it’s the heart that really matters in the end
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don’t mind
if it’s me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it’s the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
Sometimes, you wonder why you get out of bed in the morning. The alarm sounds a bit too early and all you want to do is curl up and sleep through the day’s worries. Work, school, work, school, brief, etc. It’s fulfilling, no doubt, and I know it’s preparation for some greater work to come, but it only takes you so far.
How is it possible to feel this fulfilled and this empty at the same time?
No matter how much I do or don’t do, there’s this void. Something missing, something important. And no, it’s not a God thing. I feel closer to Him than almost any other time in my life, being in this environment surrounded by so many seeking His Face has really helped me along in my call.
I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. Appellate brief worth 50% of my legal research grade due the day after I turn 23, trial advocacy competition in the coming weekends, open air preaching/evangelism on sat morning, negotiations tryouts within a week or so, planning for this summer’s internship and Europe trip, trying to figure out next semester’s schedule, not to mention whether I’ll be in S. Korea or not. Law school keeps me busy, but these small hours still remain. In the few minutes between classes or before I fall asleep, that’s when I realize this void the most. When the rush of life is quieted, I realize it’s still incomplete.
Filed the paperwork for my passport today. Passports are a funny thing. In a world that keeps getting smaller, in a culture with an extreme emphasis on mobility, you must ask permission to leave. I think it’s largely the same with our lives. We have an incredible degree of freedom within the bounds of our personal world, we can go places, switch majors, become who we are. But, just as with all travel, there are limits. There are lines we cannot cross without permission, and if we choose to ignore the rules, we do so at great risk and peril to ourselves and others.
It’s possible that I’m overthinking this, which I’m prone to do a lot of the time. It’s also possible I’m right on the money. Whatever the case, as the song goes, I cannot forget the way I feel right now.