"hackettstown has everything, just not a commerce bank."
Aislinn left this morning for college. We got her all moved in and whatnot, and so far it sounds like shes doing just fine. Last night I took her out for our early (5th) one year anniversary. We did the olive garden dinner and the mall for a bit. Dinner was nice, especially since ive eaten college food for the last week. Aislinn got me the rocky dvd's because shes the best girlfriend ever.
Friday I had the worst anxiety about just getting through classes so I could get home. I wanted to be home so bad, to sleep in my bed, to see my family, to see aislinn. I had a thousand reasons. I actually havent slept very well the past few days. And now that im home, my attitude has really changed. The college impact has finally really hit me, and this town.
Tonight I went to Rita's to see chris for awhile. I felt like I was either Jay or silent bob in clerks hanging outside of a store, minus the dealing. After awhile a few kingsway girls came up that i recognized so we all talked for awhile. I got alot out of that talk. We talked about people in college, people just getting into highschool, what other people are doing that arent in college. It was just a talk you would expect to have like ten years from now, but never now. Never does something like that ever really seem to change but, it actually has. I have been gone for a week, but so has everyone else. As much as I dont want to face it, thing are really different. The thing that hit me the most though, is when a junior from last year was talking to chris about being a senior. That one really blew my mind. I am no longer a senior but am just a memory in paulsboro high. Talking about the soccer team, im no longer the starting sweeper or part of the all senior defence, im just one of those old heads that show up at the fields to help out the HS players. I dont know if im ready to really be one of those guys just yet.
Than, I truly realized that the main reason why I wanted to come home, was gone. Aislinn is in college 2 hours away from this place, and I no longer have the desire to stick around here either. This town really is dead to me. My best friend in the world isnt here, all I really have here are memories. I havent been sleeping well or anything because I realized that she was still at home, and worried about me in college. But now she is at her own college starting her own new life.
I can right now say that there are atleast three songs that describe the bundle of emotion im going through right now.
I've been down
wandering past 2nd street
and looking at the ghosts
of you and me and thinking back on
all those memories of how we used to be
(the ghost of you and me)
This song just symbolizes all of the memories I have of the things we all used to to here when we were kids, the memories i have with all of my friends, and aislinn of course.
A boring life in a boring town
with the same old crowd. (woah-oh-oh)
When I used to say, that I'd never stay
but I'm rotting here today. (woah-oh-oh)
With that same old crowd
thats always been around.
And I always thought I'd be
the first to go.
(history of a boring town)
Right at this very moment I feel like im the only one not at college because i am home from the weekend, hence, rotting here alone.
And than finally, I had another revelation tonight as I was sitting around with my parents and thier friends. Ive been listening to thier stories of how they were the popular kids in highschool and how they loved it, and apparently loved it too much because they all still live in this same lame ass town. Tonight they were talking about how they only spent so much time at college before opting to leave and go get a job instead. They were all talking about how they just couldnt hack it in college, and I right then and there told myself that this is it. This is my one opportunity to really rise above everyone before me. I want to succeed in college. I want to make something of my life, to get out of this town while i have that chance.
Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
And won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there to so you can see
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
And we'll drink and dance the night away
As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there
Friday I had the worst anxiety about just getting through classes so I could get home. I wanted to be home so bad, to sleep in my bed, to see my family, to see aislinn. I had a thousand reasons. I actually havent slept very well the past few days. And now that im home, my attitude has really changed. The college impact has finally really hit me, and this town.
Tonight I went to Rita's to see chris for awhile. I felt like I was either Jay or silent bob in clerks hanging outside of a store, minus the dealing. After awhile a few kingsway girls came up that i recognized so we all talked for awhile. I got alot out of that talk. We talked about people in college, people just getting into highschool, what other people are doing that arent in college. It was just a talk you would expect to have like ten years from now, but never now. Never does something like that ever really seem to change but, it actually has. I have been gone for a week, but so has everyone else. As much as I dont want to face it, thing are really different. The thing that hit me the most though, is when a junior from last year was talking to chris about being a senior. That one really blew my mind. I am no longer a senior but am just a memory in paulsboro high. Talking about the soccer team, im no longer the starting sweeper or part of the all senior defence, im just one of those old heads that show up at the fields to help out the HS players. I dont know if im ready to really be one of those guys just yet.
Than, I truly realized that the main reason why I wanted to come home, was gone. Aislinn is in college 2 hours away from this place, and I no longer have the desire to stick around here either. This town really is dead to me. My best friend in the world isnt here, all I really have here are memories. I havent been sleeping well or anything because I realized that she was still at home, and worried about me in college. But now she is at her own college starting her own new life.
I can right now say that there are atleast three songs that describe the bundle of emotion im going through right now.
I've been down
wandering past 2nd street
and looking at the ghosts
of you and me and thinking back on
all those memories of how we used to be
(the ghost of you and me)
This song just symbolizes all of the memories I have of the things we all used to to here when we were kids, the memories i have with all of my friends, and aislinn of course.
A boring life in a boring town
with the same old crowd. (woah-oh-oh)
When I used to say, that I'd never stay
but I'm rotting here today. (woah-oh-oh)
With that same old crowd
thats always been around.
And I always thought I'd be
the first to go.
(history of a boring town)
Right at this very moment I feel like im the only one not at college because i am home from the weekend, hence, rotting here alone.
And than finally, I had another revelation tonight as I was sitting around with my parents and thier friends. Ive been listening to thier stories of how they were the popular kids in highschool and how they loved it, and apparently loved it too much because they all still live in this same lame ass town. Tonight they were talking about how they only spent so much time at college before opting to leave and go get a job instead. They were all talking about how they just couldnt hack it in college, and I right then and there told myself that this is it. This is my one opportunity to really rise above everyone before me. I want to succeed in college. I want to make something of my life, to get out of this town while i have that chance.
Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this
And won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there to so you can see
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
And we'll drink and dance the night away
As long as you're alive
Here I am
I promise I will take you there