the best things in life are right in front of you they say.. i wonder if that really is true.
i hope for something that may never happen. i love someone who belongs to another. and i'm blind to whats in front of me. makes me wonder if i should just give up on what i long for and settle for somewhere i've been before and was happy? though that happiness ended in a thousand tears a broke heart that didn't heal for what seemed like forever. he said he was stupid and sorry, and doesn't know why he did it. he misses what we had and regrets that he destroyed it. regrets. that's an interesting word. a powerful word as well. one that can heal and one that can completely destroy all at the same time. it's kind of like the word 'friend'.. i hate that word. well not really just when it comes to certain people. though the word regret, that's a completely different matter all together. that word can be twisted and manipulated to so many degrees. it also has hidden meanings. one regrets something they did. they're sorry and want to reconcile the matter. though you can also regret someone. you're my regret. you wished i had never known you. that's the breaking point when it comes to that word. and you can be amazed how that one can hurt.
but anyway to get back on topic, well for how ever long it may last this time.
one that i have loved in the past and could be happy with. he's right in front of me, being the good friend through everything. and i can be happy with him. i know i could, but i don't want to resent him or another relationship with him. i don't want to go another year without talking to him, seeing him, or just having him in my life in general. he wants to try again. have what we had before. though i don't know if i could. because when i'm with him i think of another. wonder what the one i love would say or think if he know what has been happening for the past couple of weeks. would he even care. he says he does but i still wonder. still have my doubts. and what about the one in front of me? should i try again? being in his arms i find comfort, but not complete happiness. which is better comfort that you know will stay, or the true love of a soul mate who's with another while your heart slowly breaks day by day waiting? though no one really knows what time may bring right? sure it could led to everlasting happiness and joy. or it can bring an eternity of misery and sorrow.
aye, who knows. it's just more to add to the cluster fuck that i call a mind as it is.
well so long for now. i shall return again when i need to so call 'clear the mind'.
but anyway to get back on topic, well for how ever long it may last this time.
one that i have loved in the past and could be happy with. he's right in front of me, being the good friend through everything. and i can be happy with him. i know i could, but i don't want to resent him or another relationship with him. i don't want to go another year without talking to him, seeing him, or just having him in my life in general. he wants to try again. have what we had before. though i don't know if i could. because when i'm with him i think of another. wonder what the one i love would say or think if he know what has been happening for the past couple of weeks. would he even care. he says he does but i still wonder. still have my doubts. and what about the one in front of me? should i try again? being in his arms i find comfort, but not complete happiness. which is better comfort that you know will stay, or the true love of a soul mate who's with another while your heart slowly breaks day by day waiting? though no one really knows what time may bring right? sure it could led to everlasting happiness and joy. or it can bring an eternity of misery and sorrow.
aye, who knows. it's just more to add to the cluster fuck that i call a mind as it is.
well so long for now. i shall return again when i need to so call 'clear the mind'.