balance
title: balance
fandom: harry potter
characters/pairings: remus/sirius
rating: G
summary: sirius starts avoiding remus. remus would like to know why.
balance.
Remus sighed when he got back from the baker’s and noticed that Sirius still hadn’t got up yet. He dropped his keys in a bowl - which propelled into a list of insults when empty - that Lily had given him last Christmas, because he always seemed to forget just where he’d put them. It had taken Remus weeks to remember he had to put his keys in it and it had taken very much restraint not to yell back in the end. Now, however, Remus hardly had to think about it anymore, it had become automatic.
Which meant that, lately, Remus could just walk in the front door and start worrying about Sirius immediately. Either he wasn’t home - yet or anymore, it didn’t matter. Either he hadn’t got up when Remus was preparing dinner or he hadn’t made it to bed yet when Remus got up. Either he wasn’t hungry - which really meant something when it came to Sirius - or he’d already eaten.
Remus assumed that Aurortraining was difficult and exhausting, but this was taking it too far. And Remus was about to tell him that, too. He was going to say that when Sirius had suggested moving in together three months ago, he’d expected that it would involve seeing him more often, as opposed to much, much less. He was going to say that, in order to have a relationship with someone, one ought to be around that someone at least twice a week. And much, much more if one was hoping for certain desirable events mainly happening at night and in the bedroom to take place. Or the bathroom. Or the living room. Or anywhere Sirius wanted if he could manage being in the same place as him for longer than three minutes.
But in the end, Remus said to himself that, in order to have this conversation, Sirius needed to be at home, preferably sleepy and well fed so he wouldn’t bother to argue. But “at home” seemed rather necessary in cases such as this. So Remus wound up saying nothing, making the bed and eating two slices of bread with strawberry jam on it.
When Sirius hadn’t shown himself two days later, Remus really started to get worried. He had been home at least, or rather, Remus assumed he’d been home. If not, he really didn’t want to know who had taken a shower or why that person had chosen his particular, beloved shower to shower in.
Three days and a lot of inexplicable clutter - such as Sirius’s clothes and candy-wrappers- later, Remus had trouble falling asleep.
And another two days after that, Remus gave up sleeping entirely. He wasn’t worried about Sirius being injured or sick. Or about him being hungry or tired. He wasn’t worried about his hygiene, either (which, seeing as Sirius last showered six days ago to his knowledge, did make Remus slightly frantic and itchy). What did worry him, to no extent, was the state that Sirius could put him in. The fact that Remus couldn’t get to sleep a week before the full moon because he hadn’t had a kiss from Sirius in seven days made him very nearly hysterical. All of this in spite of the fact that Remus simply didn’t get hysterical. Sure, he could be a cocktail of panic, hysteria and worries on the inside, but he always managed to look calm and calculated. It was the only constant he had, one of the only things he truly was good at and Sirius had taken that away. He could not pretend anymore.
He loved Sirius, he needed him around. It had been like that for almost five years and he’d told Sirius numerous times that he loved having him around or needed him for laughs - all of which are examples of Intricate (and thus) Remus Lupin Ways To Tell Sirius Black I Love Him Without Making Him Squirm. He’d tried saying it flat-out once, and Sirius had ended up choking on his pecan-chocolate pie. Sirius had said it himself, also once, and that was to convince Remus he was in love with him. So Remus guessed it was just something that was not done when you were with Sirius and he’d accepted it.
Worrying about Sirius was probably something that was not done either, but Remus hardly cared. And technically, he wasn’t worried about Sirius. He was worried about what would happen to him - Remus Lupin - should Sirius one day decide that he wouldn’t want him by his side anymore. And he worried that that day might’ve come now.
Remus had finally managed to fall asleep while reading Agatha Christie (one of the few flaws Remus Lupin would never admit he had), when he woke just in time to hear the bathroom door slam.
‘Sirius?’ he called into the corridor. ‘Sirius, is that you?’
‘Did you expect someone else?’
Remus sighed happily.
‘Did you want something to eat?’ he asked as he got up. ‘I’m sure I could fix you -’
‘Don’t bother,’ Sirius said. Remus could hear the taps being turned on in the bathroom. ‘I already ate.’
‘Candy does not count as dinner, Sirius,’ he said. ‘And certainly not those Fizzing Whizzbeez you seem to have a craving for lately.’
Sirius made no answer, so Remus sighed and got to coffee making. If he couldn’t get Sirius to eat, then he’d at least have a decent cup of coffee.
It was only just done when Sirius came out of the shower (because Remus had an odd preference for making coffee the Muggle way). He walked into the kitchen, clad in only a towel which almost made Remus blush if he hadn’t remembered just in time that he’d already been in bed with this man, that he’d kissed him and had done much more than only kiss.
‘Ah, coffee,’ Sirius smiled. ‘Thanks, Remus.’
