Tear Stains
Ive cried a lot today. First time in a long while. Last night I told my step dad to put put a pair of jeans in the washer for me. Well this morning I went to go get them out of the dryer and they were still wet. So I went upstirs and had this conversation with my mother:
Me : the clothes did dry downstiars, i have nothing to wear
mom: you have nothing ?
Me yeah
mom : well i dont give a flying fuck *storms down hall* comes back in few mintues swingign door open* get some clothes on or Im goign to beat your ass
me : * sitting on bed in pajamas * I dont have anything clean*
mom : I dont care , ill beat your ass if you not on your bus in five minutes
So i put on dirty clothes and went out the door balling my eyes out. I feel bad for Janelle because I had to sit on the bus and listen to me cry , I dont think she really knew what to do. Had a bad day at school. I hate the image i give off to people. That I'm a stupid, blonde, whore. Im not that at all. I get really good grades , Im the girl who always rasies her hand to anwser a question and i usually get it right. And if I do do anything sexual with a guy its with someone i trust and who respects me and doesnt pressure me. I hate giving off the that image , i dont try to but it just comes off as that way. I know i annoy most my friends and everyone around me with it. I'm sorry, I just don't know who I am anymore.
I went out to the woods after Gilles dropped me off at my house. I walked out there through the snow and mud. I went to the one spot where I go to think now. I sat down and all the memories came rushing back. The kisses , his touch , everything. It just drowned me and I started to cry. God do I miss him. I see him everyday but were so distant now. It's just hard. I wish I didnt have any feelins or emotions. I dont want to hurt any more , i dont want to miss him but most of all I want to stop missing who I was. Im so lost. And I hate it. I hate everything. I just want to drift away and have no miss me or even notice Im gone. Just remember the good things about me.
Im going into tears again. I think I might walk abck out to the woods
Me : the clothes did dry downstiars, i have nothing to wear
mom: you have nothing ?
Me yeah
mom : well i dont give a flying fuck *storms down hall* comes back in few mintues swingign door open* get some clothes on or Im goign to beat your ass
me : * sitting on bed in pajamas * I dont have anything clean*
mom : I dont care , ill beat your ass if you not on your bus in five minutes
So i put on dirty clothes and went out the door balling my eyes out. I feel bad for Janelle because I had to sit on the bus and listen to me cry , I dont think she really knew what to do. Had a bad day at school. I hate the image i give off to people. That I'm a stupid, blonde, whore. Im not that at all. I get really good grades , Im the girl who always rasies her hand to anwser a question and i usually get it right. And if I do do anything sexual with a guy its with someone i trust and who respects me and doesnt pressure me. I hate giving off the that image , i dont try to but it just comes off as that way. I know i annoy most my friends and everyone around me with it. I'm sorry, I just don't know who I am anymore.
I went out to the woods after Gilles dropped me off at my house. I walked out there through the snow and mud. I went to the one spot where I go to think now. I sat down and all the memories came rushing back. The kisses , his touch , everything. It just drowned me and I started to cry. God do I miss him. I see him everyday but were so distant now. It's just hard. I wish I didnt have any feelins or emotions. I dont want to hurt any more , i dont want to miss him but most of all I want to stop missing who I was. Im so lost. And I hate it. I hate everything. I just want to drift away and have no miss me or even notice Im gone. Just remember the good things about me.
Im going into tears again. I think I might walk abck out to the woods