(no subject)
Hello. I'm still alive. Just been busy and don't really get much chance to come on internet. Well when I say busy, I mean just being generally lazy but such is life! Infact I'm in the library for a good reason and that is to actually get started on my essay about 3 weeks before it is due in. Rather than the most recent one which was a 3000 word project that I did all in one day, but suprisingly I like managed to get it done in a few hours and I don't think it is that bad. Life has been fun with friends, but there is still that side of my life that, after like a lot of thought, I generally feel that I probably do have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or something of the like. I mean ofcourse it is a bit over dramatic to like draw to conclusions, but I guess during the past month, as a result of just looking back on things I am more aware of my behaviour patterns to a certain extent, I mean it is like now I feel quite happy, but I guess that is because I'm preoccupied and I guess more recently, there are a lot of times that my perceptions become a little destitute, and obviously panic attacks are a result of that, but I guess the one thing I have managed to achieve is that to a certain extent I have them under control, and I'm starting to feel that, maybe there is no reason why people shouldn't know I have them. Because essentially, I guess the fear of having panic attacks knocks me about sometimes when it really needent do.
I recently bought Jamie T's album 'Panic Prevention' and there's an interesting soundbite that says "Often people who have panic attacks are made to think they have to deal with them", makes me think a lot. Infact the album is really quite good. I also bought The Shins, The Hours and Fall Out Boy. I also checked my balance the other day and it doesn't look pretty! so maybe I should stop buying CD's for the mean time. I think the next ones I want are out in March or April. I got bored of Bloc Party's album pretty quickly, the lyrics are really good, dealing with drugs, homosexuality, sex and all those types of things. I don't know. Just a bit boring to listen to.
But I just know my concentration at uni has seriously just, not really been there at all. I still seem to get decent marks though, but I think actually we've done less essays than last year anyway. I think about Louise a lot and I guess more recently that is what makes it difficult, and I think I realise as a result of anxiety you tend to think about these things far too much. It is difficult, because these are feelings I have never had before and it is hard to like, just ignore them. I think in a sense I suppressed them a long time a go. But I don't know, I sometimes have uncertainties that I may misconcieved some of her behaviour around me, but the fact that other people notice to, gives me a sense of clarity that I'm not feeling bad about it for no reason at all. But well, she says she is happy with him, so there's not much else I can do. That's part of the thing it is like, I'll realise that it's not going to happen, but then there are time when it feels more than mutual. I guess to a certain extent I have found it hard to be friendly because when I see her I kind of like, hmm...get anxious and that is why I've been awkward, and I figure that I'd like to get it sorted out again now.
But yeah other than that, found a massive house on Upperton road, and I think I will enjoy living there a lot more. I don't know, the estate agents are like, criminals I swear. The landlord came round the other day, and like they sent a notice the day before, saying they tried to get in contact with us via phone details. No you didn't! and then I heard him and the evil woman talking outside my room and I think, they didn't give a shit about the place, they were going to check the electric meter readers that are technically illegal, because they still have ones in the cellar, and the gave this powergen man some shit that they didn't know where the cellar was. But now they're going to do some force entry! But it was so dodgy. I heard the woman say "You've been out of this business far too long"...what the hell does that mean?!
But yeah, because of the fact that there are still meters in the cellar, powergen have been charging for all sort of stuff, and we had the baliffs around because it isn't ours to pay, lol, if we don't pay something in 5 days they're going to come back and take stuff away. Ahhh, it is great being a student.
Anyway shall do some work! bye for now!
I recently bought Jamie T's album 'Panic Prevention' and there's an interesting soundbite that says "Often people who have panic attacks are made to think they have to deal with them", makes me think a lot. Infact the album is really quite good. I also bought The Shins, The Hours and Fall Out Boy. I also checked my balance the other day and it doesn't look pretty! so maybe I should stop buying CD's for the mean time. I think the next ones I want are out in March or April. I got bored of Bloc Party's album pretty quickly, the lyrics are really good, dealing with drugs, homosexuality, sex and all those types of things. I don't know. Just a bit boring to listen to.
But I just know my concentration at uni has seriously just, not really been there at all. I still seem to get decent marks though, but I think actually we've done less essays than last year anyway. I think about Louise a lot and I guess more recently that is what makes it difficult, and I think I realise as a result of anxiety you tend to think about these things far too much. It is difficult, because these are feelings I have never had before and it is hard to like, just ignore them. I think in a sense I suppressed them a long time a go. But I don't know, I sometimes have uncertainties that I may misconcieved some of her behaviour around me, but the fact that other people notice to, gives me a sense of clarity that I'm not feeling bad about it for no reason at all. But well, she says she is happy with him, so there's not much else I can do. That's part of the thing it is like, I'll realise that it's not going to happen, but then there are time when it feels more than mutual. I guess to a certain extent I have found it hard to be friendly because when I see her I kind of like, hmm...get anxious and that is why I've been awkward, and I figure that I'd like to get it sorted out again now.
But yeah other than that, found a massive house on Upperton road, and I think I will enjoy living there a lot more. I don't know, the estate agents are like, criminals I swear. The landlord came round the other day, and like they sent a notice the day before, saying they tried to get in contact with us via phone details. No you didn't! and then I heard him and the evil woman talking outside my room and I think, they didn't give a shit about the place, they were going to check the electric meter readers that are technically illegal, because they still have ones in the cellar, and the gave this powergen man some shit that they didn't know where the cellar was. But now they're going to do some force entry! But it was so dodgy. I heard the woman say "You've been out of this business far too long"...what the hell does that mean?!
But yeah, because of the fact that there are still meters in the cellar, powergen have been charging for all sort of stuff, and we had the baliffs around because it isn't ours to pay, lol, if we don't pay something in 5 days they're going to come back and take stuff away. Ahhh, it is great being a student.
Anyway shall do some work! bye for now!