and the cow jumped over the moon but tripped halfway through cuz the dog stuck it's paw out cuz...
the cow called the dog a bitch the day before when the dog took the cat's side in the argument between the fiddle and the spoon when the fork called to spoon fat and the fiddle laughed cuz he thought it was funny, but really it was only cuz the moon was making funny faces at it to begin with...
wow, and to think i don't technically have a mental disorder. too bad, since that would explain my rambling. But no, oh no... there's nothing there to explain it. i'm just plain weird. creepy isn't it?
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask where will you hide?
last night i went through my desk, getting rid of some rather nasty unnecessary papers, when i came upon things that Amanda, Kat, and Bri wrote to me, an old picture of Amanda Kat and i at homecoming, Bri's handwriting of her address, stuff like that. i went through it all, remembering everything from back then, and just started crying my eyes out. i guess i had never really honestly cried about it, or let any emotions out about it, 'cause they all came out right then. finally i stopped crying and was able to finish cleaning my desk and organize that stuff. although afterwards, instead of feeling better about having finally let it out and all that, i just felt empty. i thought you were supposed to feel better after something like that, but i don't. i just felt alone and depressed. still do, actually. i just really don't like it here. i have almost no friends, and the people i talk to most often i really don't like. it's sad. i mean Aaron is wonderful, but i only see him twice a week and since he doesn't go to my school, i'm pretty much alone once i get there. Rachel and them.... they're the ones i talk to most often, but we have almost nothing in common, our lives and values and beliefs are so different... sometimes i just can't stand listening to them talk. i miss how latin used to be, when Ivy was there and i had someone INTELLIGENT to converse with!
but, there's no sense in worrying about what was or what could have been. i've just got to focus on getting through what time i have left. joy.
i try to console myself with thinking of what a wonderful friend i do have here. Aaron. he's amazing and i love him to death. really, i do. and i try to think positively about how many days left until... ya.... sometimes it's enough to make me smile and forget about what it was that just had me cursing under my breath. but other times... sometimes i wonder if it'll be enough, or if it'll be ok, or if it'll work out, or if it'll even happen. i start to freak out sometimes, about if it's really what i want and if i would be making a huge mistake... what if it turns out horribly wrong, or what if i do something to screw it up, or what if i really am the basic aquarius and hate being in such a tied down lifestyle... but then again, who knows. it could be the best thing that ever happened to me. so what do i do? do i do it even if there could be serious consequences, or do i play it safe and spend the rest of my like regretting it and wondering what could have been? it seems like every situation or decision i come across is some double edged sword in disguise, or even plainly out there. finding out that we had feelings for each other made me incredibly happy, but when my mind starts to wander down those shadowed broken glass pathways, i wonder... what if. there are a million things that could go wrong, but who's to say any of them will? into this night i wander, it's morning that i dread, another day of knowing of the path i fear to tread... i love her music, Sarah McLachlan. she doesn't sing those silly-upbeat-everything-about-the-guy-who-should-so-totally-have-a-crush-on-me-songs. nope. deep, meaningful, haunting melodies. cryptic in their language and stir your mind and soul. i love them.
and then there's this thing i got talked into doing when i was half dead sick with bronchitis. bugger. girls illini state crap thing with Rachel... a week of being surrounded with teenage girls and a dorm in some college with stupid rules and damned strict as all hell dress codes and freaky government thumping annoying twerps... bloody hell, i'm going to die! or else kill someone, which ever comes first.
hello, i am your mind, giving you someone to talk to...hello
hmmm... i wonder how many girls i can freak out there. that is, if i'm going. i really don't know if i should, or if i want to, or if they'll kick me out early for not doing the stupid pledge of allegiance thing. it's not like i'm disrespectful during it, it's just that i plainly will not do it ever at all. i fold my hands and look at the flag, but i don't put my hand over my heart or say the pledge. nope. my lips do not move at all.
oh well. if they kick me out it's their problem, really. i don't give a flying fuck.
you know, that's a very interesting saying. a 'flying fuck'. i wonder who came up with it, and what they had to have been thinking when they made it up. what an interesting mind set someone would have to be in to make that up. i wonder how the person they said it to reacted. i'll bet that was a funny facial expression. especially if they were supposed to be indignant, and then they tried to picture the saying, in all it's oddness, and ended up trying not to laugh all while trying to remain indignant. hmm... heh heh.
tomorrow it's supposed to be 85 degrees. that is way way way way too hot right now. and even so, this sunday is supposed to be 95. joy. monday, memorial day, i'm in a parade. it'll be in the 90's during that. joy to the world, the sun is closing in and trying to give me melanoma. great. just what i need. another thing wrong with me. as if i didn't already have enough.
oh well
hmm, i guess i ought to go for now. i should quite my venting/rambling and get in with life. well, the good part about today is i finally get to talk to Aaron again, plus the season finale of HOUSE, MD is on tonight! it looks uber cooli! hee hee
wow, and to think i don't technically have a mental disorder. too bad, since that would explain my rambling. But no, oh no... there's nothing there to explain it. i'm just plain weird. creepy isn't it?
