Under my nose -ToraxSaga - Pt4/5
Title: Under my nose
Chapters: Pt 4/5
Author: fallen_am_i
Genre: Romance, Dramma,some attempt for humor (?)
Warnings:Boys love, sexual acts between men
Rating: PG-13 to NC - 17, for this one, NC-17
Pairing: Tora x Saga, Shou x Saga (onesided), slight Shou x Hiroto
Synopsis: Onesided love hurts,and Saga tries to find a simple way to forget that pain
Disclaimer: I own the story only...
Coments: A big thank you to themikachu for beta reading :3
Under my nose Pt 4
Tora never visited Saga later that night. He wanted to calm down first, to forget that stupid situation with the “dating” thing, and thought surely some drinks would help him relax. And they did, but the dark-haired guitarist made sure to drink almost a barrel of beer, so in the end instead of Saga’s house he ended up on Shou’s futon in the living room, totally drunk. And he wasn’t even a peaceful visitor! Shou and Hiroto almost tied him up to make him stay on the bed, as Tora was suddenly standing up, wearing his coat sloppily and dashing to the door to “meet someone” as he himself was mumbling. After many unsuccessful attempts to run away, he stayed on the floor pouting like a small child. And he was a pain in the ass for the couple until his eyelashes felt heavy and his voice lowed down to a whisper. Then, sleep finally came for him, and the guitarist welcomed it with a sad expression on his face. “He won’t care anyway,” were his last words before he drifted away in dreamland.
What Tora didn’t know was that Saga was actually waiting for him. Curled on his couch, with a blanket to warm his legs up, he was pretending to watch a boring show on TV while in reality his eyes were locked on the small window next to the main door. He was impatiently waiting for the light outside to turn on automatically at the smallest move noticed. Then he would hear the well known heavy knock on the door and he would run to greet the taller man, smiling playfully at him, as he did every night they had sex. But it seemed that this time things wouldn’t be like that. Saga pouted, looking at his cell phone again and again, reading the same small message the guitarist had sent to him: “I’ll drop by later”. Well, where was he then? It was 3 a.m. already! Saga ran a hand through his hair nervously. Was Tora alright? Maybe something happened to him… His eyes rested on the phone again, looking concerned. Should he make a phone call? Just to check if his friend was ok… His hand rose up instantly to do it, when a voice inside him stopped him. An ugly voice, shouting in its high tone the same thing. Maybe he didn’t feel like it to come... Saga’s eyebrows furrowed at the thought. The image of the incident that afternoon popped into his mind, making his brows furrow even more.
Like we would ever date…
“Yeah, right…” Saga said to himself, chuckling cynically. “You and your stupid ideas… Stupid, stupid Tora…”
The last words came out in anger, and that surprised him. There was no reason to get mad. After all, that’s why they were not in a relationship. Relationship… Saga laughed harder at that. That would never work with them. He didn’t love Tora the way he used to love Shou once. And it was the lack of love that made things work out for them. No responsibilities, no boundaries. They were free to do whatever they wanted to. Plus, love and affection would only destroy everything they had, along with their friendship. Saga nodded silently at his thoughts. He didn’t care if Tora would come, make him tremble under his ministrations, or if he would keep him warm in his embrace that cold night.
“We’re just fuck buddies after all; we can fuck another day…” Saga spat it out like poison, completing his trail of thoughts. A bitter smile was drawn on his lips, giving them the same bitter taste. He turned the TV off, tossing the remote away furiously. Anger was nesting inside him in small bits, growing bigger as the time passed. He didn’t care exactly why he was angry; loss of appetite and tiredness was a good enough excuse. He stood up, glaring at Chiko, who was still waiting near the door, irritating the bassist more.
“Chiko come upstairs! The tiger won’t play with you tonight…”
The dog let a small cry, looking at the man going up the stairs with bold steps, each one echoing louder than the last one on the wood. He acknowledged that Saga was not in the mood and that made him sad. Lowering his eyes, Chiko followed his master, like every obedient pet, before Saga turned the lights off on the downstairs floor.
