the d is for drunk
title: the d is for drunk
fandom: harry potter
characters/pairings: pre-remus/sirius
rating: G
summary: the first and only time remus john lupin gets drunk.
the d is for drunk.
‘Is it true that werewolves can’t get drunk?’ Sirius asked as he took a bottle of Firewhisky out of his rucksack, with a smile that Remus knew all too well. Nothing good could come of this.
‘I wouldn’t know, Padfoot,’ he answered quietly. ‘I’ve never drunk enough to find out.’
‘Well, then,’ James said, grinning, and slapped Remus on the shoulder, ‘tonight’s the night we do.’
Peter giggled and eyed him expectantly.
‘Beg your pardon?’ Remus said, rather scared.
‘What do you say, shots or just plain drinking from the bottle?’ Sirius asked James and Peter and seemed to be looking for something in his sack.
‘Both?’ James suggested as he messed up his hair.
Sirius finally looked up at James and shrugged, the other three boys were steadily ignoring Remus. ‘I forgot the glasses.’
Suddenly, three pairs of eyes were staring at him. ‘Could you transfigure something or accio them, Moony?’ James murmured.
‘Why don’t you do it?’ he asked warily.
‘Padfoot and I already had a few Butterbeers,’ he said shiftily. ‘Last time we tried to transfigure something on alcohol, I woke up with a toothbrush glued to the back of my head.’
‘Oh,’ Remus said, frowning. ‘I thought you were trying to start a trend.’
‘Is that what they’re saying, then?’ James asked, looking kind of pleased. ‘What about those glasses, mate?’
Remus sighed and transfigured three pencil cases into glasses.’
‘You’re one short,’ Sirius said, knowing full well Remus didn’t want to drink. ‘Come on, then.’
‘But I’m a prefect,’ Remus said. ‘I can’t get drunk.’
‘Moony.’ James sighed. ‘It’s Saturday night, half of the professors is off somewhere, getting pissed.’
‘Who’s going to mind the three of you, then?’
‘We don’t need minding,’ Sirius said. ‘We’re in the Shrieking Shack.’
‘I really don’t like alcohol,’ Remus tried one last time. ‘It’s no use, even if I could, I’ll never drink enough to actually get drunk.’
That night, James, Sirius and Peter decided that Remus, indeed, can’t get drunk. Not because he’s a werewolf, not even because he’s a prefect, but simply because he’s Remus and Remus doesn’t drink.
*
When Sirius got home from his first year of Auror training, rather knackered, he saw something he’d never seen before: Remus, asleep on top of one of their photo albums.
It’s not that he’d never seen Remus sleep before, because Merlin knows he had. He’d often stayed up entire nights just to watch him.
It’s not that he’d never seen Remus look at photo albums before, because Merlin knows he had. Remus was a photo-whore. He took pictures of everything (Sirius’s unmade bed, Sirius eating a kiwi, the bird fountain, Sirius making coffee, an abandoned milk carton on the counter, Sirius getting dressed, their bookcase - several times) and put them in alphabetically organised albums, because he couldn’t remember the date.
Sirius looked at their bookcase, at the shelf with their photo albums (because, yes, these albums took up one entire shelf) and saw the H of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade was missing (which was right in between the G of Graduation and the H of Hurriedly taken) and noticed that there was one new album. In between the V of Violent (and thus Sirius’s) Parties and the W of Wrestling Marauders, there was another W, for Wedding (Lily and James).
They’d only told them two days ago that they were getting married in March. When did Remus get that new album? Sirius rolled his eyes and smiled. When he looked back at Remus, he realised what was so strange about that whole image. Remus’s left hand was clutching a bottle of Firewhisky and his right an empty and (as Sirius noticed when he tried to take it out of Remus’s hand) sticky glass.
‘Mmmph,’ Remus muttered to a picture of James catching a Snitch.
‘Hi there.’ Sirius smiled.
Remus sat up, after pulling a picture from his cheek. His eyes were glazed and his face was red.
Sirius suddenly worried if werewolves were allergic to alcohol, because Remus did not look well. Instead he said,
‘Discovered Ogden?’
Remus snorted, loudly and it sounded very painful to Sirius. ‘He’s my best friend. Both of them.’
Sirius frowned and followed Remus’s gaze. He saw another empty bottle of Firewhisky standing on the kitchen counter.
‘You drank two bottles?’ Sirius asked, shocked. ‘Are you all right? You haven’t got alcohol poisoning or something have you?’
