fic: the theory of narrative causality; i
things happen because the plot says they should.
lass_sirene posted in fandom_wank,
@ 2011-03-27 20:43:00
In Which cons_detective Would Like You All To Know His Thoughts About Sherlock Holmes
Thanks for the mousies at wank_report for the beginning of this account; I filled in the rest.
Right. cons_detective. Best damn fanartist in Sherlock Holmes fandom, makes you take one look and jump under the cold shower, master snarker, deadpan cynist, canon lover, sneers at everyone who's in his way, etcetcetc. If you'd like reminders of his previous antics, see here, here, and here. (And here, if you want to be scarred forever.)
So Sherlock Holmes fandom has been small and refined for the longest time. (Many would have it that it's the First Fandom Ever, and that Holmes/Watson is the first slash ship sailin' the seven seas, back when all fapping material fans had were 'zines and mail chains.) The original stories have been adapted left, right, and center - see Basil Rathbone and Bumblin' Nigel Bruce, or the scrumptious Jeremy Brett and his two Watsons. And then there's been the '09 movie by Guy Ritchie, starring Robert Downey Junior as a disheveled, scruffy Sherlock Holmes and Jude Law as gambling, gun-savvy John 'REALLY FUCKING HOT' Watson.
Fandom, as a result, exploded in many and various ways. Fanfic was written. Fanart was drawn. Discussions were had. There were challenges. And at least two kinkmemes.
There's been a bit of a lull recently, but after the confirmation of an upcoming sequel in winter 2011, and several set photos being let loose, fandom is sizzling once again.
(This background info was brought to you by extensive reading on holmesian_news.)
In the wake of these set pictures, ssarah_s publishes this thread on holmeschat , linking back to this cast list in which Kelly Reilly, who plays Watson's fiancé, is recorded as Mary Morstan (as opposed to Mary Watson) and asks the community whether 1. this means they are not yet married, and 2. what it signifies for the Holmes-Watson relationship.
For a while the discussion is pretty civil, with several suggestions and polite disagreements (possible spoilers behind the links). And then cons_detective comes in, and everything goes to hell in a hand basket.
cons_detective is reputed for being an out-and-out canon supporter; his fanart is resolutely canon-based, with inspiration taken from the original Paget pictures and the Granada series starring Jeremy Brett. His dislike for the '09 movie is an open secret, but so far he'd been pretty quiet in his criticism outside out of his journal. Here, though, he really lets himself go.
Highlights include:
Downey would be not be able to play Holmes if he stuck a mop stick up his arse and drank his tea with one pinkie outstretched, and even then he would still be a sugar-hyperactive monkey with no proper sense of manners and the most ridiculous face in the history of christendom
The Ritchie movie is nothing more than American-bait with many explosions and basic appeals at the impressionable human psyche with supernatural stupidities
How To Butcher A Strong Female Character, or why they turned the most intelligent woman of the entire stories into a trousers-wearing, fighting-savvy, men-dominated femme fatale with red lipstick and no brains of her own
Funnily, though, cons_detective refrains entirely from making scathing remarks about Law's Watson. People remark on this. cons_detective keeps silent, and then admits that Law's Watson is interestingly-thought and better-played than his detective counterpart.
salts_theway suggests that someone has a crush.
andres_son makes unfashionable remarks about consulting_detective's sexuality.
cons_detective replies with a damning deduction about salts_theway and andres_son relationship.
Shit gets personal from then on, and more people join in. Some mice laugh at everyone and then some. miss_toby takes consulting_detective's defense. storm_ford complains that this is why fandom can't have nice things. jim_fromit predicts it will all end on fandom_wank.
