars) i dont even remember the last time i had a tv in my room here. I am moving downtown chicago in september but thats not soon enough by any means....or im moving to new zealand for a year. i have seriously thought about it so many times.I go sooo on and off with the idea. My family wants me to do it but i dont know. I found a great work program there and of course my two best friends vanessa and ashley are doing it but i balls out like usual...i dont know if i can be away from my family that long.being a big kid BLOWS. i miss all my friends there....college is way better than high school in that you are actually mature enough to realize who sucks, who rocks, who is using you, and who is actually going to be there for you when you need them. I can honestly say that looking at old posts from when i was a senior in high school (ya im that bored) that i was a fuckin idiot. Ya right were all those people my "best/real" friends. I knew i would still have my core 5 and i definitly still do, i guess i just realize alot more now...and im so happy with my life and how i turned out. there are ups and downs...drugs and alcohol....but if you have a support group there for you, then really you dont have it that bad. Im sounding so dumb right now but I just really have had the best four years of my life andi think i have grown up so much and i think this is a great last post to end the past four years of my life. My friend Vanessa asked me a question the other day asking me if i would ever consider getting back together with anyone i have ever dated or had previously been best friends with,and honestly i said no. Where i was in high school or even beginning of college is a completely different person of who i am now. I always thought i was soooo "mature" but no fucking way. I am still not at my most mature point but i would say i look at things with a more critical eye now. To end this last post, i would have to say that looking back i have had a great group of friends at home and at school(and i am so greatful for that) and the best college expereience EVER, but not letting things get to me or let people bother me or getting mad at dumb things is the key to having successful relationships and trying to be a good person.I miss my friends soooo fucking much from school.
hope you all have enjoyed your past four four years as much as i have.
peace