the trapeze swinger, 1/2

[harwhon]

those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains
the colored birds above there running

in circles round the well and where it spells
on the wall behind st. peter
so bright on cinder gray in spray paint
'who the hell can see forever?'

and please remember me, seldomly
in the car behind the carnival
my hand between your knees, you turn from me
and said the trapeze act was wonderful
-- the trapeze swinger, iron and wine

I.

'Hello?' Jensen says distractedly as he answers the phone. He's got less than an hour to finish up and he'll be damned if he'll have to read through this manuscript again tomorrow. Once was enough.

'Eight!' an excited voice yells.

'Your IQ?' he asks and chuckles to himself.

'Jensen,' Mackenzie huffs. 'Shut up.'

'I won't tell.' The grin on his face quickly turns into a scowl as he highlights an entire paragraph in red. Seriously, who wrote this? 'As long as you don't open your mouth, no one will ever know.'

'Jeeeeenseeeeeen,' she moans again.

'Fine, your age then, is that what we're talking about?' he asks. 'Because that's the age you're acting, right now.'

'You know exactly what I'm talking about!' She's annoyed and getting angry, her Texan vowels stretching. 'I turn double that today, which means...'

Jensen has to stop himself from laughing. Of course, he hadn't forgotten that Mackenzie got her timer implanted today, but sometimes it's just too easy to rile her up. And it's so much fun to do.

'Alright, squirt,' he says finally. 'Eight years, huh? That's not too bad. Twenty-four is a good age to start settling down, I -'

'No, not eight years, Jensen,' she interrupts happily. 'Eight days!'

'Days?' Jensen repeats, flabbergasted. 'Days. You're meeting your One in eight days.'

'And counting!' she yells delightedly and then she hangs up on him. Jensen just stares at his blank timer for the rest of his working day and sends the manuscript off to the printer's.



II.

'Want another beer?' Steve asks, nudging him in the ribs with his elbow.

'I can't,' Jensen says, even though he really wants another drink. 'It's my baby-sister's birthday, we're having a kind of family get-together to celebrate. Did you hear she got her timer implanted today? Only eight -'

'Eight days, Jensen,' Chris drawls as he hands him a bottle of beer anyway. Jensen doesn't take it , but he just keeps holding it out, condensation from the bottle seeping through his shirt. When he realizes Jensen really doesn't want it, he shrugs and drinks half of it in one go. 'You said it before.'

'She's just turned sixteen, man,' Jensen says, rubbing his eyes in frustration. 'What's she even going to do with her One? She's never been out to a party yet.'

'Well, I can only speak for me and my partner, here,' Chris says with a smirk as he points at Steve, 'but we found a lot of entertaining things to do at sixteen.'

Jensen glares at the pair of them for a moment. Sometimes, he forgets that Chris and Steve got together through their timers, as well. He only got to know them in college, so to him, it's like they were born as a couple. 'Thanks. That helps,' he growls eventually.

'Oh, come on, Jen,' Mike says happily. 'I think we all know what the problem is here. It's that you're double your sister's age and she's going to get hitched way before you.'

Jensen wants to say that she might not. His timer could start counting down at any moment and his countdown could very well be less than eight days.

It could happen.

'Don't mind Mike,' Tom says quietly, always the peacemaker. 'You know his won't go off until he's forty-three. He's just frustrated.'

'I did not hear that right!' Mike yells with such drama that Jensen for a moment thinks he's watching a soap opera. He points at his timer, face serious and solemn. 'This, my friends, is freedom. It is a Get Into Any Pants and Get Out Of Jail Free card at the same time!'

'Not that speech again,' Jared yells when he walks over, flinging his arms over Jensen and Tom's necks to hug them tight. 'Is he explaining how women feel sorry for him and he gets a lot of pity fucks?'

'Version nine point oh,' Jensen says with a nod and raised eyebrows.

Jared blows a raspberry and lets go of Tom, but he keeps Jensen in a bear hug. 'I find this much more tolerable when I'm drunk. You want anything?'

'Can't, have to leave for Mack's party in a sec.'

'Right. Eight days, huh?' Jared asks.

For a moment, Jensen wonders how fast news travels exactly, but then he remembers that he texted Jared about this not too long after he got off the phone with his sister. It's pretty much the reason why Jared's standing here right now, Jensen thinks, to be there for him. He doesn't often join them at the bar.

'Eight,' Jensen confirms. He grabs hold of Jared's arm that's still slung around his neck, turns it so he can look at his wrist. 'And I see you still don't have a timer.'

'No,' Jared says with a frown. 'And I don't intend on getting one, ever, you know that.'

'Why not?' Jensen asks. 'You could be my soulmate and we'd never know.'

'You really need a device to tell you that, Jensen?' Jared says. 'I don't want to be with anyone who can't realize that on their own.'

'It's not that people can't realize on their own,' Jensen tries again. 'Think of it as insurance.'

'Think about it rationally for just one second,' Jared says, gesturing wildly. He's already getting worked up about it. It's a sore point for him, and probably the only thing he and Jensen can't agree on. 'You have something implanted in your arm that tells you what to feel and when to feel it. How is that not insane?'

'But it's 100% accurate!'

'And why is that?' Jared spits, running a hand through his hair with much more force than is necessary. 'Because no one ever tries not listening to these things. Everyone just sits around, waiting for their timers to go off. Next thing you know, there's implants that tell you when to eat or sleep or breathe. Implants that tell you when to have sex, when to take a dump - would you listen to those?'

'Of course not, don't be ridiculous,' Jensen says, waving an arm.

'Then why, for the love of God, Jensen, would you rely on one for something as important as this?' He looks at Jensen, pleading with his eyes. He's asked the question a thousand times maybe, but apparently, he's never gotten an answer that explains it to him.

'That's exactly why I would rely on one. Because it is so important.' And this is one of the thousand different answers Jensen has given him, which all make perfect sense to him.