*****
Tora welcomed the next morning with a frown, as the first strands of sunlight fell directly on to his eyes. With harsh moves he started rubbing them repeatedly and rolled to the side, making a funny grimace. A giggle sounded in the room, making his eyes flutter open. Shou couldn’t stop laughing at that sight, as he was sitting on the couch reading a book.
“Hnnngggg…” Shou nodded at that sound; that was Tora’s way to say ‘good morning’ after a big hangover.
“Coffee is waiting for you~” The singer smiled, pointing to the small table in the living room. The guitarist mumbled a “thanks” and crawled there slowly, taking the warm cup in his hands. He let a hot sip slip in his throat and hummed approvingly; that was exactly what he needed.
“Where’s Pon?” He asked with a hoarse voice, after many attempts to speak. Then his hand moved automatically to his stomach, feeling it swirling like a washing machine. “And how much did I drink yesterday?”
“Well, you drank the whole bar!” Shou chuckled, leaving his book next to him on the couch. “And Pon is still asleep; you surely made it difficult to rest… You were throwing up all night, except everything else…”
Tora raised a brow in question and Shou started explaining in detail all the attempts to run away from home, to meet that someone. Tora felt his stomach becoming worse. He never allowed himself to drink to the point he couldn’t handle it. He always knew his limits and respected them. But yesterday not only did he get heavily drunk, he also struggled to go and meet him… Why did he go that far just for Saga? He let a small, frustrated growl. All that childish behavior, it was not like himself at all! Shou was rather amused, on the other hand, with the troubling face Tora was making. He kept mixing his coffee with his spoon while he wore on an evil smirk.
“Plus” he started, “You were talking in your sleep the whole time…”
Tora’s body twitched when he saw that smirk spreading wider and wider on Shou’s lips; he definitely didn’t like it.
“Wh-what did I say?” He asked boldly, trying to control his stress. Shou merely smiled.
“Hmmm… Enough to know the name of that… someone…” The singer scratched his head, laughing lightly. “Man~ I can’t believe I didn’t find it out earlier… Your behavior and his… Now everything fits perfectly…”
Tora ignored him, focusing on the fact that was scaring him the most. Calling out for him all night? What evil magic has Saga cast on him? He was feeling incredibly bad, not only because he and Saga were not on good terms, but that his feelings were messed up too! He ran a hand though his hair, trying to understand what the hell was going on with him. Shou let a sigh while watching Tora sip his coffee without glancing back at him.
“I am sorry for being an ass yesterday; I know I didn’t help much…” The singer said with a hesitant, yet clear voice, showing that he was honest. “I don’t know exactly what is going on between you two, but you should talk to him…”
“There’s no need for that…” Tora finally admitted the truth to his friend, and Shou seemed to appreciate that. “It’s not something serious. We are just having fun…” He gulped hard, sending a knot that was stuck in his throat deeper.
“Fun? Just fun???” Shou’s eyes widened more than usual as he sat straight on the couch. “I was here with you the whole time and Hiroto witnessed it too! If you think that the only thing Saga makes you feel is pleasure, then you are a complete idiot!”
Tora lit a cigarette uncomfortably and let out a soft cloud of gray smoke, wishing that his problems would disperse like it too. He checked the time; it was almost midday. “I have to go…” He blurted out and stood up, balancing before he could walk straight. He was sure that many months should pass before he drank again. Shou bit his lower lip in regret; he might have overdone it with all that counseling. He followed the taller man and helped him collect his things from around the house. A confused frown was drawn on Tora’s features as he checked his cell phone, not even a single call was noted.
“Tora” Shou grabbed the other’s shoulder and squeezed it, his eyes shining in worry. “Clear out your feelings for Saga and talk to him. I’ve been with Pon in this situation and I know this won’t lead you anywhere, if you continue pretending…”
Tora nodded, pressing the edges of his mouth in a badly formed smile before he closed the door behind him. Shou inhaled deeply, leaning on the door. He was wise enough to know how proud his best friend was. Tora wouldn’t acknowledge his feelings that easily, nor was he going to talk to Saga. “Why are you so stubborn, tiger?” He let his question scatter in the air, words that would never reach the guitarist anyway.
