Is he a dirty old man or am I a prudish tween?
I'd really like people's opinion on this because I don't know what to think anymore.
I'm a 23 year old girl. I quit my previous job in december and promised to keep in touch with a co-worker, a 58-year-old man with whom I've had a pleasant working relationship and lots of interesting conversations.
Afterward, we met up on a saturday afternoon for a drink. All went well and he mentions he'd like to meet up again before spring break. I'm thinking, fine, whatever, we'll see how things go. Leading up to spring break, I got a few mails of him, each time asking me to meet up on a saturday. I'm not always available, I sometimes work on weekends and have other friends I occasionally want to see as well. So, we didn't meet up. He starts asking me out on a weekly basis. Maybe it's me, but when I ask someone out who declines me 2 or 3 times, for whatever reason, I think it's a silent agreement that it's the other person who should take the initiative next time. I'd feel pushy otherwise. At any rate, I did find him pushy.
Once he practically pleaded me to join him on a one-day trip to another city and offered to buy me a new set of clothes (?!?). (How he was planning to explain this to his wife, I have no idea.) I start finding this behavior a little odd and because of his (too) frequent mails, feel less and less inclined to go someplace with him. When he asked me again, I sent him a mail that I probably won't be able to meet up any time soon, due to work and hobbies and other issues (which in part is true). As a response I get an e-mail with an attachment of a painting of a naked woman (?!). He mentions he thinks her face looks like mine (?!!) and wonders if the body is a match as well (?!?!!!).
I decided not to reply (didn't really know what to say). After my vacation, he sent me a mail, asking me what's wrong because he feels that I think he did something amiss, but he had no idea what. As a reply, I sent him a mail telling him I find his behavior inappropriate, that I didn't think a 58-year-old married man should offer to buy clothes for a younger woman, take her on city trips, ask her out on a weekly basis and send her pictures of naked women that look like her.
I almost felt sorry sending him that mail, because I'm reasonably sure he didn't mean anything bad. I think he wanted me to be a pall to go play pool with, but personally, I don't think that's realistic. I just think he isn't aware of his age and how that changes things. I believe a man and a woman can just be friends, but I do think there's a certain decorum that must be maintained when there's an age-difference of 35 years. If a 23-year-old male friend would send me a naked picture, I'd probably simply call him a perv and think he's acting stupid, but when a man who's more than old enough to be my father does the same thing: I think 'Ewwwww!'. Maybe that's wrong, but that's how I feel. I also believe you shouldn't send naked pictures to other women when you're married or in a relationship with someone. But maybe that's just me.
Anyway, I got a reply a few days ago. In his stead, I'd probably feel mortified as hell. But no. He hasn't absorbed a thing of what I wrote him. Apparently it's all in my head. He says he feels that I have issues and that I'm taking these problems out on him. He says he has had male friend in their twenties an thirties and believes it should be possible to have friendships with women too. (I think this is true, but I also think there's a difference when meeting up with a bunch of people and meeting up alone). He also mentioned that I'm much more conventional and prudish (no, he doesn't know I've been writing porn for over three years) that he had initially assumed. As a reply to a question I asked him (How he'd feel if his oldest daughter would go on a city trip with a man that's 35 years older than her), he mentions that he'd rather have her go with someone like him than the people he thinks she's seeing now. What I find the oddest is that he still wants to keep meeting up. I just don't understand why he would want to invest so much in this 'friendship'. We didn't see each other that often at work and only met up once after I quit. In truth, I don't really want to see him anymore. It's not that I'm angry or anything, I just wouldn't feel completely comfortable.
What I'm asking is: did I overreact to things? This genuinely is a friendly guy. But honestly, if my father would come home and tell me he's taking a girl who's in her mid twenties out for a city-trip and buy her new clothes, I'd send him to a psychiatrist.
The fact that he doesn't recognize that he might have done anything that could be misiterpretated by others (mainly me) makes me believe he's a bit of a narcissist. If it were me and I made someone unintentionally uncomfortable, the first thing I would do would be to apologize and then perhaps explain myself. He didn't even do that. He basically put me in my place and didn't even consider that I might not want to see him anymore, which I think would be a valid option.