'You don't trust yourself to make your own choices?'

'I don't trust my choices to be flawless,' Jensen counters.

'Look, man,' Jared sighs. 'I know what you're trying to do, but you know where this conversation is going. I'm not going to get one. Not for you, not for anybody. I want to talk to people, get to know them. I want to make my own choices and mistakes. I don't want to become part of this because it's another antisocial time-saving gadget. I'm not a yuppie.'

Jensen holds up his hands in surrender and doesn't speak for a few seconds, but then he quietly says, 'You got an iPhone, though.'

Jared just throws his head back and laughs, like it's the best joke he's ever heard. 'Shut up and get us a beer, bitch.'

'You're the bitch,' Jensen says, but he takes out his wallet and makes for the bar, anyway.



III.

There's a giant cake in front of him, a giant white icing chocolate cake that says "Mackenzie + One". It was supposed to say "Sweet Sixteen", but when their mother found out about Mack's timer, she changed it. There's eight candles. Jensen hates this cake.

He's also pretty pissed at his mother for making such a show of this thing. And he's equally pissed at Mackenzie for letting herself get dragged into it.

Their entire family is there, aunts, uncles, cousins - there's even a couple of people that Jensen has never seen before in his life that his mother introduces him to like he's supposed to know them ("You know Barbara, Jensen. She's uncle David's cousin's niece, you used to play together at his parties. She always made you cry by tugging on your hair."). It was only going to be him and Josh, but now there's practically a queue of people, waiting to gape at Mack's timer for themselves. Jensen hates timers, right now.

On top of that, there's a handful of Mack's best friends there, as well: four or five teenage girls that have been let loose on make-up way before their time, that are all counting down to a few months or weeks from now, when they can get a timer themselves. There's one that keeps eyeing Jensen's wrist, winking at him when he catches her watching and sending him bracey smiles. He hates teenage girls, too.

'Mom, did you really have to have another one that late?' Jensen groans, rubbing his eyes.

His mother swats a hand at him, gives him an angry look. 'Don't say awful things like that, Jensen Ross,' she says. 'Mackenzie is the love child of me and Alan. She makes our lives complete.'

'Where does that leave me and Josh, then?' Jensen asks. 'Aren't we love children?'

'Oh, honey,' she answers, grabs hold of his wrist and shakes it, as if it'll shake the silly right out of him. 'I love you and I love Josh very, very much. But I didn't love your father. I didn't know what love was till I met Alan. You'll understand when your timer goes off.'

'If it ever goes off,' he mutters under his breath.

'Jensen doesn't have a soul, that's why he can't find a soulmate,' Mack says haughtily as she runs past them, flashing her timer at him. It reads 08d 05h 54min 31sec. It's mocking him.

'Great, then I won't feel remorse when I kill you,' Jensen bites out, getting up out of his chair, but his mother's still got a tight hold on his arm and Mackenzie's already on the other side of the garden, anyway, girlfriends trailing after her.

'Your time will come, darling,' his mother tells him and pats his hand twice. 'No need to get bitter, you've got plenty of time left.'

Jensen wonders what his mother will say if he faceplants into the cake. He needs a fucking drink.



IV.

'Machines are man-made and therefore fallible.'

Jensen looks down from the couch to the floor of Jared's bedroom, where Jared's currently lying and trying to hand him a bottle of whiskey. When that doesn't appear to be the response he's waiting for, Jared raises his eyebrows at him and nudges him again with the bottle.

Jensen moans and rubs a hand over his face, but he takes the whiskey anyway. 'Come on. Do we really have to do this again? Seems like every time we get out the alcohol, the conversation winds down to this. I give up, you hate timers, I get it.'

'And yet you tried talking me into getting one, only a couple of hours ago,' Jared says, pointing at him. 'And until you understand why I think these things were made by the devil himself, yes, we have to do this again. So. Machines and devices are man-made and therefore fallible, Jensen. You know you want to retaliate.'

'Fine, I'll bite.' Jensen sighs. 'Our choices are man-made, so they are equally - if not more so - fallible. Look at my mum.'

'But she got you and Josh and I'm willing to bet you anything she wouldn't want to trade you for a timer,' Jared says, like he expected that answer. 'And at least that way, you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you made a mistake, of getting out of it if you did and learning from it. Imagine finding your One and hating the bastard.'

'That's never happened before!' Jensen says. He's pretty sure that's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.

'No, you've just never heard of it happening,' Jared tells him as he sits up to look Jensen in the eye. 'You think anyone's going to want to admit that their 100% accurate device was not accurate at all? People would rather believe there's something wrong with them than with the timer.'

'That's preposterous. You've given this way too much thought.'

'You haven't given this enough thought!' Jared swallows loudly and runs a hand through his hair. He's getting agitated and annoyed because Jensen's not giving in, as if he's the one that started this discussion in the first place. 'At least without the timer, falling in and out of love is completely your own decision, your own responsibility. You get to decide if and why you like or don't like someone. You get to have your heart broken, fall in love. You would have to think about why you'd want to spend your life with one particular person. All of that's lost now. You're all sheep and cattle.'

'Either you have had too much to drink,' Jensen says with a smirk, 'or your romantic side is finally showing.'

'Laugh about it all you want, but you don't know what romance is, Jensen,' Jared answers, shaking his head. 'The timer has taken all of that away from us.'

'Bullshit.'

'Fine. What's your sexual preference?'

'What do you mean?' Jensen frowns, confused. Jared can't seriously be asking what he thinks he's asking, right?

'I mean, do you prefer guys or girls? Or both maybe?' He says it like it's the most obvious question in the world, like it's on the same level as "Are you left- or right-handed?" and "What color are your eyes?" Like there's an actual straight-up answer to the question.

