ALL THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
i can piture it now, she will just remember all the bad things i have done, curl it all up in a ball, and use it to make her stronger, to make her feel better, to give her some satifaction...use the pain she has....what anbout the love tahat outwayed it? we got passed those moments, its all personal and should not be discussed. i t would be really mean and scummy if she was like well ya,, he did this so ya that justifys everything.....that will makke me sad, but cause for every bad thing i think i did at least 10 good things through out the relationship.ten amazing good things..... i hope she wont be like well ryan he did this, or well (insert name here) he did this so ya i feel better. wtf is that..its all fake..and denail, and you know what ur doing, and how u really feeling for doing all that...
..the personal things that should be kept between only me and her...just to sway people....opnions and bring out the pathos and empathy, its none of there fucking bussness it was between me and her, but hey use what u got. i can say i wont say aynthng about times she mess up or shit happened to anyone cuase well, that mine and hers bussness that is as sacrd and shouldnt be discussed as what happens inbettween teh sheets, and we all know what type of guy would go and talk about every detail of fucking a girl is like just for kicks. yea total respect for him. ......but for all that for everyhting ive done...taht was bad..there is not a day that goes by that i dont feel sick and sorry, and upset, hateing myself, wanting to die..i am sorry..u siad it was ok. we went past that, realized that in the grand scheem of things its just a bump in roadd, and our love was stronger. secetly i think this is just a bump in the road...but maybe im just in denial....love is blind.
if im getting anooying..im sorry its just so hard to let something go...to come to the relaztion..that something you thought was the best thing to ever happent to you, that god finnaly came through after all those prayer..and delivered you an angel, was all a let you down. like being told there is no such thing as santa.....this my only way to let me emotions flow out without letting them choke on, caution tape.
its funny, her background...its from aa time that her and nick spent togather....its pretty and everything but thats what i think everytime i think of it.....she has never talked about us in her journal..and the fun times we had..its all a secret....spider sheds its skin..and will sting it self to numb it self but not its prey and so it can squirm in pain and be eaten alive......
i was told by her finally they now have a relationship right from the receive to my ear, well There "dating" after having to define what type of relationship to her and what tense. what tact, i guess its so easly to shrugg off two yrs, what happened to time alone to think. ha i was thinking about this in the shower today, i she told me that she didnt want to be with me cause she really well gave up trying, and trying to commuicate..yea thats how it ended..she stoped communicating how she felt and ways we could work it..so it kinda left it open for it fall apart....communiations is a big aprt of a relationship, she game trying to communicate how she felt, things she wanted to for fun, i had to be the one to come up with it all, or ways we could make the relaitonship better. but it was always me who had to do this, or that to make it better, i was always fighting, aways trying...what did she do to try? what did u do to try? i came home f
or fl for u, i took bussness cuase well i wanted to make u proud, ive tryed harder in school cuase well i thought it make u smile...what about u...what sacrifices did u make....? in the begining and while in fl...she made tons...it was the sweetest thing someone has never done to me, thats what i like about her how she missed me so much she came down it was like wow...words cant describe how made me feel. she said we need to communicate more and work on it, but i think she was self anylizing herself and what she wasnt doing, i told her everyting...all my little secrets..she is my best friend...she was or is...my other half. i dunno...and hse just gave up even though she said all that stuff, started slowly, she locked how she really felt away, choke everyone off from the world...including me...then slowly numb herself...she just got sick of it..she became irrated by even my breathe....if i died though..like the egar alan poe story called ligeia...he loved her at first, it was amazing he found love and everything he ever wanted...an angel. and then after being togather for awhile everything about her pissed him off and he just wanted her to leave, to die, he just caused him so much stressed with everything he did even the breathes she took, he cheated on her cause well out of the annoance and liked other people but, well she ended up getting sick and dieing, she died and was laying in her death bed for like two weeks(which is really disgusting) and well the whole time he held her hand and thought about how all the things he did, how he was angry with ehr always, and anooyed was all wrong, how he regreted it and wish she was alive, he really did love her, and was sorry for everything, he finnaly came the realization, to the regret, that it was real love, that he forgot about the begining about how they met, and why they said i love u,...that they never reallly changed....that he was just looking for everyhting wrong with her becuase she was so perfect...cause he loved her so much and that it was too good to be true..and he saw things that anooyed and aggrivated him, and just disagreed just to disagree..well she ended up coming back to life kinda like jesus and the love was ressurected..weird friken story but somehow i can relate to the girl, and the guy i guess.