The mod of the comm, let_us_trade, eventually turns off anon commenting and administrates the following smackdown:
SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU WANKERS. It's a very nice weekend here with the missus and the kids, and I'd rather not be dealing out bans on precious members of the comm, thanks very much. Get off the laptop, get yourselves a drink, and remember that we're all here because we love the same characters. DON'T COME BACK UNLESS YOU CAN BE CIVIL. Christ, what are you, kindergarden kids?
ssarah_s, who was apparently out at work for the duration of the wank and had no idea that her thread had degenerated so rapidly, seconds this, and advises everyone to stop flooding her inbox and go read jumperfucker's latest epic 30K fic instead, because 'at least [they] can all agree that his fanfiction's the best out there.'
salts_theway replies that she has always thought jumperfkr's stuff to be vastly overrated. So far, nobody has really reacted to this, but considering that jumperfkr is one of the best-known BNFs of SH fandom, has written some 200K of fanfiction in both the ACD and the '09 premises, and has well over 3000 LJ friends, that should turn into another wankfest pretty rapidly.
ETAs to come!
(Post a new comment)
cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfkr) wrote,
@ 2011-03-28 18:35:00
Well. Uh. I think everybody and their grandmothers' cats have seen this clusterfuck. Thanks for the unexpected publicity, I guess? I know ssarah_s was only trying to help and calm things down, for which I thank her, but god now I wish they'd shut up and be done with it.
Please. Stop. It's not worth dragging old battles in the mud like that; it's only going to make things worse, from now on. The original thread was actually pretty interesting, before everything began to get personal, and there were some discussions around the ACD canon / '09 movie resemblances and dissimilarities between some people not involved in the wank. These were good, I enjoyed reading that. I've already told my fill on those issues here and here, but I suspect SH2 is going to change perspective all over again.
(Yes, I'm still bitter about Rachel McAdams being off the cast. Shut up.)
That said, I think I've answered everyone who kindly commented on A Day Like Today - if I've left someone out by accident, I'm very sorry, and thanks very much. You guys know how much I appreciate your feedback.
(23 comments) - (Post a new comment)
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From: shbigbangmod
To: jumperfkr Hello,
You have been paired with cons_detective for your entry in the Sherlock Holmes Big Bang. Please discuss the details of your association with them.
If you drop out, please let us know at least two weeks before the final submission date so we can reassign them.
Best of luck,
The Sherlock Holmes Big Bang Mod
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Hello. So, uh, we've been paired together in the shbigbang, and I was wondering - I know you got sent the first draft and all, but is there anything you want to know about the story? I mean, I can give you a general outline or maybe send you everything I've written so far, and then you can draw whichever passage you like.
Also, what type of art do you think you'll do? a big one? small ones? Just, well. Just let me know if you want to talk about it.
Cheers,
John
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr You have too detailed a writing style. A general outline would not help any. If there are specific scenes you want to see illustrated, write them and send them to me.
Your first draft was structured in five parts. That would mean one ink drawing for each, as well as a final piece for the epilogue.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Seriously? I - wow. That's a lot. But I guess since I'm writing a 50K+ story, you have to keep up? anyway, I'm sending you three separate passages, which I think are among the most important bits, I'd love to see them in your art - that's the meeting at Bart's, and there's the Chinese circus bit, and the discussion in the living-room at 221B in the last part but one. They're unbeta'ed, but I don't think they're too rough for you not to get a clear idea.
Cheers,
John
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr I do not have to 'keep up' with your work. I merely want this to be the best we can do under the circumstances.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective I, yes. That's, I guess. That's understandable.
John
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr Glad we agree. This is the first draft of the St Bart's meeting, in pencil. I will have to ink it in later, but you may imagine the final result.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Wow. That's - well, that looks rather amazing. You know that's actually what people expect from this sort of challenge exchange, right?
By the way, I've been talking to ssarah_s - that's my beta - about the Chinese mafia subplot, and she says it's fairly problematic, which it is, upon rereading. I'm going to rewrite that bit in. The circus passage should remain mostly unchanged, but if you plan on illustrating that one can you wait a bit and focus on another for now? I should be done with a rough draft of scene at the pool by the end of the week, if you want it.
John
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr I am not most people. And fine. The draft of the pool would be most appreciated.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective I'd noticed. The draft is attached.
Speaking of the pool, I'm still a bit blurry on Moriarty and what his appearance should be in this 'verse; d'you think you could sketch me a quick outline of what you think he should look like? it's like, your art makes it clearer to determine my writing. Or something. All my canon fics are based off your art, anyway.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr Are they, now.
