I need to save this somewhere. Anywhere. Here will do.
Diplomacy: An Exercise in Futility
In the Year of our Lord Two Thousand and Nine, in the month of March, mankind invented war. And lo! war was a complete waste of time; for there were no tangible benefits to winning. And yet war was still popular to many, because they enjoyed nothing more than to be a nuisance to others. For this reason, the Rómensírë Republic, a small nation known only for its inability to give a flying fuck, took it upon itself to move to a world that had yet to invent war. Yet just moments before its silent departure, it received a telegram from the esteemed leader of the Holy Empire of Nitom. Following is transcribed, word for word, that which was discussed between the two emperors.
tl;dr: What, really? It's like four lines long. Wow you're lazy. I hated the war system in NationStates2, so I moved to a world where war is disabled. Right before the move was completed, I received a message from Nitom. I, being incapable of not being a complete ass, decided to respond.
Holy Empire of Nitom
dear romensire
I have carefully thought about your message and i am giving you a chance 2 join me or i war with you when i am done with my war right now.If you join me you will be pertected by me and i will help you grow .If you dont you will be destroied and publicly exicuted on national tv k.
Rómensírë Republic
You‘re an idiot.
Holy Empire of Nitom
ok so it will be war and i will destroy your population when im done with the war im fighting or i could just destroy you now i can call back me troops from scubadee how does that sound
Rómensírë Republic
Yeah, good luck with that.
Dumbshit.
Holy Empire of Nitom
sure i would have 2 change worlds or i could get some1 from your world 2 do it you know
Rómensírë Republic
Your lack of gray matters will never cease to completely astound me. Again, good luck with your quest, shit for brains.
Holy Empire of Nitom
i know whitch world you are on so i can always change worlds and my alliances are goin nowhere
Rómensírë Republic
I really am surprised that you passed the third grade. Really, I am. Your observation and critical thinking skills are less developed than my three year old nephew’s.
Holy Empire of Nitom
so what you are sayin that when i move 2 your world you will be a chicken shit and move 2 a diffrent world or you think you can win against me dont you
Rómensírë Republic
No, I have not deluded myself into thinking that I will win a war in this world. That, alongside with the fact that you can only switch worlds three times, really does a lot to kill your hypothesis.
But you fail to see the subtle details. That’s why I am convinced that you are indeed clinically retarded. I‘ve met kindergartners more aware of their environment than you.
Holy Empire of Nitom
i hope you have noticed i dont give a rats ass about any of that k and i have 2 war with some1 here first
Rómensírë Republic
You claim that you “dont give a rats ass about any of [this]"and yet if I count correctly (and I am older than three so I can assure you that I do) this is the twelfth message in this conversation. How, pray tell, do you deal with the cognitive dissonance?
And here I was ever-so-tempted to believe you when you said you‘d cease your current war to come after me this very instant. I‘m quite disappointed to have uncovered your pitiful farce. But I cannot say that it comes as a surprise. Ever since I first spoke with you, after all, I have come to assume that your life has been one disappointment after another for everyone who knows you. I feel horrible for your mother.
Really, I do. Give her my condolences.