An ode to know one....

[fallenreliquary]

Small, simple, safe price Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals And I am not afraid to die I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight. I want the pain of payment What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks Would you be my little cut? Would you be my thousand fucks? And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart KOVE is not like anything Especially a fucking knife -the used and all the best deceptions..and clever cover story awards...go to u.. love is disappointing and u know u deserve them trust always comes back to kill. so its over. 2 years and 3 months later. me and my gf broke up the day before her b-day which was on the 24....she wansnt happy, and well i just want to her to happy...so now she is. i had her b-day all planed, to the most expensive restuaurant in boston with the best view, a pick of any tiffanys jewlery, a small dog she has wanted, buffy the vapire slayer, tickets to a show....and the pants movie we could have watch while cuddling. it was for the best thi returned it all today, and called the rest off. well i went to harvard with sarah and marcie and ashley tonite, but on the way there, sarah told me about her http://www.thefacebook.com/ thing. its a site where if u belong to a college listed u can post pictures up there and see other poeple from ur college, and link people who are having a relationship if they belong to the college listed....... so yea june 8..that was the last time she updated or changed anything to hers. and well i guess it hasnt been updated since, and says she is in a relationship with this kid ryan, and there is a picture of them togather. then i found these pictures the day they before we broke up online...he got her a cat..the the weekend before....she stayed at his house in conneticutt. slept over from fri to sun...and its funny cuase when i calle dher sunday after waiting around for her to show so we can work thigns out between up and try to fix things...she said she was in was trying to take an shower and get dressed..... but yea...when i went there to try and talk to her.. after she metioned about maybe breaking up , i was distrot...i felt like shit...i just wanted to cry on her lap...she was completly unemotional....i went our apt, to either get my stuff if there was no hope...and to talk cuase she was suppose to come down that weeked. but she didnt...AND I SWEAR THAT SHE SAID SHE WOULD..cause i would have remember something extremly important and meaningful to me. she isntead went to conn with ryan. so yea...she was taking a shower....well i sat on teh step of our apt for someone to open the door so i could go upstairs knock on it and talk to her..well she happens to walk out with ryan...they wanted to grap someting to eat..i said we need to talk. i tryed hugging her..she siad no...i back away confused...she said she loved me the thursday of that week93days prior)....i didnt get was going on. she told me to go home, i siad we need to talk, she was so inconsiderate of my feelings and just ignored them, that is such immaturity and cruel, i hope she can one day be standing in my shoes and have that happen to her...2 fucking years think she could give me 2 minutes alone to talk to her. ..i asked her if we could talk later she siad ok....i then made an ass out myself by asking her if i could get my stuff..even though i didnt mean it....i just wanted to get her alone and cry...and try to tellh er how mcuh i love her...and how amzing i thought we were...and how could u just let two years slip away......and act so coldy to someone who u say or said u loved...so since i thought we could tlak later...i thought there was hope...my mistake was to have faith, and trust....and to love..cause well i really did love...love is foreve.r....so everytime she told me she loved me...sweet, angry...whatever way....it was a lie........SHE WENT TO DINNER WITH after she walked away from me...she was like it hink im gonna be sick when she saw me cause she probly felt guilty for whatever did up at conn with him...or her feelings she felt for him......he had his arm wrapped arounder waste as they walked away....and this is before we broke up....u can only imagine how fucking stunn, sick, and betrayed i felt...everyone gets there though..i dont think she will every be happy, i think she knows that to....she is afraid of being alone...when really thats what she need for a bit...i fucking love her....and it sucks....cuase thereis nothing back..and there is a lump in my bed...and purfume on the sheets...and photos on the wall...and pictures i drew ofher for her....and rocks shapped like hearts i found on the beach after i kept as memorys....she broke my heart...with a stone face...and cold heart..somone else is sleeping in the sheets we picked out, and walking in the hallway...and useing the stuff i built iwth my hands, and kissing the tender lips love dearly, and holding her body..while she sleeps....and ..and...it burns me..and kills me....im dying on the inside...can any on u relate..HAVE ANY OF U FELT LIKE THIS>....LOVE IS LIKE she started being with him....fucking june 8 since that was last time she updated her face book...we broke up on the 23rd..she wasted no time....to be with him.....u think some one would want space after a two yr relationship...or eveen if the face book is wrong..that mean she updated it on the 24 saying they were togather...I REMEMBER HER TALKING AOBUT HOW SHE WANTED the single life for a bit cuase she didnt know what that was like....well she will never know her self, or what its like to be alone..maybe thats why she has to jumpt to another relationship..i used to do that...there called bandaids..they