Dawn of a New Month
So my dad was berating me today during dinner. No, it wasn't about how my writing hasn't improved one bit since seventh grade. No, it wasn't that I waste too much time and don't concentrate hard enough on piano. And no, it wasn't that I focus too much time and attention on grades.
It's that I give up too easily in fields where there are people better than I.
He singled out tennis, one of the sore spots of the year. (ah,if only he knew about my math team performances...) I remember right after not making the cut, I was pretty bitter. A lot of questions wouldn't go away. I had two matches - just the two - and I beat my opponent 3-0 in both those games. I'd been to every single practice they had, and I was one of the first to get all my forms filled out. I knew I couldn't really compete with Diana or Emily, but that left one spot open...
But I decided being bitter was to nobody's gain. And so I just brushed it off, added it to my growing number of tennis failures, and moved on to other things. I fed myself excuses: oh, all the better, for now I have time to concentrate on debate! Must do well at States, etc. Simply because I never really spent time thinking about it, though, it really still lingers. Time has yet to fully alleviate the stinging disappointment, or ease the stunning blow to my self confidence.
My dad is right, I'll admit. I'm just that type of person - I have to be good at things from the start. If not, I'm too easily embarassed to work my way up to the top. It takes courage, really, to stare defeat in face and only be emboldened. That's not me. Me? I bow before defeat. Or rather, I bow out.
Well, that's been the case with many things, and I'm just wondering which'll be the last to go. Writing? No, I've given that up the year I set foot into Hunter - one glance at my peers' work and one un-noticed contest entry was all it took. Math? The first meeting of Math Team was enough to know I didn't quite belong. Piano? ..don't make me laugh.
Hmm, looking over it, this entry seems bitter. Oh joy, that I set out to do exactly that which I had tried to avoid. I'm just writing this to get my feelings out, perhaps, since Su Tin doesn't quite talk to me these days, Kelvin doesn't really work for these purposes, and .. Tim and Luke can only go so far. I think you're right, Dean, perhaps I am getting isolated. And then I wonder: what did I do to find myself on this road, leading away from all else? I think pathetically relating my woe-filled tales to an online blog relieves some of my discontent, not to mention my semi-anger.
Whatever, it's time for work now, anyway. I have two tests to worry about, and another hour's worth of piano waiting for me.
It's that I give up too easily in fields where there are people better than I.
He singled out tennis, one of the sore spots of the year. (ah,if only he knew about my math team performances...) I remember right after not making the cut, I was pretty bitter. A lot of questions wouldn't go away. I had two matches - just the two - and I beat my opponent 3-0 in both those games. I'd been to every single practice they had, and I was one of the first to get all my forms filled out. I knew I couldn't really compete with Diana or Emily, but that left one spot open...
But I decided being bitter was to nobody's gain. And so I just brushed it off, added it to my growing number of tennis failures, and moved on to other things. I fed myself excuses: oh, all the better, for now I have time to concentrate on debate! Must do well at States, etc. Simply because I never really spent time thinking about it, though, it really still lingers. Time has yet to fully alleviate the stinging disappointment, or ease the stunning blow to my self confidence.
My dad is right, I'll admit. I'm just that type of person - I have to be good at things from the start. If not, I'm too easily embarassed to work my way up to the top. It takes courage, really, to stare defeat in face and only be emboldened. That's not me. Me? I bow before defeat. Or rather, I bow out.
Well, that's been the case with many things, and I'm just wondering which'll be the last to go. Writing? No, I've given that up the year I set foot into Hunter - one glance at my peers' work and one un-noticed contest entry was all it took. Math? The first meeting of Math Team was enough to know I didn't quite belong. Piano? ..don't make me laugh.
Hmm, looking over it, this entry seems bitter. Oh joy, that I set out to do exactly that which I had tried to avoid. I'm just writing this to get my feelings out, perhaps, since Su Tin doesn't quite talk to me these days, Kelvin doesn't really work for these purposes, and .. Tim and Luke can only go so far. I think you're right, Dean, perhaps I am getting isolated. And then I wonder: what did I do to find myself on this road, leading away from all else? I think pathetically relating my woe-filled tales to an online blog relieves some of my discontent, not to mention my semi-anger.
Whatever, it's time for work now, anyway. I have two tests to worry about, and another hour's worth of piano waiting for me.