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask where will you hide?
last night i went through my desk, getting rid of some rather nasty unnecessary papers, when i came upon things that Amanda, Kat, and Bri wrote to me, an old picture of Amanda Kat and i at homecoming, Bri's handwriting of her address, stuff like that. i went through it all, remembering everything from back then, and just started crying my eyes out. i guess i had never really honestly cried about it, or let any emotions out about it, 'cause they all came out right then. finally i stopped crying and was able to finish cleaning my desk and organize that stuff. although afterwards, instead of feeling better about having finally let it out and all that, i just felt empty. i thought you were supposed to feel better after something like that, but i don't. i just felt alone and depressed. still do, actually. i just really don't like it here. i have almost no friends, and the people i talk to most often i really don't like. it's sad. i mean Aaron is wonderful, but i only see him twice a week and since he doesn't go to my school, i'm pretty much alone once i get there. Rachel and them.... they're the ones i talk to most often, but we have almost nothing in common, our lives and values and beliefs are so different... sometimes i just can't stand listening to them talk. i miss how latin used to be, when Ivy was there and i had someone INTELLIGENT to converse with!
but, there's no sense in worrying about what was or what could have been. i've just got to focus on getting through what time i have left. joy.
i try to console myself with thinking of what a wonderful friend i do have here. Aaron. he's amazing and i love him to death. really, i do. and i try to think positively about how many days left until... ya.... sometimes it's enough to make me smile and forget about what it was that just had me cursing under my breath. but other times... sometimes i wonder if it'll be enough, or if it'll be ok, or if it'll work out, or if it'll even happen. i start to freak out sometimes, about if it's really what i want and if i would be making a huge mistake... what if it turns out horribly wrong, or what if i do something to screw it up, or what if i really am the basic aquarius and hate being in such a tied down lifestyle... but then again, who knows. it could be the best thing that ever happened to me. so what do i do? do i do it even if there could be serious consequences, or do i play it safe and spend the rest of my like regretting it and wondering what could have been? it seems like every situation or decision i come across is some double edged sword in disguise, or even plainly out there. finding out that we had feelings for each other made me incredibly happy, but when my mind starts to wander down those shadowed broken glass pathways, i wonder... what if. there are a million things that could go wrong, but who's to say any of them will? into this night i wander, it's morning that i dread, another day of knowing of the path i fear to tread... i love her music, Sarah McLachlan. she doesn't sing those silly-upbeat-everything-about-the-guy-who-should-so-totally-have-a-crush-on-me-songs. nope. deep, meaningful, haunting melodies. cryptic in their language and stir your mind and soul. i love them.
and then there's this thing i got talked into doing when i was half dead sick with bronchitis. bugger. girls illini state crap thing with Rachel... a week of being surrounded with teenage girls and a dorm in some college with stupid rules and damned strict as all hell dress codes and freaky government thumping annoying twerps... bloody hell, i'm going to die! or else kill someone, which ever comes first.
hello, i am your mind, giving you someone to talk to...hello
hmmm... i wonder how many girls i can freak out there. that is, if i'm going. i really don't know if i should, or if i want to, or if they'll kick me out early for not doing the stupid pledge of allegiance thing. it's not like i'm disrespectful during it, it's just that i plainly will not do it ever at all. i fold my hands and look at the flag, but i don't put my hand over my heart or say the pledge. nope. my lips do not move at all.
oh well. if they kick me out it's their problem, really. i don't give a flying fuck.
you know, that's a very interesting saying. a 'flying fuck'. i wonder who came up with it, and what they had to have been thinking when they made it up. what an interesting mind set someone would have to be in to make that up. i wonder how the person they said it to reacted. i'll bet that was a funny facial expression. especially if they were supposed to be indignant, and then they tried to picture the saying, in all it's oddness, and ended up trying not to laugh all while trying to remain indignant. hmm... heh heh.
tomorrow it's supposed to be 85 degrees. that is way way way way too hot right now. and even so, this sunday is supposed to be 95. joy. monday, memorial day, i'm in a parade. it'll be in the 90's during that. joy to the world, the sun is closing in and trying to give me melanoma. great. just what i need. another thing wrong with me. as if i didn't already have enough.
oh well
hmm, i guess i ought to go for now. i should quite my venting/rambling and get in with life. well, the good part about today is i finally get to talk to Aaron again, plus the season finale of HOUSE, MD is on tonight! it looks uber cooli! hee hee