but yea back to the shower thing...like all she has known is being in longterm relationships, jumping from one to the nexted. she did that with danny, she did that with me, did she do that with shaun? it just makes u think, i have had time alone, to hang iwht freinds and enjoy the single life and spend time with them and focus on freindships and school, to think aobut life and what i reaelly want, and just enjoy some of the benifts of it. but she hasnt, she says staying with me would be what would be comfortible...well what about jumping from one relationship to another...would that be comfrortible, thats alls he has known..she is afraid of being alone..so that theory kinda of makes sense.
i miss her. i dont want to her alone for my own selfish tendiousy..it just weird u know....i like 3 weeks ago i was sleeping in that bed holding her, now someone else there holding her in teh same bed, comforting her, wiping her tears, kissing her where i kissed her what it seems like a hour ago...i want to be one doing that...im the one who really would mean it all becuase the love would be flowing threw my veins and not his.....i could do, just forget all this.
i can
..i dont hate him...im just jealous..i hope he treats her right...i wish i knew why he was so much better then me...why she left me and went to him so easly...i wish i was him...i wish she loved me, maybe she does, i pray every night she will come to me and hold me...i pray that she will see, i pray for love...i wish for nothing...
thrs always two sides to a story.....this just happens to be mine....and what i went through, and my experences....hers..i wish i knew...i wish i walked with ehr through them...told me how she felt, i just wanted to fight for love, for two yrs, thats why i drove to apt that night cuase i felt like it was over, i ahd trouble breathing, this was differant not like what i knew...both times.....it killed me, i wish i could hold her if she was feeling upset over all of this, was there to hold her hand to walk with her through the rain drops....i love her...
and my grandmother voice...says....it will all work out in the end..its all for theh best...and who knows what the future mite bring. i miss u grammy....
i miss....st
i love....st
i fall...
im nothing
love is not like anything...espcially a fucking knife......
i wnt to fel soming othen just fucking painnnnn....i ant to feel alive..instad of feeling lke faling a way from who i am...i feel like rotting....and every one just starrs....starrs so cold.....lol and i crumble..and im drunk as shit off of burban and beer...LOL b and B. fcking hellllllllllllllllllllll
comfoortiblitly will set in, thing swill be god, they will look for things that anooy them, tehy will become bored and fustrated again and again, until they leave, thenthe cycle will repeaagain and again...bah i want to be the one....but i hrt...
lol sleep or death, i just need the calm, i cant swim any longger...
in my nothing u met everything, everyhting to em....nin -all that could hae been...........
and its no scream for attention so uck anyone who thinks..im fine...i freel great...i just need to feel. no fucking pity or mpathy....fuck urs. i just need a bed...im tired....so tred.....good nite...i lve u all.....spaceboie siigning offf
..the personal things that should be kept between only me and her...just to sway people....opnions and bring out the pathos and empathy, its none of there fucking bussness it was between me and her, but hey use what u got. i can say i wont say aynthng about times she mess up or shit happened to anyone cuase well, that mine and hers bussness that is as sacrd and shouldnt be discussed as what happens inbettween teh sheets, and we all know what type of guy would go and talk about every detail of fucking a girl is like just for kicks. yea total respect for him. ......but for all that for everyhting ive done...taht was bad..there is not a day that goes by that i dont feel sick and sorry, and upset, hateing myself, wanting to die..i am sorry..u siad it was ok. we went past that, realized that in the grand scheem of things its just a bump in roadd, and our love was stronger. secetly i think this is just a bump in the road...but maybe im just in denial....love is blind.
if im getting anooying..im sorry its just so hard to let something go...to come to the relaztion..that something you thought was the best thing to ever happent to you, that god finnaly came through after all those prayer..and delivered you an angel, was all a let you down. like being told there is no such thing as santa.....this my only way to let me emotions flow out without letting them choke on, caution tape.
its funny, her background...its from aa time that her and nick spent togather....its pretty and everything but thats what i think everytime i think of it.....she has never talked about us in her journal..and the fun times we had..its all a secret....spider sheds its skin..and will sting it self to numb it self but not its prey and so it can squirm in pain and be eaten alive......