work for at most a year..then u leave them for somehting new cause u get bored or to comfortible..she hasnt been single since she was 13 or 14...so she does know the experence...it makes u stronger and know urself better...but i guess she will always wonder whats its like...two fucking years though so easly able to jump to another relationship...i wish i could do that...then i woudltn feel this pain..i feel betrayed and useless...like a condom....u fuck someone then ur off you toss it..then you fuck again.....there is no interemission..i feel fukcing used..and im sure she will come up with some reason to justify it..because she always has to be right...always..everyone else is wrong...fuck that..i was right alot and she hated..she disagreed with me alot jut dissagree.and she treated me like a child...maybe sometimes i need to have someone help me up or motivate me..but i did the same to her..so she cant say she didnt act like a child either.....she secrertly tryed to find reasons to like me less and less..she got so easly annoyed iwth me...she got aggrivated with me I DID ALL THE SAME WITH HER BUT I FORGAVE HER CAUSE THATS WHAT LOVE DOES..she held on to it like an elephant...she never fukcing loved me. so yea i found these pictures of them togather http://petridish.net/picview.asp?picid=500670&a=21317 see the christmass things haning on the wall, i put that there, cause christmas was my favoirte holiday...and well i thougt it met to me that every day with her was like christmas..full of surpises..and happy cheerful memorable momments and stuff...nm the day before we broke up. THEY MADE ME SICK...SO FUCKING SICK... i felt betrayed i couldnt sleep i was indenial...i wish i did something like that to her so she could know what it feels like. the weekend they went to RYANS grandmothers house to sleep over for the whole weekend..did they sleep in the same bed....what about the ride back...in a car togather for how many hours....oh there is no signal in conneticut...fuck that there is she just didnt wan tto tlak to me cause she was horny...tshe told me she didnt cheat one..that nothing happened...wtf is this then....it looks like him ksis her shoulder..and him laying in our bed....she swears she doesnt lye..but i heard from other sources she does...to make herself sound right....acording to her we broke up on the 17th...well lol we broke up 6 days after that...fucking lyer. he got her cat for her bf ..like on mon or sun...so i feel liek crap. thos pictures. though jesus they stabbed me...that night though the first time i went there to try and talk to her....was he in the bed with her..washe sleeping there...is that why she wouldnt let me in or try and talk to me..and acted compelty unemotional..cuase stine is not unemotional...unless there is a hudge reason.....i remember how we first met...she was still going out with danny she was talking to me...she came down to my house...we kissed while they were still going out..or maybe it was the day before....but i really dont htink it was, i saw my older cousin the day before and a movie i like just came out so, they were still going out...so yea..she kinda cheated on him..or jumped out of a relationship with him so quickly and they were going out for 3 yrs...thats got to say something...she just jumps from one to another...one day she will wake up and realize the patttern..i used to do it then figured out why..she wil to ...just like everyone else did..im sure u all know what im talking about :). oh well im now waiting to pick up my stuff from her apt with ryan. since there togather so quckly...i hope she feels like shit for doing that...i knew i did when i did it everyone i ever dated and did that to. well...hopefulyl she will see why im so fustrated and upset. she is missing out on a good thing, if she tryed she could have been happy forever. she just hurts herself out a relationships...gives up to quickly. jumps into another to quick...has gawl to post pictures up so quicky..i wonder how she would feel if she was in my shoes for all of this..maybe one day she will be...she believes in karma. i hope she finds happyness..finds someone who will take care of her..and make her smile...i wish the best...i wish it was me...and maybe sometime in the future..she will mite realize after another season with another guy is over..what she missed out on. maybe not but if not i hope she finds that special someone. who knows what the future holds..im not a bad guy. maybe this wasnt time for us..maybe the future mite be differant. maybe that girl i dream of who wears her mask, in a feild..is out there. time is the feild..and love is her and it mite just within my grasp. we will see..time...it heals all wounds.. nothing better -postal service i say- Will someone please call a surgeon Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart That your're deserting for better company? I can't accept that it's over... I will block the door like a goalie tending the net In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry So just say how to make it right And i swear i'll do my best to comply Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together she says- I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself With these revisions and gaps in history So let me help you remember. I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear. I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave So please back away and let me go i say =I can't my darling i love you so... i say-Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together she says- Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear I'll never wrong you again You've got a lure i can't deny, But you've had your chance so say goodbye Say goodbye