(no subject)
My car broke down last night. Watched the sun rise as we waited for the pick up truck to arrive. Looks like the hose from the water to the radiator broke and it overheated, my car is pretty old though, 15 years, all the things behind the dashboard don't work very well so it's pretty much only heading in one direction right now. Which makes me feel quite sad, I think it is fixable this time but generally I won't be getting another car if it does come to the end of it's life so I might have a little cry if it comes to that!
Other than that I guess I've been feeling a bit shitty about like, medication and stuff. Slowly been dawning on me that I can't drink anymore - like I really do think it would be more beneficial for me to get better a lot more quickly, so I'm pretty much looking at just giving it up indefinately. I really hate drunk people! They're so annoying. This in itself sort of just starts a social problem, and the fact is that I'm thinking that I can't really afford to be going out every night and stuff, I guess it's like I'll just have to be straight up with my friends and tell the truth, because the peer pressure is very annoying. They all smoke weed as well - pretty much every day, whilst I just sit there like "meh". It is really strange to like, think about it. From like people you know since childhood, doing drugs, selling drugs, I mean it's not that serious. Except one friend I know smokes weed every day, does pills, pretty much in danger of going completely over the edge.
Am I to sensible? Yeah, but I know that substance abuse would just cause me more grief so it's just not going to happen and I'm far too much like my parents, which is worrying! I'm going to go book an appointment with a therapist this week. Get to the bottom of things - like I really can't be arsed to sit through "you should do this" again - I'm that convinced that something is there - to tell you the truth the meds relieve me of anxiety a lot, I haven't had a panic attack in a long time, and it's sad to think but it's kind of true - meds can do a lot more for you. It's not the greatest solution but I feel that, it takes you out of the wilderness some what and brings you down to a level where you feel more stabalised to deal with everything.
It's been the most interesting 3 months though.