Remus got up, wobbling slightly, and looked at Sirius with a look that was supposed to say ‘How dare you, Sirius Black?’
‘’mfine,’ he muttered. ‘I haven’t drank that much.’
Remus frowned and looked at his shirt, while pointing at his chest. Suddenly, he clapped a hand in front of his mouth and giggled loudly. ‘I said “drank”.’
‘Yes, you did,’ Sirius said slowly.
‘But it’s “drunk”.’ Remus giggled again. ‘And so am I.’
Sirius couldn’t help but smile. Good old Moony. He even minds his grammar when he’s pissed.
‘I think I’ve got to use the bathroom,’ Remus said, still laughing, but he didn’t move at all. He just kept standing by the table, looking around with his mouth wide open.
Sirius waited for a few minutes and then said, ‘Why don’t you go, then?’
Remus giggled again. ‘Yes!’ he yelled and ran off.
Sirius heard a loud clang and then Remus, ‘It’s nothing! Cabinet!’
He laughed and sat down on the couch, wondering what the hell had happened here.
*
Sirius woke with a start. Apparently, he’d fallen asleep on the couch about half an hour ago.
‘Remus?’ he said. ‘Remus, are you still in the bathroom?’
No answer. He got up with a yawn and walked over to the corridor, in which Remus was standing. He was eyeing the bathroom door impatiently.
‘Remus, what are you doing?’ Sirius asked. ‘Have you been to the loo yet?’
‘No,’ Remus said sadly.
‘Why not?’
‘Because James won’t come out,’ Remus said, honestly. ‘He’s in there.’
Sirius stared at Remus. Had the alcohol driven him mad?
‘He’s not,’ he said, carefully. ‘There’s no one in there. James is at his place, with Lily.’
‘No, really,’ Remus said, looking like a five-year-old. ‘I’ve been telling him to come out for ages, but he says he wants to shower, didn’t you, James?’
The bathroom didn’t answer.
Sirius walked over and opened the door. The room was completely empty.
‘See,’ he said. ‘No one in there.’
‘He must’ve finished,’ Remus said, puzzled. ‘He was in there a moment ago.’ He looked around wildly, as if looking for James, then smiled broadly again and walked into the bathroom.
Sirius waited for a few moments before he decided to yell, ‘Don’t forget to pull your trousers down.’
‘Oh,’ Remus said, laughter in his voice. ‘Okay.’
*
Another fifteen minutes later, Remus still hadn’t emerged from the bathroom. Sirius had got rather nervous. He didn’t know what to do with drunk people, and certainly not a drunk Remus. Normally, he was the one taken care of by Remus, not the other way around.
‘Remus?’ he asked. ‘Remus, aren’t you done yet?’
There was no answer.
‘Remus, you haven’t passed out or anything, right?’ Sirius said, feeling rather scared. ‘I don’t know what to do with people who’ve passed out.’
He ran down the corridor and opened the bathroom door, which revealed - again - an empty room.
‘Holy fucking Merlin!’ he said, startled. ‘Remus? Where the fuck are you?’
He searched the entire flat: the bedrooms, the kitchen, the bathroom (twice, just to see if he really wasn’t hiding in the shower), the balcony, the living room, the cupboard under the sink and the storage room. Nothing.
He was just about to Floo to James to ask if he’d seen him, when he heard a loud thunk and an ‘ow’ coming from the front door. He ran over, opened it and burst into laughter.
A very dishevelled looking Remus was leaning against the door post, smiling goofily.
‘What are you doing out here?’ Sirius asked, still laughing.
‘James dropped me off,’ Remus said and walked into their apartment.
‘He did?’ Sirius asked. ‘Are you sure it’s alcohol you drank and not something else?’
The smile faded from Remus’s face. ‘I think so.’
‘I think we ought to get you to bed, Mr Lupin.’ Sirius smiled.
‘Bed?’ Remus asked, perplexed. ‘Us?’
‘No, you.’ Sirius laughed. ‘Come on, I’ll help you undress.’
To his surprise, Remus actually listened. He got up quietly and went to his bedroom, Sirius followed him.
‘You know,’ he said. ‘You’re a funny drunk. You should drink more often. I think we’d make the best couple.’
‘I think so too,’ Remus said and blushed furiously.
‘Come on, get your shirt off,’ Sirius said, after he’d unbuttoned it. ‘No, no, I’ll do your belt. You’d break your fingers.’ Remus stood very still, watching Sirius intently until he was naked except for his boxers.