Well, Tora was indeed stubborn but he was not the only one. Both he and Saga preferred to “forget” everything that happened in the rehearsal room, along with the meeting they “never had” that same night. They never spoke about that and they seemed ok with each other. So, they continued playing their little game, focusing on nothing more than flesh and lust. Their nights were the same heated as before, they were still friends and they didn’t ask for more…
*****
“Ahh… Yes… Tora…”
The bed was cringing violently and fast, it gave you the image that it would break to pieces at any time. Saga’s loud moans were echoing in the room, along with shaky breaths and panting. The bassist was enjoying every moment of it; Tora’s thrusts and gropes hitting his prostate so hard that all the screams in the world wouldn’t describe Saga’s feelings. He was bathed in sweat, legs circling around the guitarist, asking for more force in the spot which was driving him crazy. His eyes shut, lost in pleasure and his lips dry, needy for Tora’s taste. Tora knew the right ministrations to make Saga hard in an instant, to make him shout his name passionately. But something was off… Something was missing. The sex was raw and he loved it. But everything was raw. No soothing kisses, nor hugs, not a warm gesture after they rode their orgasm. He couldn’t understand why that such a big deal for him, when the sex was good. Wasn’t that their agreement? Just a good fuck? Why was it suddenly not enough for him the past month?
Tora was silent, lost in his own thoughts. His lips were almost bleeding from all the bites he gave himself every time he was going to moan. It was great; Saga’s arousing form, pleading for anything, ready to obey at any fantasy the guitarist had, ready to release for him and only him. But Tora was not satisfied. This was not what he wanted. No matter how rough and forceful Tora was with Saga, no matter the pain he would cause to him afterwards, the other man just didn’t seem to care. Tora was purposely behaving so bad to him, hoping that he would hear the younger man shouting with anger at him to stop, to be gentle, to hug or kiss him. But instead, the brunette moaned louder and louder, making Tora disgusted and extremely angry. Well that’s what they both agreed for, but Tora didn’t want this game anymore. With his right hand, he pressed against Saga’s chest where his heart was, trying to reach the only place where Saga would never let him in. Shou was right, Tora was an idiot. An idiot who got himself in a stupid game and instead of earning some benefits, he ended up losing his heart. No matter how much he was avoiding the subject, he knew the truth deep inside him. He was tired of hiding behind his thumb, pretending he didn’t care when the simplest thing was driving him crazy. He was tired loving someone who didn’t love him back. For a while now he wanted to stop doing this, but he was weak, the idea of losing Saga forever making him chicken out. He wanted to express what he was hiding for quite a long time.
“I’m close…”
Tora nodded, grabbing Saga’s length harshly and pumping it with force. The bassist arched his back, blessing Tora for whatever the latter was making him feel. The dark-haired man closed his eyes as he was also nearing his release. After a few hard strokes, Saga was screaming Tora’s name while coating them with his seed, his whole body trembling, sending a great shiver and sadness to the guitarist. Saga had no feelings for him. He tried to accept it so many times and just be happy with what he could have from this situation, but nothing was changing. He needed to stop hurting himself; he wanted to tell Saga everything, even if that meant never seeing him again. He wanted to set himself free and finally accept the reality.
His release came, great as always, but Tora felt better than any other time before. He finally letting himself free, whispering at the peak of his orgasm those three words he was drowning in his mouth for too long.
“I love you…”
He stepped back and pulled out, intently watching a startled Saga. Saga’s eyes were huge in surprise; his breath was lost and he was not sure if his heart was still beating. The bassist brought his hand to cover his mouth. He was sure he could smell his brain burning, as he was trying to understand what was happening.