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... I loved him best when he was asleep, when his face slackened, and his body's ever-brilliant intensity was assuaged with exhaustion; at intervals, on days that grew hot and close in the evenings, he would curl on the settee for long hours, a dark coiling comma that was all legs and dressing-gown, and his lazy eyes followed me 'round our sitting-room, sometimes flickering like a pale candle - sometimes touching at my neck, my wrists, as though he dreamt of softer things. Sometimes, they slipped shut, and I saw his chest rise and fall, gentler than I had imagined; it was the chest of a bird, fluffed and vulnerable, and the bones of the same, thin and delicate, moving under his skin.
I loved him best like this, although it was different - it was subdued, mellower than his chemical explosions, the supernovas he kept in his drawers, his maps and constellations. I had seen them once, glimpsed at long rolls of darker paper, and he had shrugged a laugh - quite literally; I had seen the rippling movement topple off his shoulders like a bathrobe - and said something about astronomy. Here, though, was no brilliance and no stellar thoughts, and for the first time in the day he looked absolutely human, clenching his pipe between his teeth, making soft sweeping declarations about humanity as he dozed.
I would not have given him up for all of London, the man with wet hair and open waistcoats who sat very late in the fireside armchair; by day, I treasured his exclamations and cutting, knowing eyes, the ever-quick composure he cherished so fitfully in all his dealings with other men and women. But when he was like this he was quite ruthlessly mine. In four years of rooming together I had seen every step and nook he had chanced in that direction, the stages he had very cautiously taken before he had deemed it acceptable to sprawl.
It has become public knowledge, now, that I made lists to puzzle him out - they were hundreds of scribbled thoughts, on thin little slips of paper; I tried to organize them, made timetables of his regular thoughts and reactions. He saw them all, for I was not attempting to hide them from him. I thought he was flattered, perhaps. He certainly laughed at them often.
My hands itched at times for something different from ink and pen, when I wished to retain the image I had of him just then - the graceful curve of my friend's body became something I could have drawn, the angle of his bent knee where it became sharp, the arch of his fingers as his arm near fell to the floor. I am not an artist, and when the words did not come as easily to me as they usually did, it was something of a regret to know that I would forget tonight, let it shift and loosen into the memory of a dozen such evenings, tinged with red fireplaces and long, pale hands."
A Day Like Today; part III
hchatmod (hchatmod) wrote in holmeschat ,
@ 2011-04-10 08:32:00
THIS IS PART XIV.
DO NOT POST IN PART XIII.
THE RULES ARE HERE.
(1066 comments) - (Post new a comment)
(Anonymous)
2011-2011-04-10 09:27 pm (local) (link) *coughcough*
Dear other member of this wonderful little comm I'm a member of.
Yes, I know I made a mistake that day. I am aware I committed the gravest crime. I am guilty of the worst sin ever. Oh, woe. What shall I do with myself now? tell you what, I'll cover my head with ashes and go sit in that corner for the rest of my life, bemoaning the day I ever dared contesting Thy Infinite Knowledge -
... oh, wait.
I admitted I haven't read the stories. Yes, I am writing fic off the movie and the movie alone. NO, THIS IS NOT A BIG FUCKING CRIME.
Fuck you and your stupid elitism and condescendence - see, I can use big words too! and I can do it without insulting you every other sentence! or implying you need to leave fandom forever! which is exactly what you did to me!
Fuck you.
(sorry for the rant, guys.)
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 09:43 pm (local) (link) dude, that's, like
not even anon
at all
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 09:51 pm (local) (link) Well, the comm where all the drama happened is a small one, so I was kinda hoping nobody had noticed.
Guess I was wrong.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 09:49 pm (local) (link) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHH
cons_detective again? ohhhhh boy.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 09:58 pm (local) (link) no1curr
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(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 10:07 pm (local) (link) Oh, nonnie, watch and learn.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 10:24 pm (local) (link) Poor, bitter anon. ): *hugs* don't worry, we've all been on the receiving end of his wrath at one point or another in this fandom. He's like a five-year-old in a sandbox, except he knows where all the sand came from, what it's made of, and what maladies you'll catch if you stay there too long. Eek.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 10:27 pm (local) (link) man, lurk moar
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(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 10:44 pm (local) (link) Oh, come off it. You were claiming that knowing anything about the original stories was useless for fic-writing in a canon-based comm. And claiming that anyone who didn't like the 09 movie was just a closeted homophobe, no matter however many rational arguments were put to you. Don't act as if you were blameless here.