But sexual preference is a myth, everyone knows that. If there's only one person for you to love, it doesn't make sense to waste time trying to find out if you're compatible with men or women or both. You're only compatible with one person, that's what the timer is all about. And that's what Jensen means to tell Jared, at least, but what comes out is, 'I don't - I -'

'There you go,' Jared says, throwing his arms up in the air. 'You haven't even thought about it. You're just waiting for the timer to go off and tell you - and yours isn't even counting down! Now that's bullshit.'

'And I suppose you know yours, then?' Jensen scoffs.

'Absolutely,' Jared answers confidently, easily. 'Took some searching and experimenting, but I know.'

'Experimenting.' Jensen swallows. 'Like with -'

'I went on dates, Jensen.' Jared says and fixes him with a stare. 'You ever been on one?'

'I've been on many!' Jensen throws up his hands in frustration. 'There was -'

'I mean a real date,' Jared interrupts, annoyed, like he believes Jensen misunderstood on purpose. 'Like when you weren't spending the entire night trying to figure out how to make them get a timer.'

'Real dates don't happen until your times goes off, Jared. Be serious,' he sighs eventually. 'Dates are for getting to know your One.'

'That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard,' Jared says rolling his eyes. 'Have you at least ever kissed someone?'

Jensen doesn't even know how to answer that question without looking stupid. He's saved from trying to figure it out, though, because Jared suddenly sits up, eyes sparkling with delight. 'You know what? Let me take you.'

'Take me where?'

'On a date,' he says excitedly. 'We'll do it properly, follow all the dating rules. I'll even bring you flowers.'

'There's rules?' Jensen asks before he can stop himself. Jared just raises his eyebrows in amusement. 'Wait. You're not - are you gay?'

'That's not the point,' Jared answers, waving a hand. 'The point is to find out if you are. And if you like dating, if you could fall in love with someone without listening to that thing on your wrist.'

'But that would be weird, Jared. How would I fall in love with you? You're my best friend, not my One.'

'As long as I don't have a timer, I could very well be your One, Jensen, you said so yourself. And if I'm not, consider this a test drive for when the real deal comes along.'

'Fine. When?' Jensen asks, holding back laughter. He doesn't know why. He thinks he should be nervous instead, or anxious, but this whole idea tickles him beyond reason. He's going on a date - his first date - and it's with his best friend that he's never even remotely given romantic thought to.

Well. Maybe once or twice. But only because Jared's the only person he knows that doesn't have a timer. He would never have considered him otherwise.

Not seriously, anyway.

'Next week,' Jared says, as if he'd known Jensen would give in all along. 'On Friday.'

'But that's when -' Jensen blurts and falls silent. So Jared had planned it.

'Exactly.' He taps his nose twice, eyes wide, like he doesn't believe Jensen didn't see this one coming. 'That's when Mackenzie's timer goes off.'

'So it's to take my mind off my sister's happily ever after?'

'Well, that, or I figure if she's already met the person and they turn out to be a total dreamboat, I'll appease you with expensive food,' Jared says with a shrug. 'And if I can prove to you - somewhere over the course of the evening - that romance and the timer are not connected, that's a win-win situation, right?'

'Again,' Jensen says, one eyebrow cocked in befuddlement, 'you have given this way too much thought.'

'Just you wait till Friday night, baby,' Jared says in a high voice and laughs. 'I'm going all-in with this one, pulling out all the stops, all systems go.'

'Do you have something you want to tell me, Jay?' Jensen asks. He's only half-kidding. He doesn't get why Jared's making such a big deal of it.

'Hey,' he answers and pulls a face, 'it's a matter of principle.'



V.

'Looking real manly, there,' Jared hollers from over his garden fence when Jensen swings past there as he's walking his mother's dog a week later. He feels ridiculous, walking a chihuahua, has to fight the urge to pick it up and carry it all the way, because damn, this thing is tiny and slow, but it's also kind of fat and the vet said to give it some exercise.

'And that's not the only fun task I've been given today,' Jensen says with a mirthless smile. He lets the pup run around the garden. Harley and Sadie come over to inspect it immediately, wondering if it's food or a toy. 'Guess who's in charge of decorating the house for Mack's party tonight? You wanna come over and help?'

'Sure,' Jared says easily, like he doesn't at all mind being up to his elbows in pink bows and confetti all afternoon. 'You mind if I bring Chad? I kinda promised him we'd hang today.'

'Yes,' Jensen answers immediately. When Jared just continues to stare at him, completely unimpressed, he adds, 'Seriously, man. I know you have good taste in friends, so why the hell are you hanging out with that guy?'

Jared's eyebrows rise to meet his hairline, but then he shrugs it off. 'For the most part, I think it's like watching a soap opera,' he admits easily, he's not even ashamed of it. 'You know it's bad, right, but you love it so much, you just can't help watching it.'

Jensen just shakes his head. At least Jared realizes the guy is a total douche.

'But underneath all that,' he continues, 'Chad's actually a really good guy. He's a bit theatrical, but he's always been there for me when I needed him and he always listens to what I have to say.'

Jensen ignores the pang of jealousy he feels at Jared's words, wonders why he'd ever need Chad because Jensen is always there too. What could he be able to talk about with Chad that he couldn't with Jensen? But before he does something as embarrassing as actually voicing that question, his mind catches up with his ears and he says, 'Hold on. Chad doesn't always listen. Doesn't he have a timer?'

'Yep,' Jared says, like it doesn't even matter to him.

'What? You didn't give him the speech?' Jensen asks and then he's suddenly out of breath for a moment. 'Did you take him on a date too?'

'Are you crazy?' Jared asks loudly. He cranes his neck to look at Jensen as if he'd just suggested eating Jared's dogs. 'Why the hell would I wanna date Chad? That's just wrong.'

'You're taking me on a date, how is that any less wrong?' Jensen replies, bewildered. He's not really sure if Jared's just insulted or complimented him.

'First of all, Chad's been on many dates and his idea of a good one involves tequila and not winding up in prison. So no, not going there,' Jared answers as if that should have been obvious all along. 'Second, he frigging hates that timer, man. If he could tear it out with his bare hands, he would.'

