The Morning After
I've spent around three days with the same migriane. I've taken enough muscle relaxants and pain killers to terminate the majority of younger life. I've woken up to finding myself in the same pain, unsure of the hour, and took more just so I wouldn't cry or throw up. Tuesday I went to my biomedical ethics class and the topic was about doctor assisted suicide and euthanasia. It's completely legal in the Netherlands and completely in practice. The person that was giving the presentation did not agree with the idea of doctors ending the life of new born babies for any reason. I happen to agree that it's perfectly fine to do such. The part of Europe that the topic was on is a socialist country. This means that the entire community pays for it's members health care. If a child is not believed to live or if it's suffering is going to be greater than it's value of life, then it's terminated. Most people in the US are of the opinion that all life should be attained if it is possible. Most people in the states do not understand the concept of survival of the fittest and we try to keep everyone alive, regardless of their pain or quality of life. I am of the opinion that the true quality of life should be taken into consideration. If I had a child that was born with serious health problems and it's life span questionable I would request it's life being terminated. There are multiple reasons for this but primarily I know that I could have another child and that I would not suffer it's life with it. Now I'm sure this will bring a lot of controversy to my friends and anyone else that reads this, but I am not one to shy away from my opinions. Besides this major moral issue, I decided that if my life came to a point where I was beyond "functional pain" that I would prefer to have it terminated than to continue living in suffering. As it is, I do not believe in a god. I do not believe that anyone put me on this planet then myself. and therefore if I die before I feel that my primary goal is completed I will simply be forced to repeat that which I did not learn. I do not think that my living in pain constitutes as real living. It is just suffering. If I am that far gone, that what good am I to those I live for? They are suffering with me and though the will still be alive when I am not, they will gain the same peace I do with my death. Beyond this internal storm life is going well. I spend much of my time enjoying the company of others. I am truly smitten but being a fatalist, I wonder when the other shoe will drop. He's sweet and funny and kind and everything I need right now in life. He takes my girlfriend out dancing and brings us both roses. He cooks and giggles and looks perfect sleeping between my sheets. He drinks coffee and soda and smokes. He calls me in a good mood and reminds me when I'm being stupid. And he looks damn sexy in eyeliner. DAMN SEXY!! this doesn't meany that I'm taken. I can still see any guy I want, but when I need someone they are there.