thoughts of the broken hearted fool...
everyday and every night, i've decided, is more or less as a broken record. wake up first thought is him. go through the mundane things of life, come home remember the good times. listen to music and everything is the sappy bullshit i don't want to listen to but can't help listen to because it all revolves around one person. or seems to at least. i smile and laugh through some because i can imagine and remember what it was like between us, and what it could be. and life feels so perfect. then the song changes and the mood with it. i either get pissed off and want to go and beat the shit out of him and just scream this is how it feels, this is how you make me feel when i know you're with her, holding her, kissing her, loving her, and telling her the same thing you tell me every time we talk! or i want to curl up in a pathetic ball and cry..
now see that's just sad for me. i shouldn't let someone get to me like that. i just need to go back to how i was before. and in a way i am. have my little affairs, don't get emotional. everything is fine. well that's what i tell myself anyway. but in the back of my mind i wonder, is what he tells me true. i want to be able to look anyone in the eye and say yes i know what he says is true, and he's just with her for comfort, he still loves me and wants to be with me like he always has. he really does think of that stupid drunken pinky promise, like me, everyday. and really can't wait till all this has past and we can be together. but the literal part of me says that it's not true. that yes he, like people have in the past, has gotten over me. over what we were for those few wonderful months. and that yeah he only says what he says because he's a guy and still wants some ass when he's around.
*sigh*
i don't even know, he's the only one i think about non stop. and sometimes i wish a could just find someone else like he has and move on myself. but every time i look it think yeah he's hot, yeah i could see myself with a nice guy like him, or whatever the thought comes back, but he's not the one you love. he's not the one you've been able to picture yourself with for the rest of your life with since you were 19. he's not the one you dream about, he's not the one you always want to talk to. he's not the one you have been able to tell anything and everything to.he's not one of your best friends, he's not the one who held you when you're life was going to shit and everything went wrong. he's not the one who can turn your entire world upside down with just a smile. and he's not the one that holds your heart...
yeah i know i'm hopeless.
i need to get over it and just move on.
but i've known what love is like. i've felt it before. but nothing like this. nothing so strong as this, a feeling that can make you shine so, that those around you can't even help but notice your happiness. and a feeling that can tare your heart and mind so much it actually makes you physically ill.
and that scares me.
i never wanted feel this, i liked being just one of the guys, just chillen out with them, being able to do whatever whenever no regrets. i was care free and happy. i didnt need this. i was never one of those girls who always imagined their wedding days, who had the image of the 'perfect man' already engraved into their brains. i didn't care about all that shit. and i still don't really think about it. not the whole wedding day bullshit. but i do think about my life with him, what it could be like..
and then reality slaps me in the face and i remember he's not mine..
he's happy with someone else and i need to realize that unless something happens between them, that's how it's going to be. and strangely enough, even though it tares my heart out to see them together, i'm happy for them. i'm happy that he found a nice girl that makes him smile. she's good to him, and he's happy,and that's all i want for him. i want him to be happy. now do i like her? no not really but that's because i have the whole jealousy, 'no one's good enough for him', thing going on. but at least i can see that she makes him happy, and that's all that matters.
....
i could probably rant for hours and hours on this topic. i can't really completely rant about it to friends. and i'm sure my best friend is tired about hearing about it..
but just being able to put it all into words has helped..
who knows, maybe i'll come and rant some more some other day when i feel like shit.
but as for now i'm going to go smoke and cigarette, walk my dog, listen to shit music i don't actually want to listen to, and dream of the man i love, like i do every night.
see as i said, hopeless.. and like a broken record..
need you now : by lady antebellum
Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.