‘You’re welcome,’ Remus said as he took a seat at the kitchen table. ‘Had a hard day? Or week?’
‘Both,’ Sirius said in between gulps of coffee. ‘I’m off to bed in a few minutes. I’m very tired. Got to get up early as well.’
‘Are you avoiding me?’ Remus asked, finally.
‘Avoiding you?’ Sirius said, while carefully looking at everything but Remus. ‘Why should I?’
‘That was what I was trying to find out.’
‘I’m not,’ Sirius said again. ‘I mean it.’
‘Very well then.’ Remus sighed, knowing full well that a tired Sirius is a grumpy Sirius. ‘I’ll just clean this up and I’ll come to bed too. Merlin knows I could use the -’
‘Would you mind - not doing it?’ Sirius said. ‘I mean, I’m really tired and you’d only distract me.’
‘Oh,’ Remus said. ‘Oh. You are avoiding me.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Yes, you are.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘Yes, you - Sirius, I’m not going to act like a seven-year-old,’ Remus sighed. ‘I’m tired as well. I haven’t slept in three days and all I want is to go to bed. Preferably with you next to me. So why are you avoiding me?’
‘I’m not going to tell you,’ Sirius said petulantly.
‘Sometimes I wonder why I put up with this.’ Remus rubbed his eyes. ‘You’re still a child, mentally.’
Sirius stared at the window in the kitchen until Remus started to get up. Then he said, ‘The guys at work think I’m a poofter.’
Of all the things Sirius might’ve said, this undoubtedly had to be the most prone to make Remus laugh out loud. Which he did.
‘It’s not funny,’ Sirius huffed.
‘Yes, it is, Sirius.’ Remus smiled. ‘I thought you’d got sick of me.’
‘Keep it up and I might.’
‘Honestly,’ Remus said. ‘It might be hard to face, but you are a poofter.’
‘No, I’m not!’ Sirius said.
‘Last time I checked I was still very much male.’
‘I thought you of all people would understand,’ Sirius said, angrily. ‘I didn’t fall in love with you because you were “very much male”. I fell in love with you because you’re Remus. If you were a girl, I would’ve loved you anyway.’
A silence fell for a few minutes, or for as long as it took Remus to realise what Sirius had just said.
‘D’you mean that?’ Remus asked.
‘Of course I do.’
Remus suddenly felt a lot more childish too. He walked up to Sirius, kissed him on the mouth and said, ‘Well, in that case, I love you too, you poofter.’
And he stole Sirius’s towel and ran into the bedroom.
fandom: harry potter
characters/pairings: remus/sirius
rating: G
summary: sirius starts avoiding remus. remus would like to know why.
balance.
Remus sighed when he got back from the baker’s and noticed that Sirius still hadn’t got up yet. He dropped his keys in a bowl - which propelled into a list of insults when empty - that Lily had given him last Christmas, because he always seemed to forget just where he’d put them. It had taken Remus weeks to remember he had to put his keys in it and it had taken very much restraint not to yell back in the end. Now, however, Remus hardly had to think about it anymore, it had become automatic.
Which meant that, lately, Remus could just walk in the front door and start worrying about Sirius immediately. Either he wasn’t home - yet or anymore, it didn’t matter. Either he hadn’t got up when Remus was preparing dinner or he hadn’t made it to bed yet when Remus got up. Either he wasn’t hungry - which really meant something when it came to Sirius - or he’d already eaten.
Remus assumed that Aurortraining was difficult and exhausting, but this was taking it too far. And Remus was about to tell him that, too. He was going to say that when Sirius had suggested moving in together three months ago, he’d expected that it would involve seeing him more often, as opposed to much, much less. He was going to say that, in order to have a relationship with someone, one ought to be around that someone at least twice a week. And much, much more if one was hoping for certain desirable events mainly happening at night and in the bedroom to take place. Or the bathroom. Or the living room. Or anywhere Sirius wanted if he could manage being in the same place as him for longer than three minutes.
But in the end, Remus said to himself that, in order to have this conversation, Sirius needed to be at home, preferably sleepy and well fed so he wouldn’t bother to argue. But “at home” seemed rather necessary in cases such as this. So Remus wound up saying nothing, making the bed and eating two slices of bread with strawberry jam on it.
When Sirius hadn’t shown himself two days later, Remus really started to get worried. He had been home at least, or rather, Remus assumed he’d been home. If not, he really didn’t want to know who had taken a shower or why that person had chosen his particular, beloved shower to shower in.
Three days and a lot of inexplicable clutter - such as Sirius’s clothes and candy-wrappers- later, Remus had trouble falling asleep.