'He does know he can get it removed, right?' Jensen suggests. 'Takes even less time than getting it implanted.'

'Sure. But Chad's mom, she's - she's quite a handful.' When Jared sees Jensen roll his eyes, he continues, 'Seriously. Compared to her, your mother is like a trip to Disneyland.'

'What?'

'Not even kidding.' Jared holds up his hands. 'She's hellbent on seeing him married off and having an army of grandkids. Doesn't even have to be in that order. He caught her trying to put out personal ads in his name and everything. Only way he could think of getting her off his back was to get a timer.'

'What do you know,' Jensen breathes. His mom does sound kind of laid-back, when put like that.

'But he really curses the day he got the thing. Says he'd never do it again,' Jared explains. 'He hasn't even looked at it twice, doesn't know when it goes off either, I think. He usually keeps it hidden underneath sleeves and wristbands and stuff.'

'And I thought he was just trying to start a trend and failing miserably.'

'I think the two go hand in hand,' Jared tells him thoughtfully. 'But seriously, man. I know you don't like him, but I'd be really happy if you'd just try to tolerate him, just for my sake. There's going to be times when it is going to be all of us hanging out and I'd like to be able to enjoy that without worrying you might tear each other's heads off.'

'Hey, call me mister Civil,' Jensen says, shrugging. 'Still doesn't mean I want him in my house, though.'

'Fine, I won't bring him, mister Civil.'

*
Jared shrugs out of his jacket as he walks into Jensen's half-decorated living room. 'So. Mackenzie's big night?'

'Yeah, she's meeting him or her at the party, I think, or that's the idea, at least,' Jensen says without looking away from the decorations he's trying to put up. 'The entire school appears to be invited.'

'So we're assuming they're one of her schoolmates?' Jared asks. He points at one of the baskets with pink frilly stuff and looks at Jensen, who nods. 'Wouldn't she have met them already?'

'Not necessarily since she got the timer. My sister's not that popular.'

'She nervous?'

'I don't know,' Jensen says, wrestling with a flowery garland that refuses to stay up. 'She didn't look nervous this morning. I guess she doesn't realize what it means to find your One, yet. I suppose the breakdown will set in later tonight, maybe tomorrow.'

'Where's she now?'

'Out shopping for an outfit with my mom.' Jensen stops for a moment and thinks. 'On second thought, I'm pretty sure the breakdown will be right about now, as my mom keeps forcing dresses on her she doesn't like. Megan coming too?'

'Are you kidding me?' Jared asks in reply. He's carrying a basket of pink paper flowers that he's randomly putting on the tables they've set out. He looks ridiculous. 'She's been hovering in front of the mirror since this morning. Like boys her age really care about the clothes they're wearing.'

'And most of 'em don't even have timers yet, anyway,' Jensen says.

'That's not what I meant.' Jared frowns at him.

'I know, but if I think about what you really meant, I'm going to stand guard by the front door, waiting to tear the boys limb from limb if they try anything with my sister.'

'Right,' Jared says slowly, getting to work on the last of the frilly flowers. 'You know that's kind of the entire point of this party, right?'

'I'm trying to ignore that,' Jensen says quickly.

'Good thing I'm taking you out later, then.' A slow smile is creeping up Jared's face, like he's particularly pleased with himself.

'Good thing,' Jensen confirms, but he's not so sure he means it. They're quiet for a while, working on the decorations and getting the room to look like all the Barbie merch in the world came here to die.

'You nervous?' Jared asks suddenly. His eyes are firmly fixed on the pink heart he's putting on the wall, making sure it's not crooked.

'About Mack's party?' Jensen says, one-eyebrow cocked. 'Not if I don't think about it.'

'No,' Jared says, waving a hand and finally looking at him. 'About our date.'

'No,' Jensen huffs. 'Why would I be?'

Jared cocks his head at him. 'Because this is your first proper date? Because it's a date with a man? Because it might prove to you that timers are stupid and it might change your entire idea of love?'

'You're acting like I'm going to fall in love with you the moment you pick me up,' Jensen says, voice taking on a much higher pitch than he'd intended. In truth, he has given it a lot of thought and he's come up with everything that Jared's just said. Jensen's probably never been more nervous in his life, but he'll be damned if he's going to let Jared notice. 'I've known you all my life, Jared. I don't see how dinner tonight is going to be all that different from getting take-out and watching the game.'

Jared looks slightly taken aback, but he shrugs it off a second later. 'If you're not going to take this seriously, we might as well not bother.'

'No, no,' Jensen says quickly, stomach tying into knots without him knowing why. 'I'm just - I'm really surprised you're taking this seriously, man.'

'There's a lot at stake here for me. This could finally settle the discussion we've been having over and over since you got that thing implanted. I'm not going to mess up an opportunity like this,' Jared says, like it should be obvious. 'Besides, don't underestimate me. I can be quite charming if I want to.'

'Well, that's definitely a side to you I've never seen before.' Jensen laughs and dumps an entire basket of confetti over Jared's head.



VI.

When the doorbell rings at nine, sharp, it takes Jensen a moment to realize that it's not one of the guests for the party arriving early, but it's his date arriving right on time.

Oh God. His date. Which is Jared.

If Jensen's been nervous all afternoon, he's ready to explode right about now - and he thinks he actually does if the sound he makes when he opens the door is anything to go by. But who can blame him? He's always known, sort of, that Jared's the kind of guy that's able to turn heads - not just because he's a giant and well-built, but because the smile on his face is kind of like a secret that you want to be in on. Jensen's always seen that, seen it happen with the girls when they walk down the street, but he's never quite understood why. Up until now, when Jared - torn-jeans-and-V-neck-Jared - is almost casually leaning against the wall, in charcoal slacks and a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, smiling at him from underneath a couple of strands of hair that have fallen into his face.

