y helo thar litl grl
WHO: Irma Perkins [THUMBELINA], Skip Blumstein [THE WOOD PIG]
WHEN: Backdated to the night of the Yacht Party, spread across from the hours of 11 PM to 4 AM.
WHERE: Yacht! It's around the poker table and god knows where else. Maybe a private room at the end, if everybody's lucky.
WHAT: Texting, which starts with a follow-up to crashing blind dates to some sort of half-drunken hook-up somewhere on the boat.
RATING: R for language, sex, drugs, and... Klingon. (Although, rock and roll would've been nice, no?)
SKIP - [11:13 PM]
y helo thar litl grl
IRMA - [11:18 PM]
o hai. have to change name in phone from "hawkfucker" to what again?
SKIP - [11:23 PM]
"sneaky bastard" mght be apt y/n
IRMA - [11:27 PM]
idk, there is also "the smug cunt"
SKIP - [11:34 PM]
"smug, good looking cunt" ?
IRMA - [11:39 PM]
would be tl;dr - blumstein will have to suffice, if i heard correctly
SKIP - [11:49 PM]
you wrote me a ballad & you cant remember my name ?
IRMA - [12:03 AM]
considering that until 3 days ago you were a sheet of paper?
SKIP - [12:07 AM]
miss being a sheet of paper. never had to wrry about carbs
IRMA - [12:15 AM]
didn't at aja either, but pretty sure that was their choice, not yours
SKIP - [12:21 AM]
i was fucking glad to get -anything- at ajas, thx. tiny food for tiny ppl i guess
IRMA - [12:28 AM]
wondered whether it was a dinner for ants. should've been at least 3x bigger than that.
SKIP - [12:35 AM]
nice panties.
IRMA - [12:39 AM]
wish i could say they were nice enough to stay on, but not looking good
SKIP - [12:41 AM]
i'll play you for them. play for keeps
IRMA - [12:46 AM]
fuck, this pair isn't that nice - you can have them
SKIP - [12:48 AM]
you fold too easily.
IRMA - [12:53 AM]
as, i hear, sluts are wont to do
SKIP - [12:55 AM]
lies. a slut would have kissed me at aja's
IRMA - [01:03 AM]
tiny spring rolls do not an aphrodisiac make, sry2say
SKIP - [1:06 AM]
i said kiss, not fuck. wishful thinking?
IRMA - [01:11 AM]
idk. regardless, didn't know you wanted one. or panties, for that matter, but w/e
SKIP - [1:14 AM]
wanted a souvenir.
IRMA - [01:21 AM]
"went to find crazy cunt in manhattan & all i got was this stupid pair of panties"
SKIP - [1:23 AM]
a t-shirt would just hang in my closet.
IRMA - [01:29 AM]
might as well get something fucking useful
SKIP - [1:31 AM]
nothing useful ever comes out of a date, crazy cunt or not
IRMA - [01:34 AM]
a truth. printing that off & showing to crazyfck roommate
SKIP - [1:37 AM]
needlepoint it onto a pillow. makes a nice gift
IRMA - [01:43 AM]
i was thinking of painting it and putting it in a nice frame, tbh
SKIP - [1:45 AM]
thought the needlepoint was more your thing. clearly my stalker skills are slipping
IRMA - [01:49 AM]
needlepnt, no. knitting, although high on the list of hag arts, is nothing compared to THAT
SKIP - [1:53 AM]
i hope you have 40 cats. if your rhetoric skills include speaking in russian, you will officially trump all other crazy hags i know.
IRMA - [01:56 AM]
you forgot french, german, & afrikaans
IRMA - [01:57 AM]
wait, almost forgot esperanto and klingon
SKIP - [1:58 AM]
first bitch that tries to argue with me in klingon gets her brains fucked out. you fluent?
IRMA - [02:03 AM]
Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam?
SKIP - [2:08 AM]
good answer. busy with your bitches now, i see - i'll fuck your brains out when you're a little less busy playing mommy.
IRMA - [04:17 AM]
depends on whether you found another klingon-spouting bitch to fuck by now
SKIP - [4:24 AM]
fucking kidding? this place is a regular gay orgy now.
SKIP - [4:27 AM]
by the way - your ass is glorious.
IRMA - [04:28 AM]
i do so try.