“W-WH-WHAT???” he spat breathlessly.
Tora took a big breath. He said it once and he felt better, now it was easier to confess.
“What you heard,” He said simply and sat next to the other man. “I love you Saga. I don’t know since when, but I do. And I want to stop this… Your body is not enough… I want you whole: body, soul, and this,” He softly poked at the place where Saga’s heart supposedly was. He stared at Saga being speechless, pale like a dead man. The bassist was only listening, nodding at everything, trying to understand what was going on. Struggling to keep his composure, Tora was waiting for an answer, whatever it would be. He was calm now, a bit sad, but he was honest with himself.
“This… This wasn’t supposed to happen…” Saga’s lifeless words were what the guitarist had been afraid to hear. He bit his lip and stood up, looking for his clothes.
“Yeah, but it did…” He smiled bitterly, looking away. “I’ve never believed I would feel that, falling hard for someone, nor the pain it causes… And I don’t think I’ll let it happen ever again. That day we started all this, you were right. Love hurts, and I hate it…” With quick movements he slipped on his boxers and pants, now searching for his shirt. Saga was numb, his mouth opened countless times to speak but nothing came out, except small breaths and sighs. Tora pointed with his hand to stop him.
“It’s ok…” he said, pulling his shirt on. “I already got your answer and I accept it. But we should finish this…” He gestured to the room, the messed up sheets, Saga’s naked figure. “I can’t handle this anymore and I won’t,” His voice was echoing determination.
Saga tensed as a hand traveled to his cheek, caressing the skin there softly, like it was the most precious thing in the world. Raising his eyes, he saw Tora smiling, a beautiful, soft, yet sad, smile. A smile that was stealing him away… When Tora leaned closer Saga’s breath got shorter and his heart was ready to break down.
‘This is the last time this happens… I really like it but I can’t accept tasting you while I can’t have you completely…”
Tora’s words were hurting Saga like stabs. He couldn’t understand. He didn’t care for him, yet why did he want to shut him up? Tora was examining the beautiful face in his hands, like it was the last time he would see it. Love was mirrored in his eyes, mixed with sadness.
“I’m selfish Saga, I want you whole for myself and only…” They were a breath away, their eyes locked on each other’s. Saga was mesmerized by Tora’s whispers and Tora was losing it. His lips were moving, trying to peck Saga’s trembling ones but he stopped, pulling away so slow, like it was painful. With a big breath he moved his lips to the frozen man’s forehead, placing them there with care. “But my friendship will always be there for you…”
A kiss. A kiss so tender and gentle, that made Saga’s heart skip a beat. That’s what was missing all that time! That’s what Saga was inwardly asking for! And before he could realize it, Tora’s last words broke him to pieces.
“It is over Saga…”
Before Saga could even move, Tora was already walking away. Before he could grab his hand to stop him, Tora was already out of the room, running down the stairs, saying goodbye to Chiko. And when Saga finally stood up and ran after him, screaming for him to stay, Tora was in the car, turning the engine on. Saga’s head was buzzing, memories of sweet kisses and hugs terrorizing him, dancing insanely around his mind, singing the same chorus: I love you. His feet lost their balance and he plopped by the door, weak. He sat down, hiding his head between his knees.
“It’s alright Saga” he kept soothing himself, “It’s alright. It’s better like this… I could never love him anyway… I never…”
His words were cut by a sob. No, he was shaking his head, there was no reason to cry, he was not sad, nor angry. He didn’t lose anything. Right?
Chiko came running to his master, letting out small whines as he started licking Saga’s cheek. The man hugged the dog tightly and started crying hard on its fur, cursing the stupid tears that came out without any reason. Because everything was better like that... Right?...
t.b.c.
OMG i was on time for this one :O well,it took me sometime but i feel acomplished...The scene where Tora confesses,i wanted to write it exactly as it was on my mind...And i think i did it in the most part... ^-^ One more left to go...I can't believe it i am ending a story,my stories never had an end before,they allways were left unfinished O.O
Coments are allways apreciated ^-^
Chapters: Pt 4/5
Author: fallen_am_i
Genre: Romance, Dramma,some attempt for humor (?)