'Ah,' Jensen says, because apparently, that's all you can say when your brain short-circuits. He feels underdressed, somehow, even though he's wearing slacks and a shirt as well. But he made a point of it not to wear his best clothes, just to prove to himself that this date was no big deal. Seeing Jared like this, however, makes him think that he might have been wrong.

'You ready to go?' Jared asks, smirking.

'What? No flowers?' Jensen scoffs as he gets his jacket, hoping to save face somehow.

'Turns out, I'm not a flowers-kind of guy,' Jared says with a shrug. 'But I did make sure we're traveling in style tonight.'

He takes a step to the side to reveal a sleek black limousine, waiting in front of Jensen's house.

'You're kidding me,' Jensen blurts as they walk over to it. ' A limo? Isn't that a bit much for the two of us?'

'Hey, I told you, I'm going all in. This thing's got a bar and everything.' Jared opens the door for Jensen before getting in himself. 'So I can get you drunk before we even have dinner. Which is at the Y.O., by the way.'

'The Y.O.? I've been trying to get reservations there for months.'

'I know,' Jared says happily, opening a bottle of champagne.

'Wow, you've -' Jensen says, lost for words. It seems Jared really is taking this seriously - is taking this date with Jensen seriously and he can't help but be slightly humbled. No one's ever put in such an effort for him. No one bothers if you have timer, even if it isn't counting down. 'You've certainly got everything under control.'

'You bet, cowboy,' Jared says easily. He's as relaxed and confident as Jensen's ever seen him, but there's something else underneath all that, as well. This isn't a whole new Jared - Jensen pretty much knows the guy inside and out - but he's seeing him in a different light now and that's enough to send Jensen's mind reeling. 'Get ready to be blown away.'

'Right,' Jensen says, trying to sound unimpressed, but he's a feeling that Jared's already done just that.

*
Dinner is as good as can be expected from the best steakhouse in the state: it's mind-blowing. And the company isn't far behind, either. Jared is hilarious and charming and he's talking to Jensen like it's the first time they've met - he listens to every word Jensen's saying, and he's not just listening, he's interested and intrigued. Jensen doesn't know what that says about their friendship up until now, but he doesn't really care. It's addictive to have Jared hanging on his every word like this, to see those eyes so fully focused on his face, to hear him laugh so heartily at his jokes - however lame they are.

And what's even more surprising, Jensen notices as the evening progresses, is that none of it is fake. Jared is being completely genuine - so much so that Jensen even finds himself wondering if this is what Jared's always supposed to be like. If he's ever had to hold back around him.

When they make it back to the car, four hours later, he can see someone leaning against it, completely dressed in a chauffeur's get-up. Jared really didn't spare any effort or expense on this one, Jensen thinks. Until they get close, that is, and he recognizes Chad Michael Murray.

'How are you two lovebirds doing?' he asks as he lights a cigarette, smirking up at them. 'Got a chance to play some tonsil tennis yet? Got in a little bit of tongue wrestling?'

Jensen just glares at Jared. 'Seriously? Chad's our driver?'

Jared shrugs and scratches his neck. 'Well, the limo is his uncle's. I could only get it if Chad was allowed to drive,' he admits.

'Is he allowed to drive anything?' Jensen asks, eyebrows raised. 'Last thing I heard was he got caught for DUI.'

'Tall tales,' Chad says, waving an arm.

'It was,' Jared says hastily. 'Come on, Jen. You hadn't even noticed it was him on the ride here. You promised you'd try to be nice.'

'Whatever,' Jensen grunts. Chad's holding open the door for them and he gets into the car without another word, ignoring Murray as best he can. But when Jared clambers in, he can't avoid hearing him say, 'So he didn't put out yet, huh? Such an ice queen.'

Jensen doesn't know what it is about this guy that makes his blood boil in 0.1 seconds, but Christ, does he make it boil.

'Don't,' Jared says to Jensen as he sits down. 'Don't let him ruin this. We had a good night.'

When Jensen doesn't respond immediately, Jared ducks his head to catch his eye. 'Right?'

'Yeah, Jay,' he admits eventually. 'It was a great night.'

They're quiet on the ride over, uncomfortably so, and Jensen supposes that's entirely his fault as he keeps warily eyeing the tinted glass behind which Murray's sitting. He can't help it because he's pretty sure that Murray's doing the same thing, like he thinks he's won front row tickets to a gay show.

Not that Jensen was planning to put on a show, but it would have been nice to know that if he wanted to, he could've done so privately.

And it's that which bothers him, he supposes, that Jared's told someone about their date - and not just anyone, but Chad Michael Murray. That's enough to ruin the atmosphere for him completely. But then he hears Jared clear his throat awkwardly, sees him turn to look out the window and Jensen is hit with a pang of guilt. He wasn't lying to Jared (as if he could) - it had been a great night, and if anyone is ruining the atmosphere, it certainly isn't Murray who really has been on his best behavior.

By the time he's formed a decent apology in his head, however, he can feel the car coming to a halt and he doesn't even manage to open his mouth to voice it, because Jared's already jumped out of the limo.

'Let me escort you inside,' he says. He holds out his arm for Jensen to take and sends him a smile that says the apology's already accepted. Damn, Jared knows him well.

'What are you, my chaperone?' Jensen says, but he hooks his arm into Jared's anyway. He can't stop himself from smiling. 'I'm not inviting you up for coffee, if that's what you're going for.'

'That's fine,' Jared says with a wink. 'I like a bit of a challenge. I can wait until next time.'

'Next time?' Jensen nearly chokes on the words. He lets go of Jared quickly, pretending to look for his keys.

'If you're up for it?' It's the first time all night - and possibly ever - that he hears Jared's voice waver.

He looks up at him for a moment, and Jared's staring back at him - his face is so serious and his eyes are so hopeful, that Jensen can't bear looking at him for longer than a second. So he opens the door, fumbles with the lock for a second too long, before saying,'If you can get us in at the Y.O. again, definitely. That steak was awesome.'

