i don't know your face no more, it's just a place i'm looking for
Wow, I haven't done one of these in a v. long time. I HAVE BEEN BUSY.
My real-time reaction went like this:
fallia: OH MY JESUS
sutlers: lol i am sorry my brain is fail
fallia: [link]
sutlers: i am fickle!
fallia: lol it's okay, i understand
fallia: lol I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS OKAY
sutlers: lol allen was a little punk!
fallia: because now my entire characterization of allen has been dumped on its head and i am IN TURMOIL
fallia: HE WAS HE WAS LIKE KANDA OMFG
sutlers: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
fallia: I KNOOOOOOOOOOOW
fallia: TURMOIL I TELL YOU
sutlers: khgfkdfjhgskfjhgskdfj
fallia: I KNOW
fallia: I KNOW
[...]
fallia: i am so confused now
fallia: this is too hard for me
[...]
fallia: i just keep reading it and going . . . what. what. what. what. what. oh hai lavi you are hot in that cloak. what. what. what. what.
sutlers: lol *pats*
fallia: ;_;
Erm. Okay, clearly I am less than eloquent when I react.
The thing is, I had always pictured Allen as the kind of kid who (pre-Cross), left to his own devices, would have been singing on the corner for pennies and smiling at people and didn't have to or want to be all that aggressive because he was so damn adorable and sweet. I realize now that this was a very naïve way to look at Allen, because he's a much rougher, more enterprising little thing. Which is far more realistic. Still, it blew my (admittedly highly speculative) characterization of wee!Allen to bits.
Allen as a child was apparently much more like Kanda is now, minus the tears, of course. Abrupt and quarrelsome. Common, if you like. (Incidentally, wee!Allen is precisely how I had pictured Lavi being as a child. I thought it was wee!Lavi until I saw his hand.)
This is amusing to me since Allen and Kanda can't seem to see eye to eye. That, though, all makes a vast amount of sense to me now, and here is why. Along the way, someone taught Allen manners and he settled down. He changed, but he has shown that he doesn't always stick to conventions of politeness-and how could he, given the circumstances?
Sometimes when we look at people and see ourselves-particularly when we see aspects of ourselves we are constantly struggling to overcome mirrored blatantly in others-it rubs us the wrong way. Kanda seems to be one of those people, with his abrasiveness, but I'm thinking that Cross fits into that slot as well. I think that possibly Allen and Cross have a lot more in common-personality-wise, of course, not necessarily action-wise-than we've been shown.
But this is important to Allen! It is, for some reason, very important to him to project a genteel persona whenever possible, especially when he is making a first impression. It's been very clear throughout the series that this is the case, but just last week in 165 Lenalee pointed out that Allen has been slipping noticeably with the refined and polite act. That was quite interesting to me, even before the current chapter, because of Allen's reaction to her observation. Allen was painfully, deliberately polite to everyone for the remainder of the chapter.
The question this raises for me is: why is it so important to Allen to cultivate such a specific image? Is it as shallow as Allen wanting to rise above and distance himself from his childhood because he was a dirty little street urchin? Is it because he was humbled by his terrible mistake after Mana's death and he's found that this part of him is best kept in check by acting the part of a gentleman? Did he learn that from Cross, to use manners as a smokescreen for who Allen really is (or thinks that he is) because of the old attracting flies with honey adage? Or if Mana taught him how to be polite, has Allen taken on this affectation out of his guilt over Mana's death-a sort of remorseful tribute, maybe?
I see any of those as plausible, or a combination of any or all of them, but I firmly believe that it's an act. It's not something that Allen has ever truly successfully integrated into his disposition.
This is where my speculation about Allen's past fell apart, actually: I had guessed that Allen's occasional failure to comport himself "correctly" was a result of Cross's influence-that Cross (or the events that befell Allen thanks to Cross) turned Allen from a sweet little thing into a jaded and sometimes cynical, often beguiling person, and that he's been fighting to overcome that ever since. But no.
Don't get me wrong-manners are important, and maybe it's just as simple as Allen realizing he was a brat and consciously trying to be a nicer person at some point. It's intriguing, however, that clues have always pointed to Allen struggling with his polished presentation of himself on a continual basis, and the more stress he is under the more that façade falls away.