crow chasing the butterfly : by shinedown
I painted your room at midnight
So I'd know yesterday was over
I put all your books on the top shelf
Even the one with the four leaf clover
Man, I'm getting older
I took all your pictures off the wall
And wrapped them in a newspaper blanket
I haven't slept in what seems like a century
And now I can barely breathe
Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late
Your words still serenade me
Your lullabies won't let me sleep
I've never heard such a haunting melody
Oh, it's killing me
You know I can barely breathe
Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late
Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
Like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late
Just a little too late
now see that's just sad for me. i shouldn't let someone get to me like that. i just need to go back to how i was before. and in a way i am. have my little affairs, don't get emotional. everything is fine. well that's what i tell myself anyway. but in the back of my mind i wonder, is what he tells me true. i want to be able to look anyone in the eye and say yes i know what he says is true, and he's just with her for comfort, he still loves me and wants to be with me like he always has. he really does think of that stupid drunken pinky promise, like me, everyday. and really can't wait till all this has past and we can be together. but the literal part of me says that it's not true. that yes he, like people have in the past, has gotten over me. over what we were for those few wonderful months. and that yeah he only says what he says because he's a guy and still wants some ass when he's around.
*sigh*
i don't even know, he's the only one i think about non stop. and sometimes i wish a could just find someone else like he has and move on myself. but every time i look it think yeah he's hot, yeah i could see myself with a nice guy like him, or whatever the thought comes back, but he's not the one you love. he's not the one you've been able to picture yourself with for the rest of your life with since you were 19. he's not the one you dream about, he's not the one you always want to talk to. he's not the one you have been able to tell anything and everything to.he's not one of your best friends, he's not the one who held you when you're life was going to shit and everything went wrong. he's not the one who can turn your entire world upside down with just a smile. and he's not the one that holds your heart...
yeah i know i'm hopeless.
i need to get over it and just move on.
but i've known what love is like. i've felt it before. but nothing like this. nothing so strong as this, a feeling that can make you shine so, that those around you can't even help but notice your happiness. and a feeling that can tare your heart and mind so much it actually makes you physically ill.
and that scares me.
i never wanted feel this, i liked being just one of the guys, just chillen out with them, being able to do whatever whenever no regrets. i was care free and happy. i didnt need this. i was never one of those girls who always imagined their wedding days, who had the image of the 'perfect man' already engraved into their brains. i didn't care about all that shit. and i still don't really think about it. not the whole wedding day bullshit. but i do think about my life with him, what it could be like..
and then reality slaps me in the face and i remember he's not mine..
he's happy with someone else and i need to realize that unless something happens between them, that's how it's going to be. and strangely enough, even though it tares my heart out to see them together, i'm happy for them. i'm happy that he found a nice girl that makes him smile. she's good to him, and he's happy,and that's all i want for him. i want him to be happy. now do i like her? no not really but that's because i have the whole jealousy, 'no one's good enough for him', thing going on. but at least i can see that she makes him happy, and that's all that matters.
....
i could probably rant for hours and hours on this topic. i can't really completely rant about it to friends. and i'm sure my best friend is tired about hearing about it..
but just being able to put it all into words has helped..
who knows, maybe i'll come and rant some more some other day when i feel like shit.
but as for now i'm going to go smoke and cigarette, walk my dog, listen to shit music i don't actually want to listen to, and dream of the man i love, like i do every night.
see as i said, hopeless.. and like a broken record..
need you now : by lady antebellum
Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
I said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.
crow chasing the butterfly : by shinedown
I painted your room at midnight
So I'd know yesterday was over
I put all your books on the top shelf
Even the one with the four leaf clover
Man, I'm getting older
I took all your pictures off the wall
And wrapped them in a newspaper blanket
I haven't slept in what seems like a century
And now I can barely breathe
Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late
Your words still serenade me
Your lullabies won't let me sleep
I've never heard such a haunting melody
Oh, it's killing me
You know I can barely breathe
Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late
Just like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
Like a crow chasing the butterfly
Dandelions lost in the summer skies
When you and I were getting high as outer space
I never thought you'd slip away
I guess I was just a little too late
Just a little too late