Warnings:Boys love, sexual acts between men
Rating: PG-13 to NC - 17, for this one, NC-17
Pairing: Tora x Saga, Shou x Saga (onesided), slight Shou x Hiroto
Synopsis: Onesided love hurts,and Saga tries to find a simple way to forget that pain
Disclaimer: I own the story only...
Coments: A big thank you to themikachu for beta reading :3
Under my nose Pt 4
Tora never visited Saga later that night. He wanted to calm down first, to forget that stupid situation with the “dating” thing, and thought surely some drinks would help him relax. And they did, but the dark-haired guitarist made sure to drink almost a barrel of beer, so in the end instead of Saga’s house he ended up on Shou’s futon in the living room, totally drunk. And he wasn’t even a peaceful visitor! Shou and Hiroto almost tied him up to make him stay on the bed, as Tora was suddenly standing up, wearing his coat sloppily and dashing to the door to “meet someone” as he himself was mumbling. After many unsuccessful attempts to run away, he stayed on the floor pouting like a small child. And he was a pain in the ass for the couple until his eyelashes felt heavy and his voice lowed down to a whisper. Then, sleep finally came for him, and the guitarist welcomed it with a sad expression on his face. “He won’t care anyway,” were his last words before he drifted away in dreamland.
What Tora didn’t know was that Saga was actually waiting for him. Curled on his couch, with a blanket to warm his legs up, he was pretending to watch a boring show on TV while in reality his eyes were locked on the small window next to the main door. He was impatiently waiting for the light outside to turn on automatically at the smallest move noticed. Then he would hear the well known heavy knock on the door and he would run to greet the taller man, smiling playfully at him, as he did every night they had sex. But it seemed that this time things wouldn’t be like that. Saga pouted, looking at his cell phone again and again, reading the same small message the guitarist had sent to him: “I’ll drop by later”. Well, where was he then? It was 3 a.m. already! Saga ran a hand through his hair nervously. Was Tora alright? Maybe something happened to him… His eyes rested on the phone again, looking concerned. Should he make a phone call? Just to check if his friend was ok… His hand rose up instantly to do it, when a voice inside him stopped him. An ugly voice, shouting in its high tone the same thing. Maybe he didn’t feel like it to come... Saga’s eyebrows furrowed at the thought. The image of the incident that afternoon popped into his mind, making his brows furrow even more.
Like we would ever date…
“Yeah, right…” Saga said to himself, chuckling cynically. “You and your stupid ideas… Stupid, stupid Tora…”
The last words came out in anger, and that surprised him. There was no reason to get mad. After all, that’s why they were not in a relationship. Relationship… Saga laughed harder at that. That would never work with them. He didn’t love Tora the way he used to love Shou once. And it was the lack of love that made things work out for them. No responsibilities, no boundaries. They were free to do whatever they wanted to. Plus, love and affection would only destroy everything they had, along with their friendship. Saga nodded silently at his thoughts. He didn’t care if Tora would come, make him tremble under his ministrations, or if he would keep him warm in his embrace that cold night.
“We’re just fuck buddies after all; we can fuck another day…” Saga spat it out like poison, completing his trail of thoughts. A bitter smile was drawn on his lips, giving them the same bitter taste. He turned the TV off, tossing the remote away furiously. Anger was nesting inside him in small bits, growing bigger as the time passed. He didn’t care exactly why he was angry; loss of appetite and tiredness was a good enough excuse. He stood up, glaring at Chiko, who was still waiting near the door, irritating the bassist more.
“Chiko come upstairs! The tiger won’t play with you tonight…”
The dog let a small cry, looking at the man going up the stairs with bold steps, each one echoing louder than the last one on the wood. He acknowledged that Saga was not in the mood and that made him sad. Lowering his eyes, Chiko followed his master, like every obedient pet, before Saga turned the lights off on the downstairs floor.