Jensen wants to close the door, he doesn't know why, but he knows that all of a sudden he's nervous and he's scared and he's pretty sure that Jared's the reason he is. Which is crazy, because he knows Jared, has been friends with him ever since he can remember and he's never felt this way around him.

But then Jared stops him. He doesn't move an inch, he just says, 'Jensen.' And that's all it takes for Jensen to freeze where he's standing.

After a moment, Jared takes a step closer and puts his hand on Jensen's arm and Jensen turns to him, instinctively, without even thinking about it. They're only a few inches apart and he can just feel Jared's hand burn through his dress shirt, it's warm and heavy and Jensen likes it there - he wonders what it would feel like without the fabric separating their skin, wonders what it would feel like in other places of his body.

That's all he can think about, until he hears a door close on the other end of the hallway and he looks up to see Mackenzie standing there.

'Hey, squirt,' Jensen says, a bit too loudly and too eagerly, as he takes a step back. He can't help it, things were just getting a little bit too intense all of a sudden. 'How'd it go?'

She muffs down to them, slowly, like she's out of energy, looking down at the floor all the while.

'Mack? What happened?' Jensen asks, worried.

She waits until she's right next to them to speak. She looks like she wants to hug Jensen, but doesn't dare now that Jared's around - maybe because she senses she's kind of interrupted something, or maybe because she doesn't want to show vulnerability in front of one of Jensen's friends. But when Jensen turns to Jared, he looks just as worried and puzzled to see Mack this subdued.

'It didn't go off yet,' she says quietly. 'But all the guests have gone home. I think it's broken.'

'Don't worry about it,' Jared says before Jensen even has a chance to come up with some comforting words. 'I'm sure someone will pop up any minute that you didn't get a chance to talk to at the party.'

Mackenzie gazes up at him, eyes tentatively hopeful. 'You think so?'

'Sure,' Jensen jumps in, shooting Jared a grateful glance. 'You know what boys are like. I'm sure one of them has left their cell around here or something. Just wait.'

'Yo, guys, I'm glad you're having a gay old time and everything, but I promised my uncle I'd get this limo back tonight,' Chad suddenly yells from the driver's seat, window still going down. 'So either shove your tongue down each other's throats right now, or save it for next time.'

And just as Jensen wants to call out that Chad had better watch his mouth in front of his little sister or he'll shove some soap down his throat , that's when he hears it: the bleeps that are supposed to sound like a wake-up call or like wedding bells or whatever - but that sound a lot more like a bomb alarm to him.

He looks at Mack, who's staring at her wrist in complete bewilderment, like she didn't even expect the thing to still go off. When he turns back to the car, Chad's doing the exact same thing.



VII.

'No. No. This can't be. I'm.' Jensen stops talking for a second, takes a deep breath and closes in eyes in hopes that when he opens them again, he'll be in his bed and all of this was just a nightmare.

It's not. And then reality sinks in. 'I'm going to be related to Chad Michael Murray.'

'Oh God. If my sister has a baby, it's going to be half Chad,' he says, feeling sheer panic tug on his brain. 'I'm going to be an uncle to mini-Chad Michael Murrays.'

'Relax. Jesus, Jensen, Mack and Chad just met. I think babies aren't on the menu for a while,' Jared says, putting a hand on his shoulder to make him sit down. 'And it's not that bad, really. I've seen pictures. He was a cute little kid.'

Jensen just looks at Jared, eyes wide in bewilderment. Is that really supposed to cheer him up? 'It's like I'm stuck in some sort of Syfy-film.'

Jared just laughs and slaps him on the shoulder again. Jensen would punch him if his arms didn't feel like spaghetti. 'This is all your fault,' Jensen spits, suddenly angry. 'If you hadn't made Chad get that limo, if you -'

'You know that's not true, Jensen,' Jared says. His eyebrows are raised, but other than that, he's showing no emotion. He doesn't seem angry or hurt at all - he looks like he knew this was coming. 'If they hadn't met through me, they'd have run into each other in town or met some other way, even if I hadn't known Chad at all. Timers are infallible, that's what you said, remember? If he's Mackenzie's One, there's nothing any of us could've done about it.'

Jensen glares at Jared for a moment, but then heaves a deep sigh and nods. Jared's right - that still doesn't mean he has to be happy about it.

'But if it really bothers you that much,' Jared says after a minute. He's avoiding looking Jensen in the eye, unnecessarily rolling up one of his sleeves again. 'I could always take you out again to get your mind off it.'

'Sure,' Jensen says, laughing. He's glad that Jared's still around, he always knows how to distract him, knows how to put things in perspective. But when Jared doesn't laugh and finally looks up at Jensen like he's just been shot down by his date on prom night, Jensen's smile fades. 'Oh.'

Jared shrugs and pulls a face. 'It was just an idea,' he says so casually that Jensen almost believes it doesn't matter to him either way., but then Jared scratches the back of his head and neck and it looks forced and awkward.

'No, I mean -' Jensen says, without even knowing what he wants to say, 'It wasn't a bad idea or anything. I had a good time.'

'Yeah?' Jared asks, a bit too quickly, looking up at him from underneath the hair flopping into his eyes.

'Yeah, man,' he says with a nod.

'Good enough to prove my point?'

'Don't overestimate yourself, cowboy,' Jensen says. 'You're good, but not that good. You would've had to serve me up some pretty awesome steak to make me forget about my timer. And I don't even know if there is a steak that could make me forget about my sister and Chad Michael Murray.'

'All the more reason for me to take you out again,' Jared replies easily. 'Until you do.'

'Jared,' Jensen says, ready to list a million reasons why he shouldn't. But when he looks at Jared, the guy is standing there, hands in his pocket and a smirk on his face, like he knows he's already won this argument. And damn, he has. Boy should've become a lawyer. So he can't think of anything to say, except for, 'I'll think about it.'