‘Now, let’s get your pyjama’s on,’ Sirius said, pushing Remus gently onto the bed. ‘One leg at a time, Moony.’
Remus giggled again. ‘I like that.’
‘Like what?’
‘You calling me Moony,’ Remus said, carefully avoiding Sirius’s eyes.
‘I’ve been doing that for years,’ he answered.
‘I know.’ Remus sighed. ‘You made my day a bit better.’
‘I think you’re mostly responsible for that, you and Ogden.’ Sirius laughed. ‘Why did you drink that much?’
‘I was sad,’ Remus said, there was something in his voice that Sirius had never heard. ‘James and Lily are getting married you know.’
There was something very endearing about this Remus, something about him was so very innocent and childlike. Even though he wasn’t very different when sober, he was just… honest maybe and free of whatever haunted him.
‘I know.’ Sirius smiled and ran a hand through Remus’s hair.
‘I can’t, you know,’ Remus went on. ‘I can’t marry, even if I wasn’t a, you know -’
A werewolf, Sirius finished mentally.
‘- because I’m a werewolf.’ Remus yawned. ‘And you’ll all go on and marry and have children and I’ll be poor uncle Remus. The only Marauder left.’
Sirius snorted.
‘And I don’t even maraud. I’m the good one.’ He crept under the covers and sighed. ‘I don’t want to be alone, Padfoot.’
That’s so very like Remus, Sirius thought. He’s so scared of being alone.
‘Wait a minute,’ Sirius suddenly said. ‘Even if you weren’t what?’
Remus looked at him, utterly puzzled.
‘You said that you couldn’t marry, even if you weren’t a you know, because you’re a werewolf.’ Remus nodded. ‘What do I know? What are you?’
‘Gay,’ Remus said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
‘You’re gay?’ Sirius was baffled. ‘Are you serious?’
‘No, you are,’ Remus giggled drowsily. ‘’m tired.’
‘Go to sleep then,’ Sirius said, smiling. ‘Whisky can do weird things to you, can’t it?’
‘Mmm,’ Remus murmured.
‘G’night, Moony,’ he said, turning of the light.
‘Love you, Padfoot,’ Remus said and turned away from him.
‘Sure you do.’
*
‘Morning, Moony!’
‘Don’t!’ A hump said from under the covers. ‘Don’t even try! And close those curtains again before I hex you.’
‘You can see that through the covers?’
‘I think that if someone turned on the light next door I’d still see it,’ Remus said. ‘My head.’
‘That, my dear Moony, is what they call a hangover.’
‘You think you’re so funny, don’t you?’
‘I’m pretty sure I am, really.’ Sirius laughed.
‘You are so very wrong.’
‘You’re such a girl when you’re hung over.’
The Hump moved a bit and made a very nauseating sound. ‘You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?’
‘That’ll make you think before you get drunk next time,’ Sirius cackled. ‘Want breakfast?’
‘If you mention any kind of food again, I swear I'll give you tentacles.’ The Hump swayed a little. 'All over.'
‘That’s a no then?’ Sirius said, enjoying himself greatly. ‘That’s sad, I’d only just bought eggs and bread and cheese and-’
The Hump jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom. As Sirius walked past on his way to the kitchen, he heard - in between breaths and noises he’d rather not contemplate - ‘I’m going to kill you.’
Sirius laughed again. This day was off to a very good start.
When Remus finally got out of the bathroom, he looked as if a horde of Hippogriffs had walked over him.
‘Feeling better?’ Sirius asked, trying not to make any horrible jokes.
‘I think I vomited out my brain,’ Remus said miserably. ‘Or it is brains?’
Sirius looked at him worriedly. He didn’t really know himself.
‘I’ve lost my grammar,’ Remus said. ‘Kill me.’
‘You’ll survive, Moony.’ He smiled.
‘What happened, really?’ Remus asked. ‘I think I fell asleep at some point.’
‘Yes,’ Sirius said. ‘And when you woke up you were very energetic.’
‘Didn’t give you any trouble, did I?’
‘You were confusing, mostly,’ Sirius said.
Remus winced. ‘Did I say anything stupid?’
‘Lots of things.’
‘Such as?’
‘Mostly grammatical stuff,’ Sirius answered.
‘But nothing personal or anything, right?’
Sirius thought about what Remus had said the night before, about being alone and… gay.
Love you, Padfoot.
‘No.’ Sirius smiled as he got up. ‘Nothing I didn’t already know. Beans?’