*****
Tora welcomed the next morning with a frown, as the first strands of sunlight fell directly on to his eyes. With harsh moves he started rubbing them repeatedly and rolled to the side, making a funny grimace. A giggle sounded in the room, making his eyes flutter open. Shou couldn’t stop laughing at that sight, as he was sitting on the couch reading a book.
“Hnnngggg…” Shou nodded at that sound; that was Tora’s way to say ‘good morning’ after a big hangover.
“Coffee is waiting for you~” The singer smiled, pointing to the small table in the living room. The guitarist mumbled a “thanks” and crawled there slowly, taking the warm cup in his hands. He let a hot sip slip in his throat and hummed approvingly; that was exactly what he needed.
“Where’s Pon?” He asked with a hoarse voice, after many attempts to speak. Then his hand moved automatically to his stomach, feeling it swirling like a washing machine. “And how much did I drink yesterday?”
“Well, you drank the whole bar!” Shou chuckled, leaving his book next to him on the couch. “And Pon is still asleep; you surely made it difficult to rest… You were throwing up all night, except everything else…”
Tora raised a brow in question and Shou started explaining in detail all the attempts to run away from home, to meet that someone. Tora felt his stomach becoming worse. He never allowed himself to drink to the point he couldn’t handle it. He always knew his limits and respected them. But yesterday not only did he get heavily drunk, he also struggled to go and meet him… Why did he go that far just for Saga? He let a small, frustrated growl. All that childish behavior, it was not like himself at all! Shou was rather amused, on the other hand, with the troubling face Tora was making. He kept mixing his coffee with his spoon while he wore on an evil smirk.
“Plus” he started, “You were talking in your sleep the whole time…”
Tora’s body twitched when he saw that smirk spreading wider and wider on Shou’s lips; he definitely didn’t like it.
“Wh-what did I say?” He asked boldly, trying to control his stress. Shou merely smiled.
“Hmmm… Enough to know the name of that… someone…” The singer scratched his head, laughing lightly. “Man~ I can’t believe I didn’t find it out earlier… Your behavior and his… Now everything fits perfectly…”
Tora ignored him, focusing on the fact that was scaring him the most. Calling out for him all night? What evil magic has Saga cast on him? He was feeling incredibly bad, not only because he and Saga were not on good terms, but that his feelings were messed up too! He ran a hand though his hair, trying to understand what the hell was going on with him. Shou let a sigh while watching Tora sip his coffee without glancing back at him.
“I am sorry for being an ass yesterday; I know I didn’t help much…” The singer said with a hesitant, yet clear voice, showing that he was honest. “I don’t know exactly what is going on between you two, but you should talk to him…”
“There’s no need for that…” Tora finally admitted the truth to his friend, and Shou seemed to appreciate that. “It’s not something serious. We are just having fun…” He gulped hard, sending a knot that was stuck in his throat deeper.
“Fun? Just fun???” Shou’s eyes widened more than usual as he sat straight on the couch. “I was here with you the whole time and Hiroto witnessed it too! If you think that the only thing Saga makes you feel is pleasure, then you are a complete idiot!”
Tora lit a cigarette uncomfortably and let out a soft cloud of gray smoke, wishing that his problems would disperse like it too. He checked the time; it was almost midday. “I have to go…” He blurted out and stood up, balancing before he could walk straight. He was sure that many months should pass before he drank again. Shou bit his lower lip in regret; he might have overdone it with all that counseling. He followed the taller man and helped him collect his things from around the house. A confused frown was drawn on Tora’s features as he checked his cell phone, not even a single call was noted.
“Tora” Shou grabbed the other’s shoulder and squeezed it, his eyes shining in worry. “Clear out your feelings for Saga and talk to him. I’ve been with Pon in this situation and I know this won’t lead you anywhere, if you continue pretending…”
Tora nodded, pressing the edges of his mouth in a badly formed smile before he closed the door behind him. Shou inhaled deeply, leaning on the door. He was wise enough to know how proud his best friend was. Tora wouldn’t acknowledge his feelings that easily, nor was he going to talk to Saga. “Why are you so stubborn, tiger?” He let his question scatter in the air, words that would never reach the guitarist anyway.