Gah, I just don't know anymore. I'd like some advice and opinions please!
I'm a 23 year old girl. I quit my previous job in december and promised to keep in touch with a co-worker, a 58-year-old man with whom I've had a pleasant working relationship and lots of interesting conversations.
Afterward, we met up on a saturday afternoon for a drink. All went well and he mentions he'd like to meet up again before spring break. I'm thinking, fine, whatever, we'll see how things go. Leading up to spring break, I got a few mails of him, each time asking me to meet up on a saturday. I'm not always available, I sometimes work on weekends and have other friends I occasionally want to see as well. So, we didn't meet up. He starts asking me out on a weekly basis. Maybe it's me, but when I ask someone out who declines me 2 or 3 times, for whatever reason, I think it's a silent agreement that it's the other person who should take the initiative next time. I'd feel pushy otherwise. At any rate, I did find him pushy.
Once he practically pleaded me to join him on a one-day trip to another city and offered to buy me a new set of clothes (?!?). (How he was planning to explain this to his wife, I have no idea.) I start finding this behavior a little odd and because of his (too) frequent mails, feel less and less inclined to go someplace with him. When he asked me again, I sent him a mail that I probably won't be able to meet up any time soon, due to work and hobbies and other issues (which in part is true). As a response I get an e-mail with an attachment of a painting of a naked woman (?!). He mentions he thinks her face looks like mine (?!!) and wonders if the body is a match as well (?!?!!!).
I decided not to reply (didn't really know what to say). After my vacation, he sent me a mail, asking me what's wrong because he feels that I think he did something amiss, but he had no idea what. As a reply, I sent him a mail telling him I find his behavior inappropriate, that I didn't think a 58-year-old married man should offer to buy clothes for a younger woman, take her on city trips, ask her out on a weekly basis and send her pictures of naked women that look like her.
I almost felt sorry sending him that mail, because I'm reasonably sure he didn't mean anything bad. I think he wanted me to be a pall to go play pool with, but personally, I don't think that's realistic. I just think he isn't aware of his age and how that changes things. I believe a man and a woman can just be friends, but I do think there's a certain decorum that must be maintained when there's an age-difference of 35 years. If a 23-year-old male friend would send me a naked picture, I'd probably simply call him a perv and think he's acting stupid, but when a man who's more than old enough to be my father does the same thing: I think 'Ewwwww!'. Maybe that's wrong, but that's how I feel. I also believe you shouldn't send naked pictures to other women when you're married or in a relationship with someone. But maybe that's just me.
Anyway, I got a reply a few days ago. In his stead, I'd probably feel mortified as hell. But no. He hasn't absorbed a thing of what I wrote him. Apparently it's all in my head. He says he feels that I have issues and that I'm taking these problems out on him. He says he has had male friend in their twenties an thirties and believes it should be possible to have friendships with women too. (I think this is true, but I also think there's a difference when meeting up with a bunch of people and meeting up alone). He also mentioned that I'm much more conventional and prudish (no, he doesn't know I've been writing porn for over three years) that he had initially assumed. As a reply to a question I asked him (How he'd feel if his oldest daughter would go on a city trip with a man that's 35 years older than her), he mentions that he'd rather have her go with someone like him than the people he thinks she's seeing now. What I find the oddest is that he still wants to keep meeting up. I just don't understand why he would want to invest so much in this 'friendship'. We didn't see each other that often at work and only met up once after I quit. In truth, I don't really want to see him anymore. It's not that I'm angry or anything, I just wouldn't feel completely comfortable.
What I'm asking is: did I overreact to things? This genuinely is a friendly guy. But honestly, if my father would come home and tell me he's taking a girl who's in her mid twenties out for a city-trip and buy her new clothes, I'd send him to a psychiatrist.
The fact that he doesn't recognize that he might have done anything that could be misiterpretated by others (mainly me) makes me believe he's a bit of a narcissist. If it were me and I made someone unintentionally uncomfortable, the first thing I would do would be to apologize and then perhaps explain myself. He didn't even do that. He basically put me in my place and didn't even consider that I might not want to see him anymore, which I think would be a valid option.
Gah, I just don't know anymore. I'd like some advice and opinions please!