[for cameron] I took my love and I took it down
When she rose from her meditation that morning, Morgan knew it to be time. She had known since after the afternoon spent with Bill, but she had waited out of prudence. She had moved hastily in initiating a romantic relationship with Cameron and hurt them both thereby. In ending it, she wanted clarity, certainty, and wisdom. She wished to act from a place of kindness and compassion, rather than efficiency.
It would be difficult enough, but if his protestions raised her temper, that would only exacerbate the situation and cause him pain. So she waited until she knew she could face his accusations with serenity. For accusations there would be, or should be, if he had the courage of heart to speak them. It had never been her intention to harm, but only to help, to provide for them both stability and warmth against the uncertain chill of the island's masters' pique.
Before the sun had risen fully, she returned to New Atlantis and settled herself on the porch of what had been their home to wait for him to wake if he slept or return from his run if Daniel had succeeded in prying him out. Strange that Daniel of all people had become her ally in this, Daniel who had arrayed himself against this relationship from the outset. Daniel had been right. She was not who she permitted herself to seem, and Cameron had lacked the will to see it.
While she waited, she arranged her thoughts. The reasons for ending this were many with only love to balance the scale. She did love him, and he her, she had no doubt. But against the need to evolve freely, it weighed not nearly enough.
Ganos Lal, who had chosen seclusion and meditation over rebuilding civilization was no longer. That life no longer suited the soul that had chosen to cease for the sake of human free will.
Morgan Le Fay, who had made that choice, persisted. She persisted past the point of her intention to end, and now must make a life. This time she chose differently, as many of her kind had when Atlantis fell. Here on Tabula Rasa, she must find a way to live among them, ten thousand years' Ancient, and still as human as they.
This could not be undertaken from the cozy shelter of a romantic relationship with a good and decent man, no matter that some part of her wished otherwise. No, rather, it must begin from a place of self-knowledge and self-interest. Self. Self. Such a word. In Cameron's time, to be selfish was a wrong thing, the opposite of altruism instead of its necessary complement. But how could one give to others with no self to give from?
Relationships with humans required she be a self, not merely a polished mirror that reflected their hopes and aspirations, rather a woman with her own hopes, dreams, and fears. She needed independence to attain this and equality with her friends and partners. Moreover, Cameron needed freedom. His bond with her permitted him to think only of her. To have no self, as it were, and submerge himself in loving her, rather than making a journey of his own.
That morning she waited until he came. To set them both free, because it was time.
[dated to Tuesday November 18; title from the Fleetwood Mac song "Landslide."]
It would be difficult enough, but if his protestions raised her temper, that would only exacerbate the situation and cause him pain. So she waited until she knew she could face his accusations with serenity. For accusations there would be, or should be, if he had the courage of heart to speak them. It had never been her intention to harm, but only to help, to provide for them both stability and warmth against the uncertain chill of the island's masters' pique.
Before the sun had risen fully, she returned to New Atlantis and settled herself on the porch of what had been their home to wait for him to wake if he slept or return from his run if Daniel had succeeded in prying him out. Strange that Daniel of all people had become her ally in this, Daniel who had arrayed himself against this relationship from the outset. Daniel had been right. She was not who she permitted herself to seem, and Cameron had lacked the will to see it.
While she waited, she arranged her thoughts. The reasons for ending this were many with only love to balance the scale. She did love him, and he her, she had no doubt. But against the need to evolve freely, it weighed not nearly enough.
Ganos Lal, who had chosen seclusion and meditation over rebuilding civilization was no longer. That life no longer suited the soul that had chosen to cease for the sake of human free will.
Morgan Le Fay, who had made that choice, persisted. She persisted past the point of her intention to end, and now must make a life. This time she chose differently, as many of her kind had when Atlantis fell. Here on Tabula Rasa, she must find a way to live among them, ten thousand years' Ancient, and still as human as they.
This could not be undertaken from the cozy shelter of a romantic relationship with a good and decent man, no matter that some part of her wished otherwise. No, rather, it must begin from a place of self-knowledge and self-interest. Self. Self. Such a word. In Cameron's time, to be selfish was a wrong thing, the opposite of altruism instead of its necessary complement. But how could one give to others with no self to give from?
Relationships with humans required she be a self, not merely a polished mirror that reflected their hopes and aspirations, rather a woman with her own hopes, dreams, and fears. She needed independence to attain this and equality with her friends and partners. Moreover, Cameron needed freedom. His bond with her permitted him to think only of her. To have no self, as it were, and submerge himself in loving her, rather than making a journey of his own.
That morning she waited until he came. To set them both free, because it was time.
[dated to Tuesday November 18; title from the Fleetwood Mac song "Landslide."]