Seriously, there's honest-to-god mistakes, and then there's good ol' LURK MOAR AND DON'T SAY STUPID SHIT syndrome.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 10:50 pm (local) (link) Looks like cons_detective has come to play!
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 10:56 pm (local) (link) Pffft, cons_detective wouldn't stoop to saying LURK MOAR AND DON'T SAY STUPID SHIT. He'd rather turn in witty, witty circles all round the OP until zie slinks back into lurkerdom in a teary fit of shame and raeeeeeeg.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
ayrt
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 11:11 pm (local) (link) Honey, I'm just so fucking tired of seeing him discussed all over fandom over a few old antics of his. You guys need to shut the fuck up and just look at the pretty art, seriously.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 11:17 pm (local) (link) fuck you, cons_detective 's a piece of filthy psychopathic scum who's been flouncing all over fandom floor for years
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 11:39 pm (local) (link) coolstorybro.co.uk
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 11:45 pm (local) (link) popcorn.gif
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(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 11:54 pm (local) (link) O hai, I got salted butter. And beer.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 11:57 pm (local) (link) *grabby hands*
(Reply to this) (Thread)
(Anonymous)
2011-04-10 11:57 pm (local) (link) :D *settles down*
(Reply to this) (Thread)
posted by mrs_e_hudson in holmesian_news,
@ 2011-04-13 10:21:00
+ News
Jude Law in Cannes
New SH adaptation in French
Developments about Doyle's house
+ Challenges
Final Pairing Up @ shbigbang
+ Fanart
DINOSAURS by andres_son (Holmes, Watson, Lestrade, Mrs Hudson | sfw | Others)
Reichenbach au by cons_detective (Holmes, Watson | sfw | ACD)
evening at 221B by neveryou_again (Holmes/Watson | nsfw | Ritchie)
+ Fanfic
In Progress
Down the Fire Escape 4/? by ssarah_s (Holmes/Watson | R | Granada)
My Immortal 2/? by jim_fromit (Holmes, Lestrade, Watson, Mary | PG-13 | Unspecified)
Homeward Bound 5/9 by storm_ford (Watson/Adler, Holmes | PG-13 | Ritchie)
Completed
Untitled PWP by w_harry (Holmes/Watson | NC-17 | Ritchie)
Home Is Where The Heart Is by miss_toby (Holmes/Adler, Watson/Adler | PG-13 | Ritchie)
Not Your Girlfriend by salts_theway (Holmes/Watson, Watson/Morstan | NC-17 | Ritchie)
A Day Like Today by jumperfkr (Holmes/Watson | R | ACD)
+ Anon exchange
Untitled (Holmes/Watson | NC-17 | Unspecified)
Untitled (Holmes/Watson | NC-17 | Ritchie)
at your fingertips (Holmes/Watson | R | Ritchie AU/Supernatural)
+ Fanvids
We've Never Known Home by ssarah_s (Holmes/Watson | Ritchie/Granada)
+ Graphics
Icons & Wallpapers by jumperfkr
+ Misc
Rec Day @ holmeswatson09 (Ritchie)
Sunday Watchalong: The Speckled Band @ shwatchalongs (Granada)
Crossdressing in SH Fandom: A Study in Silk by lass_sirene
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Well, I'm glad to say I've made some headway with the first part, and I think I've got the Holmes/Watson relationship bit covered. Moriarty's characterization remains still in the shadows, as I'm sure it ought. Sneaky bastard.
I like your idea for the cover art - blue and black should be lovely.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr Your Moriarty, such as you have written him in the draft for the pool scene you have sent me, is both spineless and farcical. Doubtless your betas have made this clear to you. I am glad you think of rewriting him, however.