‘’scuse me,’ Remus choked as he ran off for the bathroom again.
fandom: harry potter
characters/pairings: pre-remus/sirius
rating: G
summary: the first and only time remus john lupin gets drunk.
the d is for drunk.
‘Is it true that werewolves can’t get drunk?’ Sirius asked as he took a bottle of Firewhisky out of his rucksack, with a smile that Remus knew all too well. Nothing good could come of this.
‘I wouldn’t know, Padfoot,’ he answered quietly. ‘I’ve never drunk enough to find out.’
‘Well, then,’ James said, grinning, and slapped Remus on the shoulder, ‘tonight’s the night we do.’
Peter giggled and eyed him expectantly.
‘Beg your pardon?’ Remus said, rather scared.
‘What do you say, shots or just plain drinking from the bottle?’ Sirius asked James and Peter and seemed to be looking for something in his sack.
‘Both?’ James suggested as he messed up his hair.
Sirius finally looked up at James and shrugged, the other three boys were steadily ignoring Remus. ‘I forgot the glasses.’
Suddenly, three pairs of eyes were staring at him. ‘Could you transfigure something or accio them, Moony?’ James murmured.
‘Why don’t you do it?’ he asked warily.
‘Padfoot and I already had a few Butterbeers,’ he said shiftily. ‘Last time we tried to transfigure something on alcohol, I woke up with a toothbrush glued to the back of my head.’
‘Oh,’ Remus said, frowning. ‘I thought you were trying to start a trend.’
‘Is that what they’re saying, then?’ James asked, looking kind of pleased. ‘What about those glasses, mate?’
Remus sighed and transfigured three pencil cases into glasses.’
‘You’re one short,’ Sirius said, knowing full well Remus didn’t want to drink. ‘Come on, then.’
‘But I’m a prefect,’ Remus said. ‘I can’t get drunk.’
‘Moony.’ James sighed. ‘It’s Saturday night, half of the professors is off somewhere, getting pissed.’
‘Who’s going to mind the three of you, then?’
‘We don’t need minding,’ Sirius said. ‘We’re in the Shrieking Shack.’
‘I really don’t like alcohol,’ Remus tried one last time. ‘It’s no use, even if I could, I’ll never drink enough to actually get drunk.’
That night, James, Sirius and Peter decided that Remus, indeed, can’t get drunk. Not because he’s a werewolf, not even because he’s a prefect, but simply because he’s Remus and Remus doesn’t drink.
*
When Sirius got home from his first year of Auror training, rather knackered, he saw something he’d never seen before: Remus, asleep on top of one of their photo albums.
It’s not that he’d never seen Remus sleep before, because Merlin knows he had. He’d often stayed up entire nights just to watch him.
It’s not that he’d never seen Remus look at photo albums before, because Merlin knows he had. Remus was a photo-whore. He took pictures of everything (Sirius’s unmade bed, Sirius eating a kiwi, the bird fountain, Sirius making coffee, an abandoned milk carton on the counter, Sirius getting dressed, their bookcase - several times) and put them in alphabetically organised albums, because he couldn’t remember the date.
Sirius looked at their bookcase, at the shelf with their photo albums (because, yes, these albums took up one entire shelf) and saw the H of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade was missing (which was right in between the G of Graduation and the H of Hurriedly taken) and noticed that there was one new album. In between the V of Violent (and thus Sirius’s) Parties and the W of Wrestling Marauders, there was another W, for Wedding (Lily and James).
They’d only told them two days ago that they were getting married in March. When did Remus get that new album? Sirius rolled his eyes and smiled. When he looked back at Remus, he realised what was so strange about that whole image. Remus’s left hand was clutching a bottle of Firewhisky and his right an empty and (as Sirius noticed when he tried to take it out of Remus’s hand) sticky glass.
‘Mmmph,’ Remus muttered to a picture of James catching a Snitch.
‘Hi there.’ Sirius smiled.
Remus sat up, after pulling a picture from his cheek. His eyes were glazed and his face was red.
Sirius suddenly worried if werewolves were allergic to alcohol, because Remus did not look well. Instead he said,
‘Discovered Ogden?’
Remus snorted, loudly and it sounded very painful to Sirius. ‘He’s my best friend. Both of them.’
Sirius frowned and followed Remus’s gaze. He saw another empty bottle of Firewhisky standing on the kitchen counter.
‘You drank two bottles?’ Sirius asked, shocked. ‘Are you all right? You haven’t got alcohol poisoning or something have you?’