i was told by her finally they now have a relationship right from the receive to my ear, well There "dating" after having to define what type of relationship to her and what tense. what tact, i guess its so easly to shrugg off two yrs, what happened to time alone to think. ha i was thinking about this in the shower today, i she told me that she didnt want to be with me cause she really well gave up trying, and trying to commuicate..yea thats how it ended..she stoped communicating how she felt and ways we could work it..so it kinda left it open for it fall apart....communiations is a big aprt of a relationship, she game trying to communicate how she felt, things she wanted to for fun, i had to be the one to come up with it all, or ways we could make the relaitonship better. but it was always me who had to do this, or that to make it better, i was always fighting, aways trying...what did she do to try? what did u do to try? i came home f
or fl for u, i took bussness cuase well i wanted to make u proud, ive tryed harder in school cuase well i thought it make u smile...what about u...what sacrifices did u make....? in the begining and while in fl...she made tons...it was the sweetest thing someone has never done to me, thats what i like about her how she missed me so much she came down it was like wow...words cant describe how made me feel. she said we need to communicate more and work on it, but i think she was self anylizing herself and what she wasnt doing, i told her everyting...all my little secrets..she is my best friend...she was or is...my other half. i dunno...and hse just gave up even though she said all that stuff, started slowly, she locked how she really felt away, choke everyone off from the world...including me...then slowly numb herself...she just got sick of it..she became irrated by even my breathe....if i died though..like the egar alan poe story called ligeia...he loved her at first, it was amazing he found love and everything he ever wanted...an angel. and then after being togather for awhile everything about her pissed him off and he just wanted her to leave, to die, he just caused him so much stressed with everything he did even the breathes she took, he cheated on her cause well out of the annoance and liked other people but, well she ended up getting sick and dieing, she died and was laying in her death bed for like two weeks(which is really disgusting) and well the whole time he held her hand and thought about how all the things he did, how he was angry with ehr always, and anooyed was all wrong, how he regreted it and wish she was alive, he really did love her, and was sorry for everything, he finnaly came the realization, to the regret, that it was real love, that he forgot about the begining about how they met, and why they said i love u,...that they never reallly changed....that he was just looking for everyhting wrong with her becuase she was so perfect...cause he loved her so much and that it was too good to be true..and he saw things that anooyed and aggrivated him, and just disagreed just to disagree..well she ended up coming back to life kinda like jesus and the love was ressurected..weird friken story but somehow i can relate to the girl, and the guy i guess.
but yea back to the shower thing...like all she has known is being in longterm relationships, jumping from one to the nexted. she did that with danny, she did that with me, did she do that with shaun? it just makes u think, i have had time alone, to hang iwht freinds and enjoy the single life and spend time with them and focus on freindships and school, to think aobut life and what i reaelly want, and just enjoy some of the benifts of it. but she hasnt, she says staying with me would be what would be comfortible...well what about jumping from one relationship to another...would that be comfrortible, thats alls he has known..she is afraid of being alone..so that theory kinda of makes sense.
i miss her. i dont want to her alone for my own selfish tendiousy..it just weird u know....i like 3 weeks ago i was sleeping in that bed holding her, now someone else there holding her in teh same bed, comforting her, wiping her tears, kissing her where i kissed her what it seems like a hour ago...i want to be one doing that...im the one who really would mean it all becuase the love would be flowing threw my veins and not his.....i could do, just forget all this.
i can
..i dont hate him...im just jealous..i hope he treats her right...i wish i knew why he was so much better then me...why she left me and went to him so easly...i wish i was him...i wish she loved me, maybe she does, i pray every night she will come to me and hold me...i pray that she will see, i pray for love...i wish for nothing...
thrs always two sides to a story.....this just happens to be mine....and what i went through, and my experences....hers..i wish i knew...i wish i walked with ehr through them...told me how she felt, i just wanted to fight for love, for two yrs, thats why i drove to apt that night cuase i felt like it was over, i ahd trouble breathing, this was differant not like what i knew...both times.....it killed me, i wish i could hold her if she was feeling upset over all of this, was there to hold her hand to walk with her through the rain drops....i love her...
and my grandmother voice...says....it will all work out in the end..its all for theh best...and who knows what the future mite bring. i miss u grammy....
i miss....st
i love....st
i fall...
im nothing
love is not like anything...espcially a fucking knife......
i wnt to fel soming othen just fucking painnnnn....i ant to feel alive..instad of feeling lke faling a way from who i am...i feel like rotting....and every one just starrs....starrs so cold.....lol and i crumble..and im drunk as shit off of burban and beer...LOL b and B. fcking hellllllllllllllllllllll
comfoortiblitly will set in, thing swill be god, they will look for things that anooy them, tehy will become bored and fustrated again and again, until they leave, thenthe cycle will repeaagain and again...bah i want to be the one....but i hrt...
lol sleep or death, i just need the calm, i cant swim any longger...
in my nothing u met everything, everyhting to em....nin -all that could hae been...........
and its no scream for attention so uck anyone who thinks..im fine...i freel great...i just need to feel. no fucking pity or mpathy....fuck urs. i just need a bed...im tired....so tred.....good nite...i lve u all.....spaceboie siigning offf