'In my pocket.' Jared says and fist pumps the air, looking so smug, Jensen wants to eat his words just to harsh his buzz. He doesn't, though, because he doesn't think he could do it convincingly even if he tried.

And Jared shows him why just before he leaves, when he says, 'You know that if you really need to talk or vent or whatever, I'm here for you, right? Whatever you need.'

'Sure thing, Jared,' he says, feeling like he can at least get through the night without wanting to bash in Murray's skull with a blunt object.



VIII.

Jensen groans when his phone starts buzzing on his bedside table. He forces open one eye to look at his alarm clock, sighs again and tries to ignore whoever thinks calling him at this ungodly hour in the morning is a good idea.

He can't. He catches his phone just before it falls of the table.

'Hmm.' Answering is one thing, being coherent another completely.

'And?' It's Jared. Of course, it's Jared. He's the only person on the planet that would be up at this hour.

'And what?' Jensen moans.

'And have you thought about going out again?' Jared asks as if it should be obvious.

'What?' Jensen runs a hand over his face and crawls even deeper under the sheets. 'Jesus, Jared. It's seven thirty in the morning. On a Saturday. The world is still asleep. You can't expect me to construct sentences.'

'You just did,' Jared says and Jensen swears he can hear the grin on the other man's face. 'And saying "yes" doesn't take much constructing.'

'Saying "no" doesn't either,' he grunts.

'Fine. I'll call you back later.' Jared says, laughing. 'Night, sweet cheeks.'

Jensen just groans again and drops his head in his pillow.

*
'Jared, I'm a bit busy right now,' Jensen breathes when he answers the phone. He really is: he's in the shower. And he'd like to stay busy. He'd only just gotten busy and it's really been too long since.

It's the fourth time Jared's tried calling him in the last five minutes or so. Jensen had tried ignoring him the first three times, but then he realized that Jared would probably just keep calling until he answered, so that's how he winds up in the shower with both hands full, leaning against the wall - both for support and to keep his cell from getting wet.

'That's fine,' Jared says happily. 'Just say "yes" and I'll hang up.'

'Jared,' he whines. 'Now is not the time.'

'Tell me when it is and I'll call you back then,' he says, as if he'd expected the answer.

'Why don't I call you?'

'Alright, like a Sadie Hawkins dance. I can roll with that,' Jared says and then he laughs. 'Enjoy your shower, sexy. You had better be thinking of me.'

Jensen freezes, completely mortified, until he realizes what Jared said exactly. He wonders if Jared meant it, but considering he's practically stalking Jensen for a second date, he thinks he actually might have and that gets him off harder and faster than anything has ever done before.

Jensen's not sure what that means.

*
'Seriously, Jared, it's just a bet,' Jensen says as he answers the phone without even looking who's calling.

'How dare you!' Jared exclaims. 'My dignity is hanging in the balance.'

'This is nothing new,' Jensen says, smiling in spite of himself. He had wanted to be annoyed with Jared for a while longer, but he can't deny that he feels extremely flattered that Jared's putting in such an effort. It's a new feeling.

'Exactly, so let me save face for once, man,' Jared pleads. 'Go out with me again.'

'Come on, Jared. I can't, not with everything that's going on right now,' he says. It's not just an excuse to get out of this, it really isn't a good time. He doesn't want to lose Jared's attention, but on the other hand, he has no idea if this is the right way to get it and he needs to figure that out before he can decide anything. 'I haven't got the time.'

'Will you ever?'

'I - yeah. Sure.'

'So you're saying that at one point, you'll go out with me again?'

'I'm, yeah,' Jensen says quickly, without thinking.

'Then why not make it tonight? Or tomorrow?' Jared asks, he sounds puzzled. 'If you really want to go out with me, I'd expect you to want it to be sooner rather than later.'

'No, I,' Jensen tries, but he really has no idea what to say to that. He doesn't even really know if he wants to go out with Jared again. 'I suppose - but I can't -'

Jared sighs loudly into the receiver, making Jensen fall silent. 'Look, Jensen, if you don't want to go out with me again, then just say it. I can handle that. But don't keep leading me on like this.'

'It's only been two days!' Jensen rubs a hand over his face and frowns. 'I can't - Mom is arranging for her and dad to meet Chad's parents. Showdown is tonight.'

'Already?' Jared asks, Jensen can hear the surprise in his voice. It's genuine, and so is the concern he can make out even over the phone. 'Shit.'

'Yeah,' Jensen agrees. 'So aside from trying to rein in my mom before she completely loses control, I've also got a sister who's petrified and a step-dad who already got out the grill for Murray.'

'Damn,' Jared breathes. 'Must be a madhouse. You should've just said, I wouldn't have harassed you.'

'No, that's fine,' Jensen says and he waves a hand, even though Jared isn't there to see it. 'You couldn't have known.'

'If you had told me, I would have,' Jared replies. 'Look, Jensen, I want you to know I'm serious about the bet and I'm serious about the dating, but you're my best friend more than anything. You need help, all go gotta do is ask.'

'Turn back time and get me out of this mess,' Jensen huffs mirthlessly, but then he rolls his eyes at himself. Jared's being an amazing friend - the guy has shown him more devotion and care in the last couple of days than anyone probably ever has without being obligated by blood. 'Forget I said that. I'm glad you want to listen, that's enough.'

But Jared ignores his comment and cheerfully says, 'Turning back time, I'm on it.'

And then he hangs up. Jensen is left staring at his cell phone and wondering what the hell kind of crazy ideas he's put in Jared's head this time.

*
Meeting the Murrays is... Jensen's pretty sure there's no word for it and his vocabulary is pretty extensive. Awkward is the closest thing he can think of, but it doesn't really come close to describing it.