So the next question that raises for me is this: since Allen has been imprinted with the memories of the 14th Noah, how much of Allen's outward demeanor is actually Allen and how much is the 14th? Obviously the "real" Allen-the core of who he is-is impulsive and highly reactive, sensitive but wannabe ruthless, and that's always been supported by his actions in canon under duress. Another possibility is that his genteel act is influenced by the memories of the 14th, but since we don't know anything about what kind of personality Mana's brother had, and we know that the Noah clan also displays a wide range of (*cough* psychotic) personalities but moonlights as an upper-crust society family, that's difficult to surmise.
Now. Let's talk about Cross, that marvelous asshole. Cross is so amazing that I have trouble expressing it.
Cross is, by trade, a scientist, which was revealed in the fanbook recently. A man fond of experimentation. A very smart man. One who considers everyone and everything expendable, but believes in his cause, even if it is maybe only because it provides him with an unlimited expense account or because somewhere along the way he acquired a personal grudge against the Earl. Cross is very important to the Order, no matter how distasteful that may be to most people therein and in the Church. One, because he'd be a formidable and dangerous enemy, but two, because he is perfectly willing to try anything in the name of. Well, science, is my guess. Or maybe for his own amusement. Or perhaps the two go hand in hand for him.
Cross has done something which is either inconceivably stupid or brilliant. Knowing Cross, though, it's brilliant. Just maybe not so much for Allen.
What I love is that Cross is playing it when he's explaining it to Allen as if it is something he did as a favor to Mana, even something that bears a passing resemblance to compassion, at least superficially! But I'm guessing that, you know. Not so much. Because he's Cross.
I wonder if Cross's callousness is an act to hide the fact that he does actually possess traits like loyalty and compassion and righteousness (because, let's face it, those would be liabilities for him), or if he really is just an opportunistic bastard who sometimes plays up those things to draw others into his schemes. It's impossible to tell.
You know, I wanted to say some things about Lavi, but I have a really hard time talking about him for some reason. I can't figure that out, but whatever. I am so glad I have never successfully completed a Lavi/Allen fic, because this just threw their entire relationship into jeopardy and added a layer of complexity to it that is going to have consequences for both of them at some point. Lavi, no matter what he is supposed to be doing, has developed some bias, both with Allen as a friend and with the Order as an Exorcist. It's virtually impossible to fight for and with someone or something and not either develop a sense of allegiance to them/it or to reject them/it after the fact.
It will be interesting to see how all of this plays out.
And . . . okay I really have to go study now. D: Yikes, this got long.
My real-time reaction went like this:
fallia: OH MY JESUS
sutlers: lol i am sorry my brain is fail
fallia: [link]
sutlers: i am fickle!
fallia: lol it's okay, i understand
fallia: lol I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS OKAY
sutlers: lol allen was a little punk!
fallia: because now my entire characterization of allen has been dumped on its head and i am IN TURMOIL
fallia: HE WAS HE WAS LIKE KANDA OMFG
sutlers: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
fallia: I KNOOOOOOOOOOOW
fallia: TURMOIL I TELL YOU
sutlers: khgfkdfjhgskfjhgskdfj
fallia: I KNOW
fallia: I KNOW
[...]
fallia: i am so confused now
fallia: this is too hard for me
[...]
fallia: i just keep reading it and going . . . what. what. what. what. what. oh hai lavi you are hot in that cloak. what. what. what. what.
sutlers: lol *pats*
fallia: ;_;
Erm. Okay, clearly I am less than eloquent when I react.
The thing is, I had always pictured Allen as the kind of kid who (pre-Cross), left to his own devices, would have been singing on the corner for pennies and smiling at people and didn't have to or want to be all that aggressive because he was so damn adorable and sweet. I realize now that this was a very naïve way to look at Allen, because he's a much rougher, more enterprising little thing. Which is far more realistic. Still, it blew my (admittedly highly speculative) characterization of wee!Allen to bits.
Allen as a child was apparently much more like Kanda is now, minus the tears, of course. Abrupt and quarrelsome. Common, if you like. (Incidentally, wee!Allen is precisely how I had pictured Lavi being as a child. I thought it was wee!Lavi until I saw his hand.)
This is amusing to me since Allen and Kanda can't seem to see eye to eye. That, though, all makes a vast amount of sense to me now, and here is why. Along the way, someone taught Allen manners and he settled down. He changed, but he has shown that he doesn't always stick to conventions of politeness-and how could he, given the circumstances?
Sometimes when we look at people and see ourselves-particularly when we see aspects of ourselves we are constantly struggling to overcome mirrored blatantly in others-it rubs us the wrong way. Kanda seems to be one of those people, with his abrasiveness, but I'm thinking that Cross fits into that slot as well. I think that possibly Allen and Cross have a lot more in common-personality-wise, of course, not necessarily action-wise-than we've been shown.