Well, Tora was indeed stubborn but he was not the only one. Both he and Saga preferred to “forget” everything that happened in the rehearsal room, along with the meeting they “never had” that same night. They never spoke about that and they seemed ok with each other. So, they continued playing their little game, focusing on nothing more than flesh and lust. Their nights were the same heated as before, they were still friends and they didn’t ask for more…
*****
“Ahh… Yes… Tora…”
The bed was cringing violently and fast, it gave you the image that it would break to pieces at any time. Saga’s loud moans were echoing in the room, along with shaky breaths and panting. The bassist was enjoying every moment of it; Tora’s thrusts and gropes hitting his prostate so hard that all the screams in the world wouldn’t describe Saga’s feelings. He was bathed in sweat, legs circling around the guitarist, asking for more force in the spot which was driving him crazy. His eyes shut, lost in pleasure and his lips dry, needy for Tora’s taste. Tora knew the right ministrations to make Saga hard in an instant, to make him shout his name passionately. But something was off… Something was missing. The sex was raw and he loved it. But everything was raw. No soothing kisses, nor hugs, not a warm gesture after they rode their orgasm. He couldn’t understand why that such a big deal for him, when the sex was good. Wasn’t that their agreement? Just a good fuck? Why was it suddenly not enough for him the past month?
Tora was silent, lost in his own thoughts. His lips were almost bleeding from all the bites he gave himself every time he was going to moan. It was great; Saga’s arousing form, pleading for anything, ready to obey at any fantasy the guitarist had, ready to release for him and only him. But Tora was not satisfied. This was not what he wanted. No matter how rough and forceful Tora was with Saga, no matter the pain he would cause to him afterwards, the other man just didn’t seem to care. Tora was purposely behaving so bad to him, hoping that he would hear the younger man shouting with anger at him to stop, to be gentle, to hug or kiss him. But instead, the brunette moaned louder and louder, making Tora disgusted and extremely angry. Well that’s what they both agreed for, but Tora didn’t want this game anymore. With his right hand, he pressed against Saga’s chest where his heart was, trying to reach the only place where Saga would never let him in. Shou was right, Tora was an idiot. An idiot who got himself in a stupid game and instead of earning some benefits, he ended up losing his heart. No matter how much he was avoiding the subject, he knew the truth deep inside him. He was tired of hiding behind his thumb, pretending he didn’t care when the simplest thing was driving him crazy. He was tired loving someone who didn’t love him back. For a while now he wanted to stop doing this, but he was weak, the idea of losing Saga forever making him chicken out. He wanted to express what he was hiding for quite a long time.
“I’m close…”
Tora nodded, grabbing Saga’s length harshly and pumping it with force. The bassist arched his back, blessing Tora for whatever the latter was making him feel. The dark-haired man closed his eyes as he was also nearing his release. After a few hard strokes, Saga was screaming Tora’s name while coating them with his seed, his whole body trembling, sending a great shiver and sadness to the guitarist. Saga had no feelings for him. He tried to accept it so many times and just be happy with what he could have from this situation, but nothing was changing. He needed to stop hurting himself; he wanted to tell Saga everything, even if that meant never seeing him again. He wanted to set himself free and finally accept the reality.
His release came, great as always, but Tora felt better than any other time before. He finally letting himself free, whispering at the peak of his orgasm those three words he was drowning in his mouth for too long.
“I love you…”
He stepped back and pulled out, intently watching a startled Saga. Saga’s eyes were huge in surprise; his breath was lost and he was not sure if his heart was still beating. The bassist brought his hand to cover his mouth. He was sure he could smell his brain burning, as he was trying to understand what was happening.
“W-WH-WHAT???” he spat breathlessly.