They all shake cold and clammy hands to start with and dinner is nothing more than the clinking of cutlery on plates, aside from the comments his mother makes every now and then to get the conversation going. It doesn't work, Murray's parents just flash her a cramped smile and turn back to their food. They're not even eating it, they're just pushing peas around on their plate as if they're making them run an obstacle course around the turkey and the gravy and the carrots. Murray isn't helping, he's keeping his head down so low, his nose is almost touching his mashed potatoes. Mackenzie, on the other hand, is alternating between throwing him wide-eyed panicked stares and sending Jensen looks that beg to get her out of there. Jensen has no idea what to do.

And then the doorbell rings. Everyone looks at Jensen since he has the least reason for being at the table anyway, so he clears his throat and awkwardly says, 'I'll go.' His voice is too loud in the quiet room and honestly, he's kind of happy to get away from it all for a few seconds.

When he answers the door, Jared's there, leaning against the wall, in charcoal slacks and a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and he's beaming at Jensen from underneath a couple of strands of hair that have fallen into his face.

'Jared. What?' Jensen says, he doesn't even know what to ask. He's just so completely confused by him randomly turning up on his doorstep.

'You ready to go?' Jared asks, cheeks turning slightly pink. He straightens, shifting on his feet slightly, as if he's nervous.

'Go where?' Jensen pulls a face. What the hell is going on? 'We didn't - I've got this - I told you, we're having dinner.'

'Yes, we are,' Jared says happily. 'At the Y.O., so get a move on. I made sure we're traveling in style tonight.'

He points behind him, smile growing only wider when he sees Jensen recognize the same limousine from two nights before. 'Jared, what is this?'

Jared's face falls. 'It's our date,' he says hesitantly. 'We made this bet, remember? About the timer?'

'Yeah, like you'd let me forget,' he grunts. 'But I told you, I don't have the time right now, we'll meet later.'

'You're not backing out now, Jensen,' Jared says immediately. 'You've had a week to cancel and you didn't. So now I'm right here, like we said. Date on Friday night.'

'Fri - It's Sunday, Jared.'

Jared frowns at him. 'No, I'm pretty sure I would have remembered if I'd had a date with you before,' he says, face serious. 'I'd be celebrating because I won.'

Jensen holds up his hands in a question and pulls a face. 'What? Jared, are you alright? Did you hit your head or something?'

'I was about to ask you the same thing,' Jared answers. 'But either way, get your coat, because if we're late at the Y.O. we'll lose our reservation.'

Jensen points at the living room. 'I can't, there's people -'

'You know that if you don't come now, I'll win the bet anyway,' Jared tells him and winks.

He looks back inside for a second and considers what's waiting for him in there, and then he looks back to Jared, who's staring at him expectantly, puppy dog eyes searching his face for a clue as to what he's going to decide. And really, like there is any competition.

'I'm going out,' Jensen yells as he closes the door behind him and gestures for Jared to lead the way to the limo.

*
Jensen doesn't really understand why Jared is taking him out the way he is, but he can at least appreciate that Jared's creative and thorough. When they arrive at the Y.O., they get the table that's reserved for Friday night, eight o'clock, and even the menu's they get have a TGIF-special printed on the first page, instead of the weekend offers.

For a split second, Jensen even wonders if he really did make up the last two days, or if maybe time has been turned back somehow. And that's when it hits him and he can't stop himself from laughing out loud.

'Something really funny about the steak?' Jared asks, still perusing through his own menu.

'This is because I told you to turn back time, isn't it?' he asks, smile still on his face.

Jared looks up, confused, but there's a twinkle in his eye when he answers. 'I have no idea what you're talking about.'

Jensen laughs again and nods. 'I'm sure you don't,' he says. 'But thank you anyway.'

This date is even better than the first, because Jensen is not nervous. And he isn't really trying to be funny or interesting right now - all he wants is to vent for a little while, talk away the entire situation he's got going at home, explain it to someone who isn't in the middle of this entire thing - and Jared is still listening, riveted, like Jensen's predicting his future.

'I'd walk you to the door,' Jared says when they pull up to Jensen's house, 'but I want to make sure you haven't got any more siblings running around whose timers might go off tonight. Driver's got one too.'

Jensen laughs and shakes his head. 'Rest assured. You're safe for tonight. Mine's the only one around and it doesn't look like it's getting any action anytime soon.'

'Alright,' Jared says and gets out of the car with him.

'I had a great time, Jared. Again,' Jensen says as they're walking up to the house. 'I needed that. So thanks.'

'Look, Jensen,' Jared says nervously when Jensen's taking out his keys to go back inside, 'I know you've got a lot on your plate right now and that this probably isn't the right time, but I gotta say this.'

'Something wrong?' Jensen asks worriedly, hands dropping to his sides and keys completely forgotten.

'No, I just.' Jared takes a deep breath, as if he's steeling himself for what's to come. 'I'm sure you've realized by now that this is about more than just a bet. For me. But I'm not gonna force you to do something you don't want, so the ball is in your court now.'

'What?' Jensen blinks rapidly a few times, thinks that if he does it quickly enough he'll be able to understand properly what he's hearing. Jared can't possibly be saying what he thinks he's saying, right?

'I know, I know,' Jared says hastily. 'This is probably the last thing you wanna be thinking about right now, I just don't.' He stops talking suddenly and sighs deeply, frustrated. 'I'm always gonna be your friend. Whether or not I'm gonna be more, that's up to you. And if I am, then I want that to be because you want it, not because a device on your wrist tells you I should be, or because I'm telling you I should be. I just wanted you to know.'

'Oh,' Jensen says. He feels like the ground has just fallen away beneath his feet, but it doesn't feel like that's such a bad thing. He doesn't really know what it feels like. 'Okay.'

'Alright,' Jared says and smiles, and that's when Jensen recognizes the old Jared again: confident and easy-going. After he's left, Jensen stays standing on the porch for several long minutes, wondering if he really did just hear Jared confess to a crush on him.



master post * part two