Slayerville: All I live with is regret
Alright, so the other day (or try a few weeks, whatever), I had a long chat with Angel. I gotta tell you, it was real nice seeing Soul Boy again. Good to know that he's still the same old brooding vampire he always was. Didn't get a chance to talk about the humanizing thing with Spike, but we did clear the air about his sudden "I'm too good to talk to any of my old friends" thing, so I figure we're good.
Still not crazy about the mindwipe thing, but I got my memory back, so I'm just gonna let that whole Connor thing slide. The guy just wanted to give his kid a better life; I can't fault him there. Man, if I had the chance to fix some of my bigger mistakes with a trip like that, I would've scooped it up in a freakin' instant. Nobody gets regret more than we do. Sometimes you just gotta take a short cut instead of stickin' it out on the long road. Problem is, it usually leads to a bad place anyway, so the way I see it? You're screwed either way. Damned if you do, damned if you don't -- that kinda thing. I'm just pissed that Soul Boy's little shortcut to better living came at the cost of two good men.
Wes and Gunn didn't deserve what they got just so the boy wonder could have a better shot at life. Don't get me wrong, I dug the kid, even if he was a raging psychopath with a big hate on for his daddy half the time, but he was a good fighter -- I'll give him that. Really got the job done when it came down to it. Kid was big on the skinny too, but then again, so is B and check her out. She's the longest living slayer on record, so I'm guessing string bean arms don't mean much when you got the power already. Thing that's got me buggin' is, when did it become Angel's call on what happened to his buddies? Screwing with Connor's life, I get that. But the others? They didn't deserve that.
I just keep thinking that I should have been there. Here I am, working that redemption thing for all it's worth, and yea, I did some good. Put the cap on Angel's naughtier half and helped B with The First. Doing that whole thing in Sunnydale, it felt the ultimate good deed. I mean, putting down the first fuckin' evil, that's some pretty major stuff right there. If there's anything out there that would earn a slayer an early retirement, it was that. Sure, we lost a lot of girls, and a few members of the gang to boot, but sometimes you just gotta count your losses and move on. So living it up in Rome? Really didn't seem like such a bad idea after all that stressing. I was totally diggin' that gig.
Then word comes out about Angel and his very own battle with the ultimate evil, and I just feel like all that time spent in Rome was a total bust. All the martinis and one night stands with hunky Italians suddenly seems like I was just wasting my time when I could've been out on LA, fighting the good fight, and doing what a slayer's supposed to do. Putting down the big bads, that's what this gig is all about. I get that it's not my fault that Wes and Gunn are gone, but I can't help the major guilt vibes I'm getting from not being there to help. I got called in once, why didn't I get that call again? All it would have taken was a phone call. One freakin' phone call and I would've hopped on the first plane out and been there.
It's stupid, but I was kind of hoping that maybe once B's slayer school got set up, that Wes could be my watcher again. I'm not really in the game of needing one anymore, but it would've been cool to work that watcher/slayer thing like we were supposed to. We made one Hell of a team when it came to takin' down Angelus. Man, can you imagine the kind of team we could've made now? Prison had me wicked rusty when it came to the slaying game, but I'm feeling the power again. I've got the old fire back and I'm just itchin' to put a world of hurt all over the first big nasty that comes my way.
If anyone's up for some slaying action tonight, I'm your girl.
Still not crazy about the mindwipe thing, but I got my memory back, so I'm just gonna let that whole Connor thing slide. The guy just wanted to give his kid a better life; I can't fault him there. Man, if I had the chance to fix some of my bigger mistakes with a trip like that, I would've scooped it up in a freakin' instant. Nobody gets regret more than we do. Sometimes you just gotta take a short cut instead of stickin' it out on the long road. Problem is, it usually leads to a bad place anyway, so the way I see it? You're screwed either way. Damned if you do, damned if you don't -- that kinda thing. I'm just pissed that Soul Boy's little shortcut to better living came at the cost of two good men.
Wes and Gunn didn't deserve what they got just so the boy wonder could have a better shot at life. Don't get me wrong, I dug the kid, even if he was a raging psychopath with a big hate on for his daddy half the time, but he was a good fighter -- I'll give him that. Really got the job done when it came down to it. Kid was big on the skinny too, but then again, so is B and check her out. She's the longest living slayer on record, so I'm guessing string bean arms don't mean much when you got the power already. Thing that's got me buggin' is, when did it become Angel's call on what happened to his buddies? Screwing with Connor's life, I get that. But the others? They didn't deserve that.
I just keep thinking that I should have been there. Here I am, working that redemption thing for all it's worth, and yea, I did some good. Put the cap on Angel's naughtier half and helped B with The First. Doing that whole thing in Sunnydale, it felt the ultimate good deed. I mean, putting down the first fuckin' evil, that's some pretty major stuff right there. If there's anything out there that would earn a slayer an early retirement, it was that. Sure, we lost a lot of girls, and a few members of the gang to boot, but sometimes you just gotta count your losses and move on. So living it up in Rome? Really didn't seem like such a bad idea after all that stressing. I was totally diggin' that gig.
Then word comes out about Angel and his very own battle with the ultimate evil, and I just feel like all that time spent in Rome was a total bust. All the martinis and one night stands with hunky Italians suddenly seems like I was just wasting my time when I could've been out on LA, fighting the good fight, and doing what a slayer's supposed to do. Putting down the big bads, that's what this gig is all about. I get that it's not my fault that Wes and Gunn are gone, but I can't help the major guilt vibes I'm getting from not being there to help. I got called in once, why didn't I get that call again? All it would have taken was a phone call. One freakin' phone call and I would've hopped on the first plane out and been there.
It's stupid, but I was kind of hoping that maybe once B's slayer school got set up, that Wes could be my watcher again. I'm not really in the game of needing one anymore, but it would've been cool to work that watcher/slayer thing like we were supposed to. We made one Hell of a team when it came to takin' down Angelus. Man, can you imagine the kind of team we could've made now? Prison had me wicked rusty when it came to the slaying game, but I'm feeling the power again. I've got the old fire back and I'm just itchin' to put a world of hurt all over the first big nasty that comes my way.
If anyone's up for some slaying action tonight, I'm your girl.