This is a first draft of the cover art. I am not convinced Watson's entire body is necessary; I might amend his picture to a mere torso. I would appreciate your thinking on this.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective Hah. Yes, they have. Thanks for the vote of confidence, mate.
It looks a bit. Lopsided? I like your Holmes - all these long pale limbs, it looks really good as a modern update. Bit different from your usual style though, isn't it? and the equilibrium is a bit off, but shading might do good about that, I reckon.
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From: cons_detective
To: jumperfkr I would not have elected to illustrate this story of yours if I had not the greatest confidence in your capacities to make this into one of the fandom's most beloved classics, John.
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From: jumperfkr
To: cons_detective I. Well. Thanks.
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cute enough to shoot you down (jumperfkr) wrote,
@ 2011-04-17 18:29:00
Offline for the evening, lads, so don't flip your shit if I don't answer your emails till tomorrow (seriously, last time? I was gone for twelve hours. A bloke can't have a nice, quiet dinner with the nice, quiet guy from the flower shop when he's got such an active social life). Yes, I do have a date tonight.
... with Jeremy Brett's eyebrows. GRANADA MARATHON, FUCK YEAH. I got chicken cho mein and lager and no work tomorrow, I'm gonna party all night long.
(29 comments) - (Post a new comment)
neveryou_again
2011-04-17 06:52 pm (local) (link) Pesky normal life, trying to come up against the delicious combo of Brett&Burke. Or is it Hardwicke?
(Reply to this) (Thread)
jumperfkr
2011-04-17 07:18 pm (local) (link) Season One tonight, so it's still Burke. And true, normal life doesn't hold a chance.)
(Reply to this) (Thread)
ssarah_s
2011-04-17 07:31 pm (local) (link) JEREMY BRETT IS A FINE, FINE MAN.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
jumperfkr
2011-04-17 07:46 pm (local) (link) THIS RIGHT HERE. IT IS TRUTH.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
salts_theway
2011-04-17 08:07 pm (local) (link) So what it's like, working with the freak?
(Reply to this) (Thread)
jumperfkr
2011-04-17 08:25 pm (local) (link) No insults on my journal, please.
He's perfectly nice when you're nice to him, you know. He's - I don't know. Straightforward. Efficient. And his art is amazing.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
salts_theway
2011-04-17 08:29 pm (local) (link) You're only saying that because it's your fic he's artsing.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
jumperfkr
2011-04-17 08:35 pm (local) (link) I'm not, really. He just doesn't take any bullshit. Don't rile him up, he'll leave you alone.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
salts_theway
2011-04-17 08:38 pm (local) (link) Rrrrrrrright. Like, he thinks he's so much better than everyone else, but you're a BNF, so he clams up. If you were an unknown little writer he'd be crushing you under his refined foot, John.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
jumperfkr
2011-04-17 08:48 pm (local) (link) Look. Yeah, maybe that's why. But I like to think he likes me, okay? we're having a perfectly functioning relationship.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
w_harry
2011-04-17 08:56 pm (local) (link) is that what you kids call it these days? ;P
(Reply to this) (Thread)
jumperfkr
2011-04-17 09:09 pm (local) (link) Piss off, Harry.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
w_harry
2011-04-17 09:11 pm (local) (link) awww ♥
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not_thatbill
2011-04-17 09:27 pm (local) (link) Hey, John, sorry for threadjumping, but d'you plan on going to that con we were talking about the other day? cos I'm totally picking my tickets next saturday, I can do yours too
(Reply to this) (Thread)
jumperfkr
2011-04-17 09:34 pm (local) (link) Oh yes, I've checked, and I don't actually work that weekend, so yes please and thank you. :D *offers myrrh and incense*
(Reply to this) (Thread)
jim_fromit
2011-04-17 09:55 pm (local) (link) ooooh, can we meet up?
(Reply to this) (Thread)
miss_toby
2011-04-17 10:19 pm (local) (link) I'd love to meetup too!
(Reply to this) (Thread)
ssarah_s
2011-04-17 10:32 pm (local) (link) Thirded!
(Reply to this) (Thread)
part ii.