Tora took a big breath. He said it once and he felt better, now it was easier to confess.
“What you heard,” He said simply and sat next to the other man. “I love you Saga. I don’t know since when, but I do. And I want to stop this… Your body is not enough… I want you whole: body, soul, and this,” He softly poked at the place where Saga’s heart supposedly was. He stared at Saga being speechless, pale like a dead man. The bassist was only listening, nodding at everything, trying to understand what was going on. Struggling to keep his composure, Tora was waiting for an answer, whatever it would be. He was calm now, a bit sad, but he was honest with himself.
“This… This wasn’t supposed to happen…” Saga’s lifeless words were what the guitarist had been afraid to hear. He bit his lip and stood up, looking for his clothes.
“Yeah, but it did…” He smiled bitterly, looking away. “I’ve never believed I would feel that, falling hard for someone, nor the pain it causes… And I don’t think I’ll let it happen ever again. That day we started all this, you were right. Love hurts, and I hate it…” With quick movements he slipped on his boxers and pants, now searching for his shirt. Saga was numb, his mouth opened countless times to speak but nothing came out, except small breaths and sighs. Tora pointed with his hand to stop him.
“It’s ok…” he said, pulling his shirt on. “I already got your answer and I accept it. But we should finish this…” He gestured to the room, the messed up sheets, Saga’s naked figure. “I can’t handle this anymore and I won’t,” His voice was echoing determination.
Saga tensed as a hand traveled to his cheek, caressing the skin there softly, like it was the most precious thing in the world. Raising his eyes, he saw Tora smiling, a beautiful, soft, yet sad, smile. A smile that was stealing him away… When Tora leaned closer Saga’s breath got shorter and his heart was ready to break down.
‘This is the last time this happens… I really like it but I can’t accept tasting you while I can’t have you completely…”
Tora’s words were hurting Saga like stabs. He couldn’t understand. He didn’t care for him, yet why did he want to shut him up? Tora was examining the beautiful face in his hands, like it was the last time he would see it. Love was mirrored in his eyes, mixed with sadness.
“I’m selfish Saga, I want you whole for myself and only…” They were a breath away, their eyes locked on each other’s. Saga was mesmerized by Tora’s whispers and Tora was losing it. His lips were moving, trying to peck Saga’s trembling ones but he stopped, pulling away so slow, like it was painful. With a big breath he moved his lips to the frozen man’s forehead, placing them there with care. “But my friendship will always be there for you…”
A kiss. A kiss so tender and gentle, that made Saga’s heart skip a beat. That’s what was missing all that time! That’s what Saga was inwardly asking for! And before he could realize it, Tora’s last words broke him to pieces.
“It is over Saga…”
Before Saga could even move, Tora was already walking away. Before he could grab his hand to stop him, Tora was already out of the room, running down the stairs, saying goodbye to Chiko. And when Saga finally stood up and ran after him, screaming for him to stay, Tora was in the car, turning the engine on. Saga’s head was buzzing, memories of sweet kisses and hugs terrorizing him, dancing insanely around his mind, singing the same chorus: I love you. His feet lost their balance and he plopped by the door, weak. He sat down, hiding his head between his knees.
“It’s alright Saga” he kept soothing himself, “It’s alright. It’s better like this… I could never love him anyway… I never…”
His words were cut by a sob. No, he was shaking his head, there was no reason to cry, he was not sad, nor angry. He didn’t lose anything. Right?
Chiko came running to his master, letting out small whines as he started licking Saga’s cheek. The man hugged the dog tightly and started crying hard on its fur, cursing the stupid tears that came out without any reason. Because everything was better like that... Right?...
t.b.c.
OMG i was on time for this one :O well,it took me sometime but i feel acomplished...The scene where Tora confesses,i wanted to write it exactly as it was on my mind...And i think i did it in the most part... ^-^ One more left to go...I can't believe it i am ending a story,my stories never had an end before,they allways were left unfinished O.O
Coments are allways apreciated ^-^