(no subject)
i never write in here.
but i'm going insane.
i know most people are so sick of hearing it, but i haven't written anything here in months so maybe i have a fresh audience for my bitching. maybe no one checks my xanga & my insanity is news to you. that'd be superb, really.
but i mean, damn. i'm losing it. the second one thing gets solved, i start stressing about another. this isn't normal stress, either. it's the kind of stress i can't get rid of no matter how tired i am or how much fun i'm having or whatever. i feel like the only way to make my mind turn off is to be drunk, but i haven't even had a drink since june and given the events of that night, i shouldn't ever again. effing michigan. god i know how to screw things up!
i deal (sort of, for the most part) with the internship issue. i mostly deal with the roommate issue. and then i start freaking out about debt that i'm not even in. debt i won't be in for another year. i don't know how to deal with it then, though, and my parents won't tell me if they're going to give me money after this year. i can graduate in a year or i can take on a minor and be more educated and not have to grow up as soon but be in debt, or maybe NOT be in debt but NO ONE WILL TELL ME. no one believes that it's important NOW but it is. i sound like a five-year-old.
i am so craving conversation. bonding with new people. bonding with anyone, period. i miss so many people, one of which is in iraq and i haven't heard from him in over a MONTH. and i miss friendships that just aren't the same. there are so many people i wish i could've been friends with but i made an idiot of myself or never tried talking to them or just never really TRIED, period.
i don't know why i get in these effing moods. it's the stress. it's whatever disease makes me dead tired by eight every night. it has to be something out of my control because my god, if this is my fault i don't know how to live with myself.
give me a few months and i will be an alcoholic living in a box on the ave. just you wait.