Remus got up, wobbling slightly, and looked at Sirius with a look that was supposed to say ‘How dare you, Sirius Black?’
‘’mfine,’ he muttered. ‘I haven’t drank that much.’
Remus frowned and looked at his shirt, while pointing at his chest. Suddenly, he clapped a hand in front of his mouth and giggled loudly. ‘I said “drank”.’
‘Yes, you did,’ Sirius said slowly.
‘But it’s “drunk”.’ Remus giggled again. ‘And so am I.’
Sirius couldn’t help but smile. Good old Moony. He even minds his grammar when he’s pissed.
‘I think I’ve got to use the bathroom,’ Remus said, still laughing, but he didn’t move at all. He just kept standing by the table, looking around with his mouth wide open.
Sirius waited for a few minutes and then said, ‘Why don’t you go, then?’
Remus giggled again. ‘Yes!’ he yelled and ran off.
Sirius heard a loud clang and then Remus, ‘It’s nothing! Cabinet!’
He laughed and sat down on the couch, wondering what the hell had happened here.
*
Sirius woke with a start. Apparently, he’d fallen asleep on the couch about half an hour ago.
‘Remus?’ he said. ‘Remus, are you still in the bathroom?’
No answer. He got up with a yawn and walked over to the corridor, in which Remus was standing. He was eyeing the bathroom door impatiently.
‘Remus, what are you doing?’ Sirius asked. ‘Have you been to the loo yet?’
‘No,’ Remus said sadly.
‘Why not?’
‘Because James won’t come out,’ Remus said, honestly. ‘He’s in there.’
Sirius stared at Remus. Had the alcohol driven him mad?
‘He’s not,’ he said, carefully. ‘There’s no one in there. James is at his place, with Lily.’
‘No, really,’ Remus said, looking like a five-year-old. ‘I’ve been telling him to come out for ages, but he says he wants to shower, didn’t you, James?’
The bathroom didn’t answer.
Sirius walked over and opened the door. The room was completely empty.
‘See,’ he said. ‘No one in there.’
‘He must’ve finished,’ Remus said, puzzled. ‘He was in there a moment ago.’ He looked around wildly, as if looking for James, then smiled broadly again and walked into the bathroom.
Sirius waited for a few moments before he decided to yell, ‘Don’t forget to pull your trousers down.’
‘Oh,’ Remus said, laughter in his voice. ‘Okay.’
*
Another fifteen minutes later, Remus still hadn’t emerged from the bathroom. Sirius had got rather nervous. He didn’t know what to do with drunk people, and certainly not a drunk Remus. Normally, he was the one taken care of by Remus, not the other way around.
‘Remus?’ he asked. ‘Remus, aren’t you done yet?’
There was no answer.
‘Remus, you haven’t passed out or anything, right?’ Sirius said, feeling rather scared. ‘I don’t know what to do with people who’ve passed out.’
He ran down the corridor and opened the bathroom door, which revealed - again - an empty room.
‘Holy fucking Merlin!’ he said, startled. ‘Remus? Where the fuck are you?’
He searched the entire flat: the bedrooms, the kitchen, the bathroom (twice, just to see if he really wasn’t hiding in the shower), the balcony, the living room, the cupboard under the sink and the storage room. Nothing.
He was just about to Floo to James to ask if he’d seen him, when he heard a loud thunk and an ‘ow’ coming from the front door. He ran over, opened it and burst into laughter.
A very dishevelled looking Remus was leaning against the door post, smiling goofily.
‘What are you doing out here?’ Sirius asked, still laughing.
‘James dropped me off,’ Remus said and walked into their apartment.
‘He did?’ Sirius asked. ‘Are you sure it’s alcohol you drank and not something else?’
The smile faded from Remus’s face. ‘I think so.’
‘I think we ought to get you to bed, Mr Lupin.’ Sirius smiled.
‘Bed?’ Remus asked, perplexed. ‘Us?’
‘No, you.’ Sirius laughed. ‘Come on, I’ll help you undress.’
To his surprise, Remus actually listened. He got up quietly and went to his bedroom, Sirius followed him.
‘You know,’ he said. ‘You’re a funny drunk. You should drink more often. I think we’d make the best couple.’
‘I think so too,’ Remus said and blushed furiously.
‘Come on, get your shirt off,’ Sirius said, after he’d unbuttoned it. ‘No, no, I’ll do your belt. You’d break your fingers.’ Remus stood very still, watching Sirius intently until he was naked except for his boxers.
