I dun wanna go home...
My trip is already half over, but I am already dreading going back to Ohio, back to my shitty job... back to loneliness.
I've been really depressed the last couple months. I have MAYBE 2 friends in Cincinnati that I can regularly communicate with, and only one that I SEE on a regular basis (outside of work). As cool as those friends are, I'm not particularly close with any of them and its no one's fault, but its not what I want I guess... And I don't expect to be "lol bffs" with anyone, but I feel like I have no one to just call up and do shit with. I could with Chris, but, gods love him, I get tired of hanging out with the same people all the time. All my best friends are 4 hours north, and all my potentially close friends are out here, in Seattle. The chance for me to have my dream job? Seattle. Place I want to be, buy a house, settle down? Seattle. What is my point to all this? Seattle!
It doesn't help that EVERYONE out here has been like "just move out here, we'll help you. We have crash space, we have job help, we have everything YOU COULD EVER WANT OMG WE <3 YOU JUST MOVE OUT HERE ALREADY." It breaks my heart, lol. But Huston finally has his dream job and I want it to take him places. I want him to be secure in his company and job. I just can't get out of my Cincinnati depression. I'm ready to move on, but Huston isn't quite ready, thanks to Amazon. I don't hold it against him, I would never want him to give up the job he's always wanted. But sometimes it feels like I'm the one making all the sacrifices, I guess. I'm not trying to belittle Huston's efforts and contributions to our marriage and household, not by any means, but I feel like I'm the one that gives more up, and sometimes I think he doesn't actually get it. I have no real sellable skillset to attempt another job right now. He tells me I'm selling myself short, but I'm not saying I'm not capable of doing other cooler jobs, but any company that looked at my resume for a job thats not customer service related would have to be taking a huge gamble on me, and thats just not likely. So I continue to work the job I hate because I have to. And I stay in a state I hate so that Huston has the chance he really deserves. And because I love and support him. But lately I just feel so stuck... Being out here has been so much of a relief and comfort that I dread going home and dealing with the withdrawals of being away from my friends again. Thats almost harder than the long stretches without social interaction. :(
But being out here has def assured me I want to be here.
It feels like home. :)
*~Tsuki No Senshi~*
I've been really depressed the last couple months. I have MAYBE 2 friends in Cincinnati that I can regularly communicate with, and only one that I SEE on a regular basis (outside of work). As cool as those friends are, I'm not particularly close with any of them and its no one's fault, but its not what I want I guess... And I don't expect to be "lol bffs" with anyone, but I feel like I have no one to just call up and do shit with. I could with Chris, but, gods love him, I get tired of hanging out with the same people all the time. All my best friends are 4 hours north, and all my potentially close friends are out here, in Seattle. The chance for me to have my dream job? Seattle. Place I want to be, buy a house, settle down? Seattle. What is my point to all this? Seattle!
It doesn't help that EVERYONE out here has been like "just move out here, we'll help you. We have crash space, we have job help, we have everything YOU COULD EVER WANT OMG WE <3 YOU JUST MOVE OUT HERE ALREADY." It breaks my heart, lol. But Huston finally has his dream job and I want it to take him places. I want him to be secure in his company and job. I just can't get out of my Cincinnati depression. I'm ready to move on, but Huston isn't quite ready, thanks to Amazon. I don't hold it against him, I would never want him to give up the job he's always wanted. But sometimes it feels like I'm the one making all the sacrifices, I guess. I'm not trying to belittle Huston's efforts and contributions to our marriage and household, not by any means, but I feel like I'm the one that gives more up, and sometimes I think he doesn't actually get it. I have no real sellable skillset to attempt another job right now. He tells me I'm selling myself short, but I'm not saying I'm not capable of doing other cooler jobs, but any company that looked at my resume for a job thats not customer service related would have to be taking a huge gamble on me, and thats just not likely. So I continue to work the job I hate because I have to. And I stay in a state I hate so that Huston has the chance he really deserves. And because I love and support him. But lately I just feel so stuck... Being out here has been so much of a relief and comfort that I dread going home and dealing with the withdrawals of being away from my friends again. Thats almost harder than the long stretches without social interaction. :(
But being out here has def assured me I want to be here.
It feels like home. :)
*~Tsuki No Senshi~*