[for cameron] I took my love and I took it down
When she rose from her meditation that morning, Morgan knew it to be time. She had known since after the afternoon spent with Bill, but she had waited out of prudence. She had moved hastily in initiating a romantic relationship with Cameron and hurt them both thereby. In ending it, she wanted clarity, certainty, and wisdom. She wished to act from a
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Turning her cheek against his hand, she could not deny the twist in her abdomen at the thought this might be the last time. Gaze soft, she brushed her lips against his hand.
"Part of me wishes to ask you to talk to me and tell me why you are accepting this so easily. But part of me knows that I may no longer have that right." Weighing it carefully, Morgan let her eyes close long enough to find true balance. "Speak if you will, not if you won't. I can listen without anger or upset." She did not tell him that he would be welcome in her bed, although he would. If she said as much, he might come to stay and never leave.
"As for the hut, no. Please. I need to live away from New Atlantis and cease relying on what respect and friendship I am given because of what I am. Timothy has offered himself, his partner--" For she had been right about them, she knew with a certainty even though Tim had not told her. "And their friends to build a new place for me. Tell me when it will be convenient, and he can come and carry away what I cannot"
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Cameron closed his eyes momentarily--and the flashes of memory weren't as strong as before. Oh...the memory. What he'd once held a desperate hope for Morgan's return to fix. What he'd hoped to be able to share with her at a time when they were alone, quiet, and he didn't have to conceal the...terror it brought.
He bit his lip, studying her gaze. God...it hurt to know she wouldn't be there any more. Selfish as the thought was, it was...painful to lose someone he didn't have to bluff or flat-out lie to. Occasional muddled...confused periods aside.
But it was something that was already decided. She was to be someone else's confidante, and he'd just...have to learn to cope with that on his own.
He shook his head slightly, voice thick despite his attempts to clear it. "The decision was made long before this discussion. Pretty sure I'd just be humiliating myself if I tried to stop it." More so than he'd already been. But at least that afternoon had been a private humiliation.
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"If you decide later today, or tomorrow, or next week or next month that you wish to speak to me, about anything, I will be at the waterfall in the mornings until Teyla cannot make the walk and then we will find somewhere closer. You know my schedule and it is unlikely to change except that if it snows I will not be swimming. And while Timothy has invited me to stay with him, for now I have declined. I will either be in the caves or with Wanda. Come and find me if you have a need."
There was, in truth, very little to say. She had made her decision and if he chose to accept it, then this was all. It seemed a sad, quiet ending to something that had, for a time, given them both such joy, but balance could not be had in all things.
Maintaining hers, she offered a smile and curled her fingers around his wrist. "I will miss you," she said quietly and felt keenly that she would, despite her resolution.
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It was...fortunate, though, that there had been no talk of lingering 'friendship'. No half-lies. Just a straightforward end. It wasn't spectacular, but it was...something he could believe Morgan could do.
At her last phrase, the quiet resilience he clung to did crumble, just a bit. Enough that he reached over, and pulled her into a tight hug. When one of them stood and walked away, the closeness would be finished. Even now, the time for any level of intimacy was passed.
But a farewell...embrace, hug, or whatever it could be called...that he couldn't quite argue against.
His voice was low, and caught with restrained tears when he did speak, still holding her for what would quite likely be the last acceptable time. "I'll miss you, too, Morgan."
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Instead, her voice fell warm and soft, hushed, quieting even the air around them it seemed to her. "I do not mean for us to be estranged, Cameron. I will give you time and space to accustom yourself to not seeing a girlfriend when you look at me, but do not imagine I intend to remove myself from your life." Unless he wished it, and then she would.
Although it was time now to leave, kindness demanded she let him choose the moment of it, so she did not physically disengage when she said: "Be well, love. I will be watching." Her lips quirked even as unexpected tears pricked at her eyes. Once felt, she blinked them easily away. It had been a very Ascended thing to say.
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He also had a feeling, when she said she would be 'watching', she would be seeing him long before he saw her again.
His expression smoothed once more, when he did release her, and he summoned a slim, strong smile. "I'll..." It wouldn't be waiting, and it wasn't looking forward to it. "Keep an eye out."
He gave a brief nod, gripping her shoulder briefly. "You...good luck, Morgan. I hope you find that...new life. Really. You deserve it."
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There were no words left but the practical details of disentangling their lives and she had no need of speaking them. Cameron would not be so petty as to prohibit her access to what had been her home. He could not be.
"I will see you," she said, and then slipped away before either of them could say or do something to make it more difficult.
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