And another two days after that, Remus gave up sleeping entirely. He wasn’t worried about Sirius being injured or sick. Or about him being hungry or tired. He wasn’t worried about his hygiene, either (which, seeing as Sirius last showered six days ago to his knowledge, did make Remus slightly frantic and itchy). What did worry him, to no extent, was the state that Sirius could put him in. The fact that Remus couldn’t get to sleep a week before the full moon because he hadn’t had a kiss from Sirius in seven days made him very nearly hysterical. All of this in spite of the fact that Remus simply didn’t get hysterical. Sure, he could be a cocktail of panic, hysteria and worries on the inside, but he always managed to look calm and calculated. It was the only constant he had, one of the only things he truly was good at and Sirius had taken that away. He could not pretend anymore.
He loved Sirius, he needed him around. It had been like that for almost five years and he’d told Sirius numerous times that he loved having him around or needed him for laughs - all of which are examples of Intricate (and thus) Remus Lupin Ways To Tell Sirius Black I Love Him Without Making Him Squirm. He’d tried saying it flat-out once, and Sirius had ended up choking on his pecan-chocolate pie. Sirius had said it himself, also once, and that was to convince Remus he was in love with him. So Remus guessed it was just something that was not done when you were with Sirius and he’d accepted it.
Worrying about Sirius was probably something that was not done either, but Remus hardly cared. And technically, he wasn’t worried about Sirius. He was worried about what would happen to him - Remus Lupin - should Sirius one day decide that he wouldn’t want him by his side anymore. And he worried that that day might’ve come now.
Remus had finally managed to fall asleep while reading Agatha Christie (one of the few flaws Remus Lupin would never admit he had), when he woke just in time to hear the bathroom door slam.
‘Sirius?’ he called into the corridor. ‘Sirius, is that you?’
‘Did you expect someone else?’
Remus sighed happily.
‘Did you want something to eat?’ he asked as he got up. ‘I’m sure I could fix you -’
‘Don’t bother,’ Sirius said. Remus could hear the taps being turned on in the bathroom. ‘I already ate.’
‘Candy does not count as dinner, Sirius,’ he said. ‘And certainly not those Fizzing Whizzbeez you seem to have a craving for lately.’
Sirius made no answer, so Remus sighed and got to coffee making. If he couldn’t get Sirius to eat, then he’d at least have a decent cup of coffee.
It was only just done when Sirius came out of the shower (because Remus had an odd preference for making coffee the Muggle way). He walked into the kitchen, clad in only a towel which almost made Remus blush if he hadn’t remembered just in time that he’d already been in bed with this man, that he’d kissed him and had done much more than only kiss.
‘Ah, coffee,’ Sirius smiled. ‘Thanks, Remus.’
‘You’re welcome,’ Remus said as he took a seat at the kitchen table. ‘Had a hard day? Or week?’
‘Both,’ Sirius said in between gulps of coffee. ‘I’m off to bed in a few minutes. I’m very tired. Got to get up early as well.’
‘Are you avoiding me?’ Remus asked, finally.
‘Avoiding you?’ Sirius said, while carefully looking at everything but Remus. ‘Why should I?’
‘That was what I was trying to find out.’
‘I’m not,’ Sirius said again. ‘I mean it.’
‘Very well then.’ Remus sighed, knowing full well that a tired Sirius is a grumpy Sirius. ‘I’ll just clean this up and I’ll come to bed too. Merlin knows I could use the -’
‘Would you mind - not doing it?’ Sirius said. ‘I mean, I’m really tired and you’d only distract me.’
‘Oh,’ Remus said. ‘Oh. You are avoiding me.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Yes, you are.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘Yes, you - Sirius, I’m not going to act like a seven-year-old,’ Remus sighed. ‘I’m tired as well. I haven’t slept in three days and all I want is to go to bed. Preferably with you next to me. So why are you avoiding me?’
‘I’m not going to tell you,’ Sirius said petulantly.
‘Sometimes I wonder why I put up with this.’ Remus rubbed his eyes. ‘You’re still a child, mentally.’
Sirius stared at the window in the kitchen until Remus started to get up. Then he said, ‘The guys at work think I’m a poofter.’
Of all the things Sirius might’ve said, this undoubtedly had to be the most prone to make Remus laugh out loud. Which he did.
‘It’s not funny,’ Sirius huffed.
‘Yes, it is, Sirius.’ Remus smiled. ‘I thought you’d got sick of me.’
‘Keep it up and I might.’
‘Honestly,’ Remus said. ‘It might be hard to face, but you are a poofter.’
‘No, I’m not!’ Sirius said.
‘Last time I checked I was still very much male.’
‘I thought you of all people would understand,’ Sirius said, angrily. ‘I didn’t fall in love with you because you were “very much male”. I fell in love with you because you’re Remus. If you were a girl, I would’ve loved you anyway.’
A silence fell for a few minutes, or for as long as it took Remus to realise what Sirius had just said.
‘D’you mean that?’ Remus asked.
‘Of course I do.’
Remus suddenly felt a lot more childish too. He walked up to Sirius, kissed him on the mouth and said, ‘Well, in that case, I love you too, you poofter.’
And he stole Sirius’s towel and ran into the bedroom.