‘Now, let’s get your pyjama’s on,’ Sirius said, pushing Remus gently onto the bed. ‘One leg at a time, Moony.’
Remus giggled again. ‘I like that.’
‘Like what?’
‘You calling me Moony,’ Remus said, carefully avoiding Sirius’s eyes.
‘I’ve been doing that for years,’ he answered.
‘I know.’ Remus sighed. ‘You made my day a bit better.’
‘I think you’re mostly responsible for that, you and Ogden.’ Sirius laughed. ‘Why did you drink that much?’
‘I was sad,’ Remus said, there was something in his voice that Sirius had never heard. ‘James and Lily are getting married you know.’
There was something very endearing about this Remus, something about him was so very innocent and childlike. Even though he wasn’t very different when sober, he was just… honest maybe and free of whatever haunted him.
‘I know.’ Sirius smiled and ran a hand through Remus’s hair.
‘I can’t, you know,’ Remus went on. ‘I can’t marry, even if I wasn’t a, you know -’
A werewolf, Sirius finished mentally.
‘- because I’m a werewolf.’ Remus yawned. ‘And you’ll all go on and marry and have children and I’ll be poor uncle Remus. The only Marauder left.’
Sirius snorted.
‘And I don’t even maraud. I’m the good one.’ He crept under the covers and sighed. ‘I don’t want to be alone, Padfoot.’
That’s so very like Remus, Sirius thought. He’s so scared of being alone.
‘Wait a minute,’ Sirius suddenly said. ‘Even if you weren’t what?’
Remus looked at him, utterly puzzled.
‘You said that you couldn’t marry, even if you weren’t a you know, because you’re a werewolf.’ Remus nodded. ‘What do I know? What are you?’
‘Gay,’ Remus said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
‘You’re gay?’ Sirius was baffled. ‘Are you serious?’
‘No, you are,’ Remus giggled drowsily. ‘’m tired.’
‘Go to sleep then,’ Sirius said, smiling. ‘Whisky can do weird things to you, can’t it?’
‘Mmm,’ Remus murmured.
‘G’night, Moony,’ he said, turning of the light.
‘Love you, Padfoot,’ Remus said and turned away from him.
‘Sure you do.’
*
‘Morning, Moony!’
‘Don’t!’ A hump said from under the covers. ‘Don’t even try! And close those curtains again before I hex you.’
‘You can see that through the covers?’
‘I think that if someone turned on the light next door I’d still see it,’ Remus said. ‘My head.’
‘That, my dear Moony, is what they call a hangover.’
‘You think you’re so funny, don’t you?’
‘I’m pretty sure I am, really.’ Sirius laughed.
‘You are so very wrong.’
‘You’re such a girl when you’re hung over.’
The Hump moved a bit and made a very nauseating sound. ‘You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?’
‘That’ll make you think before you get drunk next time,’ Sirius cackled. ‘Want breakfast?’
‘If you mention any kind of food again, I swear I'll give you tentacles.’ The Hump swayed a little. 'All over.'
‘That’s a no then?’ Sirius said, enjoying himself greatly. ‘That’s sad, I’d only just bought eggs and bread and cheese and-’
The Hump jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom. As Sirius walked past on his way to the kitchen, he heard - in between breaths and noises he’d rather not contemplate - ‘I’m going to kill you.’
Sirius laughed again. This day was off to a very good start.
When Remus finally got out of the bathroom, he looked as if a horde of Hippogriffs had walked over him.
‘Feeling better?’ Sirius asked, trying not to make any horrible jokes.
‘I think I vomited out my brain,’ Remus said miserably. ‘Or it is brains?’
Sirius looked at him worriedly. He didn’t really know himself.
‘I’ve lost my grammar,’ Remus said. ‘Kill me.’
‘You’ll survive, Moony.’ He smiled.
‘What happened, really?’ Remus asked. ‘I think I fell asleep at some point.’
‘Yes,’ Sirius said. ‘And when you woke up you were very energetic.’
‘Didn’t give you any trouble, did I?’
‘You were confusing, mostly,’ Sirius said.
Remus winced. ‘Did I say anything stupid?’
‘Lots of things.’
‘Such as?’
‘Mostly grammatical stuff,’ Sirius answered.
‘But nothing personal or anything, right?’
Sirius thought about what Remus had said the night before, about being alone and… gay.
Love you, Padfoot.
‘No.’ Sirius smiled as he got up. ‘Nothing I didn’t already know. Beans?’
‘’scuse me,’ Remus choked as he ran off for the bathroom again.