Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes.
Ehhhh. Things could be worse. Not driving is really a bitch though. And although it's entirely my fault, I complain evermore evermore evermore. I cannot even keep track of the stupidity of all I witness. It's so completely ridiculous. I've stopped trying to read people and "know it all" and things have become even more boring since then. I chat about football and work and 3 duis. I occasionally think of the past, and it makes me laugh, mostly in a sad way.
I'm not saying that it rules over me and that I never think of the future. I just wonder sometimes like when I'm havin a rough day and something reminds me of somebody that I used to know. I just wonder if they have those moments as well. So many of my memories are tied with music that I love. And it's a vicious circle of hate on myself. Not hate, but you know. I'm just the type of person who is never satisfied, I could not have 3 duis and a college degree and I think that with the way I'm built I'd still just rather be alone and unhappy all the time. It's not like I'm completly apathetic all the time. I just don't deal very well with feelings or emotions. I understand that things are not black and white. But I see things that way. I don't know how not to. Maybe it just takes a bigger person to see things like that. Or maybe like my friends say, acid changes your life. Haha.
At the tale end of February I'll be convicted for my 3rd dui. I am now a felon and have no rights to bear arms or vote. I never voted, but I dislike the fact that I don't have the choice now. I never want to own a gun, ever. So that's cool. As for traveling around the world, that's become a big difficulty now. All because I wanted to drink and drive. For what, who knows and who the fuck cares. I just know that I can't deny I wasn't wrong. And it sucks. After I pay my bajillion dollar fine for the 3rd time and do how ever much jail time I have for this one for the 2nd time that I'm going to be one bitter bitch. Which is what got me into this damn situation the entire time! My stubborn bullheaded thick-ass brain doesn't get it apparently! I'm going to get a car and drive. Hopefully I possess the power to not drink and do what I say I'm going to do. But I don't trust myself as far as I could throw myself..? Mmmmyaaa? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't feel good things about any of this at all. And people who care get angry at my ideas and thoughts, but what're you gonna do? I've gotta live. 24. Gotta gooooooo. I've gotta get outta here. I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake.
I'm a realist. It's boring and specific.
I'm not saying that it rules over me and that I never think of the future. I just wonder sometimes like when I'm havin a rough day and something reminds me of somebody that I used to know. I just wonder if they have those moments as well. So many of my memories are tied with music that I love. And it's a vicious circle of hate on myself. Not hate, but you know. I'm just the type of person who is never satisfied, I could not have 3 duis and a college degree and I think that with the way I'm built I'd still just rather be alone and unhappy all the time. It's not like I'm completly apathetic all the time. I just don't deal very well with feelings or emotions. I understand that things are not black and white. But I see things that way. I don't know how not to. Maybe it just takes a bigger person to see things like that. Or maybe like my friends say, acid changes your life. Haha.
At the tale end of February I'll be convicted for my 3rd dui. I am now a felon and have no rights to bear arms or vote. I never voted, but I dislike the fact that I don't have the choice now. I never want to own a gun, ever. So that's cool. As for traveling around the world, that's become a big difficulty now. All because I wanted to drink and drive. For what, who knows and who the fuck cares. I just know that I can't deny I wasn't wrong. And it sucks. After I pay my bajillion dollar fine for the 3rd time and do how ever much jail time I have for this one for the 2nd time that I'm going to be one bitter bitch. Which is what got me into this damn situation the entire time! My stubborn bullheaded thick-ass brain doesn't get it apparently! I'm going to get a car and drive. Hopefully I possess the power to not drink and do what I say I'm going to do. But I don't trust myself as far as I could throw myself..? Mmmmyaaa? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't feel good things about any of this at all. And people who care get angry at my ideas and thoughts, but what're you gonna do? I've gotta live. 24. Gotta gooooooo. I've gotta get outta here. I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake.
I'm a realist. It's boring and specific.