But this is important to Allen! It is, for some reason, very important to him to project a genteel persona whenever possible, especially when he is making a first impression. It's been very clear throughout the series that this is the case, but just last week in 165 Lenalee pointed out that Allen has been slipping noticeably with the refined and polite act. That was quite interesting to me, even before the current chapter, because of Allen's reaction to her observation. Allen was painfully, deliberately polite to everyone for the remainder of the chapter.
The question this raises for me is: why is it so important to Allen to cultivate such a specific image? Is it as shallow as Allen wanting to rise above and distance himself from his childhood because he was a dirty little street urchin? Is it because he was humbled by his terrible mistake after Mana's death and he's found that this part of him is best kept in check by acting the part of a gentleman? Did he learn that from Cross, to use manners as a smokescreen for who Allen really is (or thinks that he is) because of the old attracting flies with honey adage? Or if Mana taught him how to be polite, has Allen taken on this affectation out of his guilt over Mana's death-a sort of remorseful tribute, maybe?
I see any of those as plausible, or a combination of any or all of them, but I firmly believe that it's an act. It's not something that Allen has ever truly successfully integrated into his disposition.
This is where my speculation about Allen's past fell apart, actually: I had guessed that Allen's occasional failure to comport himself "correctly" was a result of Cross's influence-that Cross (or the events that befell Allen thanks to Cross) turned Allen from a sweet little thing into a jaded and sometimes cynical, often beguiling person, and that he's been fighting to overcome that ever since. But no.
Don't get me wrong-manners are important, and maybe it's just as simple as Allen realizing he was a brat and consciously trying to be a nicer person at some point. It's intriguing, however, that clues have always pointed to Allen struggling with his polished presentation of himself on a continual basis, and the more stress he is under the more that façade falls away.
So the next question that raises for me is this: since Allen has been imprinted with the memories of the 14th Noah, how much of Allen's outward demeanor is actually Allen and how much is the 14th? Obviously the "real" Allen-the core of who he is-is impulsive and highly reactive, sensitive but wannabe ruthless, and that's always been supported by his actions in canon under duress. Another possibility is that his genteel act is influenced by the memories of the 14th, but since we don't know anything about what kind of personality Mana's brother had, and we know that the Noah clan also displays a wide range of (*cough* psychotic) personalities but moonlights as an upper-crust society family, that's difficult to surmise.
Now. Let's talk about Cross, that marvelous asshole. Cross is so amazing that I have trouble expressing it.
Cross is, by trade, a scientist, which was revealed in the fanbook recently. A man fond of experimentation. A very smart man. One who considers everyone and everything expendable, but believes in his cause, even if it is maybe only because it provides him with an unlimited expense account or because somewhere along the way he acquired a personal grudge against the Earl. Cross is very important to the Order, no matter how distasteful that may be to most people therein and in the Church. One, because he'd be a formidable and dangerous enemy, but two, because he is perfectly willing to try anything in the name of. Well, science, is my guess. Or maybe for his own amusement. Or perhaps the two go hand in hand for him.
Cross has done something which is either inconceivably stupid or brilliant. Knowing Cross, though, it's brilliant. Just maybe not so much for Allen.
What I love is that Cross is playing it when he's explaining it to Allen as if it is something he did as a favor to Mana, even something that bears a passing resemblance to compassion, at least superficially! But I'm guessing that, you know. Not so much. Because he's Cross.
I wonder if Cross's callousness is an act to hide the fact that he does actually possess traits like loyalty and compassion and righteousness (because, let's face it, those would be liabilities for him), or if he really is just an opportunistic bastard who sometimes plays up those things to draw others into his schemes. It's impossible to tell.
You know, I wanted to say some things about Lavi, but I have a really hard time talking about him for some reason. I can't figure that out, but whatever. I am so glad I have never successfully completed a Lavi/Allen fic, because this just threw their entire relationship into jeopardy and added a layer of complexity to it that is going to have consequences for both of them at some point. Lavi, no matter what he is supposed to be doing, has developed some bias, both with Allen as a friend and with the Order as an Exorcist. It's virtually impossible to fight for and with someone or something and not either develop a sense of allegiance to them/it or to reject them/it after the fact.
It will be interesting to see how all of this plays out.
And . . . okay I really have to go study